I think we can all agree that Hallmark cards are lame. If the card doesn’t contain something that you would actually say out loud on it (“For You, Mother, on Your 50th Birthday,” anyone?), it’s not worth spending your hard-earned cash on. Especially considering they cost like $5!

So what’s a gal to do when the holidays and special occasions roll around?

Duh! Make your OWN cards.

If you normally run screaming at the thought of anything crafty, take a deep breath and hang with me for a second. I also hate crafts, but I love to make greeting cards. They’re so much fun, and you can personalize them any way you want. AND they can be as simple or as involved as you like—no need to spend an hour laboring over intricate cutouts and frilly decorations if you don’t want to.

Here’s the other good news—they’re easy. All you need to make a basic card is some paper that you can fold and some markers (or crayons, pens, colored pencils, paints, or even chalk). Try making a painting on the outside of your card and writing a message on the inside. If that doesn’t strike your fancy, do a stencil or make a collage. A mosaic is another fun idea.

And don’t limit yourself. Remember, you can use anything to spice up the design—ribbon, googly eyes, fabric, shells or leaves, beads, scrap paper… you get the idea. Here are a few materials you may want to gather:

Glue. If you’re really desperate, you can tape cut-out pictures to a card, but it looks kind of tacky (no pun intended) and it won’t be as permanent.

Scissors. You can tear the paper to fit your needed shape, but it’s easier (and cleaner) to cut. Plus, you can cut out any shapes you want.

Pipe cleaners. As in the cool picture above and the How Stuff Works tutorial from where it came, you can twist pipe cleaners into flowers, moons and stars, hearts, birthday cakes… you get the idea.

Scraps. If you’re a pack rat, you’re probably a natural for making greeting cards. Saving receipts, business cards, take-out menus, and old wrapping paper will really pay off when you want to make a cool patterned skirt for a greeting-card girl or a funny-lettered billboard that spells out a birthday message.

When you’re making your cards, keep a couple of things in mind:

- Reinforcement. When using a lot of glue, you don’t want marker pictures to smear or bleed, and you don’t want those annoying wriggly wet lines. If it looks as though your card is heading in that direction, dab some glue lightly on the edges of one or two more pieces of paper that are cut to the same size as your card, and glue them on the inside so that the card will look smoother.

- Personality. Keep your audience in mind when making your cards. Just as you wouldn’t buy a card with a Shakespearean love sonnet on it for your brother, you wouldn’t want to give a slapdash and amateurish-looking thank-you card to someone with whom you just had a job interview. That’s not to say you can’t give homemade thank-yous after job interviews–just that if you do, they have to look professional.

- Creases and folds. Decide whether you want a long and narrow card, a fat square one, or something in between. Fold the card in half, and cut. If you don’t have a scissors handy, you can crease it along the edges where you want the cuts. Fold one way sharply, then straighten the paper and fold the other way. Make each fold again a couple of times to reinforce it, then use one hand to hold the paper and the other to tear gently along the edges. It should tear away in a straight line.

If you’re not artsy and all of this talk about designs makes you wanna hurl, just fill your card with cool words. A simple list of words and phrases that remind you of the other person is a creative, personal and not-at-all artsy way of creating a special card. It might seem lame, but if you’ve ever received a homemade card, you know how great it feels.

Now all you need is an occasion. So log onto Facebook right now and find out when your next friend’s birthday is—and get cracking!

[Image courtesy of howstuffworks.com.]

With all the crazy sh*t happening in the world today, we here at CC can’t help but think back to the days when the biggest issue in our lives was whether our Mom had put our favorite over-sized T-shirt (with the Coke Bears on it!) in the laundry yet.

Yeah, we’re talking about Elementary School.

And maybe we’re not even talking about the Elementary School of today, because apparently kids are alergic to everything and on mood-altering drugs and having sex at 11. We’re talking about the Elementary School of our youth. Troll Dolls. New Kids On The Block (the first time). Side pony-tails. Dunkaroos. Life was so much fun back then — or at least our nostalgia tells us it was.

In honor of our childhoods, and because we are so. drained. from a week full of political and economic strife, we’ve decided to put together the 10 Best Things About Elementary School. Feel free to add your own happy memories in the comments…

10) Lunchables

Yeah. These things were really bad for us. They were full of chemicals and sugar. Refined and processed. But hot damn, were they good.

9) Cootie Catchers

How many of these could you make in thirty seconds? How many times did you actually believe with your heart and soul that Sean, who sat two desks over, was actually going to fall in love with you because the Cootie Catcher said so? P-U-R-P-L-E…

8 ) Homework That Included Coloring

Booyah. This was the sh*t, right up there with making dioramas out of shoe boxes. Color the 50 states? Sure. Color the different parts of the flower? WHY NOT? Nothing was better than lulling yourself into a zen-like state with coloring and calling it “work”.

7) Skip-It

One time, I Skipped-It around my entire block for an hour. Exercising has only gone downhill since…

6) Yoo-Hoo

Do they even sell this stuff anymore? It’s probably known to cause cancer now, but back in Elementary School, this drink was as valuable as pure crack cocaine from Colombia. You could bargain for anything with Yoo-Hoo, including your friend’s half-baked cookie from hot lunch.

5) Trapper Keepers

If people wouldn’t look at me weird, I would still be using my Lisa Frank trapper keeper from 5th grade. That bitch held everything, even pens. Plus, you could add all the cute kitten and Troll doll folders you wanted to it and it would still close

4) Snap Bracelets

These things were outlawed in my school as soon as they arrived, but the potential to actually cut someone only made them cooler. If you sat in the back of the bus, you could watch boys having whipping contests with them — first one to shed a single tear loses.

3) Anything with Unicorns on it

Unicorns were hip in Elementary School. Especially if they had wings, or were painted in really bright colors. You could have Unicorns on your pens, notebooks, pencil cases, shirt…the list goes on. I can’t own anything with a Unicorn anymore, even though my love for them is still strong.

2) Sharkbites Fruit Snacks

Remember the white ones that tasted like all the colors combined? It was like an explosion in your mouth.

1) Recess

Tackling boys and throwing to the ground without worrying about restraining orders, getting “married” by the tire swing, testing the boundaries of your courage by kicking the tree with the bees in it; recess was pretty much the best thing the public school system ever did for us. I’ve never laughed so hard in my entire life than when I watched my friend Bobby try to jump off a swing, only to have his jacket get caught by the chain, and fly backwards like a rag doll 6 feet in the air. Oh man. Good times.