a) Best friends

b) Roommates

c) Dating

d) Engaged

A: All of the above, apparently. HAHA, GOT YOU GOOD, F*CKERS!

But seriously. According to thesuperficial.com, Perez, the Daily Mail, the New York Post, and probably a hoard of other gossip mongers that I haven’t bothered to look at, Lohan and Ronson were spotted kissing on P. Diddy’s boat in Cannes this weekend. The Post also reports that that the two ladies have moved in together, and word on the street is that Lohan was seen at the D&G party in Cannes wearing a diamond ring on her engagement finger.

Rumors started floating around last year that Ronson, an actual factual lesbian, and Lohan were dating, but until these recent developments there wasn’t a lot of evidence to back it up. Leshan’s (no? no dice? alright) reps deny that she’s “gotten in to the catnip” so to speak, and maintain that her and Ronson are just BFFs, but these pics suggest otherwise.

Personally, I think the story here is that Lindsay Lohan is a shameless attention whore and she’s using Miss Carpetmuncher McGee to get her freckley self on the cover of more magazines, but that’s just my opinion. Feel free to voice your own.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a new celebrity couple compound name to assemble…

Well, Nick Hogan is saying otherwise.

What? He’s trying to tell us that jail is like…bad?!

According to a report in Page Six:

“‘Nick’s doing really bad. He’s struggling to even form a sentence,’ one friend said. ‘They have him in a cell by himself, isolated from the general population, because of threats. He didn’t understand how awful jail really is until now.’”

So there you have it; jail sucks. Well, now I guess Nick will know for the next time he decides to race his Toyota Supra while drunk, leaving his friend in a permanent coma. And shouldn’t he be thrilled he’s in a cell by himself, isolated from the other inmates? I’d count myself lucky to be roommate-less and alone in jail. It could be so, so much worse.

Dude, your friend is in a coma forever because of YOU. You’re in jail for a measly 8 months and you have the nerve to complain about it? Maybe you should take this time to quietly meditate on what you did and stop acting like you’re too good for jail. You destroyed a life and in 8 months, you’ll have your own charmed one back.

I think you’re pretty damn lucky.

So, Tila Tequila isn’t bi? You mean, her entire existence is a total sham? There’s no way the most popular girl on MySpace would ever try to sell herself further for essentially doing nothing! No! It can’t be! Tila is a completely legitimate woman/pop singer/MySpace celebrity, right?

Sure she is! She’s as classy as a queen. Need proof? Check out the evidence:

She’s singing “Like a Virgin”! Those semi-seductive winks and all that head shaking is just for show. Not. Slutty. At all.

She’s a dancer! I’d say this video is NSFW, but she’s an artist so I’m just going to say it’s beautiful.

Tucker Carlson wants to interview her! This is when you know she’s made it. She’s on cable news and totally well-spoken and intelligent. You can’t beat sound-bytes like, “I’ve always had this thing where I wanted attention from everyone…” Lovely!

Frightening, right?

According to the ever-scandalous Page Six, Ashley Olsen and Lance Armstrong were seen together at the Gramercy Park Hotel’s bar on Monday night “making out” while Ashley “sat on Lance’s lap”.

The pair, 21 and 36, have a 15-year age difference between them and about a billion Ex’s. Armstrong was recently linked to Sheryl Crow and designer Tory Burch, while Ashley seems to have dated pretty much any guy who thinks she’s cool.

The creepiest part about this pairing is the fact that Lance Armstrong always struck me as a super-responsible, super cool guy. Something about winning 7 Tour de Frances and beating cancer made him seem laid back and experienced, a dude who sought out cool, traveled friends and mature women. To see him making out with Ashley Olsen crushes everything I (we?) previously thought.

Plus…ew.

The girl doesn’t seem like she could keep up with a sloth walking down the street, let alone a world famous cyclist who apparently doesn’t understand the word tired.

I mean, what is the attraction?

Guess this is a lesson in the dangers of idolization; let the media make you believe someone is more than human, and your heart has that much farther to fall when you see them making out with a 21-year-old multimillion dollar bag-lady wannabe.

Ugh. Where’s my remote? I gotta find a scary movie to take the terrifying image of an Ashley Olsen make-out sesh from my mind.

Yes as disqusting as it may be, Page Six reports that Dina Lohan hit the red carpet at last night’s “Georgia Rule” premiere in NYC, as a “special correspondant” for Entertainment Tonight. ET says “We are looking forward to Dina asking the questions only a mother can.” WTF ET??? Are you so irresponsible that you would allow a mother to profit off her own daughter’s addictions for a mere ratings boost? You both deserve eachother, you miserable, ignorant sluts.

It’s no secret that Dina Lohan has been vying for Rosie O’Donnell’s plus-sized chair on the View. And to her defense, what could be better for her acting reel than an on air ET exclusive? I guess I really shouldn’t be surprised by any of this.

Apparantly this isn’t the first time the elder Blohan and Entertainment Tonight have profitted together off of Lindsay’s misfortunes. On LiLo’s last rehab stint, Dina brought ET cameras inside the rehab facility for yet another exclusive. With all these heart-felt, public displays of motherly love, it is very difficult to understand how the young Hollywood starlet could have so many problems.

Click here to read more on this story.

Page Six reports, “The E! series isn’t calling it a “fat camp” – reps for the show say it’s a “wellness camp focused on eating right, yoga, nutrition and exercise.” If the producers of this show think that Paris and Nicole strutting around in tiny shorts are going to make the fat campers want to do anything but go vomit and use illegal substances to shed some weight, they are severely mistaken.

I have to admit that it’s a brilliant marketing ploy by the creators of the show because nothing could be more ironic than these two actually attempting to give advice on how to live a healthy lifestyle.