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The Weekly Ten: John Mayer Isn’t The Worst Guy On Earth

Melanie - Northeastern University — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 14:00:02 +0000

As I’m sure anyone with an internet connection, mobile phone, or the ability to read knows: John Mayer is a tremendous douche bag. In a recent interview with Playboy, he reminds America (as if his Twitter feed wasn’t proof enough) why he is the most irritating dbag on the planet. I will reiterate douchebag multiple times in this article because I am fairly certain if you check the ingredients on Summer’s Eve, the primary ingredient is John Mayer.

Okay, sure, John Mayer shouts out his exes, claims his cock is a “white supremacist,” will do anything for attention, makes that nasty face when he sings and just generally looks like a grease ball who invented HPV, but certainly there have to be worse guys out there. And there are.

So allow me to list 10 guys who are even more un-dateable than the totally un-dateable Mr. Mayer.

10. ~~Jon Gosselin~~ Michael Lohan?
As a personal pact to myself to not name he-who-shall-not-be-named-ed hardy-ear piercing-hailey-glassman-screwing-child exploiting-a**hole, I will say, ugh, Michael Lohan. Any creepy show biz dads have to be worse than @JohnCMayer.

9. Spencer Pratt
Well thank golly he’s taken by his lovely Barbie, Heidi. Who wouldn’t love a guy so charming with his creepy flesh colored beard and all?

8. The Situation
Pauly D? Yes please. As for The Situation, this old-as-balls washed up Guido can get out. Creep!

7. Dane Cook
If I wanted to be with someone unfunny, obnoxious and sweaty, then he’d be the perfect man. Seriously, can you imagine the arm-flailing this guy would pull in the bedroom? Ugh.

6. Chris Brown
Enough said.

5. Perez Hilton
Now I know he isn’t into girls and I know he hates John Mayer (probably even more than I do), but still, certifiable douche. Leave Miley alone!

4. P.Diddy
No, I do not want to wake up in the morning feeling like I’m a cocky, entitled, untalented a**hole.

3. Kanye West
Although I am totally team Kanye over that devil child T.Swift, I could never date this man. If John Mayer and his egos got into a fight, it would be a tough call, but I’m sure Kanye’s would take a cheap shot and win.

2. Tom Cruise
Dude is just straight up creepy.

1. John Mayer
What can I say? He’s an a**hole AND his music sucks. And seriously? That O face? Ugh.

Candy Dish: Adopt Me, P. Diddy!

CC Staff — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 15:00:08 +0000

I want to be P. Diddy’s child.

Blonde myths debunked.

Can someone explain what is going on here?

We need to get to Forever 21 now!

What the hell are Kanye and Amber Rose wearing!?

10 situations to be in with The Situation.

Who Brushes Their Teeth With a Bottle of Jack?

Erica - Kent State University — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 22:00:45 +0000

OK, I’ve got one question and one question only…

Who the F is Ke$ha??

The girl wears glitter. A lot of it.
She totally ripped off my girl Uffie.
She has a dollar sign IN HER NAME.
She has one song out…and it’s about getting wasted.

But girlfriend is everywhere. She’s all over the internet, the radio plays her song religiously and she’s even found a spot on my workout playlist. And my getting ready to go out playlist. And my walk to class playlist…

Now, I know the stars of pop music have been a little ridiculous lately (Exhibit A ), but this new-found obsession with Ke$ha has me a little worried; bad romance outfits are one thing, but brushing your teeth with a bottle of Jack? Come on now, girl.

I mean – really, Kesha? – you “wake up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy”? What does it feel like to be an angry, controlling, egotistical rap mogul with a Twitter obsession?

And really, it’s great that you have set such lofty goals for yourself (“Tonight, I’ma fight until we see the sunlight”), but shouldn’t you be thinking about a few more serious things like, I don’t know… getting a job? Or giving back to the poor? Or getting proper dental care? I know that you “Aint got a care in the world, but [you] got plenty of beer,” and that’s great; we all need a night off to just let loose. I feel ya, sister. But I really worry about the mental health of anyone who wants a dude that “look[s] like Mick Jagger.”

Is this the kind of person we want millions of little girls to look up to?

And why you gotta make your song so catchy, Ke$ha? Do you know how much I hate myself when I’m jumping around the bar and know every single (terrible) verse? I want to hate you – I really, really do – but hard as I try, I just can’t get enough. And that might be the worst thing of all.

Damn you, Ke$ha. Damn you.

Candy Dish: Chris Brown is Getting Angry

CC Staff — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 15:00:20 +0000

Chris Brown is so over the Rihanna thing, OK?

Kim Zolciak still thinks she can sing.

So, Tiger Woods used escorts?

Students still freaking out about the job hunt.

P Diddy was an elementary school pimp.

Time to rock winter’s hottest trends.

Candy Dish: Adam Lambert’s Horny – So What?

CC Staff — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 23:00:37 +0000

In defense of Adam Lambert’s on-stage BJ.

Does Emma Watson have a boyfriend?

Looks like Suri’s picking out her own outfits.

Kick those bad dating habits to the curb!

Happy 40th, P Diddy!

The pics you didn’t see from The Hangover.

Candy Dish: Who’s That Girl?

CC Staff — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 23:00:10 +0000

Is that….Kim Kardashian??

Justin Bieber and Diddy = BFF?

That’s the smallest mom we’ve ever seen.

Lindsay Lohan is the new Britney Spears.

Robert Downey Jr. shows off his camel toe…

What is Amy Winehouse’s newest addiction?

College Candy’s Favorite Celebrities Who Tweet

Jill - University of Wisconsin — Sat, 18 Apr 2009 17:00:56 +0000

Ah Twitter.

You know something’s a hit when verbs are being made out of it. Or when Oprah is doing it on live TV. Or when Anderson Cooper is begging people to follow CNN in order to beat Ashton Kutcher in the race to 1 MILLION followers (typed in Dr. Evil speak, obvi).

Much like Facebook took on its own verbiage (“I Facebooked him,” or, after every drunken photo op at the bar, you yell “tag it!”), Twitter is the newest pop culture obsession amongst celebs and mere mortals alike. With it came not only a new set of Internet jargon (“He Tweeted you WHAT?”), but yet another networking site for you to update and check incessantly in class…

Frankly, it all seems exhausting, but never one to be left out I joined the bandwagon and I’m Twittering away! (Follow me @mysocalled20s and our CollegeCandy page @collegecandy!)

It’s addicting. It’s entertaining. It’s even more proof – not like we really need it – that our generation is is all about narcissism and shameless self promotion.

And I love every second of it. (Almost as much as I love myself/looking at myself in the mirror.)

Apparently so do our favorite celebs. Maybe it’s because it’s a way to connect with fans without being shrieked at on the street. Maybe it’s because they can set the record straight without going through their b*itchy publicist who always responds with a “no comment.” But whatever the case, there is a plethora of celebs out there tweeting.

Some are hysterical, some are sharing what they eat, and some are just as pathetic on their Twitters as they seem to be in real life.

And all of them provide us with yet another reason to procrastinate that paper that’s due in – uh- 2 hours. So, here is a list of my favorite celebrities who Tweet. P.S. Can someone please remind me to thank @tinafey for reminding me about the existence of Carmello bars? Thanks.

1) Ryan Seacrest (@ryanseacrest)- Fact is, Ryan Seacrest is a Man 10 ways. He is always All. Over. The. Place. I mean, seriously, when does the guy sleep? But even with all that, he still manages to find time – like, um, I don’t know, during commercial breaks on the Idol set – to give us the behind the scenes scoop and respond back to fans and celebs alike. And we love having another way to have a little Ryan in our life.

2) Tina Fey (@tinafey) – While she doesn’t update often, when she does I swear a little pee comes out. That woman is fun-ny.

3) Oprah (@oprah) She is the newest to join the celebrity Twitterverse and it’s totes the real woman. We follow in hopes that one day she’ll give all her followers a free car. Enough said.

4) Ashton Kutchter (@aplusk) – Not only did he get 1 million followers before CNN, but he uses Twitter to do more than just talk about what color shirt he decided to wear at today’s photo shoot. He is getting the word out there for good causes and uses his voice to spread positivity, which is what the world really needs right now. Plus he’s funny. And I’d follow a funny man anywhere.

5) Heidi Montag (@heidimontag) – Just as annoying on Twitter, but something about using half of her 140 characters in exclamation points becomes slightly addicting: “life is so short and we get another day of life!!! celebrate!!!!! enjoy every moment of your day, have fun its your life u only get one!” Exclamation point count: 9.

6) Giuliana Rancic (@giulinanarancic) – I won’t lie, there have been times I’ve screamed at my TV: “Giuliana. Cookie. NOW.” (When I saw she wasn’t taking my advice I decided to eat it for her…) But take one look at her Twitter page and you can feel her down-to-earthness. She @replies to her fans who ask her questions about her clothes/job/workout regime etc- and she is honest. None of that “I eat like a pig- I eat whatever I want” This E! News chic Tweets at 4:30 am on her way to the gym. Talk about motivation.

7) Ellen Degeneres – She Tweets as funny as she speaks.

8) P.Diddy aka Ptwitty (@iamdiddy) – Twitter shows us a whole other side of the Did-ster that we never knew existed. And while he may be on Twitter overload at times (taking some exclamation point lessons from @heidimontag), he is spreading the positivity, and this chick right here is all about that.

9) Hugh Jackman (@RealHughJackman). I can’t even read his Tweets (and apparently he is trying to do good for charity!) because every time I try, I get distracted by his photo at the top…

10) Backstreet Boys (@backstreetboys) – We all know CollegeCandy’s love for the BSB and now their Twitter page brings us all even closer to them. If only they responded to our 245 @ messages a day. BSB, I LOVE YOU.

Now if only we could get Jason Segel to join this bad boy (oh and um, date me? I can crack a mean joke, Jason Segel!). Then I’d be set…

Follow me on Twitter http://twitter.com/mysocalled20s. I promise I won’t tell you what I eat for lunch (sandwich!), what color my shoes are (black!), or how many bottles of water I drank today (does Diet Coke count?). And don’t forget to follow us at our College Candy page here!