There’s almost nothing worse than waking up in the morning and discovering a big, fat zit in the middle of your forehead. And it always seems to happen the day of sorority formal/a new ID photo/a presentation/any random Tuesday when you pass your crush on the way to class.  No matter how hot you look otherwise, that eyesore on your face brings you back to being an insecure 13-year-old, and you start bargaining with god to just make it go away as you furiously wash/exfoliate the sh*t out of your face.

You’d do just about anything to get rid of that honker. Anything.
Or would you?

A University of California student just wowed the world with news of an all-natural, totally effective way to rid the world of acne. It’s a breakthrough in skincare that has everyone abuzz. The only problem is: it’s breast milk.

Apparently, whatever handy particles that are in breast milk locate acne-causing bacteria before they turn into pimples. And unlike all those crazy strong acne creams, the formula (if you can call it that) would have no harsh side effects (like dryness), since it’s all-natural.

It all sounds pretty damn good, until you start thinking about the “sophisticated delivery system” that would keep the stuff “alive” until applied to the skin, where “nanoparticle bombs” can finally blow up those little suckers on your face. Uhhhh.

So many questions, I don’t even know where to start.

LIVE breast milk!?
And bombs!?
Is this my face, or a battlefield?
And, uh, where will all this breast milk come from!? Don’t the moms who have it, need it? To, oh I don’t know, feed their children?
Wait, LIVE breast milk!? On my face?!

I think I’d rather have a few zits than squeeze some lactating woman’s boob onto my cheek.

Trust me, I want to rid my face of acne just as much as the next hormonal girl with a date coming up, but this is just too much too swallow. Ew. I think I’ll just stick with my usual face cream and copious amounts of cover-up, thank you very much.

No fear, I’m here to help!

First things first, DO NOT pick or pop your zits. Seriously, take your hands away from your face! Sit on them if you have to, just do NOT touch that zit.  If it’s a really bad one, grab some ice to reduce the redness and swelling and that’s it. Next, follow the steps in this video and in less than 4 minutes your face will look like nothing ever happened!

She’s so serious that she has actually made her own website to get her name out there.

Before you throw things at your screen and start talkin’trash about what a crazy bia Neenah is, take a moment. This isn’t much worse than what many of us do in relationships. Ok, maybe the website thing is, but still; there is a wide spectrum of ridiculous deadlines we put on ourselves to find a relationship. Here is just a smidgen of some of the…interesting…declarations that I’ve heard thus far…

I haveee to get married by the time I’m 23 – I have a friend who strictly believes that she has to get married at the age of 22. Her mom and her grandmother got married at the age of 22, which obviously means that she has to get married at 22 too, right? Did I mention that she first told me this when we were in 7^th grade? Unfortunately, this sort of hasty deadline can lead to nothing less than a complete disaster. What if you happen to be dating a 53 year old garbage man when you’re 22? Okay, that’s pretty unlikely but you get the point – wait for the one that you actually want, not just the one that’s around at the right time.

I’m not getting married until my looks fade…at the age of 65 – No lie, I used to tell people this allll the time. (Super embarrassing, I know). For most of my adult-ish life, I have been the blissful single girl. I did not want a relationship and honestly, I wasn’t really expecting to find one for a while. Uhhh until I did. Seriously, this ish creeps up on you faster than a pimple on prom night. And when it does, no matter how hard you try, there will be no way you will be able to pass it up.

I don’t want to be tied down until I’ve settled down – Now this one seems a tad more rational than my “looks fade” guideline. You are an ambitious, college-educated woman that has a lot of goals. And let’s face it, often a man doesn’t really fit into that equation. Whether you want to travel the world or establish your own law firm, you need the freedom to be able to obtain your goals. Like I said, however, you can’t easily ignore an opportunity when it comes flying at your face. So which one should you choose? Both, duhhhh. If you find “the one” and he doesn’t support and encourage your goals, then he really isn’t “the one,” is he?

I guess what I’m trying to say here is that you can’t put a deadline on anything. Sure you can take your love life into your own hands like Neenah by putting yourself out there, but you really can’t do much more than that. And I’m not sure any man will find that sort of desperation attractive.

Just live your life, go for everything you want, and when you least expect it, you’ll run into a relationship like a brick wall. In a good way, of course.

Do you or your friends have embarrassingly peculiar deadlines?

You’ve probably heard lots of different reasons regarding why your face turns on you at whim, and some of it is probably true, but there are also some awful skin myths out there.

First of all, you’re not going to get breakouts from eating chocolate (or french fries)! The Vegetable Association of America made this up to scare you into staying away from delicious foods. Sure, if you ate chocolate for 3 meals a day for a week, your body’s natural balance would be thrown off, and yah, you’d probably breakout. But if you consume a normal amount of sweets, you’re fine. The reason greasy foods are associated with breakouts is because people tend to eat more of them when they are stressed. (You know you eat way more Reese’s cups when you are stressing over a big test.)

This leads me to my next point, which is that stress does cause breakouts. According to The Acne Resource Center Online, stress causes the adrenal glands to produce more hormones. The site also states that “It has also been established that psychological stress can decrease the wound healing capacity of immune systems up to 40%. This factor doubles the impact of stress on acne.” So when you’re stressed, you breakout, causing more stress, and prolonging the breakups. Great, right?

So stress produces more hormones, which produces more acne, but there are also other sources of hormones that produce acne. Your period creates elevated levels of hormones and so does birth control changes. Oftentimes birth control lessens acne, but some girls see an increase. More commonly, breakouts occur when a pill prescription is changed and hormone levels are increased.

Heredity also plays a part in breakouts, (yup, you can blame your parents for your pesky pimples). And, unfortunately, that is something that you can never change. Nope, not even getting older will help; there is no such thing as “growing out of acne.” (Please don’t hate me for that news – I’m only the messenger!)

So I guess I didn’t really tell you anything you can do to prevent zits, because there isn’t that much you can do, but – hey – now you know! Wash your face, but don’t scrub too hard; use non-pore clogging makeup; and try to de-stress. But other than that, there is no surefire way to prevent acne.

Don’t let this news stress you out (you might break out); there is some good news! You can eat that Kit-Kat and not feel guilty about it. And there is always spot treatments and cover up.

Does that help? Maybe just a little?

Bad news for me, but good news for the giant under-the-surface zit brewing on my chin: acne bacteria may now be outsmarting the medicines we have been using to cure it.

Say it with me: O.M.G.

I know – I’m freaking out, too! I have 2 birthday parties this weekend and an ugly step-sister growing on my freaking face! And now science is telling me that there is nothing to do and I should wave my white flag and surrender to this bitch?!

Apparently derms have been over-prescribing antibiotics for acne, which has created these mutant strains that aren’t touched by the stuff. No, not even that crazy shiz that bleaches your clothes/towels when you use it.

Doctors and researchers are getting very worried – some claiming that up to 30% of people with acne have these affected strains – and are looking at new ways to treat these mutant zits. Sure, acne isn’t a life threatening disease, but the results of this could really wreak some havoc!

Let’s just hope they figure out something fast. I’m not sure how much longer I can hold out against this beast taking over my face. There isn’t enough cover-up in this world to help us all now.

Heat = sweat

Sweat = pimples

As someone who enjoys the outdoors, runs almost daily and has a tendency to break a sweat during even the smallest tasks (like walking to my car!), I have come up with some easy ways to maintain a blemish free face for the warm months.

Less is more. Whether you’re going to work, to a picnic or to a bar, summer days and nights can become excruciatingly hot and humid. One of the best ways to keep your skin clear is to wear less foundation (no cake make-up, ladies) while you’re out and about. Since most individuals have a natural glow in the summer, due to the heat, the use of lots of foundation blocks air from getting to your pores. This prevents your pores from breathing properly, thus creating bacteria build-up that can turn into pimples. If you cannot bear to go without some face make-up, use a tinted moisturizer, light powder or bronzer to give yourself a base.

Wash carefully. Despite what makeup you do use – a little or a lot – you must practice a routine of twice a day (morning and night) face washing. Something mild, like a Cetaphil Daily Face Cleanser, will be easier on your humid skin than something stronger, like a Noxzema or Clearasil.

Drink. Drink. Drink. When you sweat, your body is releasing liquids, thus causing you to become more dehydrated. Make sure you drink lots of water to hydrate not only your body, but your skin as well. Drinking roughly two liters a day is enough water to balance your body and its sweat glands.

Wash that sweat off. After you exercise, make sure you take a shower as soon as possible to wash off the sweat, dirt and any other ickiness. Not showering after a workout causes the sweat to dry and go back into your pores, causing the inevitable bacteria build up. Showering soon after working out (or any physical activity…hem hem) can limit the amount of potential pimples that can show up. Note: If you can’t shower, bring a wash cloth with you to dab your sweat off. It helps kill that on-the-surface sweat and bacteria in the meantime.

Eat right. You may be saying, ‘’How does food have anything to do with pimples?” Well, my trusted CC-ers, eating more fruits and vegetables can strengthen your skin.

Leave your Do’ Alone. Use less hair gel and hair spray. The oils in your hair products can run down onto your forehead and face when you sweat, causing the chemicals to get into your skin and produce pimples.

So ladies, next time you’re laying on the beach or going for a job, keep these tips (and a bottle of water!) with you, so you can have clear, flawless skin for the hot summer days.

[Photo courtesy of www.teamsugar.com]

But give me my own bathroom.

Co-ed bathrooms are one of college’s biggest mysteries. Who thought it would be a good idea? Who decided that it would be totally cool to completely devoid college kids of any type of privacy? Did none of the inventors of co-ed bathrooms ever have a crush?

And if they did, how could they fathom perhaps bumping into that crash while they still had pimple stuff on their face and crow’s nest on top of their head?

I just don’t understand it. The bathroom is sacred. Private. It’s not a place I want to discuss homework or chat about the newest TV show.

I don’t want to step out of the shower and come face to face with the captain of the lacrosse team. I don’t need that sort of horrible awkwardness in my life.

Also, in case no one’s noticed, guys and girls take very different approaches bathroom etiquette. Guys often think nothing of taking the entire sports section into the stall with them and staying in there for hours, while girls prefer to get in and get out without anyone really seeing.

Dealing with a dining hall “situation” (that bean burrito went through you a lot faster than expected) in a public restroom is bad enough, but passing a guy going into a stall at the same time as you? Incredibly, painfully embarrassing.

Has anything good ever happened in a coed bathroom? Has a romance ever blossomed by the hair-clogged showers or toothpaste encrusted sinks? Have the genders ever come together in perfect harmony underneath the harsh florescent lighting? I don’t think so.

After years of strict separation in high school, many freshmen probably look upon co-ed bathrooms as a titillating experience during their first weeks, but as time goes on, they learn the tired lesson that bathrooms aren’t for sharing.

Got a co-ed bathroom story? Let us know!

Jessica Simpson is set to rake in 3 million dollars to renew her deal with the pimple poppers over at Proactiv.

Basically, this means she gets more money than she gets to star in all of her blockbuster Hollywood films…to just stay kinda pretty and smile a lot. But get this! In the past, Jessica the Genius has gone on record saying that it was the prescription Accutane that cleared up her zits.

It wasn’t until she signed a contract with Proactiv in 2005 that she had what seems like a change of heart:

“I just had so much build up and so many clogged pores that once I started using Proactiv Solution, my face was just shining. I’m passionate about Proactiv because it worked for me and it gave me so much confidence.“

Maybe her face was shining because she’d returned to being excessively oily after the effects of Accutane wore off. Or maybe she’s just, you know, lying to make a ton of cash for putting in almost no effort.

It doesn’t really matter what Jess says because I don’t know about Proactiv anyway.

It always seemed like such a scam. I’ve tried it twice and all it’s managed to do was face my face smell like a foot. Not to mention drying it out so bad that I had to stay in bed and let it heal.

I had to let me face heal. My face!

So forget Proactiv and forget Jessica Simpson…they’re lying, she’s lying…it’s all the name of the game.

Besides, I wouldn’t trust a company that uses Britney Spears as a spokesperson for beauty.

A wise Alpha Kitty said, “Let them eat salmon.”

Damn! If only I would have known sooner, I wouldn’t have such a mammoth pimple on the side of my chin…ha!

Have I lost you? See what I mean and watch.

Atoosa Rubenstein, creator of CosmoGIRL! and pervious Editor In Chief of both CosmoGIRL! and Seventeen is feeding the hungry kitty in us all with new video content on her Alpha Kitty You Tube Channel.

I watched, I laughed, and I think Atoosa brings the… for lack of a better word, weirdness, in us all.

Aren’t you a little curious?