Pugs in funny hats. Adorbs.

They’re letting Katherine Heigl come back.

Tiffani Thiessen ruins my lifelong dream.

Pizza Hut gives up on Pizza…

Did Jennifer Aniston steal another one of my men!?

You goin’ out tonight? Gonna hit the town and celebrate that final final? You gonna get so drunk that the only thing on your mind at the end of the night is gooey, cheesy and totally bad for you?

Me too!

But before you a make poor decision that involves you and the delivery places you clearly have on speed dial, read on. There are some snacks out there that are just not worth eating, no matter how many Vodka Red Bulls you’ve downed in honor of the end of History 240. Things you will regret more in the morning than last weekend’s romp with the History 240 T.A. Assuming all that fat and grease doesn’t prevent you from making it to the morning…

Domino’s Bread Bowl Pasta.

Not sure why you would want to eat this, as it both looks and sounds nauseating. But in case your taste buds aren’t satisfied with noodles alone and they long for a massive tub of soggy bread to soak up all the caloric goodness, just remember… NOT TO LISTEN TO THEM! No really– stay far, far away from this god-awful, heart-attack inducing concoction. I mean, who really needs to eat the bowl!? The giant serving of cheesy, creamy, fatty pasta isn’t enought?

It’s just gross. End of story.

Pizza Hut’s P’zone Pizza.

Described as: “Over a pound of toppings and cheese baked into a folded pizza crust!” I’m pretty sure that translates to: “Over a pound of extra fat stuffed into a pair of skinny jeans!”

Taco-Bell’s Nachos BellGrande.

Any food item with the word “grande” in it should most likely (as in, most definitely) be avoided. Unless it’s from Starbucks. You may think it’s not so bad – it’s  prepared with reduced fat sour cream! – but don’t be fooled. Low fat toppings or not,with 760 calories and 1300 mg of sodium (60% of your daily value of salt packed into one snack….er….fourthmeal!) this is a baaaad late night choice.

KFC Chicken and Biscuit Bowl.

(I think I just puked). Imagine of the four unhealthiest food items: fried chicken, mashed potatoes, cheese, and biscuits. Now pile them on top of one another, smother the stuff in gravy, and whad’ya get? Something you should probably never eat.

Pizza Hut’s Stuffed Crust Pizzas.

If pizza itself isn’t a bad enough choice for curing (or provoking) the munchies, try pizza with extra cheese literally “stuffed” into the crust. The pie is apparently packed with melted cheese in the crust “so that the last bite is as good as the first.” Yea…so the last bite is as good, and fatty, as the first one. Two (of those very small Pizza Hut) slices have 800 calories. And if that wasn’t harmful enough, just imagine those grease burns you’ll get when that sh*t drips down your arms. Probably not the best choice during bikini season. Or ever.

“Holy sh*t, this is better than sex.”

And I totally meant it. That treat was pure heaven: creamy, sweet, indulgant…and I didn’t have to have awkward conversation with it after.

There aren’t many things I think that highly of, but I would give up sex for that dessert any day. (Or every day if it was fat free.) Like me, the rest of the CollegeCandy writers love getting frisky, but this week they weighed in on the very special things in life that are truly better than sex.

Olua: A good book. Call me a nerd if you want, but I’d usually rather be reading on an uneventful night than doin’ the dirty.

S.E. – Fordham: Gooey butter cake is way better then sex. It melts in your mouth, tastes like heaven, and is sweeter then any orgasm.

Kathryn S.: The thrill of the chase, because you can imagine “the perfect moment,” you don’t have to worry about “the morning after,” and because Chuck Bass instigated it on Gossip Girl.

Erica – Kent State: I don’t know why, but I am absolutely in love with pizza. I can’t tell you how many nights I have decided to skip going home with a hot guy in favor of returning to mi casa because I knew my roommates were going to order something from Pizza Hut.

Kari – FSU: My Sunday night routine: gooey pizza, fresh garlic rolls, a bottle of wine, True Blood, Entourage and a healthy dose of ice cream to get me through Little Britain so I can watch the Life & Times of Tim. Bring it on, Monday.

John – UConn: Fruit smoothies are perhaps the only thing better than sex, and mostly due to their convenience. A fruit smoothie can be enjoyed in class, while driving, while studying, and additionally a fruit smoothie never bruises your fragile ego, unless you make it REALLY poorly.

Noa – UC Boulder: Full House marathons (and not just because of Uncle Jesse).

Lauren – University of Michigan: Oreo milkshakes from Potbellys. Does sex come with mini Oreo’s on top? I don’t think so!

Suzanne – Tulane: Fitting into my skinny jeans

Heather – Penn State: Really great Italian gelato in the U.S. – it’s harder to get and it’s more consistently pleasing.

Elise – UCLA: PUMPKIN BROWNIES. Or a huge fatty slice of cheesecake with LOTS of graham cracker crust.

Carly – Grinnell: Dark chocolate, bread pudding, crème brûlée… I trust I don’t need to explain why.

Elizabeth – UA Huntsville: Cuddling up together to watch a movie or Ghost Hunters. It’s so relaxing and sweet and there aren’t any pressures at all (except to be quiet when they’re playing EVPs).

Sarabeth – University of Texas: Cheesecake. It’s amazing. ‘Nuff said.

Kelly – UMass: Nothing. and anyone who says something else is not having good enough sex.

What about you? What do you think is better than sex?

Looks like he forgot all about the little ditty that made his band famous and spent the money buying a ton of cocaine and marijuana. Page was arrested in New York last week for possession of a controlled substance.

The best part? When the cops showed up, Page and his female friend tried to hide the mound of coke under a napkin. I can’t believe that didn’t work! That’s how I hid a quarter pound of parmesan cheese when I spilled it at Pizza Hut 10-years ago. I guess the Syracuse PD are a little more thorough than the hapless staff at my local “Italian bistro.”

The news of this arrest is disappointing but not exactly surprising. Despite putting out a very good last effort and a popular kids album, Barenaked Ladies have been trying to run away from irrelevancy since “Pinch Me.” It looks like it finally caught up to them.

Page is out of jail already after paying $10,000 for bail. He is due back in court on Thursday and with the evidence against him, this may not go so well.

Remember Steve; they don’t serve Kraft Dinner in prison…unless Kraft Dinner is a very unfortunate euphemism for cellmate stabbings/rape.

[Photo. CTV.ca]