All hail Parents Weekend! At some colleges, parents have already graced your dirty dorms with their angelic presence, while other schools celebrate this unofficial holiday in early and late October. Regardless of whether mom and dad have come and gone or have yet to come, we’ve got all the basics to keep floating well above the water during Parents Weekend!

When I was a freshman, I could not wait to see my parents. It was the first sight of normalcy I’d seen in weeks after living with my super crazy psycho roommate. Seriously guys, don’t screw this up!

First, there are a couple of simple rules to follow when hoping to master Parents Weekend. Since mom and dad are going to spoil you silly with gifts, homemade favorites, dinner at your restaurant of choice (we all know you’re picking the most expensive) and maybe even a mini-shopping spree to get you those must-have dorm and wardrobe necessities, we’ve got a detailed list of a few subtle ways to give back.

1. Do take your parents on a tour of your school. Whether or not it’s walking around your inner campus or actually going through the buildings and pointing out which class takes place where, it’s a no-brainer that parents love this. Show them the places where you grab lunch and/or snacks, what your fitness facility looks like, where you go to enjoy some down time with friends in between classes.

Don’t admit to them how many classes you’ve skipped to get belligerent, or how many times you “accidentally” slept through class, or which classes you already know are going to interfere with Tuesday 2-for-1s and Friday afternoon Happy Hour. While mom and dad might expect you to skip a few classes here and there, make sure you throw in the safety line, “the syllabus says that we can miss up to three classes before we lose any credit.”

2. Do clean up your room and throw out your trash before you parents get to your dorm room. If you’re a real pig, start preparing for parents on a Monday and hopefully by Friday you will be able to find the floor again. Go through your drawers and even if you’re not going to bother to fold your clothes, at least stuff them far enough into each drawer that you can’t tell it’s a war zone inside. Remember that vacuum your mom just had to get you? Here’s some advice: use it. Moms can tell. They can always tell.

Don’t hide your lucky stash of condoms under your pillow. If you’re a procrastinator and wait until Sunday morning at 10am to start going through your mess, you’d be better of shoving those baby protectors into a sock at the bottom of your closet. Here’s the problem with stuffing them under your pillow. Sometimes parents need to sit down and that seat might just be found on your bed. Another reason: if your mom is anything like mine, she will want to make your bed. It’s just a thing moms do. So while mom is busy fluffing and patting down your sheets the last thing she needs to find is a whole bin of Magnums.

3. Do make reservations at a nice, causal restaurant in whatever town or city your school resides. It’s nice to take your parents into the center of your community and show them the fun things they can do while they come to visit, as well as the fun ways you stay busy when you’re not overwhelmed by classes and homework. Choose a restaurant or pub that seems like it will fit your parents’ taste as well as their wallet. You’re not trying to break your parents’ bank on the first night!

Don’t take your parents to your school cafeteria. I always wanted to smack the kids that I saw doing that. While I totally understand living and working on a budget, there are other ways to provide your parents with a good meal that doesn’t involve sitting between animals scarfing down all-you-can-eat burritos. If you’re going on a budget, buy some sandwiches and take your parents on a picnic at a local park, or grab some appetizers to share at a small, inexpensive café downtown. Remember, you have no choice when it comes to eating college cafeteria food, and while you might find it tasty enough to keep down, your parents should not be subjected to that same kind of torture.

4. Do get tickets to a sporting event that is taking place during parents weekend. If there’s not a sporting event happening (like if you go to a school that has no major football or soccer team), research other opportunities for your parents to see all there is to see at your school. Maybe there is a play or a barbeque for your major. Keeping your parents enclosed in your dorm room all afternoon might not be the best idea. For example, I went to college at UVM. While we didn’t have a major sports team (my dad loves football so, no football, no-go!), there were tons of things to do in Burlington to keep them busy: hiking, apple picking, walking along the water, etc…

If you’re taking mom and dad to, say, a football game, don’t bring a water bottle full of your favorite liquor. I don’t know how your parents get down, but chances are it’s not like that. Also, don’t sit them in the same section as the rambunctious lunatics that shotgun a beer every time your team tackles someone. Wait until you’ve securely tucked your parents in for the evening at their hotel room and then go out and play as hard as you want. Be careful how hard you go though, the last thing you want is a buzzing iPhone flashing your mom’s number while your head is submerged in a communal bathroom stall.

5. Do introduce you parents to your roommates and their families and spend some time letting them get to know each other. It’s okay if you find your roommate’s dad’s voice about as stimulating as watching paint dry, just remind yourself that you need to give your parents ample time to figure that out, too. Your parents want to know what type of family your roomie comes from, what her morals and values look like, how she was raised, you know, all that stuff you don’t really care about at 11 in the morning.

Don’t tell everyone in the room who’s listening that embarrassing story where your best friend walked in on your dad using the bathroom, or that time when your mom pressed the gas instead of the break. Big no-nos! While it’s okay to share those stories with your roommates, your parents are going to be merely acquaintances and don’t need to know anything beyond the basics. Since being friendly and not friends is where your parents’ relationships may begin and end, don’t invite everyone to join you guys at dinner. Your parents drove all this way to visit you and spend time with you.

It’s Parent Weekend, or your birthday, or just a Thursday night and you’re craving a free meal a la parentals. Either way, your parents are coming to campus and that means one thing and one thing only: it’s time to clean.

It’s not like your place is dirty – at least by your standards – but something about having mom and dad sit on that couch (where your roommate hooked up last night and – oh! – her bra is stuffed between the cushions) is just not right. You don’t need your parents seeing the cans from last night’s impromptu party, or the empty Doritos bags littering your
bedroom floor.

You run home from class/work and get moving on the deep clean. You start with your bedroom. You fold all of the clothes that have been piled on your floor for three weeks and put them away.  After you make your bed, you decide some vacuuming is in order. Good idea, too, as you find some less than parent-friendly goodies (your bowl or some empty condom wrappers, perhaps?) under the bed. You remove the dirty dishes (AKA the cereal bowl from last week filled with congealed milk) from your desk and replace them with books and binders.

You take a moment to survey the room. It just screams, “I’m studious!”

You light a candle to cover up the smell of dirty sheets and move onto the kitchen. You begin sweating as you quickly clean all the dishes in the sink and stacked on top of the microwave.  Most of them are shot glasses. Once they are all glistening in the drying rack, you make your way around your place picking up bottles and beer cans. You pause at the bookshelves and contemplate removing your collection of Smirnoff bottles that have been on display for months. On the one hand, you don’t need your parents to see how much you and your friends drink/pride yourselves on it, but on the other hand, you’ve been working on that collection forever! You can’t just throw it away now.

You decide to leave the bottles and hope your parents don’t comment on them.

With only 30 minutes until their arrival, you do a quick Swiffer/vacuum job, organize the Us Weekly’s on the coffee table and throw your roommates’ stuff into their rooms. When you are done you take a moment to enjoy the fruits of your labor. Your place is spotless. Like, really spotless. Like, it hasn’t been this clean since the last time the parents were in town.

But, wait! There is one more thing. You run to the kitchen and take an inventory of the photos on the fridge. You yank down the one of you bonging the beer, dressed up as a slutty Nun for Halloween and the one of you using your Psych textbook as a flip cup “table.” On second thought, you yank them all down. Your parents don’t need to see that.

As you are putting them into a drawer in the kitchen, there is a knock on the door. Proud of your accomplishments, you open it up and let your parents in. You open your arms up for a bear hug and….

“This place smells like stale beer,” your mother says, a look of disgust on her face.

—

Yeah, we’ve all been there. At least she didn’t see what it looked like before…

Yes, there are many up-sides to this little trip: we get a break from all the homework, we get to eat something other then cafeteria mystery meat for a change, and we get to curl up with Scruffy on the couch for a couple of days.

But with the comfort of being home comes a few downers as well. And I’m not talking about being woken up at 9am on a Saturday or having to empty the dishwasher. It’s those little comments from mom and dad that really get under your skin. And no matter how hard you try to be nice, you just can’t help but snap, say something mean and beeline to the car/airport (clean clothes and leftovers in hand, obvi) as soon as humanly possible.

Here are a few of the worst offenders:

“Honey, your pants look a little tight”
Yes mom, I realize that drinking 5 days out of the week and eating delivery pizza has done a number on my waistline. Am I happy about it? No. Do I know it is there? Yes. Is it helping that you pinch the muffin top and poke the underarm flab? Absolutely not!

“Have you found a nice boy yet?”
If by “nice” you mean “a tall pre-med student who considers hanging out in the library fun,” then no, dad, I have not found your ideal son-in-law quite yet. But I have hooked up with a couple of the guys on the football team who can barely form coherent sentences but have 8-pack stomachs you can bounce a quarter off of, if that counts for anything.

“Are you getting straight A’s?”
Don’t you think if I was acing every test I probably would’ve mentioned it to you in our weekly phone calls? It’s the fact that I am failing Bio miserably and barely ever making it to the 9 a.m. calculus lectures that has kept this topic out of our discussions. Maybe next semester. Keep praying, I know I am.

“We’re not just your ATM, you know.”
Ok, so they’re right about that, but between classes and everything else I’m doing on campus (napping?), I just don’t have the time to call and chat every day. Hell, they should be happy they hear from me at all.

“We saw your pictures on Facebook, you look like you are having…a lot of fun”
Get off Facebook! This is not a tool to stalk your children and befriend your old high school classmates and catch up. This is my website where I stalk my ex boyfriends and post sloppy pictures of myself, neither of which I would like you to monitor.

“Why can’t I see your Facebook pictures anymore?”
I have no idea, mom; Facebook must be crashing. It’s been having a lot of issues you know, giving people viruses and stuff. You should really terminate your account.

“We are still trying to plan that visit”
Oh goody. I can cancel all the party invitations for a 4-day weekend filled with quiet dinners, giving campus tours, and being yelled at for living in a pigsty. Wonderful. I’ll just pray you don’t find the handle of rum under my bed, or the textbooks still in their wrapping in the desk drawer.

What else do your parents pester you with over break that drives you crazy?

That shapeless "dress" is what you get for lying to Dan!

I think we can all agree that it’s not nearly as fun watching Vanessa Abrams be a bitch as it is watching Blair Waldorf.  Mostly because Blair doesn’t normally get bogged down by remorse…at least not right away.

In an episode all about playing games, some people just didn’t know when to stop.  Take Vanessa being even more of a home-wrecker than usual.  As I watched her almost mess up the blossoming love between Dan and Olivia, all I could think about was how the dress that the wardrobe people put her in at the end of the episode was obviously punishment for her being selfish.  And my next thought: when did giving a speech at a Parents’ Weekend dinner become so damn important?

But as Vanessa, Blair, (and Olivia, though unbeknownst to her) battled it out for the right to stand atop the flowery podium at Parents’ Weekend, we saw too many claws come out. Perfectly manicured claws, mind you, but sharp claws nonetheless. Yeah, Vanessa can get off the hook quickly for what she almost did to Dan and Olivia – those Humphrey’s are incredibly forgiving people – but I can’t say the same for Blair and Chuck. Make him kiss a guy (which, by the way, was incredibly hot)? Fine. But lie to him and manipulate him to get what you want?

No one manipulates Chuck Bass. Not even Blair.

And the same goes for Serena, which Nate Archibald may find out the hard way. Before I get into this little Rounders-meets-Gossip-Girl storyline, I’d like to take a moment to welcome Nate back to the show. For the past 5 episodes he’s taken a backseat with Bree Buckley and we haven’t seen much of his cuteness. I know he wasn’t pregenant/post pregnant like Lily Bass, so I wonder what was keeping him from the screen? Meh, it doesn’t matter; he’s back….and falling in line with the family once again.

And of course that means hurting someone important in his life just because Grandfather (really, is there something wrong with “Grandpa”? Do people really call him Grandfather??) said so. Now, Serena deserves a little hurt now and then seeing what she’s pulled on other people, but I was really on her side hoping to get Carter Basin back safe and sound….without the rough hands of an oil rig guy. What? He’s hot and I love having a date with him every Monday.

But Carter Basin isn’t coming back, at least for now. And S may never forgive Nate for playing her way better than she played poker.

And that’s where the episode ended. But, as we all know, the games do not. They never end for this UES crowd. Especially considering next week is Halloween.

You know you love them.

XOXO,
GGR

It’s Parent Weekend, or your birthday, or just a Thursday night and you’re craving a free meal a la parentals. Either way, your parents are coming to campus and that means one thing and one thing only: it’s time to clean.

It’s not like your place is dirty – at least by your standards – but something about having mom and dad sit on that couch (where your roommate hooked up last night and – oh! – her bra is stuffed between the cushions) is just not right.
You don’t need your parents seeing the cans from last night’s impromptu party, or the empty Doritos bags littering your
bedroom floor.

You run home from class/work and get moving on the deep clean. You start with your bedroom. You fold all of the clothes that have been piled on your floor for three weeks and put them away.  After you make your bed, you decide some vacuuming is in order. Good idea, too, as you find some less than parent-friendly goodies (your bowl or some empty condom wrappers, perhaps?) under the bed. You remove the dirty dishes (AKA the cereal bowl from last week filled with congealed milk) from your desk and replace them with books and binders.

You take a moment to survey the room. It just screams, “I’m studious!”

You light a candle to cover up the smell of dirty sheets and move onto the kitchen. You begin sweating as you quickly clean all the dishes in the sink and stacked on top of the microwave.  Most of them are shot glasses. Once they are all glistening in the drying rack, you make your way around your place picking up bottles and beer cans. You pause at the bookshelves and contemplate removing your collection of Smirnoff bottles that have been on display for months. On the one hand, you don’t need your parents to see how much you and your friends drink/pride yourselves on it, but on the other hand, you’ve been working on that collection forever! You can’t just throw it away now.

You decide to leave the bottles and hope your parents don’t comment on them.

With only 30 minutes until their arrival, you do a quick Swiffer/vacuum job, organize the Us Weekly’s on the coffee table and throw your roommates’ stuff into their rooms. When you are done you take a moment to enjoy the fruits of your labor. Your place is spotless. Like, really spotless. Like, it hasn’t been this clean since the last time the parents were in town.

But, wait! There is one more thing. You run to the kitchen and take an inventory of the photos on the fridge. You yank down the one of you bonging the beer, dressed up as a slutty Nun for Halloween and the one of you using your Psych text book as a flip cup “table.” On second thought, you yank them all down. Your parents don’t need to see that.

As you are putting them into a drawer in the kitchen, there is a knock on the door. Proud of your accomplishments, you open it up and let your parents in.

“This place smells like stale beer,” your mother says, a look of disgust on her face.

Yeah, we’ve all been there. At least she didn’t see what it looked like before…

My university is not one of those schools that eagerly works to improve the situation in the dining hall, even though it is overwhelmingly a huge issue on campus.

From day one, I have heard nothing but complaints from my peers, and even my professors – and now, two and a half years later, complaints and concerns of the dining program (created by Sodexho – a program which works with many schools across the nation) still circulate on a day-to-day basis.

As a campus, Hollins students are indisputably guilty for interminable complaining about the issues with Sodexho as a program and the administration taking responsibility (or lack thereof) for student concerns over food issues, but I don’t blame anyone for their incessant pressure on trying to improve the situation. Hollins doesn’t offer a varying meal plan; its unlimited access to the dining hall from breakfast until the cafeteria closes at 7pm binds students to the meal-plan, making getting off the meal plan nearly impossible.

I have seen a huge variety of issues that students have brought up to the public forum: not enough variety in the menu options, foods not being cooked at right temperatures or having a decent amount of heat to them (especially the meat), alike foods such as quesadillas and burgers are in rotation every day (French fries are offered every day, too), no options for vegans except tofu in the salad bar (and very futile options available for vegetarians – especially at a school where vegetarians are a majority), unhealthy options clutter the stations (one night, three types of potatoes were offered: waffle fries, curly fries, and tatter tots), the ingredients on the labels are not present (what about students who have food allergies?), and most of the time, labels are not even put out near a station.

These are just the minimal grumbles that have been brought up over and over again within the student body, and no one from the administration or the manager of the dining hall ever really gives a solid answer on how to fix the program. The few times promises are made to make a change in the dining hall, nothing ever happens.

Many students have tried to jump start programs. For example, last year some students started a petition to get cage-free eggs instead of regular eggs on campus. I believe nearly 500 students signed it (in a school of 800), but the petition was ignored. How can 500 students be ignored? Students tried starting a food committee, but that didn’t last for long – no one seemed interested in taking on the responsibility, especially when everyone knows that the administration has no interest in really making changes. The Health Department has even been called before, and that wasn’t enough to jump start any movement. Honestly, I think students feel like nothing can be done – especially since everyone on campus knows that a contract was signed between Hollins and Sodexho a few years ago, making the partnership inevitable. The contract seems more important than the well-being of the students, at this point.

Although many point to Sodexho, I do not think all the blame can fall on the national food company. Many other universities use Sodexho, but they have no qualms about what their students are being served and neither do the students. The plan Hollins picked is not pleasing students, at all, and that needs to be addressed by those who have the power. Hello administration, are you listening yet? It seems like the only people who could do something are the administration, but I don’t think they care. After all, they don’t have to eat there night after night.

While the rest of the students have numerous complaints, I specifically have two:

My friend’s mothers who went here talk with smiles on their face about the food. They absolutely loved it, and it seems like it was such a coveted memory of long meals with their friends eating some good meals. Now, students rush to eat what they can (if anything, especially on weekends) and then compare food poisoning stories with their friends. In honor of our amazing alumni that Hollins toots so often, why not fix something that was so popular? Also, I think it is ironic how the food improves drastically whenever alumni, Board of Trustee members, or prospective students visit campus. Fondue and prime rib was served during Parents Weekend once, and I have to say, I haven’t seen either one since.

Whether or not it seems like it, food is a huge part of college life. If you live on campus, you eat there like it’s your home. No one should fret about whether or not they will have adequate options for dinner or if they will get sick from the Ranch Dressing that tasted more like spoiled milk.  While my fellow peers have said enough is enough over and over again, I think change will not come until the administration does something. And based on the way the administration has handled things in the past, I don’t see that happening any time soon.

Now, tell me about your dining hall. Do you love it or hate it? Does it stand out from other schools across the nation? Do you think the administration at your university is conscious of the food that its students consume on a daily basis? I want to know what (kind of crap) you are getting fed by both the dining hall and the administration.