We’re back with another edition of G.W.W…

…well, sort of.

I’ve got a healthy libido and a short attention span, so my celeb crush turnover rate is pretty high. But every once in a blue moon, my ever-wandering eye is caught by someone so despicable, so nasty, my sexual drive is dashed in an instant.  This week, let’s talk about a G.W.D.W.E. (Guy We Don’t Wanna Eff)–Phil Spector.

Phil’s career as a music producer is perhaps as illustrious as they come–he’s worked with The Ramones, The Righteous Brothers, and The Beatles.  But just last month, he was sentenced to 19 years to life for the murder of  Lana Clarkson.  Witnesses at his trial said he had a ghoulish habit of “bullying” women with guns.  Great songwriter? Maybe. Soulless, gun-wielding psycho? Definitely.

But the pièce de résistance of Spector’s uneffable resume is his God-awful  puffball hairdo. Seriously? Look at this thing! It looks like someone stuck his pecker in a socket and transplanted his putrid pubes onto his head. Looking at this photo for more than three consecutive seconds triggers my vom-in-my-mouth reflex. Yuck! And worst of all, the ‘do is a wig! Spector has been known over the years to fancy all sorts of alternative hairstyles, but this one takes the fashion-disaster cake. Who voluntarily chooses to look like that?

Philly, shame on you for your nasty updo. Double shame on you for murdering an innocent woman. Triple shame on you for wasting your legendary talent. Don’t expect any conjugal visits from me.

You may have already heard that Clay Aiken has impregnated someone.

No, not that way. Come on.

Aiken has artificially inseminated his “best friend” and producer, Jaymes Foster, who is in her late 40’s. Clay has even decided to be a father in earnest (no, not that way) and help raise the little tyke. The baby is due in August, which means that they’ve managed to keep this under wraps for a while now.

I would like to offer my congratulations to the future parents. And so, as a gift (for some reason, I wasn’t invited to the baby shower) I’m going to give Clay some advice on how not to horribly scar and embarrass his child.

1. Don’t Smile.

You’ve recently bought a new smile, Clay, but I’m sorry, adding huge ceramic teeth to an already startlingly creepy face is a bad move. If you catch your infant child unawares, he may think that you are a beaver monster and never trust you again. Read More »