Question for Tuffy? Email her at tuffyluv@collegecandy.com to be featured in her column, which runs every other Tuesday! ASK. IT. ALL. (BY THE BY, friends, if I haven’t answered your question, I do appologize!! I’ve been posting the wrong email on some of my posts. It’s tuffyluv@collegecandy.com, NOT tuffylove.)

Dear Tuffy Luv,

So…does size matter?

Harps and Scalps,

Sexxx Kitten With A Question

Dear Sexxx Kitten With A Question,

Honey, I like the cut of your jib.

Simple answer is: There’s no simple answer.

Well, I know what this girl likes, but I don’t know if I’m average. (Hint: Tuffy ain’t never been average.) So I asked some girl friends. My friend Jen* says she “likes ‘em really big. REALLY big.” But when I asked my friend Katy*, she said, “Anything bigger than 6″ inches just–ow.”

My friends also talked about the issue of oral. The basic consensus there was: who wants to put an 8 foot gazongazong in their mouths?! I mean, we DO have gag reflexes, ladies! Of course, bigger guys shouldn’t be punished for that. But neither should our throats, dammit! Figure out a way to make it work, yes?

Actually, according to my friend Sebastian (real name, ladies–he’s single), Maxim recently ran a lil’ ol’ article about this. I tried to find it online, but, sadly, the current issue is not online in its entirety. Anyway, according to Seb, Maxim polled women on which penis size they’d like their men to have and it was more or less split evenly between 4-6 inches and 6-8 inches, with like the 1% crazies weighing it at either under 4 or over 10. Great. I agree. So guys are pretty much covered unless they’re waaaay at either end of the spectrum. Which, hey, that’s fair–no one at the ends of any spectrum are mainstream, but there will always be those who will find them insanely hot.

So, SKWAQ, there you go. Penii for all.

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

*Names changed to protect the sexual.

This guy has been collecting penii for 24 years. It started out as a casual hobby–you know, like stamp collecting–and at some point he got the idea to share his love with the world via a weirdass museum in an Icelandic fishing village.

FACT: When the dude began his penis collection, he was working as a school administrator.

FACT: That fact makes me extremely uncomfortable.

Anyway, so far he only has animal weewees (largest: sperm whale [how apropos], smallest: hamster [you need a microscope to see it; sounds like my exboyfriend]). However, four human men have now offered to hand in theirs when they retire to the big penis museum in the sky. Naturally, one of these men is an American, and, naturally, he’s nicknamed his man hooha “Elmo,” which is just so charming.

So when you go to Iceland to check out this museum (which you are likely to do: apparently 60% of the visitors are women), you don’t have to worry because it’s really easy to find. According to the article, the “entrance marked by a tall brown phallus near the door and a penis-shaped sign over the front porch.” Classy.

I can’t wait to go.

Before I leave you to mull all of this over (and frankly, I think this needs a lot of mulling…and a lot of xanax), allow me to give you one final image: some of the penii are “dried and mounted on the wall.”

Lesson learned: don’t have sex with a hamster. At least not knowingly.