Where do you fantasize about having the hottest sex of your life? Beach? Elevator? On the desk after work? Hot tub? In the van during the stakeout while Casey’s undercover and…well okay that’s more of a fantasy in which the who is more important than the where (and if you don’t know who I’m referring to, pick up last month’s Maxim). We’ve also been brainwashed with by intricate film choreographed sex in a plethora of sexy locales to think that fiction is a reflection of fact. And then there’s reality. Which can be downright cruel, and itchy. Here’re 11 places you might want to make whoopee but would end up needing a cushion after:

1. Shower
How big is yours? What are the odds of falling and doing permanent injury to yourself? Slippery when wet. Showers, pools, under waterfalls, no matter the aquatic spot you still need something OTHER than water to keep enough moisture down there. “I’m not even gonna talk about down there.” And pruning doesn’t improve a pounding experience. By the by, make sure you’re shower curtains are strong enough to hold onto. Craftsmanship is more important than cost-effective.

2. Hayloft
A roll in a hay will leave heat rashes that last for more than a day. “It’s the itchy and scratchy showwwwwwwww!”

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I’m graduating in January and I’m more than  a little freaked out. With the end my my carefree existence approaching so rapidly, I’ve been thinking a lot about the college experiences I wouldn’t want to miss out on before I flip that tassel.

Obviously, a lot of these involve sex. (What can I say? It’s always on my mind.)

So this week, I’ve decided to put together a comprehensive list of every last place we all should have sex (not together, of course) before walking the plank into real life. Unfortunately, I go to an all-women’s college so most of these are just wishful thinking for me, but they are more than feasible and exciting for the rest of you.

An empty classroom. Make sure you can’t be seen from the window on the door.

On the top bunk. You haven’t experienced college if you’ve never banged your head in cowgirl position.

A frat house. Use protection.

The shower. Don’t forget your flip-flops Read More »