Well you would think that would be my answer right there but the plot thickens (lol). The past few weekends things have been getting more and more serious – I’ve met all of his friends in his new city, we have been hooking up, sleeping in the same bed, and pretty much acting like a couple without the title (which I’m actually fine with because if he’s not ready for the title I trust him and am not going to push him into it!). But he then proceeds to tell me one day when we’re having a “moment” that this was exactly what he didn’t want and now I feel bad for putting pressure on him.

So my question is….how do I proceed if he obviously really cares about me and I really care about him? Do I quit visiting? It’s definitely not going to work with me liking him and us being just friends and nothing else at this point, but then where does that leave the friendship?

 A: I think you’ve answered your question! You ask where the situation leaves your  friendship in the same breath that you admit being “just friends” with him won’t work as long as you like him. And you do like him, even if you’re telling yourself you want to be friends with him.

You’ve known each other and have been friends for years, but have you truly been friends this whole time? It seems to me that the sustainment of the “friendship” was largely due to your crush on him and this more-than-friends, less-than-relationship limbo you two were in.

Now, the situation is this: you visit him in his new city, and while you’re there, you feel like he acts like your boyfriend. He’s made it clear he doesn’t want to be your boyfriend, but still hooks up with you when you visit him. So why would he do that? Simple: why not? He does it because he can. Because you make it really easy for him by visiting him every weekend and obviously being into the hooking up. And then you leave and he continues on being a single guy. I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that he’s probably not calling you every day and acting like you’re a couple when you’re not physically there with him. This is not to say he’s an evil, good-for-nothing jerk–from his perspective, he’s made it clear he doesn’t want to date you, and you seem fine with it and still hook up with him. Everyone wins, right? Well, except for you.

So how to proceed? Stop wasting your weekends going over there and ease up on texting and calling him for a few months, and see what happens. Is he going to ask you to come visit him or visit you himself, or will he not mention it all? That can tell you a lot about his feelings for you, but you won’t get any insight if you make it so damn easy for him to continue doing what you’ve been doing, which at this point, is a friends-with-benefits situation. Which is fine, if that’s what you wanted, which you don’t.

You don’t have to give up on being friends with him forever–just humor me and try it for a few months. Stop treating him like a long-distance boyfriend. He’s not. There will be time when your romantic feelings for him will fade and you can be platonic friends with him, but that time isn’t now, and that time will never come if you get stuck in this cycle of pining for him all week, floating along in your love bubble over the weekend, and pretend that it’s enough for you. It isn’t and that’s OK. But if you want to get to the point where you’re cool with being just friends with him, you need some distance first to be able to take off the rose-colored glasses you see your relationship through.

Q: Okay, so I’m a guy, and I’m having trouble finding a girlfriend. I’m 20, about 6 foot, 165 lbs, average build, white (but not pale) skin, well groomed, short hair, shower daily. I’ve dated ten women, two serious relationships.  My most serious relationship was two years. I’m not really into sports, but if I’m hanging out with some friends and they’re watching a game, I’ll watch too.  I strongly believe in treating women with respect.

Generally on the first date I bring flowers, walk up to her door to pick her up, take her to her favorite food restaurant, always open the door (even car door) for her, and always pay (I don’t know why girls let guys get away with not paying). I’m more of the romantic nice guy than the hardcore-work-out-football-beer-blah type guy. I’m not into drugs, don’t smoke, and only have a drink occasionally. I hardly ever curse unless I’m mad. I use correct English but don’t correct others for not using it. I don’t have an accent or a lisp.

I’ve been told I’m attractive, hot, cute, average, normal, etc. I think I have a easy going personality, definitely not pushy. I smile a lot and always make eye contact. I love making people laugh, but most of all, helping them.  I have a few close friends, and enjoy small groups rather than large groups. I love to cuddle. I pleasure her before myself, or try, if you know what I mean. I don’t obsess over a relationship and call her all the time, and I don’t get jealous unless the relationship is threatened. I have a clean rep.

I’ve been on a few dates within the last few months, but none of them seemed to develop into anything more than just friends.  That spark never came.  I’ve talked to some girls that I know and asked them to dinner but they don’t seem interested in “that way.”

I’ve tried to think of everything that describes me.  I know it’s hard to figure this out without knowing me, but I do appreciate you trying.  Maybe I’m trying too hard?  Maybe I need to buy a motorcycle and become a bad-ass?  I dunno.  Can you give me any tips to improve my search for love?

A: Dude, chill out. First off, for the record–a few dates over a few months with no spark and a few rejections from girl friends is completely, 100% normal. It’s the natural process of dating and figuring out who you click with and meeting many people with whom you don’t. So just an FYI, your experience is not indicative of there being anything wrong with you–in fact, if you were sparking with every single woman you dated, that would probably concern me more. This is what dating is.

That said, other than potentially being a bit neurotic, there’s nothing really wrong with you, as far as I can tell (and I’ll chalk my “neurotic” assessment up to you wanting to cover all your bases in your letter!). You’ve dated and have held down a long-term relationship, so all signs point to you dating and having a relationship again the the future. Hold off on purchasing a Harley for now, and take a deep breath.

Yes, it’s possible that you’re trying too hard, but I think your real problem is what exactly you’re trying so hard to achieve. You’ve listed all of these lovely qualities about yourself, but what are you looking for in a girl? So far, all I have from you is that you’re having trouble “finding a girlfriend,” and that you’re on the search for love and a serious relationship.

But with who? It doesn’t seem to me that you like anyone in particular right now, and that’s fine–it’s certainly OK to just date around to figure it out what it is that you’re looking for in a relationship and girlfriend. But you seem overly concerned with how you’re coming off and what you bring to the table, rather than what qualities you’re looking for–so in that sense, yes, you’re probably trying a little too hard to please and to be liked.

To up your chances of a romantic connection, why not starting looking for women in places where you might have a higher success rate? I’m assuming you have hobbies of some sort–try joining a group (meetup.com is a good place to start) and enjoy that hobby with a group of strangers. If you don’t have hobbies or interests, get some. If all you’re bringing to the table is being a nice guy you won’t get very far.

Have hobbies already? Try a new one–take a class, join a co-ed sports team, start volunteering for a cause you care about. Instead of going out with the same group of friends, extend your next party invite/bar crawl to your friends’ friends and meet new people that way. Try online dating. Ask friends to set you up in a casual group hangout/date setting. Say yes to invites you normally turn down. And don’t try all of these in one night! Sometimes you just need to shake things up a tiny bit to see big changes.

And in the meantime, stop worrying about finding “a” girlfriend. Enjoy meeting new people, going out, and just dating without all the pressure you’ve been putting on yourself. Have fun!

And girls, this advice works for you, too!

[Image via kcantinmft.com]

Q: I was wondering if you could go into the mechanics of shower sex in a college dorm… I’m sure it happens, but I was wondering, are there any disciplinary or even legal risks involved of bringing the opposite sex into your bathroom? Tips are also nice too!

A: I have to say, I don’t think shower sex is really all that great–dorm shower sex, even less so. But to each her own–here are the ten things you should know before sudsing up and getting down in the dorm showers:

1. It may be against the rules. Some schools keep women’s and men’s bathrooms separate, in which case, I assume sex in the showers wouldn’t be encouraged either. But hey, might be a great time to work out those bi-curious tendencies. Check your school’s rules–as far as I can tell, dorm shower sex isn’t illegal as a rule, so it’ll depend on your school’s policies–and then figure out how to break them!

2. Remember protection–condoms and flip-flops. You don’t want to catch an STD or a nasty fungus, so keep extremities covered.

3. Remove your eye makeup. I’m not kidding. If you take nothing else away from this, please remember to wipe off you eyeliner before you hook up in the shower. Yes, even the waterproof kind. Not. Pretty.

4. Do it on off-peak hours. Figure out when your dorm shower sees the least traffic and sneak in then. You’re less likely to get caught, and you’re less likely to gross everyone else out with your cries of passion.

5. Don’t do it on the weekend. This might sound counter-intuitive, but unless you want company in the form of other fun-loving couples or that guy on your floor who gets drunk and pukes all over the bathroom every single Saturday, pick a quiet Monday night over a Saturday.

6. Keep it simple. Now is not the time to try out that sex position you read about in Cosmo. Stick to whatever works based on how much space you have and water flow.

7. Lube up. Water, water, everywhere, and not a drop to…lube up with? Yep–the water will actually dry you out, so this is the time to break out the K-Y.

8. For the love of god, keep the soap out of it. If you’re going to be having sex in the shower, don’t lather up your naughty bits first unless you like a little pain–there are some crevices where your fancy body wash doesn’t need to go.

9. Keep towels within arm’s reach. If someone does walk in on you, make sure you have two towels at grabbable distance to cover up with. Your RA does not want to see your bare ass. Unless you’re sexing your RA.

10. Do it for the thrill of it. Don’t expect multiple orgasms when trying out shower sex–you should consider the experiment a success if you make it out of there without foot fungus, a concussion, or having 30 of your floormates see your girls. Shower sex is a novelty, so enjoy it for what it is and don’t put pressure on yourself to have the best sex of your life in there.

Got a question for Pillow Talk? Email it to pillow.talk.cc@gmail.com and we’ll tackle it next time!

Q:

One day in September I texted him. He claims he didn’t know it was me, so I started flirting with him and it drove him nuts trying to figure out who it was until he finally guessed it was me.  We got together again in November.  He asks me indirectly what else am I doing that week, he wants to see me again.  We got together again and he’s kissing me again in public.  I feel a little shy about it.  Then we make out at his house, but we don’t have sex.

We saw each other again in a few days.  I had to travel locally for work. I come back and we go out and again he kisses me rather hard in public – but we don’t go to his house.  But something changed and lately it’s been lunch type dates.  He also claims he’s had a cold on and off for 3 weeks.  It doesn’t stop him from hanging out with other friends and he doesn’t go to a doctor for it.  He said him saying he’s sick isn’t a hidden message, and that he wants to fondle me, but having a cold puts a damper on things.

I think I’m being blown off and he doesn’t want to hurt me.  I know that I don’t get to know the reasons why.  Though I have a pessimistic attitude b/c of some past experiences,  I’m diligent not to make that someone else’s burden to carry, however.  The problem: I think I started to fall in love here.  I want to believe he is telling me the truth, but my intuition says he’s being passive-aggressive.  I just wonder if this is my pessimism at work or should I spare myself some heartache and accept that he’s keeping me at a distance and move on to someone that wants to make more of an effort to see me?

A: I’m going to keep this short and sweet. First off, I’m calling bullsh*t on the three-week cold. Second, it’s time to drop him and find someone that–you said it yourself–wants to make more of an effort to see you.

And not just more of an effort, but an effort, period. The period of most contact in your relationship was those handful of dates you had months ago. Since then, he’s went from being distant to ignoring you, to making out with you at his house, to lunch dates that, I’m willing to bet, are pretty damn convenient for him. If you’re going from actual evening dates to lunch, you’re going in the wrong direction. This cold excuse is a way for him to put as little effort as possible into hanging out with you without actually doing the brave thing and telling you he’s not interested in dating you.

I can understand your tendency to second-guess yourself and not want to give up on this in case you’re just being pessimistic, but I think this is one of those situations where, if your intuition is tell you something is off, then something is off. Don’t battle your gut feeling about this guy because you want things to work out.

If you’re still not convinced (and sure, there is a chance he really is interested and is acting like he isn’t for whatever reason unrelated to you), then think about what kind of relationship you want for yourself–with him or with anyone. Is it one where you feel like your significant other is always distancing himself from you? Is it one where you feel insecure and unsure of how he feels about you? Is it one where you’re having lunch dates and he’s blowing you off because of some mysterious ailment? Probably not. My suggestion, if you still want to give it a shot–lay your cards out on the table, tell him that you like him and that you want to date, ask him out on a date, whatever. If he gives you any kind of wishy-washy, shady response, cut him off. You want this guy to be as excited about you as you are about him…and if he’s not, then you deserve better.

Got a question for Pillow Talk? Email it to pillow.talk.cc@gmail.com and we’ll tackle it next time!

A: Oh, the ever-so-popular “wtf happened?” question. Without knowing every background detail of your relationship, I’d say, sure, maybe he’s distancing himself because he’s hung up on the big O. But we all know it can be pretty much anything. Guys fall off the face of the earth every day for every reason imaginable, and in my experience, it’s rarely for the reason we think.

You say you still hook up about once a month–who’s initiating these hookups? Is he still showing the same amount of enthusiasm? And most importantly, have the two of you ever talked about the (non)orgasm issue? I’ve been in your shoes–I’m not super easy to please, and it seems like some guys have trouble understanding that sex can be awesome for us without an orgasm, so I usually tend to mention it in a light-hearted way, either be saying something like “no worries, I’m hard to please, but we’ll get there” or by laughing about it if the dude is the first to make a joke about it.

On the other hand, I feel for him too. If the situation were reversed, wouldn’t you feel a little crappy if you couldn’t give your guy an orgasm for months? Even if he assured you everything was fine and the sex was great? That’s why it’s so important to talk about it—really talk about it, aside from any post-sex reassurances you may have given him.

He’s in the wrong too, if he’s acting distant because of the sex situation and not willing to discuss it–but if you’re still into him and you think the orgasm thing is why he’s lost interest, then maybe it’s time to suck it up and confront the elephant in the room. Don’t do it post or pre hookup, and you don’t even have to ask outright if he’s lost interest because he sucks at sex (kidding!). Just bring up the fact that you’re only hooking up once in a blue moon, and see what he says. If it seems like he’s keeping his mouth shut, then out with it–bring up the unspoken issue and you two will have no choice but to deal with it.

You seem like you’re really sensitive and understanding about it, so just approach it that way when you talk and hopefully he responds in kind. If he doesn’t and can’t talk about it like a mature adult, time to take that monthly hookup session and spend it with someone else. Most issues in the bedroom can be worked on and improved–but only when there’s open, honest, adult communication.

Got a question for Pillow Talk? Email me at pillow.talk.cc@gmail.com and we’ll tackle it next time!

[Image via Sky]

A: Although I’m not exactly of the mind that your first time is/has to be the candlelit, looking-into-his-eyes, two-souls-connecting kind of sex, I do firmly believe you’ll both be better off if he knows that it is indeed your first time. And not just because it’s the “right” thing to do, although I do feel like he has the right to know, if only because that kind of lie is a rocky foundation on which to build a relationship (if that’s what you want to do).

But besides that, think about yourself! Sometimes, when two people sleep together for the first time, it’s hesitant, sweet, get-to-know-you sex. Sometimes it’s not and you’re up against the wall and swinging from the ceiling fan. Believe me, it would benefit you that your first time isn’t the latter. Yes, he should be sensitive to your needs anyway, whether or not you’re a virgin, but a little extra TLC wouldn’t hurt for your first time around–and he can’t necessarily provide that if he has no idea.

That said, if you’re sure you’re ready to have sex and sure that you’re ready to have sex with him, then there’s no need to making a huge, dramatic event out of telling him. Pick a good time–not while you’re hooking up, and definitely not right as you’re about to have sex–and then take your advice from Nike and Just Do It. The more casual and at-ease you appear about it when you tell him, the more likely he is to not make a big deal out of it. I would wait until the hooking up has gotten hot and heavy, and then at some point that night, just say something like “by the way, and I don’t want this to freak you out, but I’m a virgin. I don’t have any complexes about it or anything, but I just wanted you to be aware of it if we sleep together.”

Approached the right way, I think you might be surprised at how understanding he is. Use protection, and have fun!

Got a question for Pillow Talk? Email it to pillow.talk.cc@gmail.com and we’ll tackle it next time!

[Photo via Dear Sugar]

Two or three months went by and I was in a relationship that abruptly ended. Since nothing had progressed with Fred I felt like he was just a platonic friend and vented to him. He was amazingly supportive and said everything I wanted to hear (i.e. he was a real jerk, I don’t know what you ever saw in him, you deserve better, yadda yadda…). Well this kind of opened my eyes to Fred more and I developed a bit of a crush on him again.

He started coming over to my apartment to watch our favorite tv show. The first time we did this, we made out, things started getting intense and I ended it. He came over again and we made out again, but my roommate was here, so nothing else happened. When he left, we kissed and he promised he’d call and come pick me up the next day.

His plans changed, so we didn’t get together (but he had a good excuse, if that matters), then the next day I sent him a text and he responded, but not as quickly as he normally did. Now comes today, I didn’t text him to see if he would text me and he hasn’t. Am I being paranoid or is he trying to shoo me off?

A: Ah, the text message cat-and-mouse game. I know it well and it’s frustrating as hell to try to decode what’s really going on. There’s no emotional torture that quite compares to that of the silent cell phone.

So do I think he’s trying to shoo you off because he didn’t answer your text as quickly as he usually does, and then didn’t text you the next day? Not necessarily, no. But that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re paranoid. I’m a strong believer in gut feelings and intuition, and I’ve often had a nagging feeling that a guy I was into was trying to blow me off, however subtly or nicely. I’ve usually proceeded to completely ignore those feelings, only to have them confirmed weeks later by said guy. So, generally speaking, I think that if you have a nagging feeling that something is off, then it’s not for nothing. But you need to be honest with yourself–is it really a gut feeling, or do you just have a tendency to take a pessimistic approach at the first sign, real or imagined, of a change in your relationship and habits with a guy?

That said, a late text followed by no text the next day could very well mean nothing. I remember getting upset that I was always the one calling my (now ex-)boyfriend in the evenings. It made me feel insecure, and when I brought it up to him and asked why he doesn’t call me, his response was “well, because I know that you’ll call me.” So if you generally are the one to initiate a text chat with your dude, then he could very well be completely unaware that his not texting you is sending you a message. Or he might have felt blown off when you put a stop to the hooking up. Or he might be wary of getting involved since he has a kid. It could a dozen different things.

The best way to get to the bottom of it, of course, is to ask. “Hey, so I’ve noticed we’ve recently been making out, what’s up with that?” Give him a chance to tell you how he feels about you before deciding for him. Good luck!

Got a question for Pillow Talk? Email pillow.talk.cc@gmail.com and we’ll tackle it next time!

[Photo courtesy of Dear Sugar]

Q:

This is someone who called me half the time, took me for a fancy dinner on my birthday, WANTED to hang out, asked that I not hook up with others (and I know he wasn’t either) and actually liked me, and yet, there he was telling me he could never be a boyfriend to anyone right now and that maybe we shouldn’t hang out anymore. It was actually a really disturbing freak-out. We haven’t spoken since. What gives?

A: Oh man, we’ve all been there, haven’t we? He’s totally into it, but bolts when we try to take the natural step forward.

I’ve never been a great mind-reader so I decided to take your question to someone who might have a bit more insight into the male mind–my boyfriend. So what’s up with a guy that wants to act like a boyfriend until you actually say the word “boyfriend”?

Boyfriend Adam says: “The whole “I can’t be a boyfriend to anyone” sounds like a cop-out–it’s ambiguous and that’s probably on purpose. It’s possible that he really does have something going on in his life, but I don’t know why he wouldn’t be more specific–and it seems like he could be a boyfriend to someone all month, before you said you wanted a relationship. He was acting like your boyfriend, regardless of whether or not he called it that. It sounds like for whatever reason, he changed his mind. Either way, it’s a lose-lose. Either he’s telling you the truth that he’s damaged goods, or he’s lying to you about why he can’t be a boyfriend to anyone, which isn’t a good indicator of any relationship to come. Finally–if a guy really likes a girl, he’ll figure out a way to make it work.”

I have to echo what Adam said, especially that last part. I hate to get all “he’s just not that into you” on you, but if there’s something I’ve learned over the past few years of dating, it’s to listen to what he’s telling you when he’s telling you he is unfit for a relationship. If he says he doesn’t want a monogamous relationship, then he doesn’t want a monogamous relationship. Whether he doesn’t want one at all or he doesn’t want one with you–it doesn’t matter.

And it sounds like you already know that. We can try to figure out exactly what happened until we’re blue in the face, and we may never know. What we do know though, is that whether he’s really a mess and can’t be in a relationship, or he’s just giving you a lame excuse, the end result is the same. He would make a bad boyfriend. And when you’ve only been seeing someone for a month, you want that person to be excited to be in a relationship with you. You shouldn’t have to drag them into it, kicking and screaming.

You weren’t out of line to expect your situation to evolve into a relationship–in fact, given what you told me, you already were in a relationship with him. He just didn’t want to call it that, and that’s his loss.

Got a question for Pillow Talk? Email pillow.talk.cc@gmail.com and we’ll tackle it next time!

[Image Via]

A: Well, honestly, I do think you’re overreacting–but it comes down to personal preference and opinion, so if his sexuality is something you can’t deal with, then you’re not right for each other.

Before you start drafting your “it’s not you, it’s me” speech, hear me out. Let’s say he’s 100% straight as an arrow–you do realize that he would notice other women besides you, right? And as much as you may hate it, he would probably form some opinion on how hot your friends are, too (though if he knows what’s good for him, he’ll keep it to himself). So what’s the difference between him noticing other women or other men? He’s still choosing to be with you.

Is it possible that you’re a little worried about friends’ reactions? Since you’ve been with him for a couple of months I’m assuming it wasn’t a dealbreaker–you did continue to date him after all. I actually dated a bisexual guy a few years ago, and the experience was not much different than dating a straight guy–for me, hearing that he was bi was like hearing that he loves dogs or hates seafood. Some of my friends were a little bit shocked when they found out, so his sexuality was only an issue when I started feeling defensive about it.

Another possibility is that you might just be a jealous person. Have you had the same fears about your straight boyfriend checking out your friends or other women? Are you worried about your current boyfriend checking out women and your female friends, or only the guys? If this is a recurring theme in your relationships, it’s not something that will go away unless you confront it, regardless of the sexual preferences of your future partners.

Of course, you might be just genuinely icked out about it–but that’s something you have to figure out for yourself. Would I dump a guy over his sexual preferences? No–but you have the right to feel however you feel about it. Likewise, he has the right to be with a partner who accepts this part of him, and if that’s not you, then it’s only right to cut him loose. I may not agree with you, and I may feel like you’re overreacting, but that’s based on my opinion and my experiences. I wouldn’t sleep with a Republican, and I’m sure there are plenty of people that would tell me that I’m overreacting and being judgmental, but I have the right to feel that way.

Would I be disappointed if a guy broke up with me over my sexual past? Sure–until I realized that if he’s grossed out or bothered by my feelings and experiences with sex, then he’s probably not at all right for me. Figure out how you feel about it and then act accordingly, but do it soon; don’t drag the relationship out and lead him on if your gut is telling you to leave. You both deserve better than that.

Got a question for Pillow Talk? Email pillow.talk.cc@gmail.com and we’ll tackle it next time!

[Image Via Mediabistro]

Q: My sex drive is through the roof, and I can easily have sex twice a day, every day…but my boyfriend is a different story. He’s fine only having sex once or twice a week. We’ve been together for almost a year, but we’ve been fighting about this more and more lately, usually after he brushes me off if I’m trying to “seduce” him, at which point I usually make passive aggressive statements about how I should find someone who DOES want to have sex with me. I feel bad for saying it, but I’m also starting to believe it! Aren’t guys supposed to dream of having a girlfriend that wants to have sex all the time? What should I do?

A: I can sympathize–I’m also the sex fiend in my relationship, and it can be really frustrating. Here’s the thing, though — I don’t think twice weekly sex is really a problem, at least not in the way that once-every-3-months sex would be a problem. Seems to me that’s it’s just a preference and not indicative of how attractive and sexy he finds you. Only you know for yourself if it’s a dealbreaker or not.

I think a lot of the frustration might actually be coming from how the situation is handled, and less so the frequency of sex. Start by changing how you fight. I completely understand your passive-aggressive reaction (and I’ve so been there), but it’s only making him more defensive and not open to talking about it. Try bringing it up during a neutral time–not before, during, or after sex (or the rejection of sex)–and explain it to him in “I” statements: “I don’t feel good about myself when you brush off my advances.”

Get his walls down and appeal to his sensitive side before you continue with questioning–ask him if his sex drive has always been like this with past girlfriends. Ask him why he turns down sex when he does–is he tired? Stressed? Does he prefer morning sex instead of nighttime nooky?” You might just need to shake up your routine a bit, like having sex in the morning before the stress of the day gets to him, or picking a weekend every month to stay in bed and mess around. The goal is to have a 100% honest conversation with both of you letting your guards down, so bite your tongue when you feel yourself getting frustrated and tempted to hit him where it hurts with a passive-aggressive comment.

If his sex drive has always been like this, if there are no medical issues, and if the sex is satisfying and lengthy enough when it does happen, you may just have to decide if you can live with it. Before you give up on this battle, though, think about whether there’s something bothering you besides just the frequency itself. Is it that you feel like you’re always doing the initiating? Tell him that you want him to be more aggressive with you. Is it that you want a little more excitement? See if he’s up for a trip to a sex toy store to pick up something you can use together.

And if none of that helps, or if he’s not willing to try to try anything you suggest, then you’ll need to make a decision. I can’t make it for you–only you know whether or not you can stand it forever. Sex isn’t the most important thing in a relationship, but it is important, and if what’s happening (or not happening) between the sheets is making you feel bad about yourself and making you resent your boyfriend, you might have to have the “it’s not you, it’s me” conversation.

Got a question for Pillow Talk ? Email it to pillow.talk.cc@gmail.com, and we’ll tackle it next time!

[Image via Daily Mail]