I remember my first Phish concert.  It was a warm fall day during my high school years, and I drove up to what used to be called the Tweeter Center in Massachusetts with a bunch of tie-dye wearing friends.  Unbeknownced to me, I was the only one in my group not completely high off my ass on drugs, but the concert was awesome just the same — even if we paid like $50 for seats in the dirt.

Riding back at 2 AM that morning (because Phish played for 4 hours, obvi), I distinctly remember listening to the friend of mine who was driving yell at himself the entire way home in an attempt to stay awake.  I probably should have been scared then, but I wasn’t, because Phish had been so awesome.

When they broke up I was totally bummed, but now it seems like everyone’s favorite jam band is back for 3 concerts in March at the Hampton Coliseum in Hampton, Virginia.  General admission tickets go on sale October 1st, but if you can’t make it to these weed-filled soirees, don’t worry, sources are saying the band will announce additional tour dates soon.

I know, I know, there is no such thing as the “perfect” guy (so says my mother) but there is nothing wrong with having a list of qualities (doesn’t pick his nose, even when I am not looking, will rub my shoulders at the snap of my fingers) that I want in a potential boyfriend right? Right.

But after reading this article in the NYT, I have started to realize that while focusing so much on the type of guy I DO want (Has Jake Gyllenhaal broken up with Reese yet?!) perhaps I haven’t realized that there are certain types I DON’T. Things that maybe weren’t even a blip on my guy-dar and if not heeded could end up blowing up in my face.

So here it is ladies: The Guys Not Worth Taking, Dating, Marrying and the like:

Never date a dude who has no friends. At first, this rule seems a bit odd- if he has no friends, he will be close to me and only me! How wonderfully fantastic!! That is until you realize… no friends means the guy is unable to be intimate or close to anyone… yes, even you.

Besides, that means you will always feel guilty leaving him alone and friendless on a girls night out.

Never date a mama’s boy. I can tell you from friends’ experiences that these are the boys are the WORST. Sure, you want someone close to his family. But someone who needs to call his mother to consult where you should go for dinner? Or what shirt he should wear to the basketball game? Never a good sign. Ever. Ditch the dude who is constantly consulting his mother over you. There is a fine line between close and creepy (and pathetic. And annoying. Oh and did I say pathetic?)

Never date a guy who lets you make all the decisions, allll the time. You want someone who will sometimes counter your opinions and demands. But not all. “It’s good to have a doormat in the home, but not if it’s your boyfriend”

Never date a guy with no sense of humor. Let’s face it; (sadly) not every guy you meet makes you pee in your pants at dinner (literally) from laughing so hard. But someone who can never laugh at himself if he falls? Or make a joke? Or find humor in a situation? Or laugh at Family Guy?! Not only is that a boring relationship- but it will make it a brutal one. Who wants to date a Debbie Downer allll the time. No. Thank. You.

Never start dating a guy thinking you can change him. Been there, done that. Don’t think that all he needs to do is fall head over heels in love with you and then he will change his hard partying ways, will become overly romantic, stop smoking pot every night with his buddies or stop flirting with other girls when he’s drunk. People remain the same the majority of the time and you are just setting yourself up for headaches and heartbreak if you think and hope otherwise.

Never date a guy who is 1000% your opposite. Sure we all know that Paula Adbul believes that “Opposites Attract” but lets face it, our dear Paula is going through yet another breakup (not to mention the video features her dancing with a cartoon cat… hmmm.) I’m not saying to date your clone- opposites can be good, but, like splurging on a diet- the key is in moderation. (ex: I blast Backstreet Boys and he wants Phish.) In general- take a good look at his character, are his goals, morals, values and deepest beliefs worthy and similar to yours? Does he have the character traits that you think make him a guy of quality? Traits that are important to you and that you believe you have as well? If you are patient, willing to forgive and easy going and he is anal, blows up every time he’s angry and holds grudges- you may find yourself quickly not-so-attracted to all his opposites.

So there you have it- the guys not worth your while. So, add that up with the list of the guy you do want and well, some may say you’re being picky- I think particular sounds better. And fancier. And really, if people (your mother) calls you particular- pay no attention…After all, you deserve the best right? Right.

The last office I worked in had candles everywhere. There were tons of people coming in and out constantly (it was a sound production studio where actors would “lay down” voice overs and audition for commercials). I’m not exaggerating when I say this – every single female, (and the occasional male more in touch with his feminine side) would comment on how awesome the candles smelled. Each person would walk over to the candle, bend down to the flame, gush over it as if they had never even seen a candle before, and ask where this waxy anomaly came from. These things are chick magnets.

Pier 1 candles are pretty affordable (you may have to skip just one meal during the week) and perfect for any dorm room or apartment – the subtle, soft scents are enough to block out your roommates’ nastiest habits. The most popular in particular is an online-exsculsive called “Ginger Peach,” a blend of fruity and spicy scents. It comes in three sizes and ranges from $6 to $16. Another good one is “Plumtopia” ranging from $10 to $20. From the sweet to the more natural blends, you really can’t go wrong with any of the thirty-plus varieties.

Another Pier 1 treat-for-the-nostrils are the Reed Diffusers – clear bottles filled with the smelly stuff, the smelly stuff is absorbed by long reeds, and the aroma lingers from the reeds and fills a large space. It’s very scientific. These give any bathroom an aesthetic touch of girly style, and they smell great, too. They go for either $12 or $25, and my personal fave is “Mango Papaya.”

Check out all Pier 1 smells at Pier1.com. Next time your roommate stumbles home at 3 in the morning, cooks stew, and leaves it sitting on the stove all night, you’ll be grateful you did.