CollegeCandy » performance

Fake Orgasms. The Big No.

Kelly - UMass — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 20:00:58 +0000

I’ll be the first to admit that we females are fickle, fickle creatures. Men have a hard time (whether that be their lack of capability or common sense) figuring us out on many levels. What we really mean when we say we’re “fine,” what we really want out of a relationship, etc., are generally difficult for men to decipher.

However, one thing men should never have to figure out is what makes you ooh-la-la in bed. And ladies, we need to help them out by never faking an orgasm. Why, you ask?

By faking an orgasm when you’re in bed with a significant other (or just a hump hump booty call), you’re allowing the guy to think he’s doing everything correctly, when, in fact, he’s not pushing your, er, happy buttons. While females would always know if a guy is faking it (or so I like to believe) and it’s easier for ladies to get away with it, we need to focus on getting ours too, not just pleasing the man.

If you are impossible to please, don’t care about having an orgasm, or simply too bored to let the madness go on, faking it is still not the answer.

Faking an orgasm makes a man think he is THE MAN and it’s not always such a good thing. I’m not saying that we shouldn’t make the man feel like he’s done a good job, but we shouldn’t let the man believe he’s done an “OH MY GOD THAT IS SO AMAZING” job when his work is really just mediocre. Teachers don’t give you A’s for effort, so why reward a “C” performance with an A++ grade?

Think about the next girl who interacts with that guy. Do you want her to have to suffer, too? Help a sister out!

Now, I’m not saying not-so-great bedroom gymnastics should keep you lying there like a mute, dead fish. That is just mean. If your guy can’t seem to hit the right spots for you, don’t let him believe he is; instead, just direct him. And not in a, “Do this, don’t do that,” mean teacher sorta way, but more of a, “oh baby, this feels good,” with some hand direction.

He wants to please you (hence him always waiting for the “OH YES!” moment before he throws in the towel), so help him help you. Not only will you end up feeling warm and fuzzy all over, but you’re paying it forward to the next girl who crosses this boy’s path.

Have you ever faked it? Why did you feel compelled to?

In America, This Would Get You a Dating Show…

Kathryn S — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 15:30:53 +0000

The Chilean police have arrested a woman who tried to perform a “routine” outside the presidential palace.

Though the government strongly opposed her behavior, the media has dubbed Monserrat Morilles La Diosa Metro, or “Metro Goddess.” The attemped performance outside of the palace followed a series of stripteases that Morilles carried out on Santiago subways.

Whereas the U.S. rewards nudity with notoriety (look at NYC’s Naked Cowboy!), Chilean society isn’t quite so liberated. In an attempt to make the introverted Chile a “happier” country, Morilles boarded the metro at one station, and performed a striptease while the train sped to the next station, where the entertainer deboarded the car.

I wonder if American media has influenced the Metro Goddess in any way? Stripping in front of a government office? Maybe VH1 should pick her up and give her her own reality dating show.

“Hot Girl” Fires Up America’s Got Talent

CC Staff — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 12:45:28 +0000

This show kind of makes me want to throw up in my mouth a little bit. Some of the folks are genuinely talented. Others just have a sob story gut-wrenching enough to tug at your heart, and your tear ducts.

But instead of talking about the good, the bad or the weepy, I’ve decided to share the crazy with you. Tonight’s freakshow? A performer by the name of Miss PussyKatt. You can already tell she’s batsh*t nuts by the gratuitous “T’s” and random “K.”

She solidified her place in the America’s Got Talent with this statement: “It kind of grew from dancing and I kept on taking the next step…This is a lot of hard work and the creativity and the process of it and it does take a lot of skill. And I constantly train and I always look for the next thing to do.”

I know, it doesn’t sound crazy, and it’s not until you see what this woman calls a talent.

Book her now folks! Miss PussyKatt is playing at a wedding, graduation, Bar Mitzvah or emergency room near you!

If nothing else, Miss PussyKatt gives me hope. Maybe next year I’ll take a belt sander to my legs and call it innovative. Or if I have some spare time I’ll learn how to juggle band saws. Sheesh. This is why some people aren’t too fond of America…and our lack of talent.



2008 Grammy Nominees are In! (Will Winehouse Even Show Up?)
Jill - University of Wisconsin — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 22:16:57 +0000
The 2008 Grammy nominees were recently announced.
In case you don’t know, winning a Grammy is sort of similar to winning the superlative for “like the most coolest, most awesome, most fabulous person EVER!!!”  in your 12th grade yearbook.
The Grammy Award is one of, if not the most prestigious award to win in music. Unlike the American Music Awards or MTV’s Video Music Awards, feathered boas and pasties aren’t exactly appropriate attire. Artists don their Lorraine Schwartz jewels and their vintage haute-couture gowns and put their classiest act forward.
So naturally, when I read that Amy Winehouse is up for six Grammy noms (including both record and album of the year), one must wonder how a girl who is too drugged out to function will manage to:
 a) Dress appropriately
 b) Give a speech in the event that she wins
 c) Actually show up (and not be totally obliterated)
The Grammy’s just got so much more exciting don’t you think??
Kanye is leading the pack with 8 nominations, and others up for awards include Justin Timberlake (What Goes Around Comes Around), Beyonce (Irreplaceable), Rhianna (Umbrella-ella… that song is STILL in my head) and Plain White T’s (Hey There Delilah… and that song STILL annoys me).
For a full list of Grammy nominees click here Tune in to CBS on February 10th 2008 to see the show. Since this year marks the Grammy’s 50th, expect to see some amazing tributes and performances… and perhaps a highly entertaining speech from Ms. Rehab herself.

         


POM Really IS Wonderful!
Jess - NYU — Tue, 04 Dec 2007 15:30:53 +0000
 Not sure what to get your boytoy for Christmas or Hanukkah this year?  Why not get him the gift that (supposedly) keeps on giving—a life supply of pomegranate juice?
University of California scientists have gone a step further with the whole “pomegranate juice is totally healthy” theory.  According to a study that tested “53 men with impotence problems”, the antioxidants in pomegranate juice (which “increase blood supply to the genitals”)  helped nearly half of the study participants perform better in the bedroom.
Besides possibly helping dudes everywhere satisfy their mate in the bedroom, pomegranate juice has also “been associated with reducing the risk of heart disease and preventing prostate cancer.”
With all this great research behind it, why not buy some pomegranate juice for all the men in your life this year? (just block out whole better-than-Viagra part when it comes to your dad)  It’s tasty, healthy, and has a festive red color, making it perfect for holiday stocking stuffers!
Need an extra incentive to start loving pom juice?  Try out this double chocolate brownie recipe that’s bursting with pomegranate goodness!

         


Heidi Montag Channels Britney Spears
Lauren - University of Michigan — Mon, 24 Sep 2007 18:30:36 +0000

I woke up this morning and had that blah feeling.
You know; when you just know the day is going to be bad, bad, bad. I tripped over my laundry basket on the way to the bathroom, ran out of hot water mid-shower, and decided to wear my hair curly only to find out that my gel was gone and I was forced to use crunch-causing mousse. Then I put on my favorite work outfit – black pants, white shirt, black cardigan – only to find out that my staple white shirt had a giant soy sauce stain right on the left boob pocket.
Damn you, sushi!
So, you can imagine my relief when I turned on my computer and found this gem in my in-box. Never has anything turned my frown upside down faster. What difference does a soy sauce stain make when you have this little troll awkwardly swinging her (HUGE) hands around as she lip syncs to her latest jam?
But stop. Watch it again, more closely. Notice the ever supportive Spencer back there? Yeah, the guy with the moves – I don’t even know if I can qualify that as dancing – talking to the Perez Hilton lookalike. Wait, is that Perez? What kind of event is this?
I don’t even know what to say. This video has left me completely speechless. I don’t want to admit it, but the first time I heard Heidi’s single (and didn’t know it was hers) I didn’t think it was half bad. But this, this “performance”, is hands down the most atrocious thing I have seen in a long time.
And I watched Michigan play Oregon.