I haven’t had a boyfriend on Valentine’s Day since I was fifteen. It was chock-full of adolescent cliches– roses, pearl earrings, homemade cards…all those things that happen on TV and in movies happened to my tiny, naive, unappreciative sophomore self. I’ve had other boyfriends, but they always seem to ironically end or begin almost perfectly in order to stay out of sync with Valentine’s Day. Super.

You mean being showered with love and affection doesn’t happen every year?!

And though one could assume my February 14ths have been downhill from there since I’ve been flying solo, I’m happy to announce that I’ve mastered the art of the sensational Single Girl’s Valentine’s Day. Watch and learn.

1. Stay the heck away from The Notebook. Why do some people insist on adding insult to injury by drowning their lack-of-man-sorrows in a painfully beautiful display of what you might be pining for? Don’t watch something you know will make you sad, and even though it may be tempting, don’t invite two pints of Ben and Jerry to watch with you. Sugar comas will not make you any less lonely.

2. Get your glitter glue out and show some love. Everyone loves nice gestures and Valentine’s Day is just about consumerism anyway. There are no rules about what it’s all about, so I take the opportunity to buy my best (PLATONIC) friends chocolates and cards and show them the love they deserve every day of the year. Remember those little Batman and Barbie Valentines we loved circa 3rd grade? Simple, friendly Valentines are equally appreciated at age 19 as they are at age 8.

3. Revel in the freedom of your lack of commitment. Blast some “Independent Woman,” watch some Sex and the City and flirt unapologetically with every boy worthy of your flirting. You don’t have to stress about what kind of gift to buy a boyfriend — spend the money on yourself! Mani/pedi, anyone?

Moral of the story: Don’t spend one minute of February 14th being bummed, all you single ladies. When we have guys, we complain about how dumb they can be– let’s take this opportunity to revel in our freedom and have a great day filled with chocolate, champagne, amazing friends and absolutely no commitments!

Two or three months went by and I was in a relationship that abruptly ended. Since nothing had progressed with Fred I felt like he was just a platonic friend and vented to him. He was amazingly supportive and said everything I wanted to hear (i.e. he was a real jerk, I don’t know what you ever saw in him, you deserve better, yadda yadda…). Well this kind of opened my eyes to Fred more and I developed a bit of a crush on him again.

He started coming over to my apartment to watch our favorite tv show. The first time we did this, we made out, things started getting intense and I ended it. He came over again and we made out again, but my roommate was here, so nothing else happened. When he left, we kissed and he promised he’d call and come pick me up the next day.

His plans changed, so we didn’t get together (but he had a good excuse, if that matters), then the next day I sent him a text and he responded, but not as quickly as he normally did. Now comes today, I didn’t text him to see if he would text me and he hasn’t. Am I being paranoid or is he trying to shoo me off?

A: Ah, the text message cat-and-mouse game. I know it well and it’s frustrating as hell to try to decode what’s really going on. There’s no emotional torture that quite compares to that of the silent cell phone.

So do I think he’s trying to shoo you off because he didn’t answer your text as quickly as he usually does, and then didn’t text you the next day? Not necessarily, no. But that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re paranoid. I’m a strong believer in gut feelings and intuition, and I’ve often had a nagging feeling that a guy I was into was trying to blow me off, however subtly or nicely. I’ve usually proceeded to completely ignore those feelings, only to have them confirmed weeks later by said guy. So, generally speaking, I think that if you have a nagging feeling that something is off, then it’s not for nothing. But you need to be honest with yourself–is it really a gut feeling, or do you just have a tendency to take a pessimistic approach at the first sign, real or imagined, of a change in your relationship and habits with a guy?

That said, a late text followed by no text the next day could very well mean nothing. I remember getting upset that I was always the one calling my (now ex-)boyfriend in the evenings. It made me feel insecure, and when I brought it up to him and asked why he doesn’t call me, his response was “well, because I know that you’ll call me.” So if you generally are the one to initiate a text chat with your dude, then he could very well be completely unaware that his not texting you is sending you a message. Or he might have felt blown off when you put a stop to the hooking up. Or he might be wary of getting involved since he has a kid. It could a dozen different things.

The best way to get to the bottom of it, of course, is to ask. “Hey, so I’ve noticed we’ve recently been making out, what’s up with that?” Give him a chance to tell you how he feels about you before deciding for him. Good luck!

Got a question for Pillow Talk? Email pillow.talk.cc@gmail.com and we’ll tackle it next time!

[Photo courtesy of Dear Sugar]

You might be able to laugh off some of these poor decisions, but in other cases, you might reap the consequences, especially if your fling affects the people around you. Here are some awkward hook up scenarios that you may just wish to avoid in the future.

1. Your Best Friend’s Brother.

Usually, you give your best friend all of the deets regarding your trysts, and she listens, and laughs, and offers advice when necessary. No can do when you’ve crossed the line into sibling snogging. Your best friend doesn’t want to picture her brother in any type of sexual situation. If the hook up turns into something more, congratulations, but you’re still not going to be able to share certain details, because the guy won’t want you gossiping to his sister, and your friend won’t want to hear it. Dating the brother might also strain your friendship, depending on whether your friend resents your decision.

If things go sour with the brother and you remain friends with your BFF, you’re bound to run into him in the future. Another thing to keep in mind is that if things go sour, your friend will probably side with her bro, because blood is thicker than the those vodka tonics you guys share at the bar.

2. One of Your Brother’s Friends

Just like your BFF’s brother is off-limits, your brother’s friends are also risky business. Your brother certainly doesn’t want to imagine you hooking up any more than you do, and he certainly doesn’t want to hear any “locker room” talk among the boys once the rest of his crew finds out about your promiscuous ways.

3. A Co-Worker

Getting it on with someone from the office is up for debate. I have plenty of friends who have hooked up with, or are currently dating someone at work and have figured out a way to balance work and pleasure. Still, tread lightly. A one night stand with a co-worker can easily go awry, and you don’t want to zone out in a meeting because you’re recalling the multiple orgasms from last weekend. Also, if the rumor mill churns out a he-said/she-said account of the fling, you’re going to have to face your colleagues around the water cooler and wonder if they still think of you as a professional. If feeling uncomfortable isn’t enough to turn you off from hooking up, remember that many businesses frown upon inter-office relations, and you could be jeopardizing your job.

4. The Guy You Only Hooked Up With Because the Guy You Wanted Turned You Down

You get decked out for a party with one goal: Hook up with Joe. You get a decent buzz on and walk in on Joe making out with some girl on the sofa in the middle of the party. Feeling rejected, you engage in conversation with Tom, who is more than willing to swap spit with you. The next day, you regret Tom, and Joe changes his Facebook status to “In a Relationship.” Double burn.

If you don’t know the guy, aren’t attracted to him, or don’t have feelings for him at all, you are a thousand times more likely to regret adding his notch to your belt. It will also definitely add to the morning-after “What was I thinking?” factor.

5. Your Strictly Platonic Guy Friend (Until Last Night, That Is)

Can guys and girls be close on a strictly platonic level, or are feelings bound to be stirred up by one or both parties? Not only can hooking up with your best guy friend change your relationship forever, but it can also be disappointing.

Case in point: I was super close with a guy in college, and everyone thought we liked each other (we didn’t). The rumors alone weirded out my friend, because he wasn’t sure if he should believe them. We worked through it, and when he transferred, we kept in touch. One summer, I went to visit him, and it was like nothing had changed…until we had sloppy, drunken, mismatched sex later.  I think it happened out of sheer curiosity, and we learned that our naked bodies simply don’t mesh well together.

We said our goodbyes the next day and pretended that it never happened. The end.

6. A Girl. But You’re Straight.

If you want to experiment, college is the perfect time and place. When I was in college, it was the norm to see girls making out at parties or bars, for no reason other than shock value and attention. Then Katy Perry’s runaway smash “I Kissed a Girl” came out and glamorized same sex experimentation.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with same sex relationships, and nothing wrong with experimenting. But making out with your girlfriends can lead to just as excruciating an aftermath as a one-nighter with your guy friend.

Anybody out there have any experiences that fall into any of the above categories? We’d love to hear them, along with any other types of awkward sexual situations that we should all learn to avoid.

[Photo courtesy of thenoyes.com]

I could relate my humble Midwestern high school drama to a number of situations that took place in the glamorous locale. Manhattan’s Upper East Side or the cornfields of Illinois? Does it really make a difference?

I think not.

A few examples to prove my point:

Hooking up with the ex’s best friend to make him jealous. Although Nate doesn’t know yet about Blair and Chuck’s rendezvous, the intentions of B were clear. If Nate doesn’t want her, she’ll have the second best thing: his best friend. How’s that for a slap in the face, Nate? The sad thing is that I actually don’t think he would care at all…Funny how that works out.

“Platonic” boy-girl friendships that never are just that. In my opinion, Serena is being very understanding towards Dan and Vanessa’s “friendship.” It’s obvious that Vanessa still wants him, and in my experience, those kinds of friendships can only go on so long before the girlfriend gives an ultimatum.

Parents acting like children and embarrassing their own kids. Whether it’s Nate’s situation with his father and family, or the Humphrey’s mama drama, sometimes parents are just as immature, if not more, than their own children.

Older boy likes younger girl. The whole Nate/Jenny bonding session seems to be foreshadowing something. Maybe I’m reading too far into it, but as I stated earlier, true boy-girl friendships never seem to remain totally platonic for good.

I’m sure there are more examples, but you get the point. Take away the glamorous hotels, restaurants, and apartments of the GG characters, and you get what we can all identify with: a true high school experience. So whenever you think you and Serena would never get along, just remember, we’re all Gossip Girls in some way or another.

A youth instructor like myself, we spent our days holding up languid 3-year-olds on the bunny slope and chasing screaming kindergarteners down larger hills, hoping against hope no one slammed into a tree in the process.

Being in a high stress (and FREEZING) situation supplied us with an instant bond, and we soon found ourselves skiing together during our free time and discussing our lives on chairlifts.

During out time together, it began to dawn on me that he was everything I had ever looked for in a guy: smart, funny, good with kids, active, gentle, and giving. He liked his parents, wrote music on his off time, and always waited for me whenever I fell into a giant snowdrift.

Basically, he was awesome. The only issue? I wasn’t attracted to him in the slightest.

He wasn’t ugly. It didn’t hurt to look him in the face or anything; he just wasn’t my type. Nothing about him made me jittery or full of butterflies, my heart never jumped when he walked into a room, and those long chairlift rides were never awkward with anticipation.

I didn’t fantasize once about kissing him.

Having an amazingly platonic friend was fine, but I often caught myself watching him coax a toddler to put on giant ski boots and wishing with all my might that I was attracted to him. If only! I’d think, squinting to see if I could make something happen. If only I could just find something…

But I never could. No matter how perfect this guy was in every way, I could feel nothing for him except comfortable nonsexual affection.

He was an Almost Husband—a guy who’s perfect in every way except for one, and that one is a deal breaker.

Sometimes, AHs (or AWs, Almost Wives) come in the form of a gay man or woman, a person you feel nothing but platonic emotions for because of obvious sexual preferences. But when an AH or AW could potentially be your significant other, that’s when it gets frustrating.

Everything is in place! you think. Why can’t I just make it happen?!

But try as you might, you can’t squeeze out even the slightest drop of sexual magnetism.

AHs and AWs are truly one of life’s most annoying occurrences.

Have your own AW or AW story? Commiserate!