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What to do when your favorite regular workout ceases to exist?  Take it to the phone, of course. If you’re not quite sure how to get the ball rolling, don’t worry.  Our besties Em and Lo have got your back with ten easy steps to achieving long distance bliss.  The most important thing to remember is just to relax and don’t be afraid to let the dirty talk run rampant.  This is the person you’re dating, after all.  Some people even say that exploring the world of phone sex puts you on the fast track to having better actual sex.

Hmmm… <Looks at phone and wonders who she can call.>

But if you still don’t think you’re up to doing the deed via cell, throw your boyfriend a consolation prize.  We hear phone sex operators are just great!

Let’s be honest – we all like to get some on a fairly regular basis. But what’s a girl to do when the one she wants it from is a little too far away? It’s not like you can call up a guy who lives four hours away, tell him you’re horny, and expect him to deliver. You can bet that you probably would have taken care of it before he even got on the freeway. Thus, I decided to compile a little list of quirky ways to tide you and your guy over until you see each other in the flesh.

Phone Sex: This is the classic way to get your jollies when away from your lover. The upside? Feeling a little more desirable than just flying solo. The downside? Having friends and/or hear your various noises permeate through the walls. Could provide for a veryyy awkward conversation soon after.

Webcam Fun: With the invention of iChat and Skype, face-to-face action is becoming more popular than ever. However, be sure that if you do decide to have your own little “digital get down” that you lock your door. I can tell you (sadly, from personal experience), it is quite embarrassing to have your friend walk in on you half naked playing online strip chess with your boyfriend. Whoooppss.

Internet-Enabled Vibrators: Now I’m not sure if I would go so far to use this puppy, but it’s an interesting invention none the less. Connect the Doc Johnson High Joy Internet Enabled Rabbit Vibrator  (phew, that’s a mouthful…that’s what she said!) to your computer and get ready for a good time. It connects through HighJoy.com, which also happens to be an internet dating site. Not only can it connect it you to your Mr. Right and Mr. Right Now, but you can also program it to go along with your favorite pornos. You got it: this Rabbit can simulate the sensations that you would be feeling if you were in the movie itself. I’m starting to wonder if there’s really anything it can’t do….or if I need this long distance boyfriend afterall.

Text Sex: I am embarrassed to admit it, but I was a serial text-sexer for quite some time. And although it isn’t the most satisfying of communication mediums, it’s still a good way to keep the sparks flying without completely humiliating yourself. This holds especially true if you tend to be on the more modest side. I don’t know about you, but I get a little creeped out at the thought of somebody listening to my heavy breathing on the other end of the phone line or watching me disrobe on a computer screen. Texting allows me to get a little naughty without leaving my comfort zone. Just please don’t attempt this one if you don’t have an unlimited texting plan. I really doubt you want to explain to your Dad why you have 100 outgoing text messages at 3:16 AM…

How do you cope with a long-distance lover? Let me know!

So, we are going to look back to look forward.

We will avoid these people. And this guy.

We will never watch Grey’s Anatomy again.

We will involve ourselves in world issues and politics.

We will not hook up in our parents’ house.

We will learn to do our makeup right so it stays on all night.

We will save the porn industry.

We will not let the cold weather deter us from getting cute.

We will cook.

We will do things right this semester.

We will not go to class hungover. (Ok, that one may not actually happen.)

We will manage our time better.

We will try new things….on the phone...with boys (or girls).

And it involves a cellular.

Yes, the topic is taboo and everyone feels all weird about it, but phone sex is a great way to stay close in a relationship even when you’re miles apart.

While some may be too shy to start talking dirty over the phone lines, I have a few tips to keep in mind when trying out phone sex.

First off, relax!! (Editor’s Note: A glass of wine may help…) Phone sex is something to have fun with, not get all worried about. If you’re nervous, just try thinking of what would happen if your partner was actually there. Take a deep breath and ask something general such as, “What would you do to me if you were here?” This might be easier to say then just asking “Wanna have phone sex?” because you end up taking the pressure off of yourself to start the convo, making him answer first instead.

Okay, now that you’re nice and relaxed, it’s time to get frisky on the phone. Phone sex is a great way to open up intimate conversation with your boy and say things you might not be brave enough to say to his face. If you’re too shy to start talking dirty, get him to open up first. When you see how eager he is to participate, you’ll soon be able to let loose. Don’t worry about sounding stupid or fake; the deeper you get into the conversation, the more you’ll ease up. The first time I tried phone sex with my boyfriend, I let him do most of the talking because I was too nervous about sounding dumb. Now that we’re more comfortable with each other, we can let our imaginations run wild.

Another way to start having phone sex is to remind your guy of a previous sexual encounter. Remember when Big used to call Carrie to “reminisce”? This eliminates any potential awkwardness, and when you two talk about past things you’ve done, it is easy to steer the conversation to things you’d like to do in the future. This gets the conversation flowing, which will instantly make you wonder what you were so worried about.

The next time you and your honey are separated, a good dose of phone sex will have you feeling closer than ever. My boyfriend and I have used phone sex as a way to learn each other’s turn-ons and to build anticipation when we’re not together. And believe me, nothing is hotter then finally reuniting and acting out those conversations!

So, give it a shot; just make sure to hold out for someone you trust and care about. This is a very intimate situation and one that shouldn’t be shared with just anyone.

Would you try phone sex? Why or why not?

Phone sex. One of those taboos that’s so great, people are willing to pay $5.99 a minute just to get some. Of course, if you’re in a relationship, you can get it for free. But you haven’t, have you? Sure, phone sex might seem awkward at first, but under certain circusmtances, it can satisfy the carnal needs of you and your partner.What’s the big deal with phone sex, you ask. I mean, sure, I prefer a quality hump to a Cingular-shag, but sometimes, you’re horny and physical contact isn’t an option.

I lost my phone sex virginity when I was in a long-distance relationship. Actually, we were having phone sex long before we had actual intercourse, because my track record was a lot longer than my man’s and I was trying to be a “good girl” and take things slow, or some bullsh*t like that.

Anyway, you know all the fluff and butterflies that come when you have a new crush, or even better, a new boyfriend. I was really into this guy. I wanted him. Bad. But I was buried with school work, and wouldn’t be able to visit him for a week or two. One night, I called him, half in the bag and 100% horny. Obviously, the alcohol lowered my inhibitions, and I started talking dirty, telling him how much I wanted him…and the next thing I knew, BAM! Phone sex.

We started having phone sex on a fairly regular basis after that. I mean, we both wanted to be together, and this was the closest thing to “real” intimacy. AND it was satisfying! Without going TMI on you folks, I’d just like to tell you that there’s something really hot about knowing that you can get your partner off from hundreds of miles away. And there’s also something hot about hearing all the things he wants to do to you when he finally gets to wrap his arms around you.

Like I said, my phone sex relationship was long distance. Still, the phone sex brought us super close together, because there is a certain amount of trust (and an equally important amount of lust) required to be able to feel comfortable about breathing heavily into the phone.

If you are in a long-distance relationship, or if your mate has to travel, phone sex is awesome. Hell, even if you call him on his lunch break and tell him all the naughty thoughts going through your head, I’m pretty sure you’ll earn ten billion cool girlfriend points. Besides, it’s a great creative outlet. If you want to have good phone sex, you better come up with some freaky shit to whisper to your man. “I want you to get on top of me and do me missionary” is only hot for the five seconds it takes to spit the words out. But, if you get creative and detail-oriented, you will drive your man wild. And just thinking about all this raunchy stuff will do wonders for your own libido as well.

An added bonus? You can vividly describe sexual stuff so funky it would never work in real life…but you can live out any fantasy over the phone.

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Whether you are a serial LDD-er (long distance dater, obvs) or this is your first case of separation anxiety, remember that a summer break is not a relationship death sentence, but more of a Paris-esque mini lockdown with time off for good behavior!

The most important aspect of a long distance relationship (as in any other healthy one) is communication. Beyond the obvious (calling, texting, IMing), it’s important to create an open channel of expression that allows you both to clearly explain your thoughts, feelings and, most importantly, expectations throughout this relationship vacation (not the Speidi version).

Before you two lovebirds separate, talk about the impending geographical issue. Discuss how you’re feeling about it (nervous? anxious? scared?) and why. Bring up your thoughts on the social scene and parties. I’m not a believer in strict rules governing your right to party (thank you, Beastie Boys) but your definition of a good time might be quite different from his (Is it ok to flirt shamelessly but innocently for free drinks? Are you cool with a night at the strip club with his boys?). By talking about problems like wandering eyes or drifting apart before they happen, you can easily avoid them. And by establishing a sitch where you can freely talk about stuff like that will help you stay secure in your union.

Now that you two have gotten all the paperwork out of the way, enjoy your last night together and prepare to start a new chapter in your relationship that will only strengthen it, if done correctly.

An easy way to feel close without physicality it to try to maintain a routine. Designate phone time during breaks at work. Text each other during boring lectures (not that I’m encouraging you to neglect your schoolwork or anything.) Watch Jeopardy together and race each other to IM the answers. Winner gets paid in sexual favors (keep tally for the reunion!). Remember that, yea you guys are apart and that sucks, but some of your favorite things to do together can still be done at a distance.

That said, shake it up a little bit and surprise each other. If you know he’s hanging out around his apartment with nothing to do, order his favorite pizza and have it delivered to him, all expenses paid. Get your guy friends or brother to challenge him at Halo and talk smack to him through their head piece until he figures out it’s you.

For a more timeless surprise, never underestimate the power of snail mail. He gets calls and e-mails from everyone. You know who he gets mail from? Bill collectors. And his Grandma on his birthday. Imagine his surprise when he gets a legit, full blown love letter from his favorite person in the whole wide world.* Does he have a hobby? Get him a subscription to a cool guy mag. Are you an Iron Chef? Bake him his favorite recipe à vous and ship that deliciousness his way. (Or try any of these to remind him jusssst how much he misses you.)

Of course, the best surprise you can deliver is your wonderful self, but that’s a little cost prohibitive via UPS. Unless they ship humans, cause, um, done. Anyways, if you have the coin to splurge on airline tix (make that money, girl!), get the cheapest tickets known to girl-kind. If not, consider the alternatives. Split the gas with some friends if he’s within driving distance. Grab a few of your girlfriends and get a car on a train (I’m not sure if it’s legal, but a bottle of your preference could make it quite a fun ride). Consider meeting him halfway somewhere that you both would love to visit, like a theme park or cute town, that happens to be inexpensive. Seeing your boyfriend? Sweet. Going on an impromptu vacay with said studmuffin? SWEET!

When it comes down to it though, the hardest part about LDR’s is keeping it hot. Done and done. Embrace your inner sex kitten and fire up that webcam babydoll! If that’s a little too American Pie for your tastes, start out slow with some suggestive texting or phone sex (if you can keep a straight face). Send him sexy pictures (nothing too risque though, you never know where those will end up). If the wonders of modern technology just ain’t your thang, simply assure your boyfriend that the temptress he left behind is ready and eagerly awaiting his (or your) return.

While you are apart, though, revel in your newfound freedom! Not that he kept you tied up or anything– unless you’re into that– but emotionally and time-wise, a boyfriend most definitely occupies the majority of your schedule. This means more time for your long lost girlfriends! Bring on brunch, sleepovers, girl’s night out and chick flick marathons. No matter how much you miss your guy, your girls will more than make up for his absence. Another benefit? Alone time! Enjoy the time you would usually spend with him all. by. yourself. At first it might feel like you’ve just been surgically separated from your Siamese twin, but eventually you’ll crave time to lay around, read a book, or just chill on the lonesome.

Being apart can be hard, but if you make the effort to maintain your already awesome coupledom, this trial will only make you stronger (cheesy, but true). And whenever you get sad or lonely, mentally play your reunion (running hug, big kiss and goofy smile, the works!) and how much more you’ll appreciate each other then.

*Additional benefit: a reciprocated love letter, leading to a Notebook style correspondence that will lead to a torrid reunion and leave you with priceless sentimental scrapbook fodder. Mmm scrapbooking.