Every week I make a list. Not a grocery list or a to-do list, because I don’t really do groceries (Pad Thai take out, helloooo) and to-do lists are totally not my scene, if such a scene even exists. No, this list is a top ten-style countdown about the hard-hitting issues, like which mash-ups are the best ever.

This week, as a partner to The Ten Types of Guys at the Party, I’ve decided to include the female version. All in good fun, ladies! Who am I missing?

10. The Diva.
This girl is at the party, but she is DEFINITELY not trying to party. Pouting with her manicured fingers and heavily lined eyes glued to her cell, Diva will only speak to her tight-knit group of friends dressed in very similar outfits. She will not partake in any of the drinking games, she will not hook up with any guys and she will roll her eyes at those who do. Then she will leave an hour later to go off somewhere “cooler,” “more mature,” and just worthy of her time. 

9. The “Innocent” one
Dressed conservatively and drinking a microbrew or weak cocktail, this doll-faced darling looks like she’d rather be holed up in the library than at this very party. Wrong. She goes from “virgin” to skank in 3.5 drinks and will hook up with your boyfriend and cry about it later. Beware of the victim-playing. This girl is faker than her “leather” shoes and has run through more guys than Paris Hilton. Read More »

Does this look like best friend material?

While we may have known many of our besties since elementary school, they say college is where you meet your bridesmaids. I don’t know who the hell “they” are, but it seems true enough. After four years of late night pizza runs, Friday night pre-gaming and makeup sessions, and spooning in tiny twin beds, you are bound to make those tight knit friendships.

You meet a ton of girls during your college years. Some are your long lost sisters, your soul mates for life. And then there are others, many others, that just aren’t BFF material. If we are in fact meeting our bridesmaids, we have to be careful when making friends, lest we end up with some husband-stealing ho bag who shows up drunk or skips out of the wedding early to make the other two weddings she has scheduled that day.

Here’s the list of girls to avoid at all costs. They will only make your life harder, so save yourself the stress (and the pimple that comes with it) and steer clear! Read More »

It’s that time of year, when people start packing up their lives to fit into the ridiculously small storage closets they call dorm rooms.  For some of us, we will be heading back to familiar sights and sounds, having already navigated our way through a couple years of school.  For the rest of us, it will be the first time on campus and the start of a much-hyped period in your life: the college years.

There have been several books written to prepare incoming freshman for all the crazy shiz that will go down during their first year of school.  Their relatives, friends, guidance counselors and even complete strangers will also advise them on how to stay healthy in the cafeteria and how to sneak alcohol into their dorm room.

To really be prepared for your freshman year, however, you should get familiar with the people that will surround you on a daily basis.  Will your roommate be a Loner or a Homesick Child?  Will your lab partner be an Athlete/Ultimate Fan and therefore too busy checking on player stats and scores to write the chemistry report with you?  Only time will tell, so you might as well be prepared.

Here’s the 10 types of freshmen you’ll meet on campus: Read More »

Dear Drunk Girl,

Hi sweetie. Long time no see. I take that back. I saw you last Friday. Same place, same hazy look in your eyes, different black dress that falls down to expose your bra. This one doesn’t have vomit on it… yet! Congratulations.

As much as going out and drinking in college is an integral part of your experience, I don’t think you serenading a fraternity with “Like a Virgin” into your half-empty Smirnoff handle (your makeshift microphone) while balancing on a coffee table is necessarily the right way to spend your Tuesday night.

You were very stylish at the beginning of the night. Your dress hung perfectly, eyelashes were curled, hair was straightened, heels were spotless and your jewelry matched. However, after those three, four or five shots of Patron? That sexy little dress you picked up at the Saks sale is riding up and showing off your embarrassing leopard print boy shorts. The mascara you so diligently applied is now running down your face after your tearful breakdown about how much you “love everyone sooooo much” and “like, can’t wait to have you all as my bridesmaids.” You seem to have more hair in your face than in your ponytail and one of your high heels is nowhere to be found. Check yourself, honey. Read More »

Who doesn’t love a good train wreck like Lindsay Lohan or Britney Spears? For us “ordinary folk” (those of us who wear Old Navy, drink PBR and dream of tetris being an Olympic sport) there’s nothing like a healthy dose of tabloid exploitation on those who live in (what at least appears to be) an alternate universe… where dogs wear juicy couture, cars come equipped with mini-bars, breasts double as flotation devices and pocket lint is laced with cocaine.

Is it true though? Or are the tabloids just running exaggerated fantasies to harpoon mass appeal? It’s hard to know because these grandiose lifestyles are perpetuated by the attention drawn to them (unless the celebrity is actually talented). Case in point — the Kardashian sex tape.

Bad publicity is good publicity, I suppose… especially for the venues that become associated with celebrity attendance (who doesn’t want to go to places where you might see a rockstar in a bar fight or catch Paris Hilton stripping down to… well… a slightly more naked version of her usual self?).

When talking about club publicity, nothing turns up the temp on a particular venue more than the drug habits of the celebrities. The scandalous behaviors of one Miss Britney Spears has made headlines for a variety of clubs in New York including an all time personal favorite, Marquee. Yes, she has been caught using drugs in the public bathrooms all around town and she’s not the only one. The question then becomes, of course, how many drugs are being done in these places? Certainly you run a high risk (pun intended) of being caught abusing drugs if you are a celebrity, but what about us ordinary folk? Are drugs swimming through the clubs as the tabloids would have us believe? Read More »

When I was younger, I ended up being friends with one of those perfect girls. Well, perfect in most senses….(she was a party girl, after all)….but she got the best grades. She was gorgeous. She excelled at every sport. Every guy wanted her. Every girl wanted to be her. And her clothes..GOD. I wanted her wardrobe. But my mom wasn’t about to take me to the mall for a shopping spree. No way.

So when this girl revealed to me once that she ACTUALLY got all of her clothes at The Goodwill; I was in total shock.

“Are you F*%king kidding me?!”

All of that time, I had been envious over clothes that I could most definitely afford, but wasn’t grabbing because I thought the only thing worse than buying my clothes at Wal-Mart would be to buy them at a thrift store.

How wrong I was.

She and I started going on adventures together to The Goodwill and everything in the universe started to harmonize all of the sudden. (Okay, maybe it wasn’t THAT life changing, but I certainly started to learn a thing or two about fashion.) Read More »