I still remember the date I had sex for the first time. It was July 16^th, and I was 16 years old. It’s odd that I remember the date, I realize, especially because it wasn’t any kind of mind-blowing experience. Looking back now, 16 seems really young – but it worked for me because I was ready. I had gotten on birth control, bought condoms, and, for lack of a better term, was ready to “get it over with.”

While I was far from the last of my friends to “lose it,” many of my close friends had already had sex, which put me in an advantageous position; I got to ask lots of questions. During these girl talk sessions, I heard the regular tidbits: it will hurt, you will bleed, and (what I was most mentally prepared for), you’re going to feel intensely attached to whoever “deflowers” you.

After a lot of anticipation, on a hot Monday afternoon,  I had sex for the first time. The moment came, the deed was done, and as I sat on the couch watching Yes, Dear with the guy I just had sex with, more than anything, I was confused. I didn’t feel any different. I didn’t instantly fall in love, I wasn’t sore, and I didn’t really understand what all the fuss was about. What’s the big deal with virginity if I’m going to be the exact same person after I do have sex?

In the interest of full disclosure, I’ve been reading The Purity Myth by Jessica Valenti for the last little while, and it’s sparked a new interest in me about the phenomenon that is virginity. I’ll avoid the topic of purity and measuring the morality of a woman by her hymen (we’ll save that for another day), but the book has made me realize all the lies we are told about virginity. Even the language – “losing” it, being “deflowered,” having your v-card “stolen,” makes it sound like sex is some kind of black hole for innocence.

So, let’s tackle some virginity myths that need to be debunked.

Pain and blood. While, for some women, the first time having sex can be uncomfortable and slightly painful, it’s not always the case. The pain and bleeding comes from breaking the hymen – which not all women will still have intact, even if they are virgins. Sports, tampons, and masturbation are just a few of the ways that your hymen can break before having intercourse, so don’t be surprised if there’s no blood or pain. Being well lubricated, relaxed, and lots of foreplay will definitely help with making your first time more comfortable.

Stage 5 clinger. Yes, dopamine and serotonin are released during orgasm, which can lead to feelings of love and deep attraction.  But, as any one that has used a vibrator will tell you – that doesn’t mean you’re going to fall in love with what gave you that orgasm. Plus, I hate to say it, but most women won’t have an orgasm during their first time (especially since 75% of women can’t orgasm through intercourse anyway). Feelings don’t necessarily hinge on sex – but don’t be too surprised if you feel more connected with whoever it was you had sex with. That is the point, after all.

Goodbye, old self. The idea that consensually having someone’s penis inside of you is going to change who you are as a person is kind of preposterous. You’ll still be the same person, you won’t suddenly be immoral, and a switch won’t flip in your head that will make you promiscuous.

Oh, baby. If you don’t use protection, you can get pregnant. It doesn’t matter if it’s your first time, or 201^st time, sperm + egg = embryo. Same goes for STIs – there isn’t some kind of “get out of disease free” card just because it’s your first time. Be smart.

Was that it? Sex gets better, I promise. The first time can be awkward and uncomfortable, but with time and practice, it all works out. But…

Low expectations. Just because it’s your first time doesn’t necessarily mean it’s not going to be pleasurable. Enjoy it for what it is — you only get one first time!

Let me just tell you: I hate hair. I hate finding it in clumps in the shower, I hate it in boys’ armpits (and really hate it in girls’) and I hate it anywhere on my body except for my head. Even still, I’ve yet to go to a professional to yank off my unwanted foliage. Shaving is a major pain in my arse, but I’m just really scared of getting waxed.

Help, I’m torn!

Love it: It’s the summer, so clearly we’re all showing a lot more skin than usual. Whether you’re keeping smooth for a specific hottie or you just want to look perfect in a bikini, hair removal is a must. Waxing lasts a lot longer than shaving, which sounds like heaven to this compulsive hair remover. My shower is tiny, so it’s extremely difficult to get my shave on. Plus, I love the idea of getting worked on by a professional. Whether you’re getting a manicure, changing your ‘do, or, in this case, getting your legs waxed, going to a salon always makes you feel classy.

Loathe it: Um, duh, waxing hurts! Like most people (besides those crazy S&M peeps), I’m not a fan of pain. I’m the kind of girl who used to run around the examining room to escape getting a booster shot at the pediatrician and nearly passed out when I got my ears pierced. Though I’ve clearly matured since then, I still try to avoid pain at all costs and I’m not going to pay someone to torture me with hot wax. I’m also not really into the idea of letting my hair grow past the stubble phase in order to be waxed – that’s just disgusting. Oh, and don’t even get me started on the numerous yoga-like positions required for an in-depth Brazilian. Do I need some stranger getting her hands near me in a downward dog? I think not.

So seriously, guys – it’s summer and I want to look good. Should I walk my little legs over to a salon to get waxed, or stick to my traditional shaving routine?

And I needed to pee. (But of course I couldn’t).

Being with a bunch of guys, no one understood just what I was going through. In fact, they thought it was really hilarious. And wouldn’t let me get near the bathroom. But while they laughed, my body ached. So I slapped the guy nearest to the bathroom and shoved my way in. Yes, I hit him…and I do not regret it.

Urinary Tract Infections are one of the most painful things that you can experience. They burn. They ache. They make your pee smell foul. They make you feel like you have to urinate constantly, but when you try to go-you can’t!

And if all that isn’t bad enough, they could lead to septicemia, which is a nice way of saying you could lose your limbs. For real. Just ask Brazilian bombshell (and Miss World contestant) Mariana Bridi da Costa. She recently had her hands and feet amputated and it all stemmed from a terrible UTI.

So, yeah, they’re absolutely awful.

Luckily, my years of getting the infection have taught me how to avoid it. If you’re in the market to avoid UTIs (and, trust me you should be), take my advice and follow these tips:

-Have good hygiene. It may sound gross, but wipe yourself from front to back when you use the bathroom; wash the skin between the vagina and anus daily; and always pee and wash up after sexual intercourse. The bacteria from the anus is definitely a huge cause of UTIs, so making sure that stuff doesn’t get near your vajay will help out a great deal.

-Drink your fluids! Drinking lots of fluids, particularly water, will flush your system regularly and decrease your risk of UTI.

-Take your vitamins. Getting essential vitamins needs to happen if you’re going to avoid things like UTIs. Vitamin C, for instance, helps out a great deal.

Something you should know:

If you get a UTI, you need to take antibiotics to get rid of it. When I had a particularly severe UTI (which I mentioned above), I made the mistake of trying to take care of it myself. The infection ended up spreading to my kidney and almost to my blood within a week. I was carried into the E.R. due to pain so severe that I could not walk. The doctors told me I could have died from it had it spread to my blood.

Don’t take the risk. Make sure you take care of it the right way…with a doctor and not a few bottles of cranberry juice..

(Photo from: uab.edu)

I cheated on my last boyfriend.

No, it wasn’t a long, torrid love affair. It wasn’t kinky sex with a Jeremy Piven lookalike. In fact, there was no sex involved. All I did was make out with a co-worker. But still, cheating is cheating, so tonsil hockey still counts in my book. It also counted in my boyfriend’s book. And it counted in his sister’s book…and she was the one who witnessed the fiasco.

It was innocent enough; I didn’t intend to cheat. I wasn’t emotionally attached to my co-worker. We just got blackout drunk at a bar and swapped saliva for about half an hour.

The next morning, I woke up feeling like I’d done something wrong. Yup, I had. My boyfriend’s sister asked me if I remembered making out with “Frank.” Immediately, my heart sank. I got dizzy. I wanted to throw up. My mind started racing a mile a minute, as is standard anxiety-attack protocol. Why would I do something like that with Frank, a guy I had absolutely no interest in, when I was happy and in love with her brother?

A lot of people will disagree with me for saying this, but cheating can be hard on the cheater. I was ashamed of myself, I cried, and I regretted doing so many shots the night before. What’s a cheater to do when they’ve crossed the line with someone else?

1. Ask yourself if it meant anything. Did you cheat because you like the other guy? Do you want a relationship with him? Did you cheat because you aren’t happy with your current boyfriend? I think in my case, deep down, I was scared, because I was in the most serious relationship I’d ever been in. Things were moving fast, and I wasn’t sure if I was ready to be shackled down and on the fast track to Housewifesville. I think that’s why I dabbled with a guy who meant nothing to me. But that’s my own conclusion. If you’ve cheated on any level (and there are some people out there who believe in emotional cheating as well), you need to get to the root of your own behavior before you can move on and deal with it with your man.

2. Weigh the options: To tell, or not to tell. I pretty much had to tell my boyfriend, because I am the dumbass who decided to cuckold her man in front of his sister. She probably would have told him if I hadn’t done it myself. That’s not to say that I wouldn’t have told, because my conscience gets to me if I snap at a telemarketer, and I probably would have been guilt-ridden for the remaining duration of my relationship if I’d kept it quiet. On the other hand, to what degree does “What he doesn’t know can’t hurt him” apply? Like I said, I wasn’t into my cheating-partner AT ALL. It never happened again, and Frank and I never talked about our random makeout sesh. So even though it meant nothing to Frank and me, it meant a lot of pain for my boyfriend. That said, you have to seriously consider all of the consequences and do what you think is most fair to your man. I’m not saying “Don’t tell him, and avoid being dumped,” because sorry, cheater, you brought this on yourself. But I do believe that there may be some instances where your man might be better off not knowing. That part’s up to you.

3. Talk to him. If you do decide to come clean, the “Hey, sweetie, I collected a DNA sample from another dude” talk isn’t going to be pretty. Telling the truth might be the moral way to go, but you have to realize that when you tell him you cheated, you are putting the ball completely in his court. From here, it’s really his decision as to whether you two work things out, or whether he kicks your ass to the curb. He might need some time to think about things, or you may have to have several discussions to work it out. You have to be patient with your guy– after all, you made the decision to cheat in the first place, so you’ll have to reap what you sew.

4. Prepare for the future. If you have the talk and decide to work things out, you have to commit to NOT cheating again, ever. If your guy can forgive you once, that’s great, but don’t test him a second time. Also, even if he does forgive you, it might be difficult (or even impossible) to get back to the way things were before. He might have difficulty trusting you, and, if he knows the guy you cheated with, he probably won’t want you hanging out with that guy again.

While it’s normal to have a few bumps in the road as you try to work things out, don’t let your guy guilt-trip you forever. Remember, you were honest enough to come clean and work things out, but you don’t deserve to have your mistake hanging over your head for the rest of your life. If you can work things out as mature adults, good for you. If you can’t, and he leaves you, it might suck for a while, but in the end, it was probably meant to be. Another guy will come along… and hopefully you will have learned your lesson and be more faithful the next time around.

Angelina is looking freakishly plastic in London.

Check out Justin Bobby’s band on MySpace.

Out of the limelight and into the sunlight: Sarah Palin sunbathing.

Wacko sports traditions!

The perils of fashionable footwear.

Some really creative answers to the question, “What have you been smoking?”

Instant bug killer and other unconventional uses for your shampoo.

A cup size bigger for just $19.99?

Scarlett claws back at Lindsay.

Gag gifts for the holidays!

It seems like every hour either Madonna or Guy are coming out with a vicious and, oftentimes, scarring statement about the other.

Guy Ritchie, obviously hurt by his ex wife’s indescretions with A-Rod, has said that Madonna looks like a “granny on stage,” and that having sex with her was like, “hugging a piece of gristle.”

Madonna fired back by calling him “emotionally retarded,” and claiming Guy was “just after my money.”

Just another typical case of post breakup he said/she said.

It doesn’t matter if you are a celebrity or just a college girl scorned by her cheating boyfriend, breakups always cause the gloves to come off and the truth to come out. Especially the most embarassing and hurtful truths. Anyone who knows me knows all about my ex’s issues (“Yeah, cuz sex for 1.5 minutes is GREAT!”), and after my BFF’s particularly painful breakup, the entire campus knows about her ex’s farting issues during sex. Ew.

Anyways, breakups cause pain and pain causes people to resort to just about anything to make themselves feel better. Like talking sh*t. Which Guy and Madonna have mastered.

So I want to know: what are some of the crazier things that have come out after your big breakups? Leave your responses in the comments section below; we wanna know all the juicy deets.

Not the actual nuts and bolts of the deed, those always vary, but the way we react afterward.

No matter who we are, our pain tends to mirror each other during these times. We make the same decisions, fall into the same bad habits, give ourselves the same pep talks, and feel the general sh*ttiness so strongly that most of us, by our mid-twenties, have experienced some kind of life really can’t go on moment.

When a girlfriend goes through a break-up, we give advice, comfort her, but most of all, completely understand what she’s feeling. We completely understand, and never really want to go there again (although most of us will, according to the numbers. Damn you statistics! I knew I got a B- in your class for a reason!).

So certain that we all share the same brain when devastated, author Sandra Ann Miller has written a book, A Girlfriend’s Guide to Getting Over Him, in which she lists “10 essential ground rules to prevent the recently jilted from making the most common breakup mistakes”. The rules are listed here.

Although I think she’s in the right ballpark with this little expose,Sandra’s regulations are a tad heavy.

“I will screen all of my calls” she wants us to promise. “I will get caller ID, if necessary, and put “private call block” on my phone. I will not answer the phone unless I know who it is and am sure it’s not him. All other calls will go to voicemail.” Sheesh, lady. Unless the dude you were dating is some kind of psycho stalker with a pension for hunting knives (and in that case, you have no boyfriend skills), I’m not sure you have to buy Caller ID just to make sure you never answer his calls.

If he’s half decent, he should be giving you some space and not calling much if at all. If for some reason he’s harassing you, the solution isn’t Caller ID, it’s a cell phone to his head followed by an order to leave you alone.

No matter how intense the other 9 rules are on this list, there’s one that I think we all need to hear—although the Just-Broken-Up-Me of three years ago would have refused to. “I will not believe this is temporary” the promise begins. “I will see this Error: Break shortcode syntax invalid permanent until proven otherwise.”

That’s the killer, isn’t it girls? When we’re going through something shitty, no matter how bad the other person hurts us, no matter how much we know it’s probably for the best, if we loved them, there’s always a part of our brain that’s going, This is just transitory. We’re gonna get back together soon.

I hate that part. I’ve tried to knock that part out of my head more than once, but have yet to be successful. The hard thing is, this rule is probably the most important. This is the rule that can keep the break-up blues from turning into full-blown break-up depression.

Talking ourselves into the fantasy that we’ll get back together soon does nothing but prolong the pain. We break-up for reasons. No one ends a relationship arbitrarily. Letting the pain and loneliness talk you into forgetting those reasons and reaching for the familiar is hazardous.

Easier said than done, right? Right. Of course it is. Everything is, but the best advice I can give is that if you feel yourself breaking this important rule, stop, breathe, and reevaluate the situation. Remind yourself why the relationship ended. Remind yourself of the negatives. If you need someone else to remind you, find them. If the relationship is worth salvaging, it will be salvaged.

If not, you’re allowed to be in pain. You’re allowed to cry. You’re allowed to eat four hot dogs like my recently jilted friend. But you’re not allowed to trick yourself. You’re not allowed to do more damage to your already fragile emotions by sabotaging an action that was made for a reason.

Those’em my rules. And I know all.

…Seriously. Got a plaque and everything.

When asked about her nose job and breast augmentation surgery (which she has until now kept quiet about), Heidi contributed this incredibly deep and emotional response:

“But surgery is a very big deal. Right before I went in, I was like, What if I don’t wake up? Oh, this is scary. Then I thought, I don’t care. If I don’t wake up, it’s worth it. I just wanted it so badly.”

Well, it is nice to see that Heidi has her priorities straight. I mean, forget about all those people dying all over the world. All the starving children in Africa. The oppressed women in the Middle East. The AIDS epidemic.

Those people don’t know pain!

Try living with an A-Cup and be forced to wear push-up bras that cut into your skin! Maybe then you’d know real pain! You think having your face ravaged by flying shrapnel in Iraq is a problem? Try having this thing on your face.

And to think, I have spent the past few weeks ripping into Heidi for being a superficial and dumb bitch. She has finally set me straight. I just hope this surgery gives Heidi everything she wants and more.

After all she has been through – dropping out of school, getting a promotion she doesn’t deserve, going through the horrors of elective surgery – she deserves it. (Except, of course, that singing career she has been working on; with performances like this, that sh*t is never gonna happen.)

Lycon Wax, a high quality hair removable wax available at both salons and drugstores, is supposedly “practically pain free”. Because of the wax’s self-hardening properties, it doesn’t pull on the skin while ripping out hair, and leaves little to no redness in its wake.

I’ve gotten my eyebrows done with Lycon, and I have to say I agree with the “practically painless part”.

I mean, you’re still very aware someone is ripping part of your eyebrow off, but the pain is minimal when compared to traditional wax-and-strip methods. The redness factor is also nominal, even on psychotically sensitive skin like mine.

I have yet to get a bikini wax with the stuff, and am way too much of a chicken to try it at home, but I assume the ouch factor down there is probably less as well—although I doubt yanking fuzz from a vajayjay is ever going to be completely comfortable.

Has anyone had an experience with Lycon? Or even with home bikini waxing? How is it even possible to give yourself a personal Brazilian (and force yourself to rip more than once)?