"No, I wuv you more, honey bunny on a farm."

We’ve all heard them. They’re that annoying couple on the subway, the friends you cringe when out in public with, hell, you might even BE one of them some day. Who are these people? Let me introduce you.

“Oh smoochey wumpkins, are you weady for your sweepy times?”

Say hello to the baby talkers.

It is a well-known fact that certain people, when speaking with a significant other, resort to a form of speech better reserved for infants and puppy-dogs. I’m embarrassed to admit that I, myself, have become a baby talker. I don’t know how it started, but conversations with my boyfriend have gone from intelligent, grown-up topics to a mess of squeaky voices and poor vocabulary.

My question is why? What motivates two seemingly put-together adults to resort to toddler-speak the second they fall in love? Maybe it’s because we know each other so well by this point that we have run out of topics for adult conversations, or maybe we’re just too lazy to use proper grammar.

Believe it or not, research has been done on baby talk in romantic relationships, and I’m happy to put my psychology degree to use interpreting it for you. Meredith Bombar and Lawrence Littig found that baby-talkers may be doing something right! They were more secure and less avoidant in their relationships. They propose that this is because baby talk plays a role in creating warm emotional connections. Baby talk allows individuals to abandon adult roles and become vulnerable, nurturing, endearing and silly.

Baby talk shows that couples have let their guard down, and are no longer afraid of being embarrassed around each other. Baby talk also serves as a sort of private language between the two, creating a special type of communication that they reserve only for each other. This article on msnbc.com has a great quote from Carol Bruess, Ph.D.: “You are saying, symbolically, that you care enough about the other person and the relationship to develop your own way of speaking… You’ve got your own private world, your own mini culture.”

Sadly, none this makes it any less annoying to outside parties. No matter how much you wuv that person.

Do you baby talk or know anyone who does?

This week, I can answer my own question and say no, this is absolutely NOT necessary.

E-mails. What a great way to send someone a note, or perhaps tell them how you feel. Text messages, phone calls, even private Facebook messages are fabulous avenues for two-way communication.

Now, dear reader, please don’t think that I am not giving you enough credit by stating the obvious. I know that you are well aware of these communication methods.

So, can someone puh-lease explain why, if you and I understand how easy it is to send a private message to tell someone how we feel, those in a relationship must shout it out Leonardo DiCaprio style on the tip of the Titanic?

Thankfully, that ship sank. Wish I could say the same about the love notes posted between couples on Facebook walls.

We get it. You are in love. We know this because your relationship status says so. And that’s great for you. Embrace it! Shower each other with gifts and pet names!

Just don’t write paragraph long wall posts day after day proclaiming your love to “snuggle-button”, recapping your “incredible” weekend together and how you are counting down the minutes (three thousand four hundred and twenty-two to be exact) until you see each other next.

It’s like the PDA of wall posts.

And NO ONE likes to see a courtside game of (verbal) tonsil hockey.

So please, keep your love notes personal so I can continue my endless hours on Facebook without having to mutter “Is That Really Necessary?!”