“I don’t know if we should talk about this…”

“And why not? Everybody has sex!”

“Yeah, but everybody should be making love.”

“Come on, how many guys do you know making love?”

–Salt N Pepa, “Let’s Talk About Sex”

In the past six months, I’ve had sex. I’ve been laid. I f*cked. However, it’s been a long time since I’ve made love, and I kind of miss it. Some people might argue that there’s no difference – physically, they are the same. But emotionally, passionately, and mentally, the two deeds are very different.

1. The First Time.

The first time you make love with your partner, it’s usually a very special moment. It’s often planned out in advance, especially in new relationships. There’s often sensual foreplay, and your bodies fit together perfectly.

If it’s your first time with a new partner and you’re just having sex, it may be spontaneous. Your partner may not be your boyfriend, or even your crush, and the decision to go all the way is frequently a hormonal (thanks, booze!) impulse. First time sex can be sloppy and awkward as you try to find the right position, and after everything’s said and done, it feels like there was something missing.

2. Your BAC.

I’ve heard of drunken sex, but I’ve never heard of inebriated love-making. If anyone has experienced the urban legend of wasted love-making, I’d love to hear about it.

3. The Setting.

If you’re about to copulate in a dim room filled with candles, on a bed covered with rose petals, you’re probably going to make love. If you’re going to do it in the backseat of a car, an airplane bathroom, an elevator, or another compact space that may have legal repercussions attached, it’s sex.

Al fresco sex/love-making is a grey area. Sure, sex on the beach or in the woods may sound like a fairy tale scenario, but dirt in sand in uncomfortable places can ruin the romance.

4. The Soundtrack.

Lovemaking songs include “The Fear You Won’t Fall” by Joshua Radin or “Wild Horses” by the Rolling Stones (or any cover version, including Mazzy Star, Jewel, or the Sundays). F*cking songs range from “Crazy Bitch” by Buckcherry to “Every Girl” by Lil’ Wayne. Do you really want to ride someone when the words “You f— so good I’m on top of it” blare from the stereo? Likewise, “Birthday Sex” by Jeremih is a bit tacky.

Sure, there isn’t always music playing when you’re doing it, but if you could have picked a song to illustrate last night’s mood, which would you pick?

5. The Aftermath.

Lovemaking includes mutual orgasms, followed by spooning and cuddling. If you’re in a relationship, your boyfriend’s post-sex behavior could include promptly rolling over and falling asleep, or the phrase “That was great,” despite the fact that you didn’t get off. If you’re single, you’ll take the walk of shame after a long night of sex. In those rare occasions that you’ve made love to someone without commitment, it could turn into breakfast in the morning, a few more rounds, and maybe even a new relationship.

In my opinion (and experience), it’s far more common to have sex than to make love. However, this means that when you do find yourself both emotionally and physically stimulated with a partner you care for very deeply, you appreciate the art of lovemaking so much more than that one-night stand a few months ago with whatshisname.

Any other differences between “sex” and “making love”? Share your thoughts below!

In reality, I’d love to take my refund check and spend it in one go at the mall, especially since warm weather means I have to chuck my so-worn-they-belong-in-the-What-Not-to-Wear-dumpster sweater boots, and I don’t have ANY cute flip flops to wear in their place.  But, since I’ve been struggling all winter, I am going to use this money wisely.  And by use “wisely,” I don’t necessarily mean put it back into the bank.  We all deserve to splurge every now and then, and here are some of the best guilty pleasures your tax refund can buy.

1.  Upgrade your phone.

Am I the only campus coed who has never known the joys of an iPhone or Blackberry?  I recently lost my cell in a drunken stupor, and, though I had been waiting for the summer to upgrade, I figured it’s now or never.  Best buy of my life.  I got a refurbished 16-gig iPhone for under $250.  And it’s not just a phone– I can check the weather without getting out of bed or waiting for Weather.com to load on my slow-ass computer, I can check my email for last minute class cancellations while on my way to a lecture, and once I figure out these apps, I’m pretty sure I can load a calorie counter onto my phone to use in the dining hall.  How did I live without this baby?

2.  Buy a new wardrobe.

I don’t mean a new Juicy Couture bikini or strappy Jessica Simpson open-toed heels, but if you’ve got some extra cash coming your way, it’s not a bad idea to spend on some new work attire.  When you’re strapped for cash, it’s hard to shell out on a business suit for an interview you haven’t scheduled yet, but when you get a check for a few hundo in the mail, there’s no time like the present to invest.  That sleek blazer might land you the job interview, and that knee-length pencil skirt will make a great first impression when you start your new job.  Which of course will lead to earning more money, which you can then spend however you see fit.

3.  Embark on a summer journey.

Note that I did not say summer vacay. I’m not writing off putting this moolah towards a cruise–you totally deserve it– but there are other ways to travel this summer.  Use your tax refund to see the world while you build your resume by signing up for a summer abroad course or a volunteer program.  Spending the whole summer abroad will probably still cost a lot of money, but look into a week long intensive program in Europe, or check out programs like Habitat for Humanity or Teach for America.  Usually, these volunteer programs will house you, but you’ll have to foot the travel expenses.  If you can afford to get there, you’ll be rewarded with new friends, memories that last a lifetime, and an fabulous bullet on your resume.

4.  Get active.

Get physically active, socially active, or mentally active, and watch a relatively small investment go a long way.  Get private lessons in an area that you’ve always wanted to excel in, such as art lessons or vocal lessons.  Try out a personal trainer for a month, or get a year-long gym membership.  Buy a set of instructional yoga videos.  Doing something for yourself doesn’t mean you need to feel guilty later.  If you splurge on something you couldn’t otherwise afford, but it reaps a positive outcome, it can create a domino effect in your life.  By losing a few pounds (without really trying), you may double your wardrobe if you’ve kept some of last year’s suddenly-too-small jeans.  By de-stressing, you could add years to your life.  By getting better at something you could add to your appeal in the career field.  Spoil yourself now, and you’ll be doubly rewarded.

5. Eat gourmet.

Don’t go to Chez Expensif and order a $100 entree, but treat yourself to more from the grocery store than just store brand Mac n Cheese and cans of tuna.  Buy the ingredients to try that recipe your grandma passed down– that from-scratch casserole that calls for a pinch of this and a dash of that, stuff you have to buy a whole bottle of because you don’t carry ‘this’ and ‘that’ on the regular.  Buy fresh or organic products that usually make you salivate but that are never on sale.  You shouldn’t have to put a price on eating healthy, but when fresh fruit costs several bucks a pound, it’s easy to veer towards the greasy Dollar Menu when you’re paying with the change you just found in your couch cushions.

These are just a few examples of how spoiling yourself can come with advantages– and why it’s okay to blow through your tax refund.  Of course, depending on your financial situation, you may be opting to pay off your credit card bill, send in your rent check on time, or simply stash the cash in your savings account.  We do all deserve a break from time to time, however, so I hope however you’re spending your extra cash, it makes you happy.  So… what ARE you going to buy with the dough the IRS coughs up to you this spring?

Ladies, I’m sure you’ll agree with me: one of the most important aspects in any serious relationship is the sex. There’s no denying the physical and emotional needs for it, so what happens when you’re not getting any?  I had never anticipated being in a sexless relationship, so it came as a shock when my guy had a confession: he valued love and intimacy over the physical act of sex.

Right.

Naturally, it was a blow to my self-esteem. Was it me? Was I not sexy enough? Did the thought of me naked make his manhood shrivel with disgust?

This is where the ever-important “honesty” came in. I expressed my self-doubt to him, and he explained how he’d come out of a really bad long-term relationship and he wanted commitment, not just wild nights. Being the amazing, understanding girlfriend I am (yeah right), I supported his needs for an emotional connection.

It drove me crazy. I had no idea how to handle this situation. We were ridiculously into each other… just not literally. And after a while, it started to suck. Again…not in the way I wanted. What’s a girl to do? Well, buy a battery-operated buddy, to start.

After a while, though, I realized maybe we were (gasp!) better off sex free! How could I ever think that? For one, we had no need to worry about condoms or me missing my period. And we were really enjoying one another in a way I had never really known before. I even began to think that maybe sex was overrated.

Yes, I too thought I was losing my mind.

But as we spent more and more time together – without all the physical stuff – I realized that this was the real thing. There are so many more important aspects to our relationship. We have 6-year age gap, so we’re learning how to manage a real relationship outside of college, which I’ve found to be harder than dating someone on campus. It also taught me that intimacy doesn’t come from sex, it comes from being happy with what you have.

Would I recommend a sexless relationship? They’re not for everybody. Am I happy? Absolutely. What about you? Have any of you been in sex-free relationships?