While you acquired the Freshman 15, this dude became Mayor. No, like, a real one.

The Flight of the Concords would like a minute of your time, ladies

What if Ashlee and Pete hired Winehouse and Doherty to sing at their wedding?

Some deep thoughts from Jack Handey, via CollegeHumor

Coming soon: My Not-So-Sweet 16 (both horrifying and awesome)

Top six fantasy guys–NOT the Village People

John Edwards’ hair is finally back–and supporting Obama

Angelina Jolie shows some personality, admits she’s having twins

It’s the final sign that the Apocalypse is here–Winehouse and Doherty

I tend to only date guys with a nice set of Moobs

Happy Bea-Day, Bea Arthur!

Jane Doe rape kits are officially on the books

Man’s Best Friend is really looking out for you

Most days, I wish I went to Harvard.

I am so over hipsters–and now N.E.R.D.

One day, I hope to be pretty like Chase Crawford

Yay, another installment of Why I’ll Never Date Spencer Pratt

How is The Real Word even relevant anymore?

We follow their daily mishaps online as if it were the nail-biting storyline of our favorite primetime soap. There is something so inherently beautiful about the celebrity trainwreck. You know you should, but you cannot look away.

So, in celebration of this morbid fascination, we thought we would give you the chance to choose your favorite celebrity’s next misfortune.

The following are 5 Top Tabloid Heavyweights. Click on a storyline to vote for the headline you would like to see happen next.

Britney Spears

Britney Spears’ next move?

Choose your own celebrity misfortune for Kate Moss, Ellen Degeneres, Paris Hilton and Heidi Montag after the jump.

Kate Moss

Kate Moss’ next move?

Ellen Degeneres

Ellen Degeneres’ next move?

Paris Hilton

Paris’ next move?

Heidi Montag

Heidi Montag’s next move?

Check out Babyshambles video for “The Blinding”. Visit Babyshambles MySpace profile here.

Spinner.com came out with their Top 21 Hardest Partiers of Rock recently. We are HUGE fans of Spinner and usually they are right on point. My mom told me that every good relationship has its ups and downs, and Spinner and I are having a lovers’ spat right now.

Here are Spinner’s Top 5 mistakes:

5. Stevie Nicks is a harder partier than all of Van Halen? Wow…Stevie Nicks couldn’t hold David Lee Roth’s sweaty, vodka-stained jockstrap. Van Halen – even just David Lee Roth and Eddie Van Halen – drank, smoked, snorted and screwed their way across the country and out of millions in possible tour revenues by being f-d up to perform.

But you know what…OK, maybe Fleetwood Mac knew how to ball, what do I know?! Even my parents thought Fleetwood Mac were gay.

4. I am a more hardcore partier than Britney Spears. In the financial world, people refer to “old money” and “new money.” Brit-Brit is new money, yet she scored higher on Spinner’s list than Iggy Pop, one of the oldest money Legends of Rock.

Iggy has been hammered and high since before Britney was conceived in her mom’s broken down Ford. Mr. Pop has been in and out of rehab more times than Brit has worn a thong. She’s a slave to attention, not partying hard.

Read the rest of the story and see  who made the list after the jump.

3. Amy Winehouse gets drunk and high, calls a hooker to smoke with her, and then gets into scratching fight with her husband. Waylon Jennings snorted over $1500 a day (in the 1970s) on coke, with a group of hookers in a cheap hotel – all of this while Willie Nelson was sitting 20 feet away smoking pot and playing his guitar. Amy has not only just started being a junkie, but even worse – she can’t handle a high. Either tone it down or amp it up, Miss Winehouse/Little Miss Hipster – ease up on the woe-is-me ballads and find a metal guitarist to help you pick up the tempo.

2. ODB higher than the Rolling Stones and Sid Vicious?! What What WHAT?! Look at Keith Richards?! He died 27 years ago, but the whiskey in his blood stream is keeping his body animated. Yet the Stones are lower ranking than ODB, Courtney Love and Pete Doherty? I am sorry, but who the fuck is Pete Doherty? Sid died at 21 after a huge 10 day drug binge – call me after 10 days of hard work Mr. Doherty.

1. If partying rockers were a game of Rock/Paper/Scissors, GG Allin would be a cinder block. For those of you who don’t know, GG Allin was from a band called the Murder Junkies. He is the most hardcore rocker of all time, no questions asked.

Imagine being so high and drunk that you say, “Hey, maybe I should shit and piss on stage, and then beat myself in the head with an aluminum can ’til I bleed?” That in a vomit smelling nut-shell is the life and career of GG Allin, and warrants him being the #1 Hardest Partying Rocker of ALL TIME.

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Breaking up sucks, so you might as well get a good story out of it. None of this civil shit — I want tears in the eyes, blood on the walls, buttons off the shirts.

Unfortunately, most of my breakups have been rather tame. I keep my grudges to myself. Depending on the magnitude of the schism, I cope by going the patented Jennifer Aniston route (yoga, weed, Smart Water) or taking a ride on the pie highway to drown my sorrows. Either way, slander and slaughter are kept to a minimum; the only victim is me.

So, I don’t really understand crazy, dramatic breakups, but that doesn’t mean I can’t revel in them (read: laugh at) when they happen, especially in Brad-and-Jen Land. There are the sad ones, like Reese and Ryan and Jake and Kirsten which leave you a little deflated but ultimately make you feel better about yourself — because if they can’t make it work, who can?

And there are the messy ones, like when Claire Danes stole Billy Crudup from pregnant Mary Louise Parker (and then dumped him for Hugh Dancy…nice), or when Jude cheated on Sienna with the nanny. Classic.

And then there’s the plain – old weird breakups: let us not forget how Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes (RIP) burned down the house of her ex, or how Johnny Depp’s arm will always say “Wino Forever.” With the recent demise of Kate and Pete, I eagerly anticipate many more chapters in this file. Does anyone stay together these days?

For more reading pleasure, ivillage has compiled a list of the 12 Most Shocking Celebriting Breakups.

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