So, here are a few tips for handling the most difficult of situations.

“I think I had an accident…” – Now I hope this hasn’t happened to you, but if you ever happen to wake up and realize that you took one too few bathroom trips last night, I have a solution for you. My friend Chris once peed himself (for lack of a better phrase) and promptly asked the girl he woke up with for a glass of water. As soon as she handed it to him, he spilled it all over his lap. Hey, I’d much rather be compared to a klutz than an accident-prone toddler.

“What’s your name again?” – Waking up next to a rando is pretty embarrassing. But nothing is worse than waking up to a relative stranger when you can’t remember their name. Even if you’ve narrowed it down to Jose and Jackson, you really can’t just test one out to see if it’s right. If you’re planning on never seeing them again, it’s totally acceptable to use the word “you” in the place of their name in any sentence. If you plan on seeing them again, however, ask them to enter their number (and name!) into your phone. Don’t pull the ol’ “How do you spell your name?” when you enter it in. Believe me, it’s pretty mortifying when he snaps back “B-E-N” while staring you down.

“So uh…did we…? Yeah….” – Piecing together your activities from the night before is often an incremental process. You can wake up naked, next to your floor mate, with your clothes strewn about, but you won’t really believe anything happened until you see the universal tell-tale sign. Yes, I’m talking about the icky left-over condom on the ground. At this point, you have two options: a) Shake the guy until he wakes up, ask him what happened, and face the music or b) book it out of there and live in not-so-blissful ignorance. The choice is yours.

“Ew, what is that?” – Often we wake up with things on our bodies that we sure as hell didn’t have before we went to bed. Hickeys, inappropriate phrases written in permanent marker, and mysterious bruises are all common when waking up from an evening of debauchery. Once I even woke up with chewed bubble gum all over my body. (No, I was not chewing gum before I went to bed). The only tidbit of wisdom I have for you is to use nail polish remover. I swear that stuff will remove anything.

“Someone had a fun night last night.” – There’s nothing worse than walk-of-shaming. Except, of course, when you run into somebody you know on your journey home. Once I was walking home in a giant sweatshirt and oversized flip-flops with my heels in either hand. Little did I know that my friend Brian would snap a picture of me in all my humiliation on his camera phone. Oh don’t worry, the picture made it on to the front of my birthday card that year. Heed my advice and do not walk opposite the flow of traffic at prime class time.

[Photo courtesy of Spring_Peeper on Flickr.]

Lean Cuisine has issued a recall of 9.5-ounce packages of “Lean Cuisine Pesto Chicken with Bow Tie Pasta,”  10.5-ounce packages of “Lean Cuisine Chicken Mediterranean,” and 12.5-ounce packages of “Lean Cusine Chicken Tuscan.”  citing that the food may contain small pieces of plastic.  If you own any of these dinners, you are urged to call (800) 993-8625 to speak with a customer service representative. 

So if you keep a stock of frozen dinners in your fridge, or you know someone who does, pass the word along!

I wouldn’t put myself on player status, because that’s not what it’s about. No one actually gets ahead by playing games. Games are childish. People do actually get ahead by meeting new people, and being able to go for what they want.

Like that guy. The incredibly sexy one across the room. Dark hair falling in his very green eyes. And a crowd around him that’s ten chicks deep.

The Strategy? Don’t pay him too much attention.

It works every time; if he really is that hot, he knows it. And if he didn’t know it, the girls throwing themselves at him will have been a good wakeup call. So why not switch The Game up on him? You’re cute. You’re fun. And you are the one chick he can’t just wrap around his finger. Or at least you’re pretending like you are.

I’m not talking about your middle school cold-shoulder tactics. The point is simply not to let this guy know that inside you’re going googly-eyed. Usually, one firm, flirty look is all you need. Then continue with your evening. Laugh with your girlfriends. Look stupid on the dance floor. Do whatever it is that you would normally do if dreamboat weren’t standing over there in the corner.

About halfway through the night, you might want to give dreamboat a reminder that you’re still there and pointedly walk past him, and then maybe go order a drink by yourself, so that he doesn’t have to awkwardly say something to you in front of all your drooling girlfriends.

If you get introduced to him (or even if you don’t), turn on the inner charm full blast. Look at him straight in the eyes. I mean, really in the eyes. And smile in a warm and inviting, but not overly seductive way. Sounds technical, I know. You can practice in the mirror.

If you get to the point (or muster up the courage) where you decide you want to say something to him, it’s best to think of something conversational to start with. Small talk. Chit chat. Compliment his shirt, or his shoes (in a manly way), or talk about the party you’re at: “How did you hear about this place?” Or you could just do it the old fashioned way and introduce yourself.

The real trick is just to be yourself; it’s not anything new. Smile, look approachable, relax. Have fun with your friends. That old saying, “Nothing is sexier than confidence,” got its proverbial status for a reason. Put on your cutest clothes – not that super-low neckline that makes you worry about your boobs popping out all night – but those jeans that hug your booty just right, those earrings that accent your cheekbones. Play up those things that you love about yourself. Remind yourself that you are beautiful and amazing before you go out the door. And then later on, if you can’t bring yourself to actually say anything to him, at least you will be holding the gaze of every man in the room.

In my experience, the cliché moves like leaving your phone number on a napkin, or slipping it into his pocket on the way out the door don’t actually work, and usually leave you feeling like an embarrassed, giddy schoolgirl. Not to mention that I can never go back to the restaurant again if that cute waiter doesn’t call.

Now, this is not a guaranteed guide, so don’t sue me if it doesn’t work. But I’ve seen a fair amount of success (if you know what I’m sayin’), and my findings have been corroborated by my fellow girls, as well as my guy friends.

We can always use more advice. What has worked for you?

[Photo courtesy of coolspotters.com]

I’m a complete sucker for guys that ask for my number. No matter how creepy or sleazy they are, I hand it over every time. It’s not that I’m actually interested in these guys – I almost always give out my number with the intention of never ever talking to him again. So why do I even bother handing my number out to total strangers?

First of all, I feel bad turning people down, especially if they have the balls to come up and ask for my number. Second of all, I am way too slow to think of a viable excuse on the spot. I get all flustered and red and end up handing it over to save myself the embarrassment.

That is why I have compiled a list of the best excuses to get out of a bad number situation. Don’t worry, you can thank me later….like when you no longer get woken up by “Hey sexy” text messages from that suit salesman you met on the subway.

1. The “no excuse” excuse. As in, complete honesty. I would go on but I feel like the girls gutsy enough to pull this off don’t really need to read an article about excuses.

2. The “I don’t think my boyfriend would like that…” excuse. This one functions as the default excuse for many of us. Just be sure that he can’t do a background check and find out you’re lying. There’s nothing more embarrassing than looking like the “pathetic” girl that lies about being in a relationship.

3. The “I broke/lost/ate my phone” excuse. You should probably use this excuse as an absolute last resort. I’m talking a word vomit situation – never aim to use this one on purpose. Once a guy told me that he dropped his phone off a building and that’s why he didn’t call me. I promise you, even the dumbest human beings can spot that bulls*it from a mile away.

4. The switcheroo aka the “Let me get yours instead…”. This one is pretty ballsy, as you take the risk of looking like a complete bitch when you don’t call. If this guy is a complete rando and there is no way in hell you’ll ever see him again (i.e. he lives in a different state/country) this may be a good option. And even if he lives right up the street, well, frankly, I’d rather come off as a bitch than have to ignore the guy’s calls for the next three months.

5. The “Aww, you’re gonna have to work harder than that…” Sadly enough, this is my signature excuse of choice. When a creeper asks for my number, I act nauseatingly mysterious and tell him that I don’t give my number to just anybody (completely untrue). Unfortunately, this one does have a tendency to backfire, as a true creeper will do anything short of stalking to get a girl’s number. Proceed with caution.

6. The “I just don’t give it out” excuse. Graciously used by Yvonne in the “Can I get your number?” MadTV skit (if you haven’t seen it do so immediately!), this excuse is the closest to honesty as you can get. It’s plain and simple – “I just don’t like giving out my number…to complete creepers like you.”

In an emergency Paramedics and EMTs will turn to a victim’s cell phone for clues to that person’s identity. You can make their job much easier with a simple idea that they are trying to get everyone to adopt: ICE.

“ICE” stands for In Case of Emergency.

If you add an entry in the contacts list in your cell phone under ICE, with the name and phone number of the person that the emergency services should call on your behalf, you can save them a lot of time and have your loved ones contacted quickly.

It only takes a few moments of your time to do.

Paramedics know what ICE means and they look for it immediately.

ICE your cell phone NOW! All the cool college whipper-snappers are doin’ it!

Sound familiar? Savor the embarrassment, because dealing with the aftermath of drunkenly dialing and telling off your ex will soon be a thing of the past. Cell phone companies are considering following in Virgin Mobile Australia’s footsteps—the cell phone company provides its users with a drunk-dial blocking option. For just 19 cents per misguided attempted call, Virgin will block late-night calls to the numbers that the user had previously chosen to block.

But for those people that prefer to have the freedom to make sober 2 AM calls to ex-lovers, LG Electronics is taking it one step further with their Breathalyzer cell phones, already wildly popular in Korea. Breathe into the built-in breathalyzer, and if your blood-alcohol content is above .08, you won’t be able to dial pre-selected blocked numbers. Now you can save your cell-phone minutes and and your dignity.

If you’ve blocked all possibly-disastrous phone numbers but still have an urge to ramble incoherently, then just call 321-600-1200. This phone number, provided by slackertown.com, will record your drunk musings on the meaning of life and angry diatribe aimed at your ex, and post it on their site for all the world to see, laugh at, and commiserate.