You know how every once in a while, nothing is on TV, and you’re super bored, and maybe it’s a Friday night and you have no plans, and instead of doing something productive like reading you flip around on your remote and end up watching the Disney Channel? Yeah. Don’t deny.

There’s nothing wrong with a little mindless television for kids, but what happens when you find yourself inexplicably drawn to those fresh-faced young men chirping out that positive and life-affirming Disney dialogue? You feel weird and a little dirty — and then you go online and try to find pictures. Also, any info that would allow you to stop feeling like a pedophile: i.e birthdays before 1991.

Even though all of the nubile young things listed below have all surpassed their 18th year, I can’t help but feel just the slightest bit Creepy-Old-Man-On-The-Bus whenever I look at them. Oh well. What can I say? If there are shirtless pics of these hotties somewhere on the net, I’d look at them.

I might even download.

5) Joe Jonas (Age: 19)

I know what you’re thinking: he’s probably gay. And even if he’s not gay, he’s got that whole promise ring thing going on. But I mean, forbidden fruit is always the best kind, and his hair is just luscious. Seriously. How did he get such smooth, beautiful locks? Even though I was in first grade before he was even born, I wouldn’t mind running my fingers through that perfectly styled ‘do while listening to teeny-bop songs that are really about Jesus.

4) Corbin Bleu (Age: 19)

I’ve never seen High School Musical or any of its spawn, but whenever commercials or promos pop up about it I can’t help but notice this cutie and his megawatt smile. If there’s anything I dig, it’s a giant smile — plus, I hear he dances and plays basketball at the same time (coordinated!). Also, props to him for acting along side Zac Efron and not bursting into hysterics whenever Efron does something manly.

3) David Henrie (Age: 19)

I guess he’s on a show called Wizards of Waverly Place. I’ve never seen it, but when I typed in “disney hotties” into Google his name came up. Google is right (as always) — boy IS pretty hot, and he’s got gorgeous eyes. His IMDB profile says he’s close with his family, which is great because if we ever get married I need a husband who has a good bond with the fam.

2) Josh Peck (Age: 22)

Honestly, I had no idea who Josh Peck was until I watched a bootleg copy of The Wackness a few weeks back. The movie was pretty good, and Peck was A) great in it and B) naked a few times. I see good things ahead for this chubby kiddie star turned hot serious actor, and we already know he’s cool with nude scenes. Score.

1) Ricky Ullman (Age: 22)

I happen to adore guys with thick black hair who have crazy names (Ricky’s real name is Raviv), and ever since I saw some random episode of a show called Phil of the Future I’ve been just the tiniest bit obsessed with this kid. I don’t know anything about him, but I don’ t need to. He’s hot. It’s obvious. End of story.

[Have I missed any? Don't worry, you won't get arrested...]

I once went home with a guy who sniffed his sheets before throwing me down and taking advantage of me. Even worse, once he threw me down to take advantage of me, he asked me if I thought his sheets smelled funny. Really? Is that supposed to get me in the mood?

Then there was that time I went home with the guy who waited until we were both completely naked (on his futon, no less) to tell me that he had a girlfriend. “But I don’t like her that much.”

It seems that the guys I tend to gravitate towards (when heavily intoxicated) don’t have the most tact when it comes to the bedroom boogie. I was curious to see if anyone else had the same experiences, so I asked the CollegeCandy writers to tell me the worst thing a guy has ever done or said in bed. Somehow I don’t feel so bad anymore…

John – UConn: The worst thing a guy could do in bed? Immediately after sex, he opens up his cell phone, makes a call and says “Hi Mom. Guess I win the bet. Pay up.”

Amanda – Wagner: “That’s not how my ex did it.”

Brithny – Duke: “Say cheese!” [Pulls out camera.]

Charlsie – Hollins: Refer to himself in third person. It’s creepy and weird!

Sara C – Fordham: How about, “you’re such a little girl!”? It makes him sound like a pedophile, and I’m a grown-ass woman, thank you very much.

Lauren – University of Michigan: “This is going to be quick.” Ugh, and it was.

Kayla – California State University, Sacramento: If he ever compared me or my techniques to a past girlfriend, I would have to slap him and close up my Cookie Shop for a while.

Beata – Notre Dame: Well, for me personally, it is so annoying when guys ask, “Do you like that? You like that, huh?” It’s like, “If I didn’t like it, you would know about it already, so quit asking.”  But one of my friends has had the experience of a guy who had seen too many pornos calling her a dirty whore in bed. Needless, to say, he wasn’t getting any more action from her.

Noa – CU Boulder: “Baseball, baseball, grandma, baseball.” I know he was trying to last longer to help me out, but I don’t need to know he’s thinking of his grandma when he’s looking at me naked.

Liza M – Minnesota: ‘…did you have one?’ Because believe me, If I did, you wouldn’t have to ask.

Sarabeth – University of Texas: Quote South Park. I’ve had it happen. It’s just so off putting, and it scarred me for life.

Cristina – Michigan State: “Oops…I might be too small for this condom”

Erica – Kent State: Compare to any of his exes.  Hands down.

Kari – FSU: Roll over afterward and vomit…into my hair.

Carly – Grinnell: Be completely silent! It’s so much worse than even bad feedback. You can’t tell what the heck he’s thinking or if he’s just wishing he were anywhere else.

Kelly – UMass: Call out someone else’s name. True story.

Ricki – University of Michigan: “That was almost as good as the way my last girlfriend did it”

[Photo courtesy of oliwilken on Flickr.]

The mysterious half-brother brought the cast on quite the roller-coaster this week, and it seems that Gossip Girl has achieved Mafia status, as she has the power to order a “hit” on Dan Humphrey. Instead of sleeping with the fishes, however, Dan merely has to deal with the humiliation of the entire school learning about his hankering for tuna. Meh.

As usual, the Bass family stole the show tonight, and Uncle Jack is truly an evil, despicable human being. Since Blair’s had a change of heart, what with coddling the grieving Chuckster and all, we need a new villain that we absolutely love to hate, and Jack sure makes a splash after, what? Two episodes?

Not only does Old Man River have a giant boner for the totally illegal Blair (everyone who commented on the ‘New Years’ references last week wins ten points), but he’s also lusting for a stake in Bass Enterprises, which, much to everyone’s surprise, has just been left to Chuck Bass. What? These minors can drink their faces off, ride around in limos, globetrot for the weekend, but they can’t run billion-dollar companies?

While Gossip Girl and the Queen Bee Wannabes search for Dan’s secret and Lily and Rufus search for their long lost son, Jack sets out to ruin his nephew’s life. And you thought your family reunions were torture. Chuck blows off Blair in favor of a gaggle of hoes and an eight ball of coke, and boy did he make the wrong decision. I’m not talking about being caught out by members of the Board, either. Leighton Meester looked PHENOM in the dress she was wearing when she got the “I’m working late” text from Chuck. Day-am.

The surprise congratulatory brunch for Chuck was this week’s host for the usual drama, with Chuck snapping at Blair and GG sending out a blast outing Dan and Serena’s shared half-brother. And surprise, Chuck! Jack didn’t mention that the board had the ability to replace you for poor behavior, did he? Poor Chuck is out of a hot mama, a huge corporation, a family… and he’ll never have the opportunity to live up to his father’s posthumous expectations. If you need a new shoulder to cry on, you can have mine.

Back to the rollercoaster that is Lily and Rufus’ search for their illegitimate son. First, the lawyers can’t find him. Then maybe they can. Then the new parents don’t want to talk. Then the father will. Then he drops a major bomb: their son died last year. I thought this was just an easy write-off on behalf of the GG writers, to bury (no pun intended) a fairly fallible subplot. But wait- just when you thought you could predict it all, wha-bam! The adoptive parents pull a Jack Bass, lying their way to completely alienate Andrew’s birth parents. This is certainly going to come back to haunt our favorite Upper East Siders in the future.

At the close of the episode, Serena and Dan decide they can work through their “hillbilly”-esque dilemma, Lily and Rufus seem quite cozy themselves, Blair finally washes her hands clean of Chuck, and Vanessa and Nate are celebrating their anniversary. Has it seriously been that long?

Well, fellow GG fanatics, I cannot wait for the supposedly-dead Andrew to shake things up, or for Chuck to wage war on the evil Uncle Jack. Too bad he ruined things with Blair, or he could totally set a pedophile trap for his pervy uncle and take back his company. But hey, anything’s possible in Gossip Girl world.

Dear America,

Are you a pedophile? If you could just admit that you are one, then I would at least understand your sick obsession with underage Hollywood girls and their bodies. But since you’re going to pretend like the way you view bodies and sex is normal, I have no choice but to be angry.

Miley Cyrus is supposed to feel badly about the pictures she’s recently taken. One set of pictures features her in her underwear. Another set features her showing her…her…disgustingly inappropriate…BACK.

So what if the girl took some pictures of herself in her underwear? How is that really any different from her going to the beach and having pictures taken of her in her bathing suit? Oh…let me guess…it’s about the context of it all. A girl showing her tummy and thighs when she’s NOT post-ocean and in public is out of line.

And so what if she was wearing a sheet in a photo shoot? Did her back and right arm really offend you or give your children nightmares?

From Vanessa Hudgens to Emma Watson, you have grown progressively more and more concerned with how short a teenager’s skirt is or how much leg she is showing. Please, just explain it to me. Explain to me your definitions of ‘appropriate’ and why you feel as though they should apply to everyone in this country.

Until you explain yourself to me, I’m just going to assume you’re a pedophile who gets turned on seeing Miley Cyrus’ back and then you feel guilty about it and scapegoat her into feeling like she did something wrong.

Oh, and I’m only wearing a towel right now. Send me to hell.

Sincerely,

Elizabeth

Pedophilia. I mean, not a popular subject.

Boobs. Popular subject.

Pedophilia combined with boobs: Weird…mixed…message…must…avert…eyes.

An ad agency called Serve, via the Family Violence Partnership in Milwaukee, recently launched some freaking weird ads featuring the faces of little girls combined with the giant knockers of older women.

“Just because she has the body” says one ad, “doesn’t mean she has the brain.”

(A catch phrase that also works really well when connected to Britney Spears…but I digress.)

Now, while it’s obvious that Pedophilia is wrong and we as a nation should be educated about the disease, I really don’t want to ever come across one of these posters in real life. They’re so creepy I can’t even make a good joke about them. I mean, I’ve been trying to think of something funny for the last seven minutes…but I can’t seem to take my eyes off those boobs.

What do you think? Are these ads obscenely, disturbingly weird? Or just shocking enough to get their message across?