Despite having 5 top-ten hits in one year, people constantly hate on pop singer Ke$ha. I hear it all the time: “Ke$ha is awful,” “She’s so gross!” and of course, “What is wrong with that slutty girl?”

While I can understand why some people don’t stand behind her gold tooth, nose ring, obsession with body paint, catchy techno pop beats, and copious amounts of glitter references in her songs, I can’t understand how people (especially college girls) don’t want to dance along with her.

I mean, Ke$ha is the ultimate college girl!

Think about it. Her songs are no different than average college life on a Saturday night, yet people are constantly “offended” or “shocked” by what she sings about. What, you can’t handle a little truth? A look in the mirror? Look past the nappy hair, the record deal, and the dollar sign in her name and Ke$ha is just like you and I.

And if you don’t see that, I’ll break it all down for ya…Ke$ha style.

In her third single, “Take It Off,” Ke$ha sings:

“There’s a place downtown, where the freaks all come around/ It’s a hole in the wall/ It’s a dirty free for all.” (Editor’s Note: Is it stuck in your head yet??)

Yeah, and that place is probably a beer soaked fraternity basement or an off-campus party house that has no toilet paper in a bathroom that doesn’t lock. And those freaks are your classmates intoxicated on jungle juice and Natty light, dressed up in Christmas sweaters, Halloween costumes, togas, spandex, and God knows what else depending on the occasion or party theme.

“And now we lookin’ like pimps in my gold Trans-Am / Got a water bottle full of whiskey in my handbag / Got my drunk text on/ I’ll regret it in the morning.”

So maybe no one you know has a Trans-Am, but you definitely know some girl (or you are that girl) with a Dasani bottle full of vodka/tequila/rum/whiskey (or some really disgusting combo of the 4). If you aren’t the girl with the bottle, you are defintely one of the many girls drinking out of said bottle (remember how you got Mono your freshman year?) until you get your own Solo cup of booze in your hand. Oh, and don’t even act like you’ve never drunk texted or drunk dialed your ex-boyfriend, his mom (I know someone who did this — twice), your high school frenemies, and pretty much every other person you’ve ever met. If it happens to Ke$ha, it’s probably happened to you.

But wait, there’s more!

When Ke$ha first came out with her song “Tik Tok,” I constantly heard people say “This girl is crazy.” Pssh … this song is just your average Saturday morning (morning meaning sometime after 1pm considering you were up till 3am the night before) pre-game anthem. Not only does she tell you what it’s like to wake up the next morning (like P-Diddy, of course), but she tells you what to expect for that night (“boys blowing up our phones” and “pulling up to parties, trying to get a little bit tipsy”).  Consider Ke$ha’s “Tik Tok” to be an education in the ways of the college party world:

“And now, the dudes are lining up cause they hear we got / But we kick ‘em to the curb unless they look like Mick Jagger/ I’m talking about everybody getting crunk, crunk/ Boys tryin’ to touch my junk, junk/ Gonna smack him if he getting too drunk, drunk”

While it’s doubtful that most girls are looking for a Mick Jagger type to hook up with, Ke$ha knows what’s up when it’s time to get rid of those guys that don’t stand a chance but won’t leave you alone. You know, the ones that are too drunk, too gross (probably wearing oversized t-shirts), and grinding on you like you’re a stripper pole. But you don’t let that stop you. Nothing will keep you from getting your party on.

Ok, well … maybe a few things will stop you from getting your party on. Like your best friend puking on the dance floor, your ex-boyfriend chasing you around trying to talk to you, and of course, campus safety or the police showing up. “We go until they kick us out or the police shut us down.” So true, girl … so true.

And last but not least, it’s hard to ignore Ke$ha’s latest song “We R Who We R,” the ultimate college girl dance anthem:

“Tonight we’re going hard/ Just like the world is ours/ We’re tearin’ it apart/ You know we’re superstars!/ We are who we are/ We’re dancing like we’re dumb/ Our bodies go numb / We’ll be forever young!”

Nothing is better than dancing alone, dancing with your best friends, dancing with your boyfriend, and being all dressed up (possibly with glitter on your eyes) and feeling like nothing else matters except having fun. Even though we might not all have “Jesus on our necklace” like Ke$ha does, we are no different when we’re dancing on table tops, throwing beer pong balls across the room, and celebrating yet another Friday night — it’s just who we are!

Whether you think Ke$ha needs a bath or not, it doesn’t matter.  These songs are your weekend soundtrack, your dance floor anthems. Ke$ha’s wardrobe is what you wear on your birthday to the club. Her glitter, ripped up stockings, and attitude are you and your best friends at a Girl Talk concert on a Friday night. She is you with your head in the toilet after too many jello shots. Ke$ha is that girl toilet papering her ex-boyfriend’s car while drunk texting his best friend.

Even though Ke$ha may be a glittery gimmick and even though she never even went to college, I can’t help but wish she was the girl next door in my dorm. Oh wait, she was.

But there are some quick little things we can all do to amp up our looks and be instantly holiday ready. They’re super fast and really easy, which means you can eat about five more cookies and drink two more cups of eggnog before you leave! I love the holidays!

Got something you want me to cover? Post it in the comments below. And don’t forget to check out my other videos right here!

Summer is in full swing and while we’re all busy toiling away at our internships and jobs, it’s hard not to dream about those relaxing and fun summers of our past. Not only did we have zero responsibility back then, but we had all of our friends to chase through sprinklers and get Dairy Queen with. Not anymore. With all of our college friends spread across the country and the dreaded 9-5 gig, summers just aren’t the same anymore.

But they don’t have to be a total bust. It is summer, after all.

When it comes to summer break, there are only 5 friends you need for optimal summertime fun. You keep these peeps around and you’re golden through Labor Day.

The Friend With The Pool.
Do you feel that? Yeah, that’s the sweat pooling in the small of your back and soaking into your now-stinky cami. It’s hot as balls out there and as much as lying nearly naked on your parents’ leather couch cools you down momentarily, it’s not even close to satisfying. What you need is a friend with a giant, refreshing body of water in his or her backyard. With a BFF like this there’s no battling small children with floaties at the neighborhood pool or all that sand that gets….up there…at the beach. It’s just pure bliss in raft and margarita form.

The Friend with an ID
If you’re an underager like me, this guy or girl is more popular than LeBron James. Find one now and hold on tight until the end of August. And if this person’s parents have a summer home out of town and leave him or her alone for days at a time, start a relationship. Yes, even if it’s a girl. Whatever it takes, right?

The Friend Who Is Still On Campus Nearby
Summer is fun and relaxing but, let’s be honest, living at home with the parental units can be extremely boring. There’s only so much you can do in your hometown before you start having cabin/”I can’t believe I have a curfew” fever. Enter: the friend who stayed on campus this summer. Just hop in the car and escape to freedom after work on Friday, get your party on, eat your 4am pizza and get back just in time for Sunday dinner courtesy of mom and pops.

The Friend With A Boring Job
Who else will keep you entertained with funny links, TFLN texts and major whining sessions when you’re at your boring job all day?

The Friend With The Awesome Job
Friend with awesome job = friend with awesome hook ups. Whether they’re mixing up ice cream at Cold Stone, hawking hipster-wear at Urban Outfitters, serving burgers at Red Robin (yummmmm), or assisting on big, celebrity events at a magazine, their paycheck means sweet discounts and freebies for you. That you can take advantage of. All. Summer. Long.

Are there any more friends you think every girl should have in the summer? Share them below!

Like many of you recent grads or soon to be college grads, I do not have a job lined up. In this economy jobs aren’t as flourishing as Lindsay Lohan’s alcohol problem and therefore neither is a recent grad’s income. A lack of income can present a problem when your funds have to be spent on rent and insurance rather than Natty Light and late night fast food. I am included in this fund-deficient category. Sure, I have some cashmonay saved up… but not enough to sustain three months worth of rent in New York City.

So after some debate and inner turmoil, I have decided to move back in with my parents. This is a desperate act and the last option I wanted to choose, but with no job and no income, it wasn’t a choice at all. So back to Mom and Dad’s I go.

It’s going to be a major transition, yes, and probably not the most exciting prospect after having total freedom for 4 years, but maybe it’s not the worst thing, either. I mean, at least you know the bathroom floors are clean, right?

Food & Meals
On your own: In college, cooking for yourself or going to the dining hall doesn’t always mean well-balanced meals. I’ve survived mostly off Easy Mac. I’m ready for a change.
Back home: Home-cooked meals. YUM. So maybe your parents won’t become your live-in chefs but you’ll still probably get more nutritious meals (or nutrition at all!) than you have in a while.

Boys
On your own: They can come and go as they please. You can have as much sexy time as you want in your bedroom… in the kitchen…in the living room.
Back home: Flashback to high school when you had to sneak boys into and out of your room. You may be an adult, but you’re still living under 2 other adult’s roof. Two adults who may or may not walk in on you.

Laundry
On your own: Laundromats are a pain. Mixing up your clothes with the person next to you sucks. And also, who carries endless amounts of quarters with them anyways?
Back home: “Mom, I love you. Can you do my laundry please?”

TV & Internet
On your own: TV and Internet don’t come cheap! All those utilities (electricity, water, etc) are pricey, actually. Just think about how much you spend to indulge in MTV marathons while blasting the A/C.
Back home: Besides navigating through your mom’s Tivoed reruns of Cheers, you basically have it made. Free TV (with ALL the premium channels!) and Internet? Yes please.

Parties
On your own: Just passed an exam? Throw a party. Just finished classes? Throw a party. Just want to get hammered on a Wednesday? THROW A RAGER.
Back Home: I doubt Mom and Dad want to see you doing a keg stand in their kitchen. And heading out to party elsewhere? Good luck explaining to your parents what you were doing until 3am on a Tuesday.

Peace & Quiet
On your own: You have all the peace and quiet (and laziness) that you want. You can suffer through your hangovers to endless episodes of 16 and Pregnant without being bothered, sleep until noon because there’s nothing else to do, and worry about all those dishes piling up later. Or never. It doesn’t matter anyway.
Back Home: You may not have to deal with your neighbors playing Rock Band at all hours of the night, but you do have to deal with your parents’ endless monologues about the importance of getting a job and moving out.

Clearly, moving in the the parental units isn’t all rainbows and butterflies, but for all of us unemployed soon-t0-be-grads, it’s our only option. And it’s not such a bad one. Who needs boys and parties when you’ve got free cable and a fully stocked fridge??

Over the past few months, I’ve written a lot about how nervous I am to graduate, to leave college for good, and enter the real world. I’ve felt scared, nervous, anxious, and every other emotion that comes naturally to a graduating senior.

I’ve stressed about my lack of job, the economy, and how the heck I am going to figure out things like insurance, paying bills, and not drinking on Sunday nights. But despite all my reservations about leaving the wonderful world of college behind, I’m also really, really, fantastically excited to graduate.

Like many of you, I’ve had the best time over the past four years. I literally cannot imagine my life any differently. When I was a senior in high school, leaving my comfort zone for a college over 2,000 miles across the country was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever had to make. But it was also the best decision I’ve ever made. I knew no one and had no friends. But four years later, I’ve found a network of teachers, mentors, and peers that have helped me grow into the person I want to be. Who knows what my life would be like without the people I’ve met or the experiences I’ve had here in college?

Now college is almost over and I’m right back to how I felt in May of my high school senior year. I don’t exactly know what the next step is, but I think I’m finally ready for it.

Yes, I’m still scared and nervous, but I’m surprised at how excited I am starting to feel. And yes, a small part of me still wants to crawl up in the fetal position, turn on Norah Jones, and weep irrationally. But a bigger part of me wants to dance my face off to the Vitamin C graduation song, Jay Z’s legit version of Forever Young or Asher Roth’s I love College.

Not feeling the same way? Well with the help of my amazing and incredibly attractive friends, I’ve compiled a list of reasons why I’m excited to graduate. Read them and maybe (or maybe not) you’ll be a fraction more excited than you currently are about graduation day and that mysterious time they call life after college.

TOP 10 REASONS I’M EXCITED TO GRADUATE

10. No more shower shoes. Enough said.

9. Money – I want and need to start making it. I thrive in a work environment more than an academic one, so please someone hire me. But seriously, do it. I want to start a career already, instead of working on problem sets and papers. No more lectures!

8. To expand my network – I love the people I’ve met during college, but I’m ready to meet new people, have new conversations, and have new experiences!

7. A change of scene – I’ve been here for four years. I’m getting a little bit of cabin fever. I don’t want to end up like that creepy man from The Shining before graduation. And although I know I’ll miss this place incredibly, I can’t wait to move to a city!

6. To cook for myself – No more dining hall food or limited dinner options. If I want baked tofu for dinner, I can have it and no one can stop me!

5. Reading for pleasure – I miss reading books that aren’t required reading. I also miss a good beach read that is simple entertainment, rather than a brain challenger. Give me some Danielle Steel please, instead of an epic novel filled with symbols and metaphors that I have to struggle to understand.

4. To not feel pressure to party -…or drink on a Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday night… or any other day that ends in Y.

3. To get healthy – My body needs to recover from four years of late night eating, copious amounts of booze, and all-nighters. I have to remind myself that beer is not a food group despite my current diet.

2. To have my own space – Don’t get me wrong, I love my roomie…but I can’t wait to have my own space and my own room again. (Honestly, I just want to walk around naked whenever I want…). Also, I really don’t want to hear that girl down the hall having sexy time for the third time today.

1. No more frat boys! – I can’t wait to meet guys who are outside of the college mentality. No more popped collars! Also, totes looking forward to guys who understand that going to the dining hall for dinner does not count as a date.

What are some of the reasons why you’re excited to graduate?

We are NOT these people!

A few weeks ago, one of mine and Matt’sclose friends moved out of town to go live back home. And we’ve recently found out that she’s been coming back to town on weekends without telling us. We were worried for a bit, wondering if she was mad at us and what we could have done to cause it. Well, our worst fears were confirmed. Her best friend told us that she doesn’t tell us when she’s coming back to Austin because we’ve become THAT couple.

You know who that couple is. The two people that none of their friends want to hang out with; the ones that everyone assumes are different and don’t want to do fun things anymore. They’re the couple that has been tagged old and boring. Basically, if you’re THAT couple, your friends see you as mom and dad.

To this girl, we’re the lame old people who would rather bake cookies and play Scrabble than hang out with our friends.

And that both shocks and offends me.

I am not boring, nor am I a fuddy-duddy! Yeah, I am in bed by midnight and I bake casseroles for dinner, but I also go to parties on weekends and still dream of going to Hollywood when I graduate. I may have an almost 3-year-old relationship, but I am still a 21-year-old female and, dang it, I still act like one!

We had THAT couple at my high school. They’d dated since freshman year and, big surprise, they’re engaged now. These two were essentially playing house all through high school. They actually went antiquing senior year! They were horrible to be around because the girl would always try to give everyone motherly advice, and the guy was whipped. And now my “friends” think Matt and I are just like them? It’s appalling and infuriating.

While I know this is a bit of a big fuss over one person’s opinion, part of me sees it as a big thing. I want to be the best girlfriend I can be, but I also want to be the best friend I can be. And I thought I was doing it all well. Now that I think about it (read: now that I’ve been forced to think about it) I realize my balancing act between my friends and my boyfriend has been a bit out of whack lately, but that’s because with school and all, Matt was feeling a bit neglected. Just because I devote time to my boyfriend doesn’t give my friends the right to call me boring and no fun behind my back.

But I have to get over it. I may have been too busy to be “fun” lately, but I know deep down that I have my priorities in order. If this friend doesn’t agree, well, she can go out and party with other people; she probably wasn’t that great a friend to begin with.  If she were, she’d know that Matt and I are not THAT couple.

Question for La Tuff?! Email her at TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com for answerindos.*

*Offer does not apply on already discounted answers.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

Please help me. My name is Rob and I really wish I had a girlfriend. I try asking girls at parties and get turned down left and right.

I think I might just be incredibly ugly looking or something. The worst part is I have a lot of respect for girls and would never hurt a girl.

I don’t know what to do. I’m going to die alone. Please help.

Rob

Dear Rob,

Oh my God, Rob. Are you serious with this? Are you really going to make me get medieval on your shoop?  SIGHHHHH. Okayyyyy. But you asked for it.

Rob, you fool. You’re not going to die alone.

I don’t know if you’re ugly. You didn’t include a snapshot. And, anyway, Tuffy ain’t no Hot or Not biznatch. But, Rob, Robert, Robby. It’s this ugly lack of confidence that’s gotten you into this girlfriendless pickle.

You know, this is especially timely. Valentine’s Day just passed and a lot of Tuffy’s friends are in a funk. They say, “Tuffy, why didn’t I have a Valentine? Why didn’t anyone send me flowers? Why am I buying up sale candy like chocolate is going extinct?” I say, honeys, it’s because of this (Rob, listen up):

Nobody’s gonna love you if you are down on yourself. Maybe an abusive asshoop will pretend to love you or become obsessed with you so that he can manipulate and control you. But no one is going to love you.

But, Rob and honeys, that is not because no one is ever going to love you! Unless you are a total asshoop yourself, there will be someone (probably many someones) who will fall in love with you for the right reasons, because you are a sweetheart, or because you’re a great friend, or for any number of the reasons that make you you.

Got news, Rob et al: NO ONE CAN SEE YOUR GOOD TRAITS IF YOU’RE WHINING THAT NO ONE LOVES YOU.

So, my advice: Take a breather. Forget about looking for a girlfriend, Rob. Stop asking out every girl you see (because, boy, that ain’t flattering to no one). Don’t just out everything with a hooha–that is a sure way to constant rejection. Take part in activities you enjoy, and meet girls casually that way. Only ask them out AFTER you’ve gotten to know them. When you are genuinely interested in someone because you genuinely click, chances are they’ll be interested in you too.

Don’t get down on yourself, kid. Just stop whining and start listening.

Hearts & Skulls,
Tuffy Luv

Week after week (after week after week…), CollegeCandy and our pal John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, and saddest things he hears on his college campus. And we know he’s not the only one who hears this stuff. Join the Overheard revolution! Listen in on some weirdos’ conversations and share them in the comments or send ‘em over. You know there’s a lot of funny things to be heard on your campus, so take off those (faux) Burberry ear muffs and tune in.

(Two guys, leaving a dining hall with hand sanitizer.)

Guy 1: All right. Sterilized high five!

(Girls, at breakfast.)

Girl 1: How was the party?

Girl 2: Weird. Some guy and his girlfriend trapped me in the bathroom all night.

(Two guys, in line for brunch.)

Guy 1: Man, I got so lucky last night.

Guy 2: Oh dude. Did you do it on her face?

Guy 1: … What? No! I didn’t get beat up!

(Girls, playing video games in the common lounge.)

Girl 1: I don’t like it.

Girl 2: Yeah, it’s a giant talking space vagina.

(Two guys, talking while getting out of bio class.)

Guy: You know, sometimes I feel like I was born as the wrong mammal.

(Guy, talking to another guy outside the infirmary office.)

Guy: You think if I go to the center for students with disabilities, they’ll give me a helper monkey?

(Girl, on the phone.)

Girl: Hey, it’s fine … that’s no skin off my teeth.

(beat)

Girl: Nah. We’ll burn that bridge when we come to it.

(From a reader: Two guys, going to the gym.)

Guy 1: Hey, when you’re running on the treadmill … just imagine you’re getting chased by border patrol.

(Girls, waiting in line at the registrar’s office.)

Girl 1: Did you see those fish tanks on the way in?

Girl 2: Oh my god. I am so hungry.

(Two girls, outside the campus basketball stadium.)

Girl 1: I mean, I don’t see how we can lose.

Girl 2: Maybe if we start taking shots while we’re on the crapper.

Got some college questions? Unsure of a decision? Need to pad that resume? Just wanna chat it up with some really awesome chics? We’ve got the girls for you. Hit them up in the comments or shoot them an email with the subject “College Q&A”!

Question:
I don’t like drinking but I feel like that’s all there ever is to do in my college town on the weekends. What are people supposed to do in college who don’t like to get wasted every night? And how are we supposed to find friends when all they ever do is go out and get drunk?

GPA Girl:

Wow, do I ever feel your pain. In my experience, there are lots of us non-drinkers out there, especially at the beginning of undergrad, but as time goes on, it becomes harder and harder to find people who want to do things other than get trashed. Not to mention that people who don’t like to drink are usually introverted, so it can be harder to find them and befriend them in the first place. Sigh. The deck is stacked against you, girl. But here is some good news: I managed to find amazing, incredible, awesome friends in college even though I didn’t drink a drop. Most of my friends did drink occasionally, but they shared my lack of interest in getting blasted at large parties every weekend. 

Since it’s basically impossible to tell who drinks and who doesn’t just by looking, I recommend you go all out and try to make a bunch of new friends of all types. Find these people in your classes, at your extracurriculars, or even in the larger non-college community. Most people don’t drink EVERY weekend, so in your mix of new friends, you should have at least one or two people available at any time whom you can contact and ask if they’d like to hang out. You can do plenty of things with these friends: snag a lounge and have a movie night, do one of those boxed murder mysteries, study together, go out for dinner or dessert, play games, do sports, work on art, etc. Just play to your (and their) interests.

And to finish, here are two more quick snippets of advice: 1) Don’t act elitist about not drinking or give people the impression you think drinkers are stupid, and 2) Try going to a party sometime. You don’t have to drink, and you might meet fun people there whose goal is to have a good time rather than to get totally drunk. Good luck!

Party Girl:
I’d like to offer you some advice, but I don’t think I’m the best woman for the job. I’ll leave it up to the other two to guide you on this one. If you do decide you wanna try a little saucin’ sometime, hit me up. I have plenty of advice, tips and tricks to share.

Busy Bee:
I absolutely love this question because I am in the same boat as you – I don’t drink either. Now, many college girls might say “Wow, that’s crazy. Alcohol is the best!” and some might say, “Finally, college girls who are sober!” It doesn’t matter what your views on drinking are, but that you create the college experience that you want. So, what is it that I do instead of drink? I have my best friends who don’t drink either. We have fun by heading out to restaurants for dinner, hitting the drive-thru right after, running around town gossiping about the latest news, hitting up local parks to relive our childhood, watching the latest chick flicks, embarking on spontaneous adventures, and creating new memories. You see, people in college who don’t drink every night, we throw our own dress-up, singing, dancing, and crazy sober parties. It sounds ridiculous, but it’s possible to have your own version of fun.

You need to start out by seeking out that one friend who doesn’t drink and then you’ll find yourself attracting more people of the same crowd. After a while, you’ll have a creative group of alcohol-free friends. Can’t seem to find a sober friend? Try seeing what your school or town has to offer. Maybe there is a monthly movie night on campus (great place to meet like-minded sober people!), or maybe you could join a student group that interests you and meet people there. Just branch out a bit and get involved with as many different things as you can; you’ll have your own circle of sober friends (and great friends) fast.

And girl, I’m proud of you for not falling to peer pressure standards. Do what makes you feel comfortable!

Week after week (after week after week…), CollegeCandy and our pal John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, and saddest things he hears on his college campus. And we know he’s not the only one who hears this stuff. Join the Overheard revolution! Listen in on some weirdos’ conversations and share them in the comments or send ‘em over. You know there’s a lot of funny things to be heard on your campus, so take off those (faux) Burberry ear muffs and tune in.

(Middle-aged lady on the phone, at a bus stop.)

Lady: They fed me. It was like … an orgy. And it was like a lighthouse, guiding all the ships through the night. I was one of those ships.

(High schoolers, playing cards at a coffee shop.)

Girl 1: Okay. What’s on that one?

Guy: Tampons.

Girl 2: What? Why the hell would pirates want tampons?

Guy: To go with the weasels.

(Loud cheering, outside a window.)

Guys: Vinny … P! Vinny… P! VINNY… P! YEAH!

Other guy: Yeah! Who the f— is Vinny P!

(Girl, talking to her friends at a party.)

Girl 1: I can’t believe Jersey Shore is so popular.

Girl 2: Oh my god, are you kidding? That show makes me believe in god.

(Girl, texting in class.)

Girl (checks phone): Oh my god, I hate my boyfriend.

Other girl: What’d he send you?

Girl: “Quarter pounder with large fry.”

(Girl, singing along to karaoke in the student union.)

Girl: Gettin’ pretty hungry, gotta go to that McDonalds. Sh*ttin’ in my Yankees cap like no one but a Yankee can. … In NEW YORK!

(Two girls, in the movie store.)

Girl 1: I thought Batman wasn’t allowed to kill anyone.

Girl 2: He doesn’t. He just caresses them gently, in his strong arms, until they go to sleep.

(Girl, on the phone.)

Girl: Uh, just so you know, that pee in the bed last night was yours, not mine…. Yeah I’m sure…. No as soon as I heard that coming out I grabbed my pants and ran out…. Yeah, I’ll need to come get my bra later.

(Group of guys, eating dinner in a dining hall.)

Guy 1: Oh, ew. What is that?

Guy 2: I’m covered in stink wax.

Guy 1: What?

Guy 2: I farted.

(Two guys, checking out at a grocery store late on a Saturday night.)

Cashier: Just juice, huh? Seems like everyone needs juice tonight.

Guy: Yeah. That’s it.

Cashier: Got lots of vitamins. Good for you. Not sure why ping-pong’s always so popular on weekends, though.

(Two guys, watching a computer monitor in an office.)

Guy 1: Well, that’s not that weird. I mean, my mom would probably do that if she had a camera.

Guy 2: No, no, wait. Just wait.

Guy 1: Oh. Oh, wow. Okay.

(Loud girl, loud guy, at a party.)

Girl: They call me Funny Erika!

Guy: I don’t get it.

Girl: ‘Cause I make people laugh.

Guy: Huh. Okay. Waiting.

Girl: Sorry, let’s talk after I get a few more shots in me.