This week, a JetBlue pilot had a breakdown on-board a flight from New York City to Las Vegas. He started wandering around, flipping switches, and yelling about bombs and Al Qaeda. Luckily, his copilot did some really quick thinking. He convinced the pilot to leave the cockpit and then locked him out. When the pilot started to panic and scream at passengers to say their prayers, a group of passengers tackled him and held him down until the plane could make an emergency landing.

We all remember the time that JetBlue flight attendant Steven Slater dramatically quit his job and then slid out of the plane on the emergency chute. That was pretty funny, but given this pilot episode, I’m glad I never fly JetBlue. It seems like they need to screen their employees a bit more intensely. This kind of news terrifies me, because I go to college far from home. There’s no way for me to get home to visit my family without getting on a plane, so I do a lot of flying.

These days, every time I get on a plane, I don’t even bother to hope that the experience will be good. I just hope that I’ll make it to my final destination in one piece. Inspired by the dangers of flying, here are eight things you never want to hear your pilot say.

initiating the gallery...

Garnet is a student at Columbia University in New York City. She is “that person” who starts dancing at a party when everyone else is standing around, and if there were a Facebook stalking Olympics, she would be a gold medalist. She also loves cheesy 90s music, and almost died of happiness when Vanilla Ice retweeted her. Once. Follow her on Twitter @garnethenderson.

[Lead image via Jeff Thrower/Shutterstock]

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Last Tuesday, passengers aboard a Spirit Airlines jet flying from New York to Florida had a bit more to deal with than those impossible-to-open peanut bags.

Seems one of their fellow travelers had decided it was totally okay for him to shove a monkey into his hat and bring it aboard.

The strange, strange man, who had originally departed from Lima, Peru, somehow managed to hide the tiny creature “inside his ponytail” and underneath his cap while he boarded the plane, his cover blown only after the animal climbed out of it’s hiding place halfway through the trip.

This story obviously begs a few questions:

First, just how big was the man’s ponytail, and why did no one notice there was a monkey in it?

Second, how come I’m forced to practically strip before I board a plane, but this dude managed to smuggle a living creature onboard underneath a hat?

Thirdly, what kind of monkey is small enough to stow away inside human hair?

Sadly, there are no answers, just a nagging desire to see this hat-monkey, and the unavoidable cuteness it most likely possesses.