I once went home with a guy who sniffed his sheets before throwing me down and taking advantage of me. Even worse, once he threw me down to take advantage of me, he asked me if I thought his sheets smelled funny. Really? Is that supposed to get me in the mood?

Then there was that time I went home with the guy who waited until we were both completely naked (on his futon, no less) to tell me that he had a girlfriend. “But I don’t like her that much.”

It seems that the guys I tend to gravitate towards (when heavily intoxicated) don’t have the most tact when it comes to the bedroom boogie. I was curious to see if anyone else had the same experiences, so I asked the CollegeCandy writers to tell me the worst thing a guy has ever done or said in bed. Somehow I don’t feel so bad anymore… Read More »

Well, technically, just because Dan and Serena share a sibling, it doesn’t mean that they share DNA. But the true winning line from tonight’s GG episode, “Share me those expressive eyebrows. I can’t wait ’til you get Botox,” was too long to fit in this column’s title.

The mysterious half-brother brought the cast on quite the roller-coaster this week, and it seems that Gossip Girl has achieved Mafia status, as she has the power to order a “hit” on Dan Humphrey. Instead of sleeping with the fishes, however, Dan merely has to deal with the humiliation of the entire school learning about his hankering for tuna. Meh.

As usual, the Bass family stole the show tonight, and Uncle Jack is truly an evil, despicable human being. Since Blair’s had a change of heart, what with coddling the grieving Chuckster and all, we need a new villain that we absolutely love to hate, and Jack sure makes a splash after, what? Two episodes?

Not only does Old Man River have a giant boner for the totally illegal Blair (everyone who commented on the ‘New Years’ references last week wins ten points), but he’s also lusting for a stake in Bass Enterprises, which, much to everyone’s surprise, has just been left to Chuck Bass. What? These minors can drink their faces off, ride around in limos, globetrot for the weekend, but they can’t run billion-dollar companies? Read More »

So I’ve got to vent. Being a writer and all, it’s always easier for me to vent in the form of a letter, so here you go:

Dear America,

Are you a pedophile? If you could just admit that you are one, then I would at least understand your sick obsession with underage Hollywood girls and their bodies. But since you’re going to pretend like the way you view bodies and sex is normal, I have no choice but to be angry.

Miley Cyrus is supposed to feel badly about the pictures she’s recently taken. One set of pictures features her in her underwear. Another set features her showing her…her…disgustingly inappropriate…BACK.

So what if the girl took some pictures of herself in her underwear? How is that really any different from her going to the beach and having pictures taken of her in her bathing suit? Oh…let me guess…it’s about the context of it all. A girl showing her tummy and thighs when she’s NOT post-ocean and in public is out of line.

And so what if she was wearing a sheet in a photo shoot? Did her back and right arm really offend you or give your children nightmares? Read More »

Pedophilia. I mean, not a popular subject.

Boobs. Popular subject.

Pedophilia combined with boobs: Weird…mixed…message…must…avert…eyes.

An ad agency called Serve, via the Family Violence Partnership in Milwaukee, recently launched some freaking weird ads featuring the faces of little girls combined with the giant knockers of older women.

“Just because she has the body” says one ad, “doesn’t mean she has the brain.”

(A catch phrase that also works really well when connected to Britney Spears…but I digress.) Read More »