Who doesn’t love having a few shots of tequila? This writer doesn’t.  I can usually manage with the lime and salt included, but still; there are tons of things I’d rather experience than the burn of tequila as it runs down my throat followed immediately by my stomach trying to send it back.

BUT, it is National Tequila Day, so the Goose (or the cheap Burnetts vodka that I normally drink) is gonna have to wait until tomorrow night. I can’t let a momentous day like this pass me by without partaking in some “festivities.” And by festivities, I clearly mean a little one tequila, two tequila, three tequila…. well, you know the ending.

And I don’t even have to do it in shot form, because there are some mighty fine lookin’ tequila cocktails out there. These badboys give you all the tequila goodness without the pain/regurgitation.

I’ll drink (tequila) to that!

Hi sweetie. Long time no see. I take that back. I saw you last Friday. Same place, same hazy look in your eyes, different black dress that falls down to expose your bra. This one doesn’t have vomit on it… yet! Congratulations.

As much as going out and drinking in college is an integral part of your experience, I don’t think you serenading a fraternity with “Like a Virgin” into your half-empty Smirnoff handle (your makeshift microphone) while balancing on a coffee table is necessarily the right way to spend your Tuesday night.

You were very stylish at the beginning of the night. Your dress hung perfectly, eyelashes were curled, hair was straightened, heels were spotless and your jewelry matched. However, after those three, four or five shots of Patron? That sexy little dress you picked up at the Saks sale is riding up and showing off your embarrassing leopard print boy shorts. The mascara you so diligently applied is now running down your face after your tearful breakdown about how much you “love everyone sooooo much” and “like, can’t wait to have you all as my bridesmaids.” You seem to have more hair in your face than in your ponytail and one of your high heels is nowhere to be found. Check yourself, honey.

Is that pimply beast of a guy you’re making out with in front of everyone your boyfriend? Hope not, because you just made out with his best friend four minutes ago when you assaulted him against the beer pong table. Yes, beer pong winner is impressive, but it’s not like he just saved a child from a fire. Speaking of, can we talk about your beer pong game? It’s called beer pong for a reason. Not “mass amounts of vodka and a splash of cranberry” pong. When you’ve reached that point where hard liquor in the beer pong cups seems like a good idea, you’ve gone too far.

No, no one wants to split a supreme pizza with you, go to the strip club “just for fun,” drunk dial the Dean’s office or add a rule in any drinking game that involves getting naked. Drunk girl, it’s the middle of the week and don’t you have a final tomorrow? And stop yelling at the poor guy who made your drink – there is plenty of vodka in there and not his fault that you just can’t TASTE it anymore.

I love you, drunk girl. Because, sometimes, I am you. But even when I’m not, I still adore you because I have a great time making fun of you and drawing penises all over you when you pass out on the floor of some random living room amidst a Tila Tequila marathon.

XOXO,
Melanie

Melanie currently interning in NYC, taking full advantage of all margarita specials and those blonde summer boys. Stalk her on Twitter: @tinkermellie

Good thing she had that random white dress on hand!

I really need to focus most of my attention on the Pratt wedding (because, let’s be honest, there is much to be discussed), but first I must say this: for the first time in the history of The Hills, tonight’s episode made me cry. Yes, laugh at me if you will, but Whitney’s dad was so cute and I couldn’t help but cry when he gave her a goodbye speech. Oh, and I also cried when Whitney got out of the limo at the airport. What was with that flannel babydoll dress? Did she learn nothing since her first day at Teen Vogue??

But none of that matters, because Spencer and Heidi got married. In Cabo. Drunk. I don’t know which part of the evening was worse:

- The fact that Spencer “knows what Patron does to [Heidi]!” and just kept giving her more until she agreed to marry him.

- When Spencer told Heidi, “I’m madly obsessed with you…I pretty much keep you from the whole world.” That guy is seriously one step away from Mark Wahlberg in Fear.

- Or when Spencer told Heidi that she makes him a nicer person. Anyone else want to know what he was like before Heidi? The Joker?

Eventually, Heidi agrees that this is a fantastic idea and joins Spencer in holy matrimony. But only in secret. Because if Heidi and Spencer are anything, it is concerned with their privacy. They aren’t the kind of people that would hire a photographer to snap shots of their wedding. They wouldn’t return from Cabo and immediately sell the story to US Weekly. It’s not like they are on a TV show, or anything.

This is secret and romantic and cute! No one is gonna find out. Not that this whole charade is going to last long enough to be legalized, anyway. Heidi is going to wake up from that Jose coma and realize what a giant (flesh color bearded) mistake she made.

Or they are going to make babies and get their own show, which will be nothing if not the most entertaining show on TV. God, I love MTV.

The beauty of this situation is that it does allow you to do Patron shots at 2 pm; the drawback is that it creates the perfect opportunity for you to employ some…self control. While the former is deff a fun and adventurous route (see your tagged Facebook pics for evidence), it’s not always the smartest way to kick off your fall semester. After all, there is something to be said for NOT getting knackered your first week back at school–here’s why…

5. You’ll Look Like a Freshman

Characterized by lack of regional fashion knowledge, deer-in-headlights look and–of course–INCREDIBLY inebriated state of being. Obviously, this is not what you want to look like while you’re out on the town. Even if this is your very first week in college (Congrats & welcome!), the frosh look is still one you’ll want to avoid. Instead, keep it classy, limit yourself to a few drinks (or none at all if you wish) and enjoy the amazing feeling of being a sophisticated, very adult-like lady.

4.It’s a Small World After All

If you’re a regular around here, you’ll know how we feel about the not-so-randomness of college. While it might seem like an excellent idea to get schwasted and enjoy the anonymity that campus life offers, think twice before you go all out. The people you meet now may be unfamiliar and seem random, but 3 months from now, the same crowd will still be at their (and your) favorite bar. Just beware that while you think you’ll never see each other again, the odds of running into them (via class, outings, football games) are quite high…just be careful of the impression you make.

3.Sorority Recruitment

If you are a PNM (potential new member) BEWARE of going out and letting your wild side loose. Yes you’ve been cooped up at home fresh out of 12 years of academic lameness, but now is not the time to go crazy, especially when it comes to drinking. The best rule of thumb you can use to govern your behavior is to think of rush as a job interview.

You wouldn’t want the head of your dream job to witness you making a complete ass out of yourself, so just be conscious of the impression you’ll make on the active members of your Greek community while out at the bars–because rush is essentially an interview. Another FYI: Sorority women have eyes in the back of their head, even if you think you’re getting away with less than appropriate behavior, trust me–there will be a witness (aka sister!) somewhere.

2. Recovery come first day of school

Let’s not forget the reason you’re at college! Um, education. So yes, this is a freebie week for you to enjoy being back at school with all of your friends, but that hangover is going to kick in at some point and you absolutely do not want it to be your first day of classes. Your semester should take precedence over your partying, so make sure you prioritize buying books over buying rounds for everyone at the bar.

1. Your Reputation

This goes back to college not being the big huge nameless place you thought it was. Your good name is something that, once tarnished, you can never get back. By establishing yourself that first week back as the girl who holds the record for most vomit-inducing drink combinations, you pretty much eliminate the need for any other reps. (like smartest, most beautiful, classiest woman alive).

I’m not saying the inclination to drink anyone under the table and ability to recite impromptu Shakespeare can’t coexist, but the two sides of your personality will absolutely duel for recognition from your peers. So if you want to go down in history for being the Irish Car Bomb champion of the bar, go right ahead. Just be wary that your title might be harder to shake than you might think.

Billionaire Margarita             Bloody Maria             Jalisco Express             Caipri-Julio

       DJ’s Delight         La Paloma Suprema       Top Shelf Long Island         Morning Breeze

We’ve all been there… sworn off drinking tequila ever again after a hard night out and a few too many peer-pressure-induced shots of Cuervo Gold. But the truth is, it’s not tequila’s fault. It’s Jose’s.

For years Cuervo has been literally shoving Gold Mixto down our throats and calling it tequila. A true tequila is made from 100% agave and often aged. A gold mixto tequila is usually made with less than 50% agave, blended with sugar water, non-aged and colored with caramel. It is the mixto that will make your throat squelch and mouth water with only a wiff.

Today there are a more than a handful of 100% agave tequilas on the market that aim to remove the stigma that has followed tequila around like an annoying little step-brother. Brands like Patron, Casa Noble and Don Julio (yes, Cuervo does too) offer incredibly smooth and flavorful Blanco, Anejo and Reposado- 100% agave tequilas.

Whether you sip it, shoot it, or mix it… it’s time to give tequila another chance. Here are 8 cool ways you have most certainly never had tequila before. (Click on a drink above to see how it’s made)