The Huffington Post created this gem of a slideshow several days ago.  Liz O’Neill claims that the usual reasons your roommates loathe you (you’re a slob, a mooch, etc.) are veils for deeper, subtler issues. Actually, they hate you because you are prettier than them. And, you’re going to make more money than them in a few years!

As I read this, I felt like I was listening to a mother stroke her child’s ego. The different hate-causing categories of behavior Ms. O’Neill gives are bizarre. And, based on my own college experiences, totally ludicrous (I mean, seriously? My roommates don’t like me because I have a diary? Seriously?).

So, here are the REAL 7 reasons your college roommates hate you. And sorry – we’re not going to sugar-coat these bad boys.

1.     You’re a Bad Drunk

You’re as sweet as candy during the day. But, after a few shots, you’re slurring your words. You’re cursing like a sailor. You’re losing all functionality in your limbs. As your roommates carry you home, vomit decorating your Sevens, you tell them you hate them and they all suck. The next morning, you feel awful, but you can’t understand why everyone’s so mad because you remember nothing. Well, newsflash: Your roommates hate you because, actually, you’re the one that really sucks.

2.     You’re a Kleptomaniac

When you’re getting ready for work in the morning, hours before your roommates roll out of bed, you steal some Bumble and Bumble hair product from the medicine cabinet. Later that night, when you’re craving a late-night study snack, you grab a bag of your pretzels. Ick, they’re stale. So, you eat your roommate’s instead. When you realize you ate an obvious amount, you throw a few of the stale ones into your roommate’s bag of Snyder’s. You never borrow anything massive, but all the little things add up daily. And she notices.

3.     You Have a 3^rd Roommate… Every Night

Visitors: You love them in the morning, and in the afternoon. You love them in the evening, and underneath the moon. Well, guess what? Your roommate doesn’t. She’s tired of getting sexiled the night before her Econ exam or looming research paper deadline. Learn to keep it in your pants or start dividing your time between your house and your special friend’s to ease the roommate tension.

4.     You’re Messy

Your hair is clogging the shower drain. You left your underwear and smelly workout clothes in the middle of the room. You snacked on some ice cream and frosting and left the dirty bowl and silverwear underneath the couch. You left your dirty pad on the bathroom floor. And now your roommate wants to go all Snooki WWE on you.

5.     You’re Always on the Phone

“OMG!! NO WAY…HE DID NOT!” you shout while your roommate tries to watch the episode of Glee she missed on her laptop. After you hang up, you hear a notification on your computer. Sammy wants to Skype! You click accept, and begin chatting away. We get it: staying in touch with home friends is important in college. However, be respectful of your roommate’s space. She doesn’t want to hear every little detail of Sammy’s life. Or the other 132 people you talk to weekly. Hold the phone (or video chat) until she’s out of the room.

6.     You Love the Snooze Button

Oh, you snoozed 7 times this morning? 3 hours before your roommate needed to be up for class? Yeah, I wonder why she’s pissed.

7.     You’re Passive Aggressive

When something is really bothering you (like the Klepto, Snooze-pressing, insanely sloppy roommate), you are cold. You monosyllabically answer their friendly questions. When they ask you what’s wrong, you say nothing. Welcome to the land of Passive Aggressivia. Population: You. If you want to stop disliking your roommate, you need to actually let them know they are doing something that’s bothering you instead of hoping they’ll get the message. Speak up and you’ll quickly be on the road to a better college-living life.

Let’s face it: we’ve all done some pretty ridiculous things in our lives. Things we think are totally logical in the moment, but make us cringe when we think about them later on. Things that we’d only tell our best friend over coffee on a Sunday morning, but only after we remind her of all the sloppy photos we can blackmail her with. Things that we hide from the people who love us (and judge us) most.

Things that even we, ourselves, wish we didn’t know about. But things that our friends, family, and fellow CollegeCandy readers are probably doing all the time, too.

Like that time (OK, many times) that we pretended to be drunk to text the guy we’re crushing on.

So here is our chance to let it all out. To share our secrets and find that maybe we’re not so crazy, so weird, so abnormal, after all. We’ll spill the beans every Tuesday and invite you to share your own similar experiences below. Just think of it as therapy. Or a really hilarious way to spend a Tuesday afternoon.

Confession: It was the week before Spring Break, I was running low on groceries and didn’t think it was worthwhile to go shopping so close to leaving. One of my roommates is a passive-aggressive, annoying bitch and, luckily, also happens to be a compulsive food hoarder. So, partly because I was jonesing for some hummus and partly because I wanted to make her as angry as she makes me, I broke in to her tub of hummus every day and ate some. Sometimes I dipped pita chips in there and other times, when the pita chips were gone, I just went to town with my fingers. And on the last day, after polishing it off, I left the empty container in the fridge just to piss her off even more. It was the best hummus I’ve ever eaten.

Got a confession? Get it off your chest here. Don’t worry, we won’t judge. How can we when we’re sitting here right now Tweet-stalking Tori Spelling?

I miss my boys. Sigh.

I’m girly to the core.

I love pink (even though no one in New York wears it; what the hell?), I’m fussy about what shampoo I use and, if I had the option, I would wear dresses every single day. I’ve never had brothers and even my dog is a girly girl, but I have always found myself being happiest around the dudes. My best friends are guys, and I definitely prefer nights watching them scream at the TV while playing Call of Duty to sipping cosmos and having Sex-and-the-City-esque discussions with the ladies.

I lived with guys for a year and I loved every second of it. I’m not sure why, but recently I moved in with a girl. And it’s been… different. Sure, it’s nice to have someone tidy and not stinky who DVRs The Bachelor religiously, but I miss my guys. Why? Well, why don’t I just give you 10 lovely reasons.

10. They tell it like it is
Boys don’t write passive aggressive notes, Facebook messages or emails. They don’t hold grudges or sleep with your boyfriend. They’re direct; if you screw up, they yell and it sucks for about thirty seconds, but moments later you’ll be back to bumming it on the couch laughing over South Park like nothing ever happened.

9. They don’t judge
You know that look that girls give you? The up and down look and then the miniature comment along the lines of “You’re wearing that out?” or “You’re funnyyyy.” Yeah, guys? Don’t care.

8. Don’t like doing dishes? No problem!
Of course no one likes living in filth, but I do miss the days of not breaking out in a sweat picking up every little thing, or using a coaster, or, caring about drapes. The days when the dining room table was a plastic beer pong table covered in empty Keystone cans and Solo cups. Sigh. Such sweet memories.

7. Best. Cooks. Ever.
I don’t know if it was just me, but every guy roomie I ever had was a phenomenal chef. Girls would rather get takeout, but the guys would want to do these home-cooked fantastic meals. Thrifty and tasty. Mmmmm.

6. Down for ANYTHING
Tuesday night? Let’s go to the bar. Wednesday night? Let’s go wander around New York or Boston and find the best 24-hour spots. Sunday afternoon? Bar. Basically, any time I would come home, someone would be down to go out or have a good time.

5. Hellooo, friends!
I never had any interest in my guy roommates, but ohmygod, major perk? Guys bring around more guys. Gorgeous, lacrosse guys.

4. Big Brother 24/7
As someone who never had a brother who had my back, it was always great to get a guy on my side, ready to pummel any creep at the bar or punk who tried to wrong me.

3. Unlimited Comfy Clothes
Okay, so maybe they don’t have cute cocktail dresses to borrow on Friday nights, but those oversized sweatshirts are just the thing when trekking to class at 8AM.

2. No drama
Never have I ever dealt with a boy roomie weepy over his exes, drowning in ice cream and romantic comedies.

1. Totally comfortable
No matter what, I was never uncomfortable in my apartment and neither were my friends and boyfriend. Guys welcome people with open arms, and, well, girls don’t. If I’m doing my own thing, my BF always had someone to chat with about football and my friends had someone cute to hook up with automatically. Whenever I lived with guys, it was drama-free and it was home. And I miss it.

If you haven’t lived with guys yet, try it out!

The worst part? Sharon was super fun and nice with every other person on our floor but for some reason couldn’t stand me.

I made myself scarce and tried not to be in the room when she was. I hid out in the dorm lounge and the cafeteria. Meanwhile, Sharon did the opposite and made my life a living hell.

The final straw came the night she came home drunk at 2 AM before my first big test. She shushed her gentleman friend loudly as they stumbled into our room, then she dragged the poor shlub up onto the top bunk of our bed for what had to be the most awkward dorm sex ever. I told myself that night that I would try to find a new roommate. Sharon must have heard my prayers because a few weeks later she asked ME to move out so she could live with her best friend. I didn’t even feel like arguing or complaining. I just said sure and amazingly enough moved into the open room right across the hall.

Since then, I’ve had some great and not so great living situations, but none of them taught me as much as my first semester at college. Here are a few tips for those of you taking the plunge into dorm life.

1. Be Flexible, But Don’t Be A Pushover

Being a good roommate is all about compromise but once you start taking a dive in every argument, it is impossible to earn back that respect. Decide which things are worth fighting for (no sex on the top bunk while you’re awake is a good place to start) and stick to it.

2. Don’t Sink To Their Level

Crazy roommates will fight dirty. They may yell, scream, write passive aggressive notes, hide your stuff, etc. Nothing will piss them off more than you being the bigger person. Act like an adult, be respectful, and try to communicate face to face as opposed to via a dry-erase board and strategically placed post-it notes. Trust me, this is harder than you’d think, but it will save you a lot of petty fights and slammed doors in the long run.

3. It’s Okay To Move On

Sometimes people just aren’t compatible. You can try to be friends, you can try to be civil, you can try to just co-exist but sometimes it just doesn’t work. If you’re in the dorms, talk to your resident advisor, or contact the housing office. Ultimately, don’t be afraid to get out of a hostile situation and move-out. It can be easier said than done, but if your situation warrants, it may be the only way to resolve it.

Just remember: Class may suck, your clubs may keep you busy but your living situation shouldn’t give you a headache. Do your best to stave off drama from the beginning. Communicate, think positively and pick your battles. If that fails? You better take top bunk.

I lived with five other people my sophomore year of college. Three boys and three girls. We were all great friends when we moved in, but soon we cordoned off, built alliances and ended the year in veritable silence. It started when two of my roommates who were dating when we signed the lease broke up just before we moved in.

It continued when the boys never locked the door, and one girl was really obnoxious. It also didn’t help that we were politically divided in an election year. I’m surprised no one got stabbed.

But what really drove us apart were the notes. The little post-its I’d find stuck on filthy coffee tables, or the threatening comments on the dry-erase board. Everyday there was an annoying message reminding what I should or shouldn’t do in my own home.

Now there’s a place to laugh at all of those passive-aggressive notes, a great blog aptly-titled passiveaggressivenotes.com. Readers send in notes they find at work, at home or even signs on the street. Some are covered in unnecessary clip-art and capital letters, some are rude, and some can only be described as aggressive. But because they’re no longer littering my home, all of them are hilarious.

I spent the weekend pouring over the archives, having a good laugh and acknowledging that my roommates weren’t half as crazy as some of the nuts out there.

Are any of you living or working with someone who’s preferred method of communication is the passive aggressive note? Would you ever send their note to a web site like this or do you think that would make it worse?

I bet your roommate sucks. Don’t worry, I understand. I have a twin sister and therefore have had to share living quarters with another girl for my entire life.

It’s cool and all when you’re six years old, and sharing space meant sharing Barbies, but once you hit 18 and it’s time for college…you’re probably going to want your roommate out during playtime.

You’ve probably already set up your dorm room, but there’s always a chance it could be set up better,with more of your own space, and with something we all desperately need.

No f*cking drama.

First things first:

No bunk beds. I know, I know, they save space and all that, but top bunk is only cool at summer camp. Plus with your roommate’s bed literally attached to yours you might as well be attached at the hip too. And can I just remind everyone that there’s nothing sexy (or mysterious) about climbing into a top bunk with a guy you’re hoping to bone.

Just trust me.

Keep your desks on opposite walls. This keeps your backs to each other when you’re studying or writing a paper, but also maximizes your own personal space because it limits the chances that your inconsiderate roommate will allow all her sh*t to overflow into your area. Bonus! You won’t have to worry about her peeking over your shoulder should you peruse some, shall we say, private sites.

Keep tabs on your stuff. It sounds a bit neurotic (and hopelessly obvious), but have separate spaces for your things and her’s. Make sure you take a second and make it known to one another that one side of the room is yours and vice versa. If you have to resort to using tape to divide the room…so be it.

What about the space you’re forced to share? Sure, you’re both using a dorm fridge the size of a shoebox, but keep one shelf for you and the other for your roomie. If you’ve just spent your last 10 bucks on some peanut butter and a six pack, and one goes missing, you’ll know exactly where it went.

Seperate the closet into 2 different sides, and don’t fall into the trap of thinking that just because you’re roommates then it means you’re best friends too and thereby allowed to borrow clothes at will.

You won’t get that sweater back at the end of the semester.

Don’t be that passive-aggressive girl. This means angry looks, talking behind her back, and leaving notes with no explanation. For example: I shared a suite-style dorm my freshman year where I shared a bathroom with 3 other girls. We had to clean that crap-hole ourselves and being the stupid 18 year old girls we were…we just didn’t.

One day, me and my roommate got fed up with the funny colors the shower was taking on, took a night and made the place spotless. But not before we took “before” pictures, put them on our computer, and made a little sign that said “CLEAN THE BATHROOM”. Then we posted it on our bathroom door where our suitemates found it and got pissed…obviously.

Being passive-aggressive is totally lame. Plus, I can guarantee that you’ll find something missing or broken in your room the next day…I miss my desk lamp.

Devise a list of house rules. It’s going to be the worst 15 minutes of your life, sitting down with a girl you only kind of know and writing down all the stuff you’re not cool with. But you know what’s worse? Dealing with your roommate who’s PMS-ing and pissed at you for using her shampoo. Hell hath no fury like a premenstrual chick with dirty hair.

The best piece of advice for someone who can only live comfortably alone and with a full size bed? Don’t let anything fester. Having a roommate is like having a live-in boyfriend, except worse because you’re dealing with a woman. You know what I mean.

If you let everything slide and never utter a word to your dorm mate, life will be a silent, awkward hell where you’ll be counting the days until Winter Break.

And if you’re school was anything like mine, Residence Life is a pain in the ass.