How to get the life you want

Figure out where all your money is going

What if I gain it all back

R. Patz gives deets on his sex secene

Why do men fight the way they do

Going for the gold

Guess which Full House girl is getting married?

Find the passion in your life

Should You Get Brazilian Keratin Or Japanese Straightening?

Rejection is hard no matter where it comes from. Whether it’s somebody at the bar, a school, or a job, it just really sucks. Now imagine if that rejection comes from somebody you love, hell, imagine if it’s coming from the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Ouch, right? The sad thing is that this happens all the time – not out of spite or not being in love, but because couples don’t take into consideration one very important thing to talk about: sexual compatibility.

There are some things that should be discussed at the outset of every relationship – ground rules, expectations, fast-growing tumors, but for some reason sexual compatibility seems to often be bypassed during these discussions. Partially because some people think it’s not important, and partially because they remain hopeful that either they or their partner are going to “warm up” to sex and eventually, once the relationship gets going, the sex will be frequent and awesome.

Some luck out and the “wait it out” strategy works, but that’s not always the case.

Ups-and-downs in sexual frequency are totally normal in any relationship. We hit that honeymoon newly-in-love phase, and find ourselves constantly naked, but eventually things die down – and that’s to be expected. But if you expect your partner to be monogamous, then your sex drive affects them too. Failing to discuss your ideal sex life is a huge mistake — if you’ve got a very low or very high sex drive, your partner deserves to know. Realizing in the middle of an LTR that you’re severely sexually incompatible can be a really big issue to deal with. It might even be the make-or-break point in your relationship.

Read More »

What happened to the days when the most intense things to happen in a relationship was a game of Twister?  Oh my goodness, Mary is practically on top of Bobby! Scandalous!  OK, maybe I’m being a little over-dramatic. But, dating throughout the years has definitely changed.  And one of the underlying factors for the dating transformation?

Technology.

Besides the confusing text messages and application overload, technology has been a positive presence in my life. And, following in the footsteps of socializing, shopping and consuming information, the dating world has taken a cannonball-esque dive into the deep waters of technological communication.  Now you can use technology to do just about anything that has to do with dating….or “dating.” A year ago, I would never believe that one day I’d be able to ring a bell on my phone when I wanted to let my friends know that I was gettin’ some. But it’s happened, along with a few other “advancements” in dating. Read More »

Type 2: Screwing

I go through phases where I listen to different podcasts on a fairly obsessive basis. It was during one of these phases that I stumbled upon a podcast called Sex, Love, and Intimacy (on which our lovely editor did an interview, the same interview that introduced me to CollegeCandy in the first place). As you guys may have noticed, I  have a lot of respect for people who do the job that I hope one day to do myself (you know, like how often I talk about Dan Savage…), and I tend to quote them a lot. Chip August, the host of Sex, Love, and Intimacy had a slogan that has stuck with me long after the podcast ended – “sex is more than just a piece of skin, a piece of skin, wiggle wiggle pop.”

Oh, how true that is.  There’s more to sex than just the act – the in and out, the build up and the orgasm. There’s more than the positions. No, I’m not going into the emotions and love and meaning behind sex. Not gonna lie, I don’t even know what to call the thing I’m talking about; style? Type? Intensity? But bear with me, I will explain:

Making Love:
As much as I hate that phrase (oh, how I despise it so), it’s really the only way to describe it. Those intimate sessions that are usually slow and loving. More about feeling everything than the climax. While love-making may not be hottest or most passionate, or even the sexiest, it is definitely the most intimate.

Screwing:
Okay, in reality I would call this type of sex f*cking, but I have a problem with censoring my words, so we’re just going to call it screwing for all intents and purposes, and you guys can follow along with what I really mean. I find this tends to be the favorite for college-aged guys. It’s the least intimate (generally, not saying having a good screw can’t be loving), and usually the most intense. You know, sweaty and loud, and being thrown all over the place. It’s usually just about getting off, but since when is that a bad thing?

The happy-medium:
When I’ve described this “3-kinds-of-sex” theory to different partners, this particular “type” is usually just labeled something along the lines of “plain old sex.” Maybe it’s vanilla, or maybe it’s just not as steamy as screwing, but this tends to be the fall-back for most couples. It’s the middle between making love and screwing, usually takes the least effort, and produces the results expected out of some good ol’ fashioned sex.

The trick to a sustainable sex life isn’t just mixing up the positions and introducing some sexy toys (though that helps too), it can be as easy as just mixing up the “style.” Sometimes the mood strikes to be um.. pounded, and sometimes the mood strikes to have fingers-intertwined and love and romance. And sometimes, it’s just sex to get the job done.

Pssst! If anyone else knows the “proper” name for this phenomenon, please let me know… it was kinda hard to write about something that doesn’t have a specific label!

"I take 10 minute showers! I'm killing the planet!"

For the past few months I’ve been talking your ear off about why the earth is in trouble and how you can go green to save our environment.  And while it’s great to do whatever you can to protect the planet, there is such a thing as caring a little too much. According to the New York Times, there has been an increasing amount of people that report anxiety and stress because they feel like they are never as green as they would like to be.  And, believe it or not, such anxious thoughts about the environment can have negative impacts on your emotional state, your health, and your relationships.

How do you know if you’re just a concerned citizen or full-blown green stress case?  Read on for the answer and for ways to manage if you’re glowing green just a little too brightly.

Are you green stressed? There’s a huge difference between being concerned and being down right obsessed.  Before you go any further, ask yourself a few questions:  Are you happy with your efforts to help the environment?  Do you feel like you’re doing enough to go green?  Are you willing to give up your green efforts to preserve some of your favorite activities?  If you answered yes to all of these questions, then congrats!  You are helping in a way that is both healthy for the environment and healthy for your well-being.

Didn’t pass the test? Then you may have some anxiety issues related to going green. With all of the information out there, it’s hard to feel like you’re ever doing enough to counteract the rest of the world’s indifference.  Before you start ripping your hair out, realize that this is more of a psychological issue than an environmental issue.  An obsession with going green is just the same as an obsession with losing weight or making money – you never feel like you’re doing enough. Read More »

The most difficult decision that comes your way post college graduation is not where you will be living or who you will be living with – it is what the hell you are going to do with your life.

For those of you lucky enough to have a job already, congrats. You are well on your way to a fulfilling life doing what you want to be doing. For the rest of you, and right now that is a lot of you, you have some big choices to make. Some huge questions to answer. And the most pressing and difficult is:

Take a job you love or take a job that pays well?

I found myself in a similar situation post college graduation. I wanted nothing more than to pick up, move to NYC and become a writer. I had dreams of covering red carpets and touring the country with my first book, all whilst wearing the sexiest pair of Jimmy Choos. I would take pictures with fans, discuss movie deals with Paramount pictures, and wow audiences with my talents.

And then I got my first job. That paid $25,000. Read More »

“I don’t know if we should talk about this…”

“And why not? Everybody has sex!”

“Yeah, but everybody should be making love.”

“Come on, how many guys do you know making love?”

–Salt N Pepa, “Let’s Talk About Sex”

In the past six months, I’ve had sex. I’ve been laid. I f*cked. However, it’s been a long time since I’ve made love, and I kind of miss it. Some people might argue that there’s no difference – physically, they are the same. But emotionally, passionately, and mentally, the two deeds are very different.

1. The First Time.

The first time you make love with your partner, it’s usually a very special moment. It’s often planned out in advance, especially in new relationships. There’s often sensual foreplay, and your bodies fit together perfectly.

If it’s your first time with a new partner and you’re just having sex, it may be spontaneous. Your partner may not be your boyfriend, or even your crush, and the decision to go all the way is frequently a hormonal (thanks, booze!) impulse. First time sex can be sloppy and awkward as you try to find the right position, and after everything’s said and done, it feels like there was something missing. Read More »

Derrick* and I used to have great sex. We were both passionate, experimental, and great in bed (hey, confidence is a turn-on, right?). But lately we have been in a rut, and I blame it on lube.

But, you say, artificial lubricant is great for drunk sex, or extremely long sex, or sex with someone extremely well endowed, because it keeps you from drying out and damaging your goodies. Yes, lube is great in these situations. My problem with lube is that, for us, it has become a replacement for foreplay.

And that is not okay.

The first time it happened I was hanging out at Derrick’s after a long day at work and very tired. He wanted sex, but I was feeling lazy and just wanted to play Sudoku on my phone. “Please,” he begged, “just let me put it in; I’ll get lube, you don’t have to do anything, you can even keep playing Sudoku.” This offer was too tempting to pass up; imagine telling my girls later that I played Sudoku while having sex! I didn’t expect good sex, but figured it would be worth it just for the funny story. He put lube on and went at it. I ended up putting down the phone half-way through and getting a little into it, but it still wasn’t very good. Read More »

[I am writing this post anonymously for two reasons:

1. Because I don't want my friends to know how often I watch Oprah (daily) and how much I love her and
2. Because I'm not sure I need the whole world (read: future employers) knowing a lot about my life between the sheets.]

Last week Oprah had an episode discussing sex, sexual attraction and the things women want when it comes to doin’ the dirty. The episode as a whole was fascinating – did you know there is an equation for figuring out how hot someone is?? – but one point that really stuck out to me was the discussion of sexual desire.

A group of women sat down to talk about all things sex and one of them mentioned her love of being dominated by a man. She told the story of her hottest hookup, which involved a man at the bar pushing her into the bathroom and kissing her passionately against the wall. Now, to most people that sounds like a “grab the pepper spray” kind of moment, but to me it sounded hot. I mean, come on, that’s passion. That’s heat.

That’s really effing sexy.

She went on to say that the reason it was so memorable was not because of what he did, but the fact that he wanted to do it at all. It was the fact that she was wanted that badly that made the whole thing such a turn on. Read More »

[I want it, I need it, I can’t live without it. There are so many things on store shelves and racks right now that we want to take home and hang in our closets. Things that are so cute, everyone should know about them. We’ll share ‘em with you here (because we’re that nice), but as far as actually getting them goes….well, you’re on your own with that one.]

This may look like any ordinary knit dress from the front, but turn around to reveal (and surprise your friends!) some awesome and sexy cutouts on the back. They turn this otherwise plain dress into one fit for a fabulous night out on the town. Adorable and flirty, showing just enough skin, this dress may rival your current little black dress. It has a flared skirt and even includes side pockets for your essentials (like your cell phone, just in case a cute boy wants to exchange phone numbers). Read More »