The royal GPA f*ck up.

We’ve all done it. Whether it was “I’m too hungover to go to class” semester, or the easy freshman mistake of loving the lack of attendance policy way too much, at one time our GPA has clicked down point-by-point faster than the funds in our checking account after drunkenly opening a tab at the bar.

I may be only a freshman, but I’ve pretty much already declared my major in GPA Sabotage, with a concentration on Accidental Stupidity. Having been such an idiot my first semester of college, I speak from partial experience on the five unfailing ways to destroy your GPA like a Category 5 earthquake.

1. Racking up a big streak of absences for your class. It’s pretty obvi, almost to the point where it seems ridiculous to bring up, but it’s the most effective method for watching your GPA drop like an axe. Keeping up the good fight in your classes is all about resisting the incredibly tempting ability to skip class. Even if there is no attendance policy, chances are extremely good that you don’t want to miss what’s going on. Plus, catching up after a missed class is a massive headache for anyone with a decent course load.

2. Not participating in class. This is kind of a gray area, but for the most part it can be really destructive to your grade in a class if you just waste your time there. Classes are only worth the money they cost if you’re retaining the information presented, and the professor is there to make sure you do just that. Communicating with your professor and participating in class is definitely the way to get the most out of it, and it can make even a 9 AM lecture more enjoyable. Plus, if you make a big mistake in your class, your professor will likely be extremely helpful in getting you back on track knowing that you are invested in the course.

3. Sleeping through class sessions. This is a biggie. It can be actually painful to try and stay awake in class, especially when it’s one of the soulless 8 AM courses. It risks being mind-numbingly dull to stay awake, but if you sleep through class, you’re wasting your time even being there at all. I have definitely used classtime to catch up on some Zs and learned pretty quickly that it’s one mistake you absolutely don’t want to to make.

4. Blowing off studying for exams, or just the exams in general. The best saying I’ve heard about exams is the Murphy’s Law of College Exams: they are always based on the one class session you didn’t attend, and the chapter in the textbook you didn’t read. There is nothing like a screwed college exam to sink you about two letter grades, if not more. Studying is all-important, as is keeping track of your exam schedule so you don’t accidentally miss one. These two things can mean the difference between doing well in a class and scraping to pass.

5. Cheating/ Plagiarizing. It may be incredibly tempting, but as is largely well-known, either of those offenses are automatic one-way streets to being blacklisted from every college, and having your future resume incredibly tainted. Not only will your test or paper be an automatic zero if you’re caught, but your entire college career will be seriously affected by a brief lack of judgment. No test grade is worth the colossal slap on the hand resulting from cheating, and a paper that’s written with someone else’s words isn’t worth the ink you print it with. If you’re tempted to make either of these serious mistakes, resist them. Academic Dishonesty is one phrase you never, ever want associated with your transcripts.

Now that the New Year’s Day hangovers are a thing of the past, it’s time to trade in the warm sofa for cold, hard desks as the spring semester approaches. If you are wondering how you will possibly make it through this semester after barely making it through the fall semester you are in luck, because a new semester brings new beginnings.

I have made quite a few mistakes over the course of my college career, which have taught me quite a few things. Learn from my mistakes and this semester will be easy breasy. (I bet you expected me to say CoverGirl, right?)

Tip 1: Procrastination will kill your grades:

Trust me, writing a 10 page paper at 3am the day it’s due is never the best way to get your assignment done. Yes, you like to work under pressure, and, yes, at least you actually did the paper, but doing it in a hurry means you rarely have time to spell-check, let alone stay awake long enough to turn it in.

Tip 2: Try To Take Shorter Classes.

You may think it’s worth it to take that 3 hour class on Wednesdays so you get that full 4 day weekend, but sometimes longer classes are worse for your GPA. Let’s be honest: when was the last time you could pay attention to anything for longer than an hour? Whenever possible, try taking a 50 minute class three times a week (or whatever shorter options you have at your school), instead of a longer class that meets only once. You will be able to focus more in a 50 min class, not to mention be more on top of things when you have to prove yourself to your prof 3 days a week instead of one.

Tip 3: Don’t skip class.

Seriously. Unless you are dying from some rare and contagious disease, go to class. Some profs only take a couple points off your final grade for absences, but when you think about it, 2.5 points added to an 88% score could mean the difference between an A and a B. Oh, and the whole point of college is going to class and learning, so it might be a good idea. Professors often make it worth your while by, I don’t know, teaching you things and making it all easier to understand. Read More »

Exam week can be pretty intense. All you want is to pack up your shizz and go home to party for a month, but the word “cumulative” is making you want to throw up in your mouth. Can you slide by, or is exam week going to destroy the grade you earned busting your butt on every paper you wrote this semester? Everyone has their own study tips and ways to deal with stress, but here are some surefire tactics to avoid if you really want to make the grade.

1. OD’ing on Caffeine

If caffeine were illegal, I’d be a certified crack whore. So I know that overdoing the stimulants can only end poorly. There have been times where I drank so much coffee that it had an adverse affect on my body, and I passed out facedown in the books. Or I got so hyper that I alphabetized my DVD collection instead of hitting the books. Overdoing the caffeine can also keep you up for hours after you’ve shut the books, and you’ll be super groggy when the time comes to put number 2 pencil to paper (if you don’t sleep through the entire final!).

Another major caffeine no-no? Taking energy pills such as Stackers. You’ll be more concerned with the heart palpitations you’re having than the exam itself. You don’t want to pull a Jessie Spano in front of the whole lecture, hall do you? Read More »

What do you mean it’s too late to drop a class? I forgot I was even enrolled!

If that’s part of the conversation you’re having with the registrar this far into the semester, you might be in trouble. But never fear. It’s not over until the fat lady sings…or the TA enters the grades. If you’ve over-slacked it this semester, there still might be a way to save your grade.

1. Talk to Your Teacher.

This is by far the most important rule of grade-saving. Talk to your professor. Apologize profusely. Throw yourself at his or her feet and explain why you suck at whatever subject they teach. As a former TA, I can attest that I was far more willing to help kids who actually came to office hours to ask for help than the ones who fell off the face of the earth, only to reappear during finals (or, in one case, after I’d left for the semester) and expect another chance. Read More »