Let’s face it: s**t happens. Sometimes we get a little crazy and accidentally go home with someone(s) that we did not intend to. Now, I’m not condoning that you engage in any activities of this sort, but if you happen to do so, I want to be sure you have a way of 1) getting out of there, 2) not repeating the same mistake for quite some time, and 3) having a hilarious story to go along with it.

So, here are a few tips for handling the most difficult of situations.

“I think I had an accident…” – Now I hope this hasn’t happened to you, but if you ever happen to wake up and realize that you took one too few bathroom trips last night, I have a solution for you. My friend Chris once peed himself (for lack of a better phrase) and promptly asked the girl he woke up with for a glass of water. As soon as she handed it to him, he spilled it all over his lap. Hey, I’d much rather be compared to a klutz than an accident-prone toddler.

“What’s your name again?” – Waking up next to a rando is pretty embarrassing. But nothing is worse than waking up to a relative stranger when you can’t remember their name. Even if you’ve narrowed it down to Jose and Jackson, you really can’t just test one out to see if it’s right. If you’re planning on never seeing them again, it’s totally acceptable to use the word “you” in the place of their name in any sentence. If you plan on seeing them again, however, ask them to enter their number (and name!) into your phone. Don’t pull the ol’ “How do you spell your name?” when you enter it in. Believe me, it’s pretty mortifying when he snaps back “B-E-N” while staring you down. Read More »

Hey ladies! Got any frozen dinners in your freezer? Know anyone who does? There is breaking news that frozen dinner manufacturers Lean Cuisine is issuing a major recall of its products.

Lean Cuisine has issued a recall of 9.5-ounce packages of “Lean Cuisine Pesto Chicken with Bow Tie Pasta,”  10.5-ounce packages of “Lean Cuisine Chicken Mediterranean,” and 12.5-ounce packages of “Lean Cusine Chicken Tuscan.”  citing that the food may contain small pieces of plastic.  If you own any of these dinners, you are urged to call (800) 993-8625 to speak with a customer service representative. 

So if you keep a stock of frozen dinners in your fridge, or you know someone who does, pass the word along!

Look through my phonebook. The list is never-ending. Dan. Paul. Rick. Mike. Javier. Alex. Nicolas. Nicolas #2. Cedric. Brandon. And so on. Not to brag, but I’m something of a certified P-I-M-P. Poppin’ the collar all over the place. And brushing my shoulders off.

I wouldn’t put myself on player status, because that’s not what it’s about. No one actually gets ahead by playing games. Games are childish. People do actually get ahead by meeting new people, and being able to go for what they want.

Like that guy. The incredibly sexy one across the room. Dark hair falling in his very green eyes. And a crowd around him that’s ten chicks deep.

The Strategy? Don’t pay him too much attention.

It works every time; if he really is that hot, he knows it. And if he didn’t know it, the girls throwing themselves at him will have been a good wakeup call. So why not switch The Game up on him? You’re cute. You’re fun. And you are the one chick he can’t just wrap around his finger. Or at least you’re pretending like you are.

I’m not talking about your middle school cold-shoulder tactics. The point is simply not to let this guy know that inside you’re going googly-eyed. Usually, one firm, flirty look is all you need. Then continue with your evening. Laugh with your girlfriends. Look stupid on the dance floor. Do whatever it is that you would normally do if dreamboat weren’t standing over there in the corner.

About halfway through the night, you might want to give dreamboat a reminder that you’re still there and pointedly walk past him, and then maybe go order a drink by yourself, so that he doesn’t have to awkwardly say something to you in front of all your drooling girlfriends. Read More »

[For many of us, sex and college go together like Uggs and snow - you can’t have one without the other. So, we brought in one of Berkeley’s finest sex columnists, Elizabeth, to start a dialogue about the topic (and act) that is very near and dear to our hearts. Every Thursday she will get your day goin’ with a little somethin’ somethin’ that’s on her mind.]

I’m a complete sucker for guys that ask for my number. No matter how creepy or sleazy they are, I hand it over every time. It’s not that I’m actually interested in these guys – I almost always give out my number with the intention of never ever talking to him again. So why do I even bother handing my number out to total strangers?

First of all, I feel bad turning people down, especially if they have the balls to come up and ask for my number. Second of all, I am way too slow to think of a viable excuse on the spot. I get all flustered and red and end up handing it over to save myself the embarrassment.

That is why I have compiled a list of the best excuses to get out of a bad number situation. Don’t worry, you can thank me later….like when you no longer get woken up by “Hey sexy” text messages from that suit salesman you met on the subway.

1. The “no excuse” excuse. As in, complete honesty. I would go on but I feel like the girls gutsy enough to pull this off don’t really need to read an article about excuses. Read More »

My friend met a great guy last weekend. They hung out at the bar and when it closed he walked her home. When they arrived at her place, they sat on her stoop and talked, flirted, laughed.

It wasn’t until the sun started coming up (and she realized she had to be at her internship in the AM), that they realized how long they had been out there. He took her number, gave her a kiss and went on his merry way. She was excited…until a week went by with no word from him.

She couldn’t understand what happened. I couldn’t help her, either. So, I turned to experts in the field of douchey boys: my guy friends. They have helped before – I was sure they could explain the situation this time, too.

He Said:

When a guy asks a girl for her number and never calls back, a few things might be happening. First, he might have been involved in a fatal beer bong accident, and be buried six-feet under by the time the obligatory three days have passed. But that’s unlikely.

Another, more likely, option is that after he sobered up, he realized that the girl was actually some type of human-beast hybrid and his buddies asked him WTF he was thinking, pretty much eliminating any chance of getting in touch. Or he just forgot he’d gotten the girl’s number altogether until it was too late. Drinking might be a good social lubricant, but it’s not the best ingredient for long-term planning. Read More »

Days as a Freshman: 122

Mood: Dissapointed in myself!

“What’s up? Heading home for winter break?”

Stacey leaned against the bureau, twisting her hair in front of her face and plastering on a giant smile, as though the guy on the phone could actually see her. Rebecca and I leaned forward, total disbelief keeping us attached to every word Stacey uttered. Could she really be talking to Justin? The same Justin? How did they know each other? …and how could he stand to be on the phone with her?

“Yeah, I’m taking off tomorrow. My parents actually called a limo to take me to the airport. Can you imagine? I know. I’m so embarrassed!”

As Stacey laughed, Rebecca jabbed me in the back with her finger, hard. Staying in the same breathing space was probably killing Rebecca, who usually got up and went somewhere else, anywhere else, whenever Stacey was around.

“So…what else is…?” As she listened, Stacey’s hand lowered from her hair and her smile faded a little. “Oh, really?” Her eyes slid over to me and she squinted, like she wasn’t able to quite keep me in focus. “Yeah…sure. She’s…she’s right here.” Read More »

In an emergency Paramedics and EMTs will turn to a victim’s cell phone for clues to that person’s identity. You can make their job much easier with a simple idea that they are trying to get everyone to adopt: ICE.

“ICE” stands for In Case of Emergency.

If you add an entry in the contacts list in your cell phone under ICE, with the name and phone number of the person that the emergency services should call on your behalf, you can save them a lot of time and have your loved ones contacted quickly.

It only takes a few moments of your time to do.

Paramedics know what ICE means and they look for it immediately.

ICE your cell phone NOW! All the cool college whipper-snappers are doin’ it!

You stumble out of bed on Sunday morning still a little drunk from last night, when a wave of panic washes over you as you realize you drunk-dialed your boss, grandmother, and everyone you’ve ever slept with.

Sound familiar? Savor the embarrassment, because dealing with the aftermath of drunkenly dialing and telling off your ex will soon be a thing of the past. Cell phone companies are considering following in Virgin Mobile Australia’s footsteps—the cell phone company provides its users with a drunk-dial blocking option. For just 19 cents per misguided attempted call, Virgin will block late-night calls to the numbers that the user had previously chosen to block.

But for those people that prefer to have the freedom to make sober 2 AM calls to ex-lovers, LG Electronics is taking it one step further with their Breathalyzer cell phones, already wildly popular in Korea. Breathe into the built-in breathalyzer, and if your blood-alcohol content is above .08, you won’t be able to dial pre-selected blocked numbers. Now you can save your cell-phone minutes and and your dignity.

If you’ve blocked all possibly-disastrous phone numbers but still have an urge to ramble incoherently, then just call 321-600-1200. This phone number, provided by slackertown.com, will record your drunk musings on the meaning of life and angry diatribe aimed at your ex, and post it on their site for all the world to see, laugh at, and commiserate.