Dear Tuffy Luv,

I have this friend who will NOT STOP BOTHERING ME! She’s really nice and I mean I know she means well but it’s like every time I look at my phone I have a text message or a voicemail from her. I’m so sick of it. And the most annoying part of it is I’ll call her back and she doesn’t have anything to say! She just “wanted to say hi” and then it’s like well I’m busy I have a life so can we talk when we see each other?! But now it’s to the point where I don’t even want to hang out with her.

It sucks because we’ve been friends since junior high (I just finished my freshman year of college), but I don’t know if it’s her or me but she’s really gotten annoying. I was away at State so I don’t know maybe I changed and she didn’t?

Anyway, help, please. I don’t want to lose her as a friend, but I don’t know how much more I can take.

Thanks, Tuffy!

Annoyed

Dear Annoyed,

Blah, how annoying indeed.

Well, let’s look at it from her perspective first. You guys are good friends and she’s just happy to have you home for the summer. This is the first time since Junior High that you’ve been apart for so long, right? Well, she’s not quite used to it yet, and she missed you. And that’s very sweet.

But girlfriend has got to get on with her life. She can’t be calling you a million times a day. It is absolutely going to ruin your friendship.

Get together with this girl and sit her down over dinner at her favorite restaurant. Tell her how much you love her and appreciate her friendship. And then tell her, nicely but firmly, that it’s really hard for you to get so many messages from her all the time. Explain that this is a really busy summer for you for whatever reasons it really is, and that texting is too expensive to do so often. But then tell her you missed her too and you want to see her.

At that point, you should make plans to have weekly dinner. (Or weekly coffee if you really can’t handle seeing her that much.) Tell her that this way you’re guaranteed to see each other and catch up every single week, and that you’re really excited to set this up.

After you’ve sweetly set this up and she’s happily agreed, if she’s STILL calling you till you puke, don’t call her back so quickly. If she calls you in the morning, call her back the next afternoon. As long as you continue to see her every week, she should get the message: you love her, but you don’t want to be her phone slave.

Hope this works, Annoyed! Have a great and annoyance-free summer!

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

[I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not the epitome of prim and proper- heck, who really is nowadays? But looking around at the misguided youths of today *ahem drinking buddies*, I’m starting to think that Miss Manners might have been onto something.

While you may never need to know how to greet a duke or how to tell which fork is REALLY the oyster fork, knowing how to deal with people whom owe you money, how much to tip, and how to address the ever annoying licorice-in-teeth conundrum without being rude might actually come in handy in the real world. I'm not trying to be your mother - oh goodness, no - I'm just here to help you out of those little etiquette dilemmas. So here goes: a quick lesson in etiquette. The sh*t you might actually need to know.]

I love sleepovers. They are always so reminiscent of fifth grade slumber parties when, for one whole night, you and your BFF would stay up eating sundaes and talking about your favorite N*Sync member (<3 Lance).

Anyway, I still love sleepovers. Only now there are no sundaes (because we all know what happens when we scarf down a pound of ice cream at midnight), my beloved Lance is gay (in hindsight, I probably should have seen that coming), and the friend sleeping over part usually lasts waayyyy longer than just one night. Sometimes, the friend stays for weeks and instead of it being the super fun party you remembered, it kind of… sucks. I can’t complain though, I’ve done it myself – once I spent the entire summer at a friend’s while my house was being remodeled. So given the response to my last cheat sheet, I’ve decided to make another one: Miss Manner’s guide to being a good house guest…

Always clean up after yourself: If you even have to be asked to clean up after yourself, you probably aren’t being the best house guest. This is very simple rule: if you make a mess, clean it.

Offer to do chores: Yes, you may be the guest, but if the hosts are kind enough to let you stay rent-free, try to show your gratitude by offering to buy groceries or do the dishes. Even if they decline, at least they’ll know that you’re not just a lazy freeloader. It’s the thought that counts.

Don’t have visitors over without asking: While some hosts are generally okay with you having a friend over, it is always wise to clear it with them first. This is especially true if you are planning on having someone over at a weird hour (booty call) or if you wanted to invite someone to dinner (prep-time needed).

Always leave a note if you plan on staying out/not coming home: It might suck always having to answer to someone during your stay, but if you plan on sleeping at your bf’s for the night, remember to tell your hosts so that they don’t worry.

Don’t talk excessively on the land line: You have to be very careful about this one. I know it’s hard to believe but not everyone has unlimited calling and the host might not be so happy with her $500 phone bill. Watch out for long distance calling too. I once vacationed at a friend’s house in Texas and a bout of homesickness caused me to constantly call my parents- in NY! Boy, did I learn my lesson when her father came home steaming mad with the phone bill.

Replace anything you finish: If you use up the host’s [juice/lotion/conditioner/paper/ink/etc.], it is common house guest courtesy to replace it immediately, even if you bought it to begin with.

Don’t go too heavy on the water/electricity: Some people are generally more careful with how they use their electricity and water. Try not to run up their utility bills by taking hour-long showers or leaving a multitude of unnecessary lights on, especially if you know that your hosts have gone green. Actually, even if they aren’t into the whole conservation thing, you should still keep in mind that after you leave they’ll be the ones paying the bill.

Integrate yourself into the host’s schedule: If you know that the host has a strict rule about 11 pm bedtimes, then don’t fight it. Do not listen to music on full blast while they are trying to sleep. Do not talk on the phone until four in the morning. If you truly cannot stand their erratic schedule, try to work out a compromise. But under no circumstances should you b*tch and complain that they are being unreasonable. I hate to break it to ya, but as long as you are under their roof, you abide by their rules.

Last, always remember that you are a guest: Remember to be gracious – they are, after all, letting you stay in their home. I’m not saying you have to pay them (though I often feel obliged to leave something equal in value to a stay at a hotel if I stay especially long), but always let them know that you appreciate their kindness. If anything, offer to reciprocate the favor by opening up your home to them in the future.

Is there anything I forgot to add? Remind me in the comments section!

It sucks, but I keep telling myself that absence makes the heart grow fonder.

I’ve been in an on and off relationship with this guy for eight years. Yes, we first started dating when I was about ten. That’s a very long time, and we’ve been through a lot, including six month periods of not talking at all. Times where I was depressed and mopey and times where I was rebellious and happy.

He’s my best friend, my love, and the one I’m pretty confident I will be with for the rest of my life. Well, we got back together, again, and now my boyfriend has moved across the country. Yet another hurdle to overcome.

Instead of getting angry or upset, I decided to look at the situation in a positive light. I could go visit for a few weeks, and he would be home for holidays. It can’t be that bad. In fact, I just returned home from a two and a half week visit with him, and it was the most amazing trip I’ve ever had. That vacation definitely solidified everything I’ve felt about him for so long. Yes, LDRs are difficult, but they can be done. If you are willing to work through it like we are, it will be worth it in the end.

But it will be work, so here a few things to keep in mind when you and your man go long distance:

1. Don’t freak out if you don’t get a phone call every night. Being in different locations means doing different things at different times, and there may likely be a time difference so chances are you won’t get a call every night. I get calls at 3 in the morning and sometimes I’m too tired to wake up and chat, but if I don’t receive a call I know that he either went to sleep or just forgot. Don’t go crazy over it.

2. Don’t become anti-social. If you stay in every night and mope around by yourself, chances are you’re going to be very depressed. Go and meet new people and do things, that way, when you do get that late night phone call, you’ll have something exciting to talk about.

3. Try to avoid getting jealous. You are both in different places, and you’re going to have friends of the opposite sex. That’s normal and getting jealous won’t help your relationship. You have to trust each other, and if something does happen, you need to talk it out.

4. Stay honest. Tell the truth about where you’re going that night, and who you’re going to be with. Chances are if you lie about it, they’ll find out somehow.

5. Send stuff! Send each other packages, letters, emails, or whatever you want to let your loved one know you’re thinking about them. Little surprises in the mail will make their day and reassure them that they are in your heart and mind.

6. Video chat. This is a great way to talk and see each other, plus it feels like they’re really in front of you. If you’re feeling particularly sad and want to see your boyfriend or girlfriend, then just log on to iChat or Skype (or some program like that) and talk online.

Good luck to all you couples in LDRs!

(all you have to do is leave a question in the comment section at the end of the blog… you don’t even have to use your real name. It’s that easy.)

So, without further ado:

Jennifer would like to know, “whats with guys immediately losing interest when a girl gives it up on the first night? I get the whole ‘make him wait for it’ thing, but will a guy really not consider you for a girlfriend if you give it up right away?”

This question touches on a phenomenon that has boggled my mind as much as it boggles the minds of a lot of girls, because I’m as guilty of this as anyone. There have been far too many times in the last year where I’ve dated girls up to and until the point that we’ve had sex (which almost never has taken more than three dates), and then I immediately raise anchor, get the hell out of dodge, and disappear at sea, never to be heard from again. But I think I’m starting to figure this out.

The answer to this question really stems from how well you know the guy that you’re getting it on with so quickly. If you and the guy have known each other for a while and are friends, this scenario probably isn’t likely to play out. The guy obviously likes you, or else he wouldn’t have been interested in even being friends. Therefore, he probably already knows about your propensity to give it up early on, but wouldn’t be deterred by this, because if its taken a while for you two to finally hook up, you probably both really do like each other.

On the other hand, if you’re giving it up to a guy you just met, then you quite simply haven’t given the guy enough time to decide that he likes you. Yet despite that, he now knows exactly what it’s like to have sex with you. And while you very well may be the best thing to happen to sex since the blow job was discovered (or was it invented? Eh, that’s really neither here nor there), your basic guy is going to think, “yeah, that was f*&king unbelievable, but I wonder how many other guys are getting this ‘first night treatment?’” I mean, it’s one or two dates. And just as one or two dates generally isn’t enough for us to gauge how much we like you, are we really to believe that it’s only taken you one or two dates to decide that we deserve the chance to sleep with you? Nope. We’re far more likely to assume that this is your modus operandi, that you sleep with anyone and everyone that takes you on a good date, and that you don’t really like us any more than you do any of these other guys.

(I know this is all predicated on the fact that we’re sleeping with you (or at least trying to) no matter what, thereby putting the entire onus on the girl. But what do you want from us? We’re guys. Regardless of whether or not we like you, do you really think we’re going to turn you down if you offer yourselves up to us? Obviously not…)

Still, if you happen to be one of these girls, fear not. Generally speaking, a guy that you’ve slept with right away isn’t going to necessarily lose interest. He’s just not going to make as much of an effort going forward, because he assumes that you’ve probably got plenty of other suitors lined up. If you’re worried that you’re losing a guy’s interest because you gave him access to the goods too quickly, you can alleviate the problem by becoming the pursuer. If you show a guy that he’s not just another schlub that you dated and slept with just to get your rocks off, he probably won’t be so quick to move on right after sleeping with you.

In other musings, Jayme asks, “You know how when you are in kindergarten, guys will pull your hair if they like you? Are their any other “secrets” or signals that guys send when they like you or does that stop in 7th grade after we’ve all decided we are too cool for Bar Mitzvahs and start planning our Sweet 16s?”

Well, notwithstanding the facts that I’ve never been to a Sweet 16 much less planned one, nor have I ever felt too cool for Bar Mitzvah’s (believe you me, I ROCK the Electric Slide), I do still know of a couple of tell-tale signs and signals that guys send to let you know they’re interested. First and foremost, despite the fact that we aren’t pulling pigtails anymore (I hope), many guys still use non-sexual body contact as a way to show their interest. You know, a squeeze of the shoulder or upper arm, or the not-so-casual hand on your back when we’re talking to you in a crowded place. But we aren’t going to make it obvious, so you girls have to be somewhat discerning. For instance, a guy punches you in the face? Probably time to move on (but not without some bull-busting retribution first, literally). But a playful shove or random tickle-torture? Definite signs of major flirtation.

Stemming from this, and I know that this one has the potential to rile up a lot of girls, but if a guy enjoys squeezing the, ahem, meatier parts of your body, that’s a dead giveaway. I’m well aware that rail-thin is “in” in our society, so that right there should be evidence enough that when a guy playfully squeezes your stomach fat, it’s another way of him saying, “I love your body exactly as is, despite the way you may feel about yourself.” Think about it: if a guy is totally repulsed by the cellulite on your thighs, he’s not gonna make a point to squeeze them. So while you may hate this, or think he’s pointing out your flaws, rest assured that this is a very backwards way of us telling you that we dig how you look.

The other thing girls should keep an eye on is a guy’s eyes, no pun intended. If a guy is intent on holding your gaze, it means that he’s listening to you, and is probably either interested in you, or is one hell of an actor/player (not a whole lot you can do in this latter situation… sorry). If the eyes are roaming all over your body, or are focused intently on your glorious breasts, then it’s fairly likely that the guy is still interested in you, but probably only for the night. If the eyes aren’t on you, or your boobs, but are focused elsewhere? Then you should probably just cut your losses right there.

What I find funny (or disheartening, depending on the case) is that while a lot of girls are so intent on locating the signals in hope that they catch the right ones, these same girls are often turned off when a guy gives off his strongest possible signal – flat out telling a girl he’s interested. Giving signals and signs is one of the ultimate forms of game-playing, which most girls claim they hate. But maybe deep down you girls really DO enjoy the game of trying to figure out whether or not a guy likes you. Or, maybe you just really dislike for a guy to put it all out there so quickly, a reality that I’ve been hit with time and again and yet still am unable to get it through my thick skull. Moving on!

Finally, Lauren wonders, “why would a guy ask for a girl’s phone number if he knows he won’t call?”

Because that’s what we’re supposed to do. Seriously. Do any of you girls know how unbelievably difficult and nerve-racking it is to call a random guy that you’ve met in a bar? Probably not. So let me clue you in… it’s hard. It’s damn hard. It’s uncomfortable and awkward and worrisome. Far too often a guy will snag a girl’s number only to later call it and be ignored. Or worse, discover that they’ve been given fake digits. Moreover, as we get older, most guys (and girls, for that matter) come to understand that we probably aren’t meeting our next significant other in a bar. Not to say it never happens, but it’s rare. All that adds up to major skepticism when we get a phone number.

If you meet a guy and really want him to call you, there are ways to combat our apprehension. For one, you should take his number when he asks for yours. If you express a desire to take his number, even if you never have any intention of dialing it, it lessens the likelihood in our eyes that you are giving out a fake or just being nice. You can also take a more proactive approach in getting us to take your number. Instead of waiting around for a guy to inevitably and awkwardly ask, “so, uh, can I, like, call you sometime, maybe, perhaps,” you could force the issue with a line like, “you should take my number.” Or even better, “we should hang out soon. Do you want my number?” As I’ve said before, when a guy knows for sure that a girl is interested, he’ll be more apt to reply in kind. Of course, no matter how you choose to play it, you should never, under any circumstances, say, “take me out this week, I typically give it up on the first date!”

Don’t forget, you can leave any questions you’d like in the comments section, or you can just wait for my friends and I to come up with some of our own (but really, where’s the fun in that!). In any event, I hope you’ve learned a thing or two!

As it happens, trying to pick up waitresses is truly one of the fun pastimes for a lot of guys, because the waitress/customer relationship eliminates the potentially awkward and messy scene that often plays out when a guy tries to approach a random girl. In a restaurant, where the waitress typically starts the conversation, a guy will be more at ease, and will usually be much more comfortable spitting the proverbial game

Now, as far as I know, there is no correct way to try and pick up a server. The usual and easiest course of action is simply to get a pen and write your name and number on the receipt or a business card and then hope for the best. I’m not saying that this method is always successful; in fact, it almost never works. But if you’re going to try and pick up the person who is bringing you bacon and eggs, a witty note with a phone number is generally the best course of action. All of which brings me back to yesterday.

One of the guys, who we’ll call Guy A, wanted to write down his digits, but no one in our party had a pen. Instead of simply asking another employee for a pen (because, c’mon, that would have been FAR too easy), Guys A and B proceed to hatch what may have been the most elaborate (and idiotic) plan that I’ve ever heard.

“Operation Waitress Tag-Team,” as the plan became known (ok, not really, but how funny would it have been if they were actually calling it that?) called for Guy A to purposefully leave his phone on the table. But before doing so, he was to reprogram Guy B’s number in his phone so that when Guy B called, the ID wouldn’t say “Guy B.” Instead it would say, “Hey waitress, pick up the damn phone!” So the two guys would leave, and then start calling incessantly until the waitress picked up the phone. Yeah, ok.

Forgetting for a second the fact that Guy A was purposefully planning on losing his phone, does anyone see any additional problems with this plan? For one, the entire operation would be immediately thwarted if a busboy cleaned the table (which IS their job after all) and happened upon the phone. Assuming the busboy could even read the new caller ID message (OK, that’s a little mean, I admit), the chances that he would get that phone into the right waitress’ hands is slim to none.

Moreover, as much as girls claim to love spontaneity and elaborate planning, isn’t there anyone who thinks that said waitress might be a little weirded out by two guys who leave a phone behind and then reprogram the caller ID into the phone just to get her attention? Especially when a simply note with a phone number on it would have achieved the exact same result? The whole scheme just seemed a bit too far-fetched for me.

And so, while Guys A and B were discussing exactly how many letters the caller ID screed would display, I asked a different waiter for a pen and solved everyone’s problems. Guy A wrote down a few choice words, and we promptly bolted the diner.

Did the note work? I have no idea. But at least Guy A was able to keep his cell phone, and quite possibly saved himself from the embarrassment of calling his own phone and hearing a deep voice on the other end say, “Hola?”

Waiting in line at the grocery store when you have a Snickers bar and a head of lettuce, while the person in front of you is eighty-five-years-old and has five weeks worth of food, sucks. Waiting in the doctor’s office for three hours, and sitting on that crinkly, white paper, so the doctor can come in, check your vitals and charge you $300, sucks. Waiting for a star to fall, sucks. No really, it does – just check out the video.

But no other form of waiting sucks as bad as waiting for a guy to make his first phone call to you. Hands down, it’s the worst kind of waiting there is, because it takes you on quite an unexpected, emotional rollercoaster.

You meet at a party. You talk for a good ten minutes with no interruptions. When your friends try and get your attention, you brush them off and give them the “Stoppit, I like this one” face. You giggle, you use your best material and you know it’s coming. He’s going to ask for you number if you just hang in there for a few more minutes.

And then, it happens. Your name and number have been entered into his phonebook and the deal is sealed.

You go home with a sense of accomplishment and giddiness, and as you ride home with your friends you need reassurance, with some questions like, “He was soo cute, wasn’t he?!? Wasn’t he so cute?” You go to sleep really excited to talk to him on the phone for the first time and set up a date, or even a “wanna come over and watch reruns of Friends?” casual kinda thing.

The next day, you wake up and start to wonder when he will call. Will he use the ever-popular three-day rule? Or will he be so anxious to talk to you again that he calls that night? The anticipation is mounting.

That night, no phone call. You wake up the next day feeling a little bit worried. Did he forget about you that quickly? Maybe he just wants to play it cool. Yea, that’s it. He’s gotta call tonight.

The sun rises, and still nothing. Damn you, sun! You check your phone. It’s on and working like a charm, yet no missed calls or texts. Did you enter your phone number wrong? Were you that drunk? Why did you have to drink that third margarita? Does he hate you? There were sparks – DIDN’T HE FEEL THE SPARKS??

And the guy who you just met and flipped over is suddenly a disgusting pig who lied and used you for that ten minute conversation. Maybe he was just killing some time and thought it would be fun to take advantage of an unsuspecting drunk girl. What an ass!

Finally, after about three days (he used the rule…figures) a mystery number pops up on your phone and you just know it’s him before picking it up….and you make a little wish in your head to the Phone Fairy….and it is! And the disgusting pig who lied and used you for that ten minute conversation is back to being wonderful and exciting with the push of a few numbers.

And so is the inevitable process of waiting for a boy to call. Sometimes it’s quick and painless, and sometimes it can be excrutiating. This is very similar but not quite as extreme as waiting for a guy to call after the first date, or even waiting for a call after you’ve had sex for the first time (in many cases, those are taken care of on the same occasion).

However, that can be a different story, because if you are ballsy and more of a “go-getter” then you have the option to take away the waiting process entirely and call him, assuming you have his number after the first date and don’t mind the fact you’re letting him know you totally like him and you’re willing to make the moves. If you are more traditional and prefer him to call you until you feel secure enough that he is really into you, then you have no choice but to wait, wait, and wait some more.

Here are some mindless ways (because sometimes, mindless is easier) to deal with this difficult time in all of our lives:

1. Watch 80′s music videos. If the video above hasn’t proved it to you yet, 80′s videos are pure entertainment designed to retract your mind from thinking anything of importance. You’ll pick up fashion tips and get in some much needed dancing.

2. Go shopping. One of the best things to do, and I’m not trying to be sexist. Girls love being distracted by colors, fabrics, materials, price tags, bargains, shoes, accessories, etc. Take $20, your 80′s-inspired fashion tips, head to any store you like, and buy yourself a present for enduring your phone call hardships. It’s much more effective than reading, because you won’t be able to get through two pages before putting the book down and staring intently at your phone.

3. Annoy your friends. Your friends are your friends because they are the ones who will sit there and listen to you ramble on when you are trying to kill time. Make them play M.A.S.H with you. Make them go through their CD collection with you to create the ultimate playlist. Inevitably, you will make them tell you all of the reasons why this guy is going to call and you are being a crazy psycho, but this will curb your anxiety for at least fifteen minutes before asking them again why he hasn’t still hasn’t called.

Happy waiting! I’m gonna get back to my book. Agh, screw it. Time to go shopping.