When you look up reality TV on Wikipedia, at the bottom of the page it says, “See Also: Low Culture.” Umm, what? Low culture, Wikipedia? You think because I sit around on holidays watching Dance Moms marathons and almost every night I have a huge list of reality shows clogging up my DVR that I’m low culture? Excuse me, but I watch Top Chef. Gourmet Food=High Culture. I have also seen a few episodes of Work of Art. Art is high culture, wouldn’t you say, Mr. Wikipedia Man?

So obviously I admit to watching reality TV, and I’m totally not ashamed. But there are some reality stars that I am a little ashamed to admit that I love. I’m not talking about Spencer and Heidi or Omarosa; I actually do hate them. These are stars that I really love, but would probably lie about any day of the week (except the days I’m given a lie detector test).

initiating the gallery...

Why is Dianna Agron apologizing to Gleeks?

Can today’s female icons be both beautiful AND smart?

How to please your man with just your hands.

A guide to dramatic makeup trends for fall.

Looks like John Mayer’s got a new target.

The Kardashian girls are coming to QVC (with major cuteness).

Patti Stanger dishes on Millionaire Matchmaker season 4.

Why is Christina Hendricks on a diet?!

This weekend, Patti Stanger did the unthinkable.  She called off her engagement to her boyfriend of six years because she said, “You have to agree on the non-negotiables.”  In their case, children were the dividing factor- she wanted them, he didn’t.  But at 49, Patti’s move was both ballsy and…well, kinda smart.

Every girl has her own set of non-negotiables.  Maybe you could never date someone who listened to Enya, perhaps you couldn’t commit to a vegan.  Whatever your deal breakers, and whatever your reasoning behind them, it becomes hard to stick to your guns when you get caught up in an otherwise great relationship.

In college, the Land of Random Hook-Ups and Other Unplanned Physical Attractions, it’s completely impossible to predict whom you’ll find yourself dating.  Friends that turn into boyfriends, one night stands that stick around for three semesters, frat bros looking to (gasp!) settle…it’s all very curious terrain.  Where does this leave you?  Frequently, throwing aside your “criteria” in favor that kid from Spanish class who no hablo inglés.

While I encourage you to experiment, explore, and date all the foreign exchange students you could ever want, you also need to take a note from Patti and realize that there is no middle ground on some topics.  Here’s cheat sheet to romantic red flags:

Bicoastal Lovin’
Sure, it’s great when he’s living on the hall one flight up, but come summer your West Coast cutie isn’t going to be moving into your parents’ spare bedroom in Rhode Island (I hope).  As a loyal CollegeCandy reader, you should be aware of the struggles of an LDR.  Months apart, endlessly wondering what he’s up to, who’s he with… Really consider if that’s something you’re willing to deal with. (And don’t even get me started on graduation, because I don’t care what he says – you two won’t “just make it work.”)

Christmukkah
If one or both of you isn’t super into your religion, you can skip this one.  But if you get a girl-boner over Christmas tree shaped cookies and Easter egg hunts while he spins the dreidel like a champ, you may need to revise your relationship.  In college it may seem like only a small snag- you go to Atheists Anonymous, he went on Birthright (twice) and visits his temple four days a week…who cares?

Outside the walls of higher education, though, things get a little trickier.  Families become involved, holidays are shared, your shared kitchen table won’t accommodate both the Kwanzaa candles and menorah.  It’s tough stuff, but another one you’ve got to be honest with yourself about.

Must Love Dogs
So you grew up watching Lassie, sleeping with ten stuffed animals, donating your allowance to the ASPCA.  He hates animals.  Runs them over with his SUV to make roadkill burgers.  Tells puppies they’re ugly.  Turns into a sneezy, sniffly, itchy Visene commercial upon being with cats.  He thinks Seabiscuit should have lost.  (Oh snap!)

So what to do when you’re wondering how much is that doggy in the window and he’s learning to make squirrel salad from Ted Nugent?  Visit the student union and rescue a homeless PETA member, STAT.

Pull a Patti
I know we’re a bit young to be thinking of kids, but just recognize the following:  Somewhere in the future, be it in five years of fifteen, you will have a serious talk about a serious issue with your potential husband (or Brangelina-style BF).  Know what you want and what he wants.  Know that neither one of you will likely change your mind.  Know that it’s better to be 49 and single than 29 and unhappy for the rest of your life.

Be honest with yourself and be honest with your mate. It will save you a lot of heartache down the road.

What are your dating deal breakers?

Move over, Patti. There's a new matchmaker in town.

We all know that relationships don’t last long in Hollywood.  Could it be because celebrities are completely blind to their perfect matches?  You can’t let things like addictions and insane exes get in your way of true love, guys!

Here at College Candy, we’ve scoured the internet, read through all the tabloids, and racked our brains for the most perfect star-studded couples.  Using a highly-scientific method, we’ve taken various criteria into account – hot-mess status, history of violence, etc.- and calculated the most compatible romantic matches.  Take a look at who’s no longer on the market!

Spencer Pratt and Kelly Bensimon

Between The Hills and Real Housewives of New York, these two bring the crazy coast to coast.  Am I the only one wondering why King Spencer hasn’t found his queen in Kelly?  Imagine the insane conversations!  They would just babble on and on and talk over one another until next thing you knew, healing crystals were flying across the room and they fell to the floor having passionate, angry sex.

Lindsay Lohan and Lil Wayne

One word: LiloWayne.  Great celebrity nickname or greatest celebrity nickname?  Just picture it- their eyes meet across the jail cafeteria, sparks fly (or perhaps that was a stray bullet), and before you know it they’re running from the law hand in hand.  Post-incarceration they’ll shun conformity, opting instead to continue in their boozy, drug-addled ways.  It’s a modern day Bonnie and Clyde, what romance!

Kate Gosselin and Jake Pavelka

I can see this either going really, really well or oh-so horribly wrong.  They’re both control freaks, that we know.  But they’re also fame whores who claim to value family and respect and love above all else. Thanksgivings would be off the charts- kids running everywhere dismantling the house, Vienna sobbing over the phone, Jon busting in with three underage girlfriends.  Kate and Jake can go hide in the pantry, binge eating animal crackers and fake cursing.  Gosh darn gee wiz!

Denise Richards and Scott Disick

Uh, he’s gotta be a better dad than Charlie Sheen, right?  Denise and Scott can commiserate on how they barely made it out of abusive relationships- physically with Charlie, emotionally with Mama Kardashian.  And I say barely because I believe Scott was briefly forced into employment for a period of time…thankfully that didn’t stick.  Now they can bask in the flash of the cameras while they gallivant down Rodeo Drive spending their settlement money.

John Stamos and Miley Cyrus

He likes the youngins, she has no concept of what is or isn’t appropriate behavior for a seventeen year-old.  Sure, Uncle Jesse is old enough to be Hannah Montana’s father.  Think it’ll matter to anyone?  If the feds question the legality of this match-up, her parents will say, “She’s just being Miley!”

Chelsea Handler and Big Black

But only if they can adopt the chain smoking Indonesian baby.

Johnny Weir and Tim Gunn

Ohmigod, can you just imagine the outfits!  Johnny needs someone to detox him from glitter and Tim would do well to let loose a bit.  Once they worked their magic on one another, it would be a hysterical, fashion-forward pairing.  And the wedding, don’t even get me started on all the possibilities.  Heidi as best man!  That strict German skating coach as officiant!  I need to sit down for this…

The Rabbi’s argument was that Patti’s club is superficial and that if it is exclusive to millionaires, then those who join the club are essentially marrying for money, and not for any of the “right” reasons.  Patti defended herself insisting that her services provide men with the tools they need to have a successful relationship, and provide women with the comfort of knowing that their potential mate will be able to give them a safe and secure life if a match is made.

My first thought: If only this were the topic of discussion on the Bimah at my own Bat Mitzvah, I may have been able to stay awake.
My second thought: Wait a second, Rabbi may have a point.
My third thought: Uh oh, does this make me a crazy feminist?

Well I’m not ready to stop shaving my armpits quite yet, but I do think The Bearded One has a point.

For men, the club membership fees range from $25,000 to $150,000.  For women….it’s free.  So any women (whose physique is acceptable by Patti’s standards, of course) can be a member of the club.  They’re single, looking for love, and by joining, they may or may not be paired with the love of their life…who can jet them off to Paris for a first date.  Does this make them gold diggers?  According to the Rabbi, it does.  Money should not be the first thing that attracts a woman to a man; his wealth should be unknown until after a connection is made.

What happened to equality?  Are Patti and her efforts taking a step backward in making women equal to men when it comes to wealth and relationships? Let’s evaluate: to join, or not to join?

To join:

- For women, the club is free, so… why not? We have nothing to lose.

- It is a great jumping off point to meet men who are established professionally.

- Accoding to Patti, joining does NOT make a woman a gold digger.  It means she is interested in meeting a man that is financially stable.  It takes much more than money to make a connection, and Patti tells her girls not to put up with a guy’s “bullsh*t” even if he does have money.

- It does not make women less equal to men than if they were to meet them any other way.  Just because they are being set up on dates with millionaires, does not mean that they can’t be successful themselves.

Not to join:

- Money does not guarantee security or a life of stability. From the outside, yes, these guys look like they have their sh*t together.  Some do, I’m not claiming that all men who are successful are secretly a**holes, but I am taking a stance that just because a guy has money does NOT mean he is “stable” by any means.  A millionaire could have just as many emotional problems, if not more, than any average Joe lurking the streets.

- It is no secret that money provides us with comfort.  However, as cliché as it may sound, money cannot buy happiness.  No diamond is worth flaunting on your hand if the man who gave it to you does not make you happy every day.

- In order to join the club, men must prove themselves with money, and women with their looks.  This does sound superficial and sexist, and it does take a step backward from women reaching equality.

Like my mom always says: there’s a top for every pot.  If a loaded pot want to pay upwards of $50,000 to meet his top, well, power to him.  So, now it’s up to you…to join, or not to join?

"Is your picker off?"

The time has come, ladies!

The holidays are over, winter break is in full swing (or completely over, for some of us) and we no longer have to rely on “MADE” re-runs to satiate our hunger for reality TV. Lots of our favorite (read: guiltiest pleasure) shows are coming back this month. So whether you’re still chillaxin on mama’s couch nomming on those delish little leftover Ferrero Rocher chocolates (just me?) or back on campus and in dire need of an escape from “Human Communication 101,” here’s CC’s guide to winter 2010 TV premieres:

The Millionaire Matchmaker: Tues, Jan. 19 @ 10pm EST on Bravo.
Patti’s heart-shaped engagement ring is pretty fug, but the hot-mess-millionaires are totes worth watching.

Project Runway: Thursday, Jan. 14 @ 10 EST on Lifetime. Followed by The Models of the Runway.
It will never be as good as its Bravo days, but it still has Tim and Heidi. And the token hilarious gay guy.

Celebrity Rehab w/ Dr. Drew: Thurs., Jan. 7 on VH1.
OH.EM.GEE!

Nip/Tuck: Weds., Jan. 6 @ 10 on FX.
The.Final.Season. About time, right?

Iron Chef America: Sunday, Jan. 10 on Food Network.
Nom nom nom.

What Not to Wear: Friday, Jan. 8 @ 9 EST on TLC.
Clinton Kelly is straight, right? I mean, I have a chance with him?

The Buried Life: Monday, Jan. 18 @ 10 EST on MTV.
MTV moves away from the trashy and attempts to inspire us all to do good. Plus the four main guys are totally cute. I know I’ll be watching.

The Vampire Diaries: Thurs., Jan. 21 @ 8 EST on CW.
Because vampires are hot.

American Idol: Tues., Jan. 11 @ 8 EST on Fox.
Goodbye Paula (and incoherent ramblings). Hellooooooo, Ellen!

Parks and Recreation: Thurs., Jan. 14 @ 8:30 EST on NBC.
Nestled nicely between Community and The Office, this show is hard to miss. So don’t miss it.

Lost : Tues., Feb. 2 @ 9 EST on ABC.
Finally, I can find out what the eff is happening.

The Office: Thurs., Feb. 4 @ 9 EST on NBC.
Jim and Pam baby. Jim and Pam baby. Jim and Pam BABY!!

And just in case you were too busy catching up on world news or, more realistically, watching reruns of Jersey Shore for the 6th time, here are a few shows that kicked it off this week. Don’t worry – you can catch the reruns online.

The Biggest Loser: Tuesdays @ 8 EST on NBC.
The first episode is always pretty boring anyway…

The Bachelor: Mondays @ 8 EST on ABC.
Do you really need to see the first episode to get dragged in to the dramz? Hell no.

The Secret Life of the American Teenager: Mondays @ 8 EST on ABC Family.
This show is good. Really good. Start watching!

Giuliana & Bill: Sundays @ 9 EST on Style
Yeah, we don’t want to care about these two either, but they’re so damn cute we just can’t stop.

The Millionaire Matchmaker is officially matched.

Are these super foods or super trendy?

Jon Gosselin’s lady friend hearts the bong.

Warning: creepy guys are getting tech savvy.

Is Paris going after Jessica Simpson’s leftovers?

Aaaand I’m never eating McDonalds again.

Michelle Obama got a haircut. Why do we care?

Considering I had never met the guy, I had my doubts that he asked for my number. Nonetheless I gave my grandmother permission to give it to him. Then I promptly forgot about the whole yentil-style-matchmaker-ambush and went back to my daily life of interning and unsuccessful haggling with street vendors.

And then, a few days later, like a missed call in shining armor, I received the following voicemail. Try not to swoon.

“Hi Jenni, this is Ben, my grandmother is making me call you, I don’t know what the hell is going on. I guess call me back at 867-5309. You know what, or don’t this is so awkward.”

It’s almost unnecessary to say but after that charming message, we began dating, one thing led to another, and we’re getting married in the Plaza over the fourth of July weekend. Slash NOT.

I have yet to return the call. I don’t remember this happening to anyone during Fiddler on the Roof and that’s the only experience I have with being set up by my elders. I’m tempted to just text him this blog link, but then again he is my only prospect at the moment (sure he’s playing a little hard to get) and I don’t want to ruin my chances.

After all, I’m not in college anymore and I can’t just meet guys and immediately classify them by their fraternity affiliation. I have no idea who anyone is or how to tell the difference between a genuinely awesome guy and one who meets and murders girls off of eHarmony.

Am I going to have to depend on being set-up by friends (not relatives) from now on? Even worse, do I need to get professional head shots taken so I can use the Millionaire Matchmaker service (and make my grandparents proud)?

Another thing I’m going to have to figure out.

Yeah.

Not that I mind being single – I have actually gotten quite used to it – I just worry that spending so much time depending on myself and myself only has sorta made me….too single.

I don’t remember what it’s like to be in a relationship anymore; to answer to someone else, to plan around someone else, to make decisions with someone else. I sleep in the middle of my bed – and I hog all the pillows. I spend my evenings with takeout food and TLC reality shows that no guy would ever watch. I sometimes go days without washing my hair and months without getting a wax. I devote any and all time to hanging out with my friends. I take out my own garbage and buy my own drinks.

I change my own flat tires.

I enjoy being a truly independent woman, but I am starting to wonder if all that “I can do it”-ness is preventing me from finding someone. If my contentedness is preventing me from actually getting out there and bringin’ home a boy. Well, a boyfriend. I have gotten quite good at just bringing home a boy.

A friend recently told me (drunk at 3 a.m., mind you) that the key to getting a guy is playing the damsel in distress. Not in all aspects of your life, but in some. Her weapon is a lack of car; she always needs the guy to drive, so he feels good taking care of her. And guys keep lining up to give this girl a ride (pun not intended)..

Even Patti Stanger, The Millionaire Matchmaker, would agree (and not when she’s drunk at 3 a.m.). Guys need to be guys and they need to feel needed. They may admire a woman who can do it all herself, but it steps on their manly toes a bit when she does.

The fact that I’ve done it all myself for the past few years, then, may be the reason its been so long. I’m so used to being out of a relationship that I may be preventing myself from getting into one.

I think I’m officially too single. Is that possible?

Fact is we connect to others by learning about them. And everyone has something to share (even if it a really embarassing fart story). So to give you yet another reason to procrastinate, we started ‘The Five Questions We Ask Everyone’ (and five just for that one person) because we know whether we’re schmoozing with an A- list celeb or your local bartender, you’ll be equally entertained.

We’re more than slightly obsessed with Bravo here at CollegeCandy. Stop by our apartment and take a peak at our DVR and you will find the following: The Real Housewives of NY, The Real Housewives of Orange County, Top Chef, Make Me a Supermodel and every freaking episode of The Millionaire Matchmaker. There is something about weird rich guys looking for love that gets us every time. And it helps that the matchmaker herself, Patti Stanger, is honest, hilarious and damn good at what she does.

We were honored (and jumping around the room) when Patti agreed to be part of our 5 questions series. Below she weighs in on the rules of dating, her show and her dreams for the dating scene in college.

5 Questions We Ask Everyone:

1. What is your craziest college memory?

It was a drugs free-for-all when I went to college [at University of Miami]. The drugs came off the boat. The Quaaludes were really happening, and that was legal. It was very free-for-all.

2. What are 5 things you cannot live without?

Well the 5 things I cannot live without, one of them I just gave up, which was Diet Coke. I switched to Red Bull, which really makes a big difference… so I would say Red Bull right now. I don’t think I could give up my boyfriend, who is my best friend. I definitely, definitely can’t give up – you’re going to think I’m odd – Benefiber. It is the magic hot powder of weight loss. You put it in everything and you have and – whoosh – that’s all I can tell you. I think 4 would be matchmaking; it’s an addiction. And 5 would be my friends.  You know? They’re good… my friends, my staff, I have a good posse of people around me who support me.

3. What’s your motto or advice that you live by?

Well, the advice I live by is nothing lasts forever. And the journey is what life is about; it’s not about the destination. If you can enjoy the journey and have a fun attitude about the journey – the upswings, the downswings – then you’re on the right track because nothing stays the same. Nothing, not even your lover, your husband, your children, house, whatever; it’s all eventually going to go away. All you have is the joy in the journey.

4. When you’re by yourself in your car (with or without the cameras), what’s your favorite song to belt out?

“I Will Always Love You” by Taylor Dane. It’s my favorite song of all time.

5. Where do you see yourself in ten years?

In ten years, I hope to make Millionaire’s club an international, worldwide, global success and mission. What I mean by mission is I want to bring the relationship back to the community. I don’t want girls on college campuses sleeping around because they need attention for the moment because the guy isn’t giving in to a relationship. I hope to educate the world and have them negotiate for a relationship.

5 Questions just for Patti:

1. What is the biggest piece of dating advice you could give to somebody?

Well, the first thing is there is not a one size fits all approach. So, just because your best friend slept with a guy on the first date and got married to him, it may not happen to you. What you have to do is make yourself happy first. When you’re happy, you’re no longer in heat, therefore you radiate positive energy, which is magnetic to the opposite sex. Everything is hormonal. Everything. Why a man likes you is hormonal.

2: How many chances do you give a guy if you don’t hit it off on the first date.  Do you recommend taking a second date?

Okay, this is the problem. Men are like microwaves, in five quick seconds they scan your body and think “I could f**k her.” (You didn’t hear me say that.) Girls are completely opposite. You may not be physical type that the girl likes but she’s a crock pot. She heats up slowly. Maybe he isn’t the cutest guy in the room but he made you laugh. You don’t know what’s going to happen in three dates, but I’ll tell you how to do a temperature reading. If you’re not repulsed and you don’t want to throw up, if you find him interesting, meaning he may not be cute and he may not be sexually attractive but you like talking to him, you’re fascinated by him. If three dates go by and you don’t have a rise, be friends with him and get the referral.

You do not kick anyone to the curb. This is what you say:  “I am having the best time with you but I have to be honest, I don’t really feel the chemistry. You are such a great catch. If I know a girl for you I’m going to send her your way and maybe you could do the same for me.” If you go around being nasty to people because they took you on a date and you didn’t like them and you were annoyed, you become high maintenance and nobody wants to touch you. Your status declines, your stock market goes down.

3: I want to talk about your show a little – are all millionaires that you deal with as eccentric and crazy as the ones on the show?

No. This is strictly the show. This is 5% of the millionaire community. There are 13 types of millionaire men and this is one type. This is like, Mr. BiggerBetterDeal, the “I think I’m so hot, where’s the hottest girl in the room?” guy. Most guys, 99%, will not go on camera and those are the real guys. They’re making a TV show and we have to look at it like that. They want ratings.

4: You tend to focus a lot on the way women are going to dress, the way they look, body shape, and things like that. Is that really important in dating? Isn’t that superficial?

If you go on a job interview when you get out of college, are you going to lead with your ugly foot? Are you going to put your fat pants on, your hair in babushka that hasn’t been washed in five days? What are you going to do? Are you going to lead with your best foot and look attractive? Well magnify that ten times and that’s dating.

5: Can you tell us a little bit about your new book?

It’s called Become Your Own Matchmaker and it’s 8 easy steps to sealing the deal in a year. Basically, when you’re at school and you’re dating, the traditional route is come to my room and we’ll watch TV, hook up and then meet at the bar. That doesn’t work for me. I do not believe that just because guys are twenty-somethings they are allowed to get away with that and not have manners.

The book teaches you how to negotiate a committed, exclusive monogamous relationship where the sex comes after exclusivity. I teach you how to qualify the buyer and pick the good one from the pack that is going to be long lasting. I show you where the men are. I teach you so many things that no one is teaching you… how to meet men, how to get them to come over, seal the deal and you don’t do anything. I can’t give all my secrets away; you have to read the book.