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No, this is not the title of an upcoming episode of the Maury Show. This is the real-life result of the highly anticipated DNA test that was handed down today in a Bahamanian court. It is official, Larry Birkhead is the biological father of Dannielynn Hope Marshall Stern.

Whew… It’s over. It is finally over. I thought most certainly we would invade Iran before the results of this ever-so-important paternity test were revealed. Now we can all return to our regular lives and sleeping patterns knowing that Anna Nicole’s little Dannielynn is safe in baby daddy Birkhead’s arms.

Or can we? It is very unlikely the battle for custody will end here.

TMZ.com reports that Virgie Arthur will continue her fight for custody of the would-be million dollar baby regardless of the outcome of today’s hearing. And although Stern has previously stated that he has no intentions of pursuing custody if Birkhead is named the father, what are the odds that he will just move quitely along?

So to recap for all of you keeping score at home, Larry Birkhead wins round one. But in the end, when the final score is tallied, everyone involved will still remain just a bunch of LOSERS.

Who would make a better baby daddy?