These cocktails are guaranteed to make all your friends love you, and, of course, get everyone very, very drunk.

So welcome to the world of sophisticated drunkery.

What better way than to start of the list that with a drink that compliments fall season upon us?

Warm Fall Evening

1 part Absolut Peach

1 part apple flavored vodka

1 part Absolut Mandarin

1 part cinnamon syrup

1 part hot apple juice / cider

Cinnamon

Combine and serve in a glass.

Fall flavors not really your thing? How about a drink that is guaranteed to warm you up in the cold days and put your drinking skills to the test? Can you handle hot sauce?

Cold Day

3 parts Vodka

1 part hot sauce

1 part milk

2 parts cinnamon syrup

Pepper

Cinnamon stick

Combine, stir and strain into a chilled rocks glass. The combo of flavors may not sound too appealing, but just give it a shot (pun intended).

Ok, so the hot sauce may be a bit much. If you like to heat things up without the aid of Tobasco, this may be the drink for you:

Sex in the Shower

1 oz Blue Curacao Liqueur

1 oz Triple Sec

1 oz Butterscotch Schnapps

2 oz Orange Juice

Shake with ice and strain into a champagne flute (that really makes it ultra sophisticated!).

Enjoy!

My tongue ruminated on memories of peanut sauce and bean sprouts, quickly tasting each dish with which it was presented and re-shelving the phantom platter for a later craving. When my eyes came to rest on the Spicy Green Curry, I knew my mouth had found what it wanted.

Something in me was telling me that this was the dish I should order, despite the warning label under the menu description advertising this as a “very spicy dish.” Or maybe precisely because of that label.

As I barreled my way through that burning sensation that was my breakfast, I wondered why on Earth I was doing this to myself. There was so much spice that I could barely taste anything else. There were hints of coconut milk here, and eggplant there, but mostly my mouth was a wasteland of curry on fire.

That got me thinking about my whole relationship with spicy food. I can’t say that I really like how it tastes. So why do I love eating it?

As a child, if I thought I saw even one speck of pepper in a dish, I wouldn’t eat it. I hated hot food. It burned. It hurt. I had good common sense. Except there was always this nagging part of me that said, “You are Jamaican. You are supposed to like spicy food.”

Nowadays, telling me that an item is superspicy is like dangling catnip in front of a cat. I have gulped chunks of wasabi, gobbled whole jalapeno peppers, and guzzled teaspoons of hot sauce on request. I make a great show of being unaffected by the fact that my head is imploding.

I think it goes along with some unrequited need for a rite of passage. I put it right up there with my extra piercings, substance experimentation, and tattoos. There is something about spicy food that says, “I am no longer a child,” even if it doesn’t quite say, “I am an adult.” I am subjecting myself to the pain simply to prove that I can do it.

Don’t we all have our little tests of self-mutilation? Like stalking around on stilettos for the entire day, or going through cramps with no Midol, or running the entire five miles even though the last six months have been spent lazily on the couch?

However much I have to suffer, it doesn’t look like I’m going to stop eating spicy foods anytime soon. The other day I ate half a block of cheese full of jabanero peppers. Yum.

If you’re feeling adventurous (or slightly masochistic), here’s a recipe for some Jerk Chicken that will scorch your tastebuds.

[photo from img.timeinc.net]

You’ll need:

a large skillet

10 oz. Turkey sausage

1 whole Green or Yellow Pepper

1 can STEWED tomatoes (make sure they’re stewed ladies!)

2 cups uncooked instant brown rice (instant is a must, any other kind will result in al dente Jambalaya. Yuck.)

8 chicken tenders, uncooked.

1 bunch fresh green onions.Chop up your pepper(s, if you love the spice). I only use one–because I’m still trying to teach myself to eat all my veggies– and prefer yellow because of the color it adds to the dish.

Slice the roots and tops off of your onions, then cut (the smaller the better). *Tip after slicing your green onions, wash your knife & hands, then rub your fingertips on the flat side of the knife (obv.) Tada! your digits won’t smell like onion all night.

Now slice about 8 oz. of sausage to the thickness of your liking. Teehee! Optional: dice another 2 oz. for more even distribution. Don’t be grossed out or worried if some of it squeezes out of the lining, it’s all good once it hits the skillet.

Speaking of the skillet, now would be a good time to start heating it up on medium.

Cut up your chicken strips into bite sized pieces.

Toss your sausage and pepper into the skillet, stirring for about 5 minutes, until sausage is evenly browned.

Crank that bad boy up to high, add a cup and a half of rice, 3/4 cup of water, a pinch of salt, and stir until it boils.

At this point, your skillet should look like a gross, gunky mess, but trust me you have done nothing wrong and this will only result in deliciousness

Once it’s boiling, cover and turn the heat to low and let the soupy mixture simmer for 10 – 15 minutes until the rice is cooked.Remove from heat. Mix in your green onions and serve! Goes best with a SoCo & Lime to maintain that Southern Hospitality.

My staple Impress ‘Em Meal has always been pasta primavera. It’s simple, fresh, and healthy – but best of all? It easy to do.

Here’s my favorite primavera recipe, from the Food Network. I recently used this to impress partygoers at a giant potluck. Now, they all think I can actually cook (too bad my microwave knows better…)!

INGREDIANTS

3 carrots, peeled and cut into thin strips

2 medium zucchini or 1 large zucchini, cut into thin strips

2 yellow squash, cut into thin strips

1 onion, thinly sliced

1 yellow bell pepper, cut into thin strips

1 red bell pepper, cut into thin strips

1/4 cup olive oil

Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper

1 tablespoon dried Italian herbs or herbes de Provence

1 pound farfalle (bowtie pasta)

15 cherry tomatoes, halved

1/2 cup grated Parmesan

DIRECTIONS

Preheat the oven to 450 degrees F.

On a large heavy baking sheet, toss all of the vegetables with the oil, salt, pepper, and dried herbs to coat. Transfer half of the vegetable mixture to another heavy large baking sheet and arrange evenly over the baking sheets. Bake until the carrots are tender and the vegetables begin to brown, stirring after the first 10 minutes, about 20 minutes total.

Meanwhile, cook the pasta in a large pot of boiling salted water until al dente, tender but still firm to the bite, about 8 minutes. Drain, reserving 1 cup of the cooking liquid.

Toss the pasta with the vegetable mixtures in a large bowl to combine. Toss with the cherry tomatoes and enough reserved cooking liquid to moisten. Season the pasta with salt and pepper, to taste. Sprinkle with the Parmesan and serve immediately.

[Recipe courtesy of Everyday Italian]