Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

Talking sex with your doctor isn’t always easy. Whether you are afraid she or he will judge you,  you just don’t feel comfortable sharing the intimate details of your life between the sheets, or you can’t think straight with a speculum between your legs, many people get tight lipped in the doctor’s office. But that doesn’t mean you don’t have questions.

After so many of you wrote in to ask Dr. Lissa Rankin questions during CollegeCandy’s STD Awareness Day, we thought we’d bring her back more regularly. So, every Thursday she will be answering your questions. The ones you couldn’t ask your doctor in person and didn’t really trust the Yahoo community to answer for you. Just leave your questions in the comments, or send em over to us. (We’ll keep it all anonymous for you.) Dr. Lissa will answer anything – really, anything – about sex and other lady things. Don’t be shy; she’s waiting for ya!

Q: How Much Sex Is Enough Sex?

A: So many people worry that they’re not having enough sex- or that they’re having too much.  Take two people getting it on with the same frequency – twice per week.  One may be completely frustrated because she wishes she was doin’ the bump daily. The other may be resenting the pressure from her partner and wish she could scale it back to once a month.  Truth is, we’re all SO different.

So What’s “Normal?”
According to the Kinsey Institute, 18-29 year olds have sex an average of 112 times per year, 30-39 year olds an average of 86 times per year, and 40-49 year olds an average of 69 times per year.

Is There Such a Thing as Too Much Sex?
Absolutely. If sex or masturbation are leading you to miss school or work, causing you to fall behind in your responsibilities, or damaging your relationships, you may have a problem.  Other behaviors associated with sexual addiction include multiple affairs (cheating on your partner), multiple or anonymous sexual partners and/or one-night stands, consistent use of pornography, unsafe sex , frequent phone or computer sex (cybersex),  prostitution or use of prostitutes, exhibitionism, obsessive dating through personal ads or the internet, voyeurism, stalking, sexual harassment, or rape.  If this sounds like you, there are treatment programs such as the twelve step program Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA) to help people with sexual addictions.

What I Think
If you and your partner are both happy, it’s enough. Nuff said.  If one of you is dissatisfied, it bears exploration, because those seeds of discontent breed trouble ahead in your relationship.  Can you talk to your partner about it? I know sex is hard to discuss, but can you touch base periodically and check in?  If you and your partner disagree about sexual frequency, can you make compromises?  So often we make assumptions about our partners that simply aren’t true.  Maybe you wish you could have sex twice a week, but your partner only wants it every other week.  Maybe you assume your partner just isn’t that sexual, when in truth, your partner just doesn’t always want to put in the hour-long ordeal of loads of foreplay.  What if you could just have a quickie every now and then- just to tie you over?  Would you be willing to sacrifice quality for quantity?  Or is it all about quality- and quantity be damned?

It can be challenging to find the balance between fulfilling your sexual needs, meeting the needs of your  partner,  having autonomy over how much sex you have, and keeping up with your other responsibilities.  As long as you and your partner are content, no one’s getting hurt, you’re protecting your body, and sex isn’t getting in the way of the rest of your life, there’s no need to worry about how much sex everyone else is having.  Many people are completely happy abstaining, and others get in on like rabbits.  Just be safe, pay attention to your intuition, and don’t stress about everyone else.  If you’re happy, safe, and healthy, it’s enough.

[Check out Dr. Lissa at www.owningpink.com]

Remember the days when a chaste woman wore a white wedding gown and saved herself for the honeymoon? Me neither. Times are changing, and so are society’s views on sex. Just look at prime-time television.

Gone are the days when the big Dawson’s Creek episode was the one that kept everyone glued to the screen trying to guess whether it was Joey and Jack, Pacey and Andy, or Dawson and Jen who finally took their relationship to the next level (remember that one?). Instead, we’ve got Blair and Chuck’s one night stand in the back of a limo (definitely remember that one!).

Outside of the small screen, relationships in the real world are dwindling. “Dating” is becoming a thing of the past, and casual sex is flourishing. The value of the once-prestigious “first time” isn’t such a big deal for many of us as it was for our mothers, aunts, or even our older sisters. Hell, my first time was not the stuff that teen romances are made of, but I walked away without any permanent emotional scars and afterwards, since it was out of the way, I was able to make better choices regarding who I chose to sleep with.

And yet, I couldn’t help but be surprised when my younger cousin proudly announced that sex was one of her favorite activities (albeit with a steady boyfriend, but still). Just a few years age difference, and there’s still a difference in our mindsets.

Sure, there are still plenty of people out there who put a lot of pride into their virginity, and hold out for a long time. There are still plenty of cherries being popped in the honeymoon suite, after all. But our society’s views on sex can send out mixed signals. People who haven’t found “the one” by a certain age begin to feel alienated by their more-promiscuous peers. Nobody wants to be likened to the Forty-Year-Old Virgin, do they?

I don’t think it’s such a big deal. In fact, I think that once you’ve lost it, you can start to enjoy sex, be adventurous, and learn about your partner’s (and your own) body. Why wait for such a wonderfully erotic experience?

That said, I’d like to know: how many CollegeCandy readers out there expected rose petals and fireworks when they finally relinquished their v-card? Furthermore, how many of you just gave it up because you were curious? Whatever the less-than-fairy-tale way we may or may not have lost it, I’m willing to bet that hardly any of us walked away tarnished with a Scarlet Letter.

Did anyone else feel like their world turned upside-down last night, what with NO GOSSIP GIRL ep on the CW? I personally didn’t know what to do with myself, so I worked off my weekly-dose-of-Chace-Crawford- cravings on the elliptical for an hour. Maybe when the season ends, I too can have a Blake Lively body. Yeah right.

Since, sadly, there was no new episode to recap last night, I thought I’d do a brief refresher on what has unraveled so far this season. Feel free to post your fave GG moments of the year below, since there is simply too much for me to fit into one little post!

Nate Archibald

Early season partner: Catherine, the married cougar who turned out to be a Duchess. Nate walked the fine line between “partner” and “prostitute” with Catherine, after Catherine paid off some of Nate’s family’s debt in order to keep her sexy young stallion around.

Mid-season partner: Well… early-mid-season, Nate had a mini-fling with Vanessa, until Catherine scared V off. Then there was the hot Yale girl, who Nate posed as none other than Dan Humphrey for, in order to get into her lofted bed.

Current partner: After Nate kissed Jenny, the internet was ablaze with fans who couldn’t believe the plot twist, due to the real-life age difference between Chace Crawford and baby Taylor Momsen. Nate later bounced, but Jenny still appears to have his heart.

Season Shocker: After Daddy Archibald tries to get Nate to flee to the Dominican Republic, Nate convinces his felon-father to turn himself into the FBI. (And his dad’s tragic mini mustache.)

Blair Waldorf

Early season partner: Marcus, the seemingly boring dude who turned out to be royalty…and Catherine’s stepson…and Catherine’s other lover.

Mid-season partner: B. and Chuck have been playing some of the steamiest love scenes on primetime TV, but they’re currently trying to stay cooled off.

Season shocker: Blair being nice to Jenny on Thanksgiving, after trying ruthlessly to destroy Little J’s budding fashion career as Mrs. Waldorf’s apprentice (ironically, Little J. ended that gig on her own accord).

Serena Van der Woodsen

Early season partner: Nobody. Then Dan again. Then nobody again. Then some loser dude for five minutes, in order to make Danny jeaous. Then nobody again.

Current partner: Aaron, the polygamous art-dude who is willing to try monogamy (and sobriety) with the lovely Miss S.

Season shocker: Serena’s brief stint as the bitchy Queen Bee she used to be.

Chuck Bass

Early season partner: A myriad of nameless women.

Mid-season partner: After a flicker of interest in Vanessa, Chuck must have gotten blue balls from the frequently panty-clad, in-heat Blair Waldorf. But it was his idea for he and B. not to go to the next level.

Season shocker: There are so many to choose from! This has totally been Chuck’s season. I think my favorite woah moment from CB has to be when he told Blair, “I’ve chased you long enough. Now it’s your turn to chase me.” That was so hot.

Jenny Humphrey

Early season partner: Eleanor Waldorf’s design shop. Jenny was pretty much married to it.

Mid-season partner: Model Agnes was lined up to be J’s business partner…until she went crazy and burned Jenny’s dresses on the street. Whoops.

Current partner: Nate, though she doesn’t know it. After telling Vanessa she doesn’t want a guy to come in between their friendship, V stole the love letter Nate wrote to poor, innocent Jenny.

Season shocker: The head-to-toe punk-chic makeover that happened overnight.

Dan Humphrey:

Early season partner: Nobody. Then Serena. Then nobody.

Mid-season partner: There was that bookworm chick that was one of Chuck’s pawn. I don’t even remember what happened with that… mostly because I tend to forget every Dan Humphrey plot line.

Season shocker: Dan opening his mouth and saying something to accidentally get someone else into hot water. Oh wait. That’s expected.

Vanessa Abrams (Yes, she has a last name!)

Early season partner: Nate. Until Catherine blackmailed her to stay away.

Mid-season partner: Sparks seemed to fly between V. and Chuck. Until Blair doused that flame.

Current partner: Nobody. Poor Vanessa. The more she cares for Nate, the more fate prevents her from ever being with him.

Season shocker: Vanessa trying to join the Blackmail Express to get Catherine out of Nate’s life. Of course, Blair is the queen of vengeance, and poor V didn’t quite profit from her attempt at being evil.

The Old People:

Lily and Bart are still together, but after discovering that Bart has files on not only herself, but her kids as well, Lily was last seen crashing Rufus Humphrey’s meager Thanksgiving shindig.

Though he appears to be a master of the espionage, Bart did have a moment of decency after reading Dan’s manuscript, which outlined his strained relationship with Chuck. Will the two develop a real father-son relationship by the end of the season?

Of course, the real geriatric shocker is that Ice Crotch Eleanor Waldorf is engaged to a silly little man with a heart of gold… who also happens to be Aaron-the-Polygamist’s father.

Well, folks, that’s my mid-season wrap up. Throw in some catfights, spilled cocktails, and scantily clad teenagers, and it’s like you didn’t even miss an episode. See you next week as we welcome back our favorite private school heathens!

What’s more, the show has proven that working out can be fun, and that dancing is an excellent way to shed some unwanted pounds, build muscle, and start living an overall healthier lifestyle. I know I signed up for Zumba and impulsively bought the DWTS Cardio Dance workout DVD without batting an eye.

As DWTS has increased our awareness of fun ways to stay fit, it’s also a great vehicle to demonstrate that fitness comes in all shapes and sizes. In the past, we’ve seen DWTS combat some of the Hollywood stereotypes that distort women’s body images across the country. Remember when all 167 pounds of Laila Ali made it to the top three? How about when Sabrina Bryan, who is “chunky” by Hollywood standards, was sent home simply because everyone thought she was too talented to need their votes?

Most importantly, consider the fact that normally the beauty queens and supermodels are the first to get the boot: Paulina Porizkova, Shandi Finnessey, and Shoana Moakler are among the competitors who never saw round three, and thus, they all blend together into one generic DWTS loser, while fan favorites like Marisa Jaret Winokur show you that being skinny doesn’t mean you can move.

That being said, the enormously talented professionals with DWTS also have very different looks, which is great, because it shows that they are all very individual, not just some manufactured dancing Barbie doll. However, this season I’ve been disappointed to see the media scrutiny that Cheryl Burke has had to deal with. Just because Cheryl doesn’t have the rail-thin body of Edyta, it doesn’t mean she’s gotten “fat,” and either way, DWTS shouldn’t be the show to decide who’s fat or thin, because for several years, it’s been more about techniques and talents than the number of ribs that protrude when someone arabesques.

If I had Cheryl Burke’s body, I’d be thrilled. Not only would I look amazing, but I’d know I was in great physical condition. So why is it that two-time champ Cheryl is suddenly under scrutiny? Girlfriend can move– and isn’t this a dance competition? Karina Smirnoff and Edyta Sliwinska’s outfits are getting smaller and smaller, and our former champ, Cheryl, is being put under a microscope.

I’m not saying Edyta is at fault for being so skinny with such a huge rack, or that Karina’s to blame for making me second-guess the cheeseburger I had at lunch. I just thought that the lesson we learned from the first six seasons of DWTS was that “fit” comes in all shapes and sizes. Edyta, Karina, Cheryl, Julianne, Kym, and, this season, Lacey all put in grueling hours as they patiently teach their partners to dance like pros. Just because they have different body types doesn’t mean that one is “fat” or another is “better.”

So please, DWTS fans, media, paparazzi, and whomever else is trying to turn my favorite dance competition into an anorexia playground, just back off. I would love to have one of those girls’ bodies… but I would much rather have their talent.

However, if I give it some thought that’s more in-depth, I realize it’s not even close to that simple.

I’ve never cheated, no, but I’ve come damn close. Close enough so that if I was my boyfriend, I’d be really, really upset with me. I could make excuses all day—I didn’t realize what I had, my priorities weren’t straight, I was selfish, I was stupid… but at the end of the day, I still came pretty close.

There’s got to be something—some kind of line—that separates me, the almost-cheater, from someone else who actually has cheated. I don’t think I’m speaking ignorantly when I say that most cheaters regret their actions and feel bad about them.

But this post isn’t about why they do it—it’s about whether cheating is ever excusable.

And no, I don’t think it is. But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t take back a cheating partner. Trust me—my experiences with almost-cheating were all I needed to realize that sometimes I’m the dumbest person in the world and that I can never imagine making that mistake again. A relationship with someone who loves you, truly loves you for who you are, is something you just can’t put a price on—it’s invaluable. I think a lot of cheaters don’t realize that until it’s too late, and then they end up losing everything.

And that really sucks. If my boyfriend cheated and realized the mistake immediately and came to me and was honest about it, I’d want to stay in the relationship. If my boyfriend was a jerkwad who cheated repeatedly with little regard for my own feelings, that would be an indicator that he’s clearly not the type of person I’d want to be with, anyway, and I’d have no qualms about getting rid of him.

Obviously, every circumstance is different, and we can’t generalize in these cases. But what would it take for you to take a cheater back? Would you ever do it? And why?

[Image courtesy of flatrock.org.]

Deciding to live with your significant other is essentially committing to a practice marriage; you will find out how often he wears the same pair of smelly socks, that he has a difficult time digesting Mexican food and calls his mom twice a day. This doesn’t mean there is something fundamentally wrong with him, you will just finally get to see all the not so shiny things about him–things that ultimately shouldn’t matter if you are in love.

After all, he’s going to know how scary you look in the morning, hear you fart, and discover that, indeed, you sometimes poop.

Being that its such a huge step, it goes without saying that moving in together is not something to be taken lightly. Here are some things to consider before taking the proverbial plunge.

1) If you’re like me and really treasure your privacy, enjoy it while you are still living apart from your love muffin, because once you move in together it will be gone, or at least greatly diminished. Even if you had roommates before, you still probably had your own room which afforded you a modicum of privacy.

There is a good chance you will be sharing a bedroom with your significant other which makes it somewhat more difficult to be alone. It’s one of many necessary sacrifices you will have to make. But, to ease the situation, you can institute a “quiet time” where you can be by yourself in one room and loverboy can be alone in another. Or you can keep your own bedroom in your shared house if privacy is really that sacred to you.

2) Make sure you plan out your financial situation precisely BEFORE you move in. There are always certain unforeseen situations and money is usually the thing that causes the most friction in co-habitative relationships. Get it in writing who will pay for what and when so there can be no argumentation. I know the money conversation is kind of a buzzkill, but if you’re serious about making your relationship work and work smoothly, you need to have it.

3) Try a trial run. Hopefully if you are considering taking the big step of moving in with your honey bunny, you have spent a considerable about of time with that person and have a good idea of their idiosyncrasies (and they will have some). Before you move in, try living with the person for two weeks. If their adorable little nuances haven’t made you consider spousicide then you should think about continuing with the plan, as it were.

If they are already on your nerves after a scant two weeks, then maybe you should reconsider. Don’t misunderstand me, at some point, your schnookums is going to drive you crazy, but hopefully, if you are lucky, it’s more of a thing that happens over time.