It’s not like you meant to be dishonest, but the words tumbled out of your mouth before you even had the chance to think about them. You’re not lying; you’re sparing her feelings. Does she really need to know that you think she completely overreacted or that no, you don’t think the reason he didn’t call was because he got run over by a truck? You’re just trying to be a good friend. But are you really? Not according to Lori Gottlieb, who believes that being one another’s “yes women” is turning our BFFs into our worst enemies.

I pride myself on always telling the truth, in friendships, in relationships, and at work. Always. Honesty is not only important; it’s necessary. It builds trust, gains respect, and keeps things simple. There is not a single situation that could possibly be made less complicated by lying. At least, that’s what I strive for, but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I too have caved to the pressure of being a “yes women” on more than one occasion.

According to Gottlieb a “yes women” is a friend who tells you exactly what you want to hear. She reiterates your opinion right back to you, squashing your fears and reaffirming your beliefs. She makes you feel better about yourself, while also making herself feel better. If you’re right, then so is she. There’s safety in numbers. Misery loves company. We’re just helping each out, right?

Wrong. We think that by lying to our friends we’re helping them, when we’re actually doing just the opposite. Honesty is the best policy. It’s a tried and true cliché for a reason. Wouldn’t you want to know the truth? Isn’t it better that you have a BFF who cares enough to withstand your rage when she disagrees about your new boyfriend? Sometimes, the truth hurts. But that doesn’t make it any less valuable.

Granted, nothing is ever that simple. If the truth will do more harm than good should you still be honest? Your friend just finishes telling you about her horrible day. She woke up late, failed her Poli Sci pop quiz, and then had an argument with her boyfriend. The fight is over and done with and even though you disagree with the way she handled it, nothing can be done about that now. Ben and Jerry’s container in hand, she turns to you. “You think I did the right thing, right?” I applaud the women that won’t cave under that kind of pressure.

And even if you are one of the brave and blunt, that doesn’t always work in your favor. When someone asks for honesty, they don’t actually want honesty. At least, most women don’t. They want to hear you agree with them. They want to hear their own carefully crafted opinion repeated back to them. No one wants to hear “that dress makes you look fat”, or “yes I do think your boyfriend is cheating on you.” No one wants to hear the bad stuff. So on the off chance that your friend fesses up and tells you that the bright orange romper is best left on the sales rack, you probably won’t be particularly happy with her, either.

But maybe you should be?

When it comes down to it, it’s all about personal relationships. What do you want in a best friend? What type of person are you and who do you surround yourself with? Someone who will pat you on the back and tell you it will all work out, or someone who will tell you to stop whining and start dealing? Can you lie to your BFF to spare her feelings or are you always straightforward, despite the consequences?

It’s this ability to see a situation from someone else’s perspective that Gottlieb’s article lacks. She makes interesting points, and offers what could be life changing advice. (Her article has been described as the He’s Just Not That Into You of female friendships.)  But she makes the mistake of assuming that everyone holds the same values that she does. With Gottlieb, everything is black and white, right and wrong. Everyone is exactly the same, and there is only one way to react to a situation. She generalizes, speaks for all women, instead of just herself, and doesn’t stop to consider that maybe, just maybe, there are exceptions to her rules.

What do you think, CollegeCandy readers? Do you want the truth and nothing but the truth? Or would you prefer the white lie and the spared feelings? What would a true best friend do? When is it okay to lie and when are you doing your friend an injustice?

Whoa. We are thisclose to New Year’s, and with each new year also comes the inevitable making of resolutions.  While resolutions are great ideas in theory (who can honestly say there’s nothing about themselves that they could possibly improve on?), most people (including me) have a hard time sticking to their new plan much past the first few weeks of January. Or even the first few hours.

The best tactic for keeping those resolutions alive is writing those resolutions down on a list; seeing them every day helps remind you what you’re working on. That is, until you “lose” that piece of paper, or just ignore it on your way to Dunkin Donuts for a super fatty Boston Creme.

Which is why everyone needs to check out 43 Things, a website that lets you create your own personal to-do list.  I’ve always made handwritten to do lists, but I love how 43 Things’ online version fits into the technology-centered lifestyle of our society.  Each time you set a new goal, you can choose to set a reminder as well for a specified amount of time (every day, a few months later, the following year, etc.), and 43 Things will send you an e-mail reminding you about the goal you’ve set.

It’s also a sort of online/blogging community, so you can see what kinds of goals other people are setting (to give yourself ideas), and you can cheer on others or offer them help on things you’ve already done–and you can get help on your goals in return.

Plus, now they offer an iPhone app as well, so you can keep your list with you at all times and track the progress you’ve made on accomplishing your goals.

With the help of 43 Things, maybe 2010 will be the year you’ll actually keep your resolutions! Good luck and Happy New Year!!

I remember the first time I slept at my ex’s apartment. He ran out to get some pizza and I asked if I could use his computer to check my email.

“Yeah, just don’t look at my browsing history, k?”

Right – because you can tell a girl that and expect her not to wonder why on earth you would make that request!

He wasn’t out of the room for 30 seconds before I did just that. And the first site on the list? MamaLovesC*ck.com.

For real.

It was at that moment that I began to wonder just how prominent porn was in guys’ lives. I mean, I always knew they looked at it, but how often? For how long? And why, especially when they have a girlfriend spending the freaking night?

I asked a close friend for the answers. What did I find out? More than I ever wanted to know.

Don’t you hate it when you see a hot guy at the bar and you’re too much of a wimp to strike up a conversation with him? Put your troubles at the door – Ice Brkr is here to solve all of your social problems.

Ice Brkr is a new dating application in the UK that enables wallflowers to break the ice with their budding prospect – through text-messages. Using the Ice Brkr service, all you have to do is browse through the photos of potential daters on the site, check to see if the object of your affection is available, text them “hello” and there you have it – instant L-U-V.

Yes, you read that correctly: humankind has stooped so low as to accept texting as a reasonable way to meet someone. The end is near.

I’m a reasonable guy, but taking the time to use a site like Ice Brkr is just as pathetic as not having the cojones to approach a female – maybe even worse.

On second thought, it is worse, seeing that probably only 14 people use this tool, making it doubtful that anybody worth “texting” is logged on and ready to go for your pleasure.

Still, Ice Brkr has the potential to be a great way to trick your friends. I’m not sure how exactly, but someone will find out soon enough.