How to get the life you want

Figure out where all your money is going

What if I gain it all back

R. Patz gives deets on his sex secene

Why do men fight the way they do

Going for the gold

Guess which Full House girl is getting married?

Find the passion in your life

Should You Get Brazilian Keratin Or Japanese Straightening?

There are some things that should be discussed at the outset of every relationship – ground rules, expectations, fast-growing tumors, but for some reason sexual compatibility seems to often be bypassed during these discussions. Partially because some people think it’s not important, and partially because they remain hopeful that either they or their partner are going to “warm up” to sex and eventually, once the relationship gets going, the sex will be frequent and awesome.

Some luck out and the “wait it out” strategy works, but that’s not always the case.

Ups-and-downs in sexual frequency are totally normal in any relationship. We hit that honeymoon newly-in-love phase, and find ourselves constantly naked, but eventually things die down – and that’s to be expected. But if you expect your partner to be monogamous, then your sex drive affects them too. Failing to discuss your ideal sex life is a huge mistake — if you’ve got a very low or very high sex drive, your partner deserves to know. Realizing in the middle of an LTR that you’re severely sexually incompatible can be a really big issue to deal with. It might even be the make-or-break point in your relationship.

It’s not all about being horny, either – it’s about intimacy, closeness, and feeling desired by your partner. For the person who wants sex the most (no, this isn’t always the man), having a higher sex drive is going to lead to rejection… and lots of it. Not only is this immensely frustrating, but it’s also not good for your ego. You might start to feel like something is wrong with you (“why does my partner not want to have sex with me?”), and as with any other kind of rejection, dealing with it constantly has gotta cause some damage to your self-esteem. And for the partner with the lower sex drive (also, not always the woman), it’s frustrating to be “bothered” for sex on a constant basis. You might start to feel that there is something wrong with your low sex drive, or worse, that your partner only ever wants to have sex.

As I’ve mentioned before, sex is a completely reasonable deal breaker. No one should have to live with constant rejection or with having to constantly reject their partners. When a relationship is sexually incompatible, it’s bad for both parties. So what do you do, stand it on a handshake and try to be friends? Possibly. But there are other things to try before calling it quits.

When you’re in a monogamous relationship, it becomes your responsibility to make sure your partner is sexually satisfied. No, I do not mean that you have to have sex with them every time they want it, and no, I do not mean that they own your genitals and can make you do it even if you don’t want to. By responsibility I mean that it’s your job to understand that your sex drive – high or low – affects two people, and it’s your responsibility to figure out how you can both be satisfied.

Compromise is going to be your friend here – and to be honest, it’s the only way a sexually incompatible couple fighting through all the negative feelings that come with mis-matched sex drives can deal with such an issue. The partner with the higher sex drive needs to come to a reasonable compromise as to the frequency of sex – once a week, or every two weeks, maybe? And the person with the low sex drive needs to be GGG and figure out ways they can meet that need. You don’t have to have intercourse always, but you need to do something. Compromise with some bi-weekly oral sex, or some mutual masturbation (er,  assisted masturbation?).

This seems like a lot of work to deal with one problem in a relationship, doesn’t it? It is a ton of work – and sometimes you can find a solution, and sometimes you can’t. So have the flippin’ conversation at the beginning! A question as simple as, “so, ideally, how many times a week do you like to have sex?” should get the ball rolling in the right direction. It might seem like a weird thing to discuss, and it might be a little awkward at first, but it’s better to realize it now, in college, than 15 years from now when you’re married with three kids.

Want more Sexy Time? (Who doesn’t?) Get some. Right here.

What happened to the days when the most intense things to happen in a relationship was a game of Twister?  Oh my goodness, Mary is practically on top of Bobby! Scandalous!  OK, maybe I’m being a little over-dramatic. But, dating throughout the years has definitely changed.  And one of the underlying factors for the dating transformation?

Technology.

Besides the confusing text messages and application overload, technology has been a positive presence in my life. And, following in the footsteps of socializing, shopping and consuming information, the dating world has taken a cannonball-esque dive into the deep waters of technological communication.  Now you can use technology to do just about anything that has to do with dating….or “dating.” A year ago, I would never believe that one day I’d be able to ring a bell on my phone when I wanted to let my friends know that I was gettin’ some. But it’s happened, along with a few other “advancements” in dating.

Booty Gong
This application is so special because you can finally (silently) voice your victories under the sheets. So, when your buddies are searching for your existence and calling you non-stop – instead of sending a text about your down under adventures, you can simply type their number and ring the booty gong. I can see the new phrase now, “I don’t mean to toot ring my own horn gong, but…we got freaky last night.”

Passion
Right when you think your sexual skills have gone amiss, iPhone has you covered. Because the new Passion application actually rates your sexy time skills.  How does it rate, you ask? Well, based on duration and power (thanks to the iPhone’s built in accelerometer) and the volume of your “feedback.” Like the Olympics, it gives you a score out of ten on your efforts. And get this: you can compare with other singles around the world(!!) My advice for getting a Passion perfect ten? Lots of intense movement and screaming your name as loud as you can. Now, get to work.

PinPointsx
This mobile application automatically pinpoints your location and provides you with all of the imaginable erotic resources near you. Also included: a personalized and interactive ‘Passion Map’ of your current location.  With your helpful ‘Passion Map’ you can be directed to all of the nearest singles, couples, peepshows and special clubs. Whew, if that won’t keep you busy I don’t know what will.

Girlfriend Keeper
With this handy dandy application, boys are finally able to show they truly care.  This application allows you to set up automated text messages to your loved one(s) based on your specified “dating criteria” (AKA relationship seriousness). The messages will be automatically sent – based on the criteria – once or twice a month.  In an “Advanced Settings” feature, you can specify eye color, anniversaries and birthdays (you know, so the messages are extra personal). Want an example? Here: “Diana, did you know we started dating 38 months and 3 days ago?”

Please Diana, make it stop before you hit 38 months and 4 days.

Elite Text Game
It’s time to welcome the ‘sexy chat message generator’ for singles! Hoorah. Within this application is a healthy concoction of 60+ previously constructed unique and hilarious text messages.  I don’t know what they are but I can only hope they sound better than the 2am “where arre yoiu? letsdd do it” texts I’m apparently a huge fan of.

The Tigertext
Well, this one should almost explain itself. Thanks to our buddy Mr.Woods, an application has been created that automatically deletes all of those unwanted texts (and nudey photos) as soon as they are viewed.  All of the cheaters out there, raise your glasses to the Tigertext.

Type 2: Screwing

I go through phases where I listen to different podcasts on a fairly obsessive basis. It was during one of these phases that I stumbled upon a podcast called Sex, Love, and Intimacy (on which our lovely editor did an interview, the same interview that introduced me to CollegeCandy in the first place). As you guys may have noticed, I  have a lot of respect for people who do the job that I hope one day to do myself (you know, like how often I talk about Dan Savage…), and I tend to quote them a lot. Chip August, the host of Sex, Love, and Intimacy had a slogan that has stuck with me long after the podcast ended – “sex is more than just a piece of skin, a piece of skin, wiggle wiggle pop.”

Oh, how true that is.  There’s more to sex than just the act – the in and out, the build up and the orgasm. There’s more than the positions. No, I’m not going into the emotions and love and meaning behind sex. Not gonna lie, I don’t even know what to call the thing I’m talking about; style? Type? Intensity? But bear with me, I will explain:

Making Love:
As much as I hate that phrase (oh, how I despise it so), it’s really the only way to describe it. Those intimate sessions that are usually slow and loving. More about feeling everything than the climax. While love-making may not be hottest or most passionate, or even the sexiest, it is definitely the most intimate.

Screwing:
Okay, in reality I would call this type of sex f*cking, but I have a problem with censoring my words, so we’re just going to call it screwing for all intents and purposes, and you guys can follow along with what I really mean. I find this tends to be the favorite for college-aged guys. It’s the least intimate (generally, not saying having a good screw can’t be loving), and usually the most intense. You know, sweaty and loud, and being thrown all over the place. It’s usually just about getting off, but since when is that a bad thing?

The happy-medium:
When I’ve described this “3-kinds-of-sex” theory to different partners, this particular “type” is usually just labeled something along the lines of “plain old sex.” Maybe it’s vanilla, or maybe it’s just not as steamy as screwing, but this tends to be the fall-back for most couples. It’s the middle between making love and screwing, usually takes the least effort, and produces the results expected out of some good ol’ fashioned sex.

The trick to a sustainable sex life isn’t just mixing up the positions and introducing some sexy toys (though that helps too), it can be as easy as just mixing up the “style.” Sometimes the mood strikes to be um.. pounded, and sometimes the mood strikes to have fingers-intertwined and love and romance. And sometimes, it’s just sex to get the job done.

Pssst! If anyone else knows the “proper” name for this phenomenon, please let me know… it was kinda hard to write about something that doesn’t have a specific label!

"I take 10 minute showers! I'm killing the planet!"

For the past few months I’ve been talking your ear off about why the earth is in trouble and how you can go green to save our environment.  And while it’s great to do whatever you can to protect the planet, there is such a thing as caring a little too much. According to the New York Times, there has been an increasing amount of people that report anxiety and stress because they feel like they are never as green as they would like to be.  And, believe it or not, such anxious thoughts about the environment can have negative impacts on your emotional state, your health, and your relationships.

How do you know if you’re just a concerned citizen or full-blown green stress case?  Read on for the answer and for ways to manage if you’re glowing green just a little too brightly.

Are you green stressed? There’s a huge difference between being concerned and being down right obsessed.  Before you go any further, ask yourself a few questions:  Are you happy with your efforts to help the environment?  Do you feel like you’re doing enough to go green?  Are you willing to give up your green efforts to preserve some of your favorite activities?  If you answered yes to all of these questions, then congrats!  You are helping in a way that is both healthy for the environment and healthy for your well-being.

Didn’t pass the test? Then you may have some anxiety issues related to going green. With all of the information out there, it’s hard to feel like you’re ever doing enough to counteract the rest of the world’s indifference.  Before you start ripping your hair out, realize that this is more of a psychological issue than an environmental issue.  An obsession with going green is just the same as an obsession with losing weight or making money – you never feel like you’re doing enough.

So how do you fix it? Unless your stress is very severe, a quick reality check is just the ticket to snap you out of it.  First of all, think about all of the things you already do to help the environment.  Do you recycle?  Turn off the lights and water when you’re not using it?  Bike or walk to work or school?  Believe it or not, most people don’t do any of these; you’re way ahead of the game!  On a similar note, don’t compare your efforts to those of others!  Not all environmentally friendly methods are compatible with everyone’s lifestyle.  Pick your favorites and make a pledge to stick to those.  As time goes on, slowly try to incorporate other changes into your routine if it works.  Which brings me to my last point…

What is important to you? We already know that the environment is high on your priority list, but think about the other things you enjoy doing.  Personally, I love to go out, drink a few beers, and hang out with my friends.  I’m not going to let the fact that I’m wasting a few aluminum beer cans ruin my night.  Going green is all about protecting your passion, so be sure that you protect all your other ones as well!

The most difficult decision that comes your way post college graduation is not where you will be living or who you will be living with – it is what the hell you are going to do with your life.

For those of you lucky enough to have a job already, congrats. You are well on your way to a fulfilling life doing what you want to be doing. For the rest of you, and right now that is a lot of you, you have some big choices to make. Some huge questions to answer. And the most pressing and difficult is:

Take a job you love or take a job that pays well?

I found myself in a similar situation post college graduation. I wanted nothing more than to pick up, move to NYC and become a writer. I had dreams of covering red carpets and touring the country with my first book, all whilst wearing the sexiest pair of Jimmy Choos. I would take pictures with fans, discuss movie deals with Paramount pictures, and wow audiences with my talents.

And then I got my first job. That paid $25,000.

It was an awesome job that totally got my foot in the door, but the money was atrocious. That is $25,000 before taxes. In NYC. Sure, I got to write what I wanted and be part of a magazine masthead, but as I packed my ramen up for lunch every day, I constantly wondered if passion for your work (and artificially-flavored noodles) is enough to survive.

And then there were my friends. Not sure what to do with themselves, they found jobs that had nothing to do with their life goals and just paid really (REALLY) well. Like $100,000 well. The work sucked, the hours sucked, and their bosses sucked, but they got to go home to their sick apartments and eat at nice restaurants and really enjoy their post grad years.

I looked at them and made them buy me dinner wondered if maybe that was a better choice.
They looked at me and told me that money didn’t matter and I should do what I love.

I don’t know what answer is best for you. I do know, however, that 4 years later I am not making my millions, but I am still in love with what I do. And my friends, with their giant savings accounts, are still grumbling on their way to work every morning where they spend their days searching online for new jobs.

I also know that random jobs (i.e. paralegal, consulting, etc.) that pay really well do so for a reason. You will be working ridiculous hours, doing tedious tasks or constantly feeling way too smart for whatever assignments come your way. It’s all a trade-off and it’s really up to you to decide if enjoying your job is more important, or enjoying your paycheck is.

What I can say is this: if you have a passion and want nothing more than to spend your life doing it, don’t be swayed by a large salary elsewhere. Life will not be easy, but at least you will feel fulfilled. And if you’re just not sure of what you want from your life, spending a few years making bank at a crappy job may not be such a bad idea. Just know what you are getting into before you sign away your sanity.

“I don’t know if we should talk about this…”

“And why not? Everybody has sex!”

“Yeah, but everybody should be making love.”

“Come on, how many guys do you know making love?”

–Salt N Pepa, “Let’s Talk About Sex”

In the past six months, I’ve had sex. I’ve been laid. I f*cked. However, it’s been a long time since I’ve made love, and I kind of miss it. Some people might argue that there’s no difference – physically, they are the same. But emotionally, passionately, and mentally, the two deeds are very different.

1. The First Time.

The first time you make love with your partner, it’s usually a very special moment. It’s often planned out in advance, especially in new relationships. There’s often sensual foreplay, and your bodies fit together perfectly.

If it’s your first time with a new partner and you’re just having sex, it may be spontaneous. Your partner may not be your boyfriend, or even your crush, and the decision to go all the way is frequently a hormonal (thanks, booze!) impulse. First time sex can be sloppy and awkward as you try to find the right position, and after everything’s said and done, it feels like there was something missing.

2. Your BAC.

I’ve heard of drunken sex, but I’ve never heard of inebriated love-making. If anyone has experienced the urban legend of wasted love-making, I’d love to hear about it.

3. The Setting.

If you’re about to copulate in a dim room filled with candles, on a bed covered with rose petals, you’re probably going to make love. If you’re going to do it in the backseat of a car, an airplane bathroom, an elevator, or another compact space that may have legal repercussions attached, it’s sex.

Al fresco sex/love-making is a grey area. Sure, sex on the beach or in the woods may sound like a fairy tale scenario, but dirt in sand in uncomfortable places can ruin the romance.

4. The Soundtrack.

Lovemaking songs include “The Fear You Won’t Fall” by Joshua Radin or “Wild Horses” by the Rolling Stones (or any cover version, including Mazzy Star, Jewel, or the Sundays). F*cking songs range from “Crazy Bitch” by Buckcherry to “Every Girl” by Lil’ Wayne. Do you really want to ride someone when the words “You f— so good I’m on top of it” blare from the stereo? Likewise, “Birthday Sex” by Jeremih is a bit tacky.

Sure, there isn’t always music playing when you’re doing it, but if you could have picked a song to illustrate last night’s mood, which would you pick?

5. The Aftermath.

Lovemaking includes mutual orgasms, followed by spooning and cuddling. If you’re in a relationship, your boyfriend’s post-sex behavior could include promptly rolling over and falling asleep, or the phrase “That was great,” despite the fact that you didn’t get off. If you’re single, you’ll take the walk of shame after a long night of sex. In those rare occasions that you’ve made love to someone without commitment, it could turn into breakfast in the morning, a few more rounds, and maybe even a new relationship.

In my opinion (and experience), it’s far more common to have sex than to make love. However, this means that when you do find yourself both emotionally and physically stimulated with a partner you care for very deeply, you appreciate the art of lovemaking so much more than that one-night stand a few months ago with whatshisname.

Any other differences between “sex” and “making love”? Share your thoughts below!

But, you say, artificial lubricant is great for drunk sex, or extremely long sex, or sex with someone extremely well endowed, because it keeps you from drying out and damaging your goodies. Yes, lube is great in these situations. My problem with lube is that, for us, it has become a replacement for foreplay.

And that is not okay.

The first time it happened I was hanging out at Derrick’s after a long day at work and very tired. He wanted sex, but I was feeling lazy and just wanted to play Sudoku on my phone. “Please,” he begged, “just let me put it in; I’ll get lube, you don’t have to do anything, you can even keep playing Sudoku.” This offer was too tempting to pass up; imagine telling my girls later that I played Sudoku while having sex! I didn’t expect good sex, but figured it would be worth it just for the funny story. He put lube on and went at it. I ended up putting down the phone half-way through and getting a little into it, but it still wasn’t very good.

The next time it happened I was slightly tipsy and, again, very tired. Again he begged – please just let him use lube and slide in, I didn’t have to do anything. And again I agreed. This time though, I REALLY didn’t do anything. I didn’t get into it and neither of us enjoyed it. He finally stopped and we both agreed that it had been a terrible idea.

A few days later, I walked into my boyfriend’s house energized and ready for some good sex at long last. But as I staredt my strip tease he told me he was tired from work and too “beat” for any foreplay. And then I heard those three awful words: “Just get lube.”

And I did, because I understood where he was coming from.

But the sex was bad. Again. And our entire sex life started going down the lube tube. This stuff may look innocent, but it just takes all the fun out of sex.  Who needs romance or foreplay when you can squeeze it out of a bottle?  Lube has turned sex into a mechanical function (stick penis in, pull penis out, repeat until bored) rather than the fun, passionate encounter we used to look forward to.

I am doing anything I can to quit the lube – chugging coffee after work, investing in some new lingerie, and jumping the BF’s bones the minute he gets into my room.  I am going to have sex the way I should, dammit – with passion and heat and no artificial lubricant!

*Name changed to protect privacy.

1. Because I don't want my friends to know how often I watch Oprah (daily) and how much I love her and
2. Because I'm not sure I need the whole world (read: future employers) knowing a lot about my life between the sheets.]

Last week Oprah had an episode discussing sex, sexual attraction and the things women want when it comes to doin’ the dirty. The episode as a whole was fascinating – did you know there is an equation for figuring out how hot someone is?? – but one point that really stuck out to me was the discussion of sexual desire.

A group of women sat down to talk about all things sex and one of them mentioned her love of being dominated by a man. She told the story of her hottest hookup, which involved a man at the bar pushing her into the bathroom and kissing her passionately against the wall. Now, to most people that sounds like a “grab the pepper spray” kind of moment, but to me it sounded hot. I mean, come on, that’s passion. That’s heat.

That’s really effing sexy.

She went on to say that the reason it was so memorable was not because of what he did, but the fact that he wanted to do it at all. It was the fact that she was wanted that badly that made the whole thing such a turn on.

And I couldn’t agree more. Ever since Samantha slept her way through New York on Sex and the City, women have been taking charge of their sexuality and doing the same. And while we all tell the world that we love being able to have sex with no strings attached, or just enjoy a good roll in the sack, I think what women really like about this whole thing is the validation they are getting from the experiences.

I can honestly say that of the last 5 guys I’ve slept with, I really only enjoyed two of them. The other three were just so-so and one even gave me a pretty awful UTI (after acting like a jackhammer…for three minutes). But I still keep going back for more. Why would I ever seek out a one-night stand if there was no happy ending?

Because there is – just not in the bed.

At the end of the day (or early the next morning when I’m walking home in my heels) it is never the sex that gives me the thrill – it is knowing that these guys wanted to take me home and get me naked in the first place. The thrill comes from the fact that we can barely make it out of the cab before they start untying my shirt. It is when they tell me how hot I am as soon as we hit the bed.

For me, hooking up has little to do with the actual process and all to do with the knowledge that someone can’t keep their hands off me. Sure, sex is great (well, usually…), but I truly believe that it is knowing someone wants you that is the greatest part of all.

Do you agree? Share your thoughts below…

[I want it, I need it, I can’t live without it. There are so many things on store shelves and racks right now that we want to take home and hang in our closets. Things that are so cute, everyone should know about them. We’ll share ‘em with you here (because we’re that nice), but as far as actually getting them goes….well, you’re on your own with that one.]

This may look like any ordinary knit dress from the front, but turn around to reveal (and surprise your friends!) some awesome and sexy cutouts on the back. They turn this otherwise plain dress into one fit for a fabulous night out on the town. Adorable and flirty, showing just enough skin, this dress may rival your current little black dress. It has a flared skirt and even includes side pockets for your essentials (like your cell phone, just in case a cute boy wants to exchange phone numbers).

The dress comes in three colors: the classic black, a bright passion, and a cool blue. Though, with such a cute find, you may need one in each color. The dress looks nice by itself or with a few accessories such as a belt or a necklace. A basic, yet chic article of clothing like this is great for expressing your own style, so don’t be shy, and try it with other pieces!

I’m on my way to Urban to get it now. I just L-O-V-E it.