Before my boyfriend and I were “officially” dating, he rarely stayed overnight. He had some weird moral stance on that topic, but it was totally okay to get it on and then peace out. Whatevs. Anyway, the few times he did stay over just happened to be when he mysteriously (and belligerently) found his way by foot, by DD, or by other interesting means of transportation to my dorm.

On this particular night, Alex (names have been changed) called me to come let him into my dorm. I didn’t realize how truly schmammered he was until I found him hiding behind the vending machine waiting to jump out and scare me. He picked me up and proceeded to carry me into the elevator. Thank God he didn’t try to carry me up the three flights of stairs to my room.

As Alex drunkenly tried to make out with me in the elevator, I already knew this would be a long night. I was particularly upset because I had an 8am class the next morning and it was already 1:30. We finished the journey to my room and I begged him to be quiet as to not wake my roommates. After yelling “OKAY!” I shoved him into my room.

Now normally, I wouldn’t usually pass up a sexy time opportunity, but I was tired. And the smell of whiskey and sweat doesn’t quite turn me on. Not to mention the blubbering jibberish coming out of Alex’s mouth was the complete antithesis of sexy. I managed to convince him that morning sex would be more fun, and he sprawled out on my twin XL and passed out. Once he was snoring, I wedged myself onto a tiny sliver of bed still available, half my body dangling over the edge.

All of a sudden I am woken up by a stupified Alex climbing over me and stumbling around my room. He collected himself, looked at me, grunted, and walked toward my closet. He then continued to whip it out and relieve himself on my closet doors. You heard me right – Alex peed on my closet.

I was near tears at this point (3am, mind you), and I stormed out into the kitchen to grab paper towels. One of my roommates, Michelle, was awake and came out to see what was going on. I told her what happened, and she tried not to laugh. I glared and went back into my new bathroom to try and clean up the mess. Alex had sprawled himself out on my bed again. After laying some paper towels over my carpet, I climbed back into bed. No more than 30 minutes later, he was stumbling over me again. Alex tried to pee on my closet a second time, yelling, “Trust me it’s fine” over and over. Hell to the no.

I pushed him out into the hallway and tried to move him into an actual bathroom. He was not happy about this, and in his anger, opened my other roommate Sarah’s room and tried to pee on her closet! Using all of my strength, I pulled him into the real bathroom, trying my best not to yell. I closed the door and held onto it so he couldn’t get out until he cooperated. I eventually let him out, and he slowly made his way back onto my bed, passing out for the final time.

The two hours of sleep I got that night were great, until I woke up to see find the stains on my floor weren’t just a bad dream. I finally woke up Alex, handed him some cleaning supplies, quickly explained how much of a hot mess he was and said, “Start cleaning. I want my room spotless when I get back from class.” I grabbed my books and left.

Luckily, when I returned a few hours later for a much needed nap, my room was spotless.

[Everyone's got a morning-after story and we wanna hear yours! Send it over to us and we'll post it - anonymously, of course - right here!]

That’s where College Candy comes in. We’re not going to debate whether or not the Theory of Relativity actually exists (a disappointment, I know, but I’m a communications major and stopped taking science classes after Baby Bio fresh year). However, we are here to thoroughly investigate the most widespread college knowledge (no, not rhyming)—the myth.

One of the most well known and deeply feared college myths are three little words: breaking the seal. As defined by the most elite source of definitions, Urban Dictionary, breaking the seal is “The point at which you first piss after you have been drinking your favorite alcoholic beverage and at this point you will be pissing every ten minutes.”

We’ve all been there. Enjoying a lively round (or 6) of flip cup when all of a sudden, your bladder reminds you that it has a maximum capacity. You try to discreetly excuse yourself to visit the ladies room, but your concerned besties remind you—very loudly—that you can’t break the seal!

So this seal we all desperately protect, does it actually exist? Or is it possible that it’s simply an alcohol-fueled figment of our imagination? I’ve enlisted a panel of urological experts (read: my boyfriend in med school and Google) to figure out if this phenomenon is real.

Apparently, the more jello shots, Natty Lite or vodka tonics you consume, the higher your Blood Alcohol Level (I know, who’d have thunk?) Anywho, all that warm and fuzzy ethanol flooding your system affects certain hormones that your brain produces, like the must “dance now” and “sexy-time” hormones, as well as a hormone called ADH (an anti-diuretic hormone), which helps your body retain water by controlling the amount of urine you make.

Alcohol inhibits ADH, so the more you drink, the more you’ll have to pee. Also, in case you never caught on, alcohol is usually a liquid, and the more liquid you intake, the more you will expel. Breaking the seal has nothing to do with the amount that you’re gonna pee afterward, nor how often nature will call. And if you don’t “break the seal” you will still feel a need to pee anyway, so it’s all sorta the same thing, right?

I know it’s heartbreaking to realize that there is no magical seal built by your first 5 beers, but on the bright side, you won’t feel a twinge of guilt if you decide not to risk a UTI by holding out.

So, the moral of the story is that if you gotta go, you gotta go! Don’t bother holding it, because the more you drink, the more urine your body will produce, and the more frequent your bathroom excursions will be. The best advice I can give you is to re-fill your cup before waiting in line for the bathroom. You won’t waste precious binge-drinking minutes and once you reach the bathroom you’ll kill two birds with one stone. Cheers!

How many times have you said to yourself, “Facebook is so taking over my life!” Between endless wall-posting, scrolling through thousands of pictures of you and your friends, checking up on people you haven’t talked to in years, and the joy of poking, Facebook never gets old.  And yeah, you know that there are probably a few pictures on the ol’ Facebook that aren’t all that flattering, if you catch my drift. But luckily Facebook exists entirely within the virtual reality of the Internet. Once you leave your computer or put down your BlackBerry, you are blissfully free to live your real life. All the silly, frivolous fun of Facebook is available at your disposal, and you can come and go as you please into that thrilling digital realm.

But what if you couldn’t step away from the Facebook culture? This clip from the BBC shows what your world  would be like if Facebook really did take over your life…and the universe.

To give you a little background, it all started in 2002 when music critic Jim DeRogatis was given a video by a currently unnamed source featuring what appeared to be R. Kelly giving an allegedly underage girl money, then getting a BJ from her, having sex with her, and pissing on her. DeRogatis broke the story in the Chicago Sun-Times, and shortly thereafter R. Kelly was charged with soliciting a minor for child pornography, seven counts of videotaping the acts, and seven counts of producing child pornography. Now, six years after the initial indictment, the trial has begun and it’s like the sexy remix of the O.J. Simpson trial.

Proceedings began in late May with a viewing of the tape so the jurors could see exactly what they’re working with. What they saw was a half hour long video featuring a man that looks a hell of a lot like R. Kelly and a girl that looks a hell of a lot like the alleged victim doing things that are definitely not legal for a 31-year-old man and a 14-year-old girl to do together. However, both Kelly and the girl claim that the individuals in the video are not them, and the defense’s major claim is that the tape is part of an elaborate scheme by the girl’s family to extort money from the singer.

The interesting thing about this claim is that not all of the members of the victim’s family can agree that the girl on the tape is her. While Shonna, Leroy, and Charlotte Edwards (uncle, cousin, and aunt, respectively) deny that the girl on the tape is the alleged victim, four other relatives, including Stephanie “Sparkle” Edwards, a former protégé of Kelly’s, say that their relative and the girl on the tape are most certainly one in the same. This allegation is also backed up by the girl’s former BFF Simha Jamison (who, BTW, said she recognized the girl on the video by her mullet haircut) and by Lisa Van Allen, who claims that she was involved in numerous videotaped threesomes with Kelly and the victim.

Kelly’s former assistant Lindsay Perryman also identified the alleged victim as the girl in the video, and the man as her employer. She said she recognized the girl from back in the day when she would hang out at the studio after school doing her homework and babysitting the singer’s children.

And then there’s the mole.

In a few scenes, a large mole can be seen on the lower back of the man in the video – police photos of Kelly’s naked torso reveal that he has a mole on his back in the same location. While this would seem to be pretty cut and dry evidence that the man in the video is Kelly, the defense retaliated by having a forensic video expert come in and break the film down frame by frame, showing that sometimes the mole is there, and then other times it isn’t. The expert contested that the mole isn’t a mole at all, but rather an “artifact” from poor lighting and recording equipment.

Not convinced yet that the trial is a total madhouse? Have I mentioned that the alleged victim is Kelly’s guitarist’s daughter and the singer’s goddaughter? Or that a fan broke in to the courthouse to scream “Free R. Kelly!” at the jurors? Or that one of Kelly’s lawyers actually referenced the movie magic of the Wayans brother’s Little Man when talking about how the film footage could be doctored? If you haven’t been keeping track of this story, I suggest you start. It’s enough to make you think twice about your would-be amateur porn videos. And love for R. Kelly. And, of course, pissing on kids.

[A special thanks to celebritysmackblog.com for the awesome pic.]

• England is telling Nigella Lawson she’s fat. And she’s believing them!

• Now the guys in our lives can be comfortable while peeing…as if they don’t enjoy using the bathroom enough…

• The 10-year-old version of me just lost it over this game! We all need it!

• In: Having a cell phone to check in with family. Out: Payphones; Superman

• Not to scare all of you…but sushi can be high in calories so just make sure you aren’t ordering the double battered tempura roll dipped in more fried tempura and you’ll be ok.

• Cutest Story of the Day: Photojournalist saves a puppy from a hole! Awwww.

Nothing like waking up in the morning and helping myself to some fresh servings of blog — these days, early a.m. updates rev me up more than an XXXL coffee.

Today was extra – special as Jezebel featured a post on the P – Mate, a device that allows women to pee standing up. Sometimes, the power of modern technology and ingenious thought eludes me.A simple waxed paper tube, the P – Mate enables women to “discreetly enjoy hygienic freedom.” Simply roll, insert, and let loose! Anywhere! In your backyard, at the beach, in the woods, the sky’s the limit (literally)! If you want a challenge, try your hand at a urinal. You’ll never have to sit down again (because who likes sitting?). Urinary freedom doesn’t come at too steep of a price: a pack of five P – Mates is only $5.25! The price of gender equality, beyond bathroom walls.