Question?! Answer. Ask TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com.

Confidential to Almost Sexually Active Band Geek: WAIT. He doesn’t mind. If it’s meant to be, it’ll happen later–when things work out.

Dear Tuffy Luv,
I have been hooking up with a long time friend recently but we have never been anything official. He acts like he likes me, takes me out, says he thinks he is falling in love with me and says how he thinks we should be together. He has quite the playboy/bad boy reputation and for a long time and I couldn’t let myself be anything more than friends with benefits, so I have denied his requests that I be his girlfriend in fear of getting hurt.

I had a change of heart about 2 weeks ago and we had a conversation where we both decided to try and make a relationship work. Nothing really changed, we just gave it a label. However last week, only a few days after we became official, he slept with my best friend. Now things are beyond awkward between said friend and I and my “boyfriend” thinks I am making a big deal about nothing.

I mean floop.
Hearts & Skulls,
Tuffy Luv

Get more Tough Love right here. You know, if you’re into that sort of thing.

[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of getting the pity-eyes as you sift through the Self-Help section at your campus bookstore? Over wondering what those boys are thinking?  We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude@collegecandy.com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time.  So bring it on, ladies.]

Dude,
Okay so I have this one guy friend that I’ve totally hooked up with before and it meant nothing. Honestly, sometimes a girl has needs that need to be fulfilled just like guys do. So for me our hook up was just something fun that was better than me just hooking up with some random person for a one night. Ever since that hook up homeboy has either texted me or called me EVERY time that he has been drunk. A lot of times if I don’t answer his texts he will call me multiple times throughout the night until I answer, wanting me to come over and I have respectfully have refused.

I have also told him countless times that I know that there are plenty of other girls that he should call besides me and he has never listened until tonight when he started texting me again drunk, and for the first time he admitted that he needed to stop and that he was sorry and for me to ignore anything else that he sends me. He also said that he would promise to never drunk text me again, which is great. I want this to end because it is so embarrassing, especially when I am out with friends or other guys and he constantly calls.

However that is not the reason why I felt the need to send this. I have noticed that he has recently being trying really hard around me. He has been texting me during the day, blowing up my phone, inviting me to come over and literally just hang out and chill with him and friends and watch movies and other little things. We are friends so usually this wouldn’t seem out of the ordinary but lately I have been feeling questionable about his invites. Something just seems off with him. He is known for being quite the player when it comes to girls and usually I am one of his few friends that will put him in his place about that. So I guess what I am asking as homeboy had a change of heart? Has my friend gone from being the player for life now to Mr. Right and am I in his crosshairs?

Signed.
Girl With Guy Friend Issues

Dear GWGFI,

You can’t keep sampling the forbidden fruit then be surprised when you’re bit by the snake in his pants.

There’s a term for hanging out and hooking up with someone on a continual basis: dating (not to be confused with being in a relationship). Some argue it’s an archaic term. I almost agree. It covers everything from booty calls to being all but monogamous. Now you just want the physical stuff. Alright.  Casual, sure, it happens…for a while.

From Fatal Attraction to Swimfan (even Erika Christenson dripping wet in a one piece couldn’t make that movie watchable), men have been warned of woman’s emotional attachment to sex. False.  Sometimes a woman wants to have sex with you because she wants to have sex. No cuddling or breakfast necessary. I do believe women and men regard sex differently from an emotional standpoint (for example, men seem to be more turned on by what they see, a.k.a boobs, and women by what they hear, read, the vibe they get within the first 5 minutes of meeting a guy) but let’s get something clear: Women can just want sex. The flip side: some men can’t separate sex and being smitten.

Look, GWGFI (you’ve been converted into an unpronounceable acronym), you had the casual thing but you might have gotten greedy. The problem with hooking up with one of your friends is the fact that, because you’re friends, you’re already in the middle of something more than casual. You thought his player status would protect you but here’s the unforeseen complication: some men like the whip. There’s nothing sexier to a player than the girl who can play him. You’re the whip. You slap the sense into him. You’ve also said “no.” Thereby you’ve become the unattainable. And what do human beings crave more? (Seriously, if you try saying GWGFI 3 times fast you’ll bite your tongue.)

Relationships (of all kinds) either evolve or devolve. They can’t remain in 1 phase because there’re 2 people involved. And 2 people never feel the exact same toward each other simultaneously. The individual is too complex and unique. Your friendship has reached a critical evolutionary crossroads. Even if homeboy isn’t Mr. Right, he’s dubbed himself Mr. Right Now. If you want more than something casual then proceed accordingly. Sounds like you don’t. In that case, whip him good. Men don’t take hints. The gentler you let us down, the more we see “no” as “try harder.” Whip him good. Be direct. Be decisive. Whip him good. And stop hooking up with him. Even when he says he’s past it and he’s cool to get with again, he’s lying. No hooking up. No sexting (oh Tiger, how far you’ve fallen). No hope. Whip him good.

To the fellow specimens of my gender reading this column, take heed this warning: Never drink and text. And if you get a call after 2 AM just go to bed (you can thank season 1 of How I Met Your Mother for that one).

Whip it,

The Dude

Hey Dude,

How the heck do you get out of the friend zone? It seems like everyone thinks it is only a problem for guys but girls go through the same problem as well. I have a guy friend for a few years now and I would love for it to be something more. He is a definition of a player and basically can get whoever he wants. He hooks up with so many girls – he even hooked up with my twin sister last week!

The thing is, we have a good friendship – he makes me laugh and I feel like I can tell him anything. We are very flirty, but then again, he flirts with everyone. We have been in situations where we could of hooked up, but he never made a move. He is not friends with many girls. Honestly, I think I am the closest girlfriend he
has. I just really would love to see if I can turn this into something more. Help!!

-Sick of the Friend Zone

Dear Road Kill (Sorry, but that’s a more appropriate title),

Ok, this may sound a little bit harsh, but it’s exactly what you need to hear.

Ready? Here we go.

This situation is kind of like standing in front of an oncoming truck, and making absolutely no effort to move out of the way. Hello? What do you think is going to happen? If this guy had every opportunity to hook up with you because of your looks, your laughs and your personality, and instead he hooked with up with your twin sister?…that, my friend, is called a problem. Yes, it could be because he secretly has a deeper respect, affection, and deeply burning passion for you and you alone, but more than likely he is exactly as you described him: a player.

Women are smart (much smarter than men most of the time), but when it comes to taking your own advice, you’re sometimes about as quick as the Girls Next Door in a biomechanical engineering exam. Listen, you said it loud and clear: he fools around. He hooks up with chicks all the time (and you’re not one of them). He even takes a dip in your personal gene pool, and yet…you’re still considering this guy?

Do me (and every other woman in the world) a giant favor and wise up. If he makes a great friend and you enjoy good times together, keep it as such…but don’t waste your time hoping he’s a diamond in the rough, when he probably is enjoying every second of being rough as hell. Move on to a guy who will love you for you, never go near your sister (or any other member of your family tree for that matter), and can make you laugh while keeping it in his pants. And when in doubt, re-read your question. The answer is right there in your own words.

Walk away.

–Dude

[Got a question for El Dude? Ask it: askthedude@collegecandy.com. He won't sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. He'll be 100% real dude, 100% of the time. So bring it on, ladies.]

Got a guy question that’s tearing you up inside? Don’t trust your girl friends to give you honest advice (because they’re afraid if they tell you the truth you will freak out and throw things at them)? Just want to try and understand what a guy is thinking?

We’ve got the dude for you. Send your questions to AskTheDude@CollegeCandy.com and he’ll give it to you straight. Because you can’t throw things at him, no matter what he tells you. Our dude is answering questions every Wednesday, so ask away!

Hey Duuuude,

OK, so here is my situation. I met this guy my freshman year of college (I’m a sophomore now) and we flirted for a while and then we started texting. Then eventually, we started partying together. Well for about two months while we would flirt, text and party all the time (he would text me every day about 3 times a day a lot of times just to see what I was doing), he had a girlfriend. Before I found this out, I had straight up asked him if he had a girlfriend and he said no.

How I found out he had a girlfriend for sure, was one night us two and a group of friends went to a party. At the party (not knowing it was his girlfriend) I went up and talked to her, because I knew who she was aside from the fact that she was his girlfriend. She was short with me, and gave me a lot of attitude and I wanted to know why. So I asked him again what was going on between those two and he simply said “I f**ked her a few times.” Then I found out that she is madly in love with him and considers them to be exclusive. Well that was a while ago and bygones are bygones; I do not trust him in a boyfriend sense, yet I treasure his friendship. He tells me he wants to go out on actual dates that don’t involve other people and black out-drunkenness, and I have heard him say that he wants to be in a serious relationship with me, but I am afraid to trust him because I feel like he is someone that I could really fall for.

What should I do???
— Can’t Think of a Fun Name, So Just Call Me Confused

Dear Can’t Think of a Fun Name, So Just Call Me Confused,

This one is pretty easy to explain, because the answer to your question is located directly within the question itself. You already know the guy isn’t good for you… you described him in detail. This guy has actively led on another girl in front of your very own eyes, so no matter how crazy the “other woman” (in this case, ex-girlfriend) can be painted…she is probably just another version of you. You are suffering from what I like to call the “Johnny Depp Effect.” You know the guy is trouble; you’ve seen how he treats former girlfriends, yet you still secretly hope he’ll change, fall madly in love with you and whisk you off to some strange island in France to make babies and brood over the complexities of life together.

To put it plainly, this guy is a player, and you’re part of the game. It’s impossible to “read between his lines” (or texts), because he is a master at sending mixed signals to women. Don’t hold out hope that somewhere along the line he’ll change (or that it was really the girlfriend’s fault all along). Texting someone while dating another, creating false claims of exclusivity, and continuing to lead you on are called “red flags” my friend, so stop ignoring them and find someone that can truly be defined as serious.

Hope that helps.
–Dude

Okay, okay. You found your fling. But classes are about to begin again, and you’ve got to pack up, move out, and put your scholar-face on. What are you going to do about the amazing hottie you picked up over the break?

Well, that all depends. What do you want? What does he want? How much do you really think you click? And by “click,” I do NOT mean another work that ends in “-ck.” Because if you’re going to make it work, you’re going to have to jive beyond the boundaries of physical attraction.

Take into consideration the fact that you’re going to have a college workload, assignments, deadlines, and the usual university-sponsored (or bar-sponsored) social engagements. If he’s in school, he will too. Sure, it was easy to escape when you were both visiting your parents, but what about when you’ve got your uber-fun roommate and a dorm full of friends every night of the week? If you still think he’s worth it, read on.

Next, ask yourself what you want from him. Do you want a boyfriend? Are you willing to be exclusive, even if it’s long distance? Or, do you really just like his company and want to keep him in your life? Depending on the category he falls into, your relationship could go in many different directions. If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, continue.

Before breaching the “Let’s Keep in Touch” convo, see if you can read him. Does he seem like a player, or does he do sweet things for you even though you’re leaving? Do you only have heated holiday sex, or do you actually enjoy each other’s company? If you two are on totally different levels, your idea of how the fling should continue might clash with his idea of how the fling will end. You think he feels the same way? Proceed.

Keep it casual. Don’t put all of you eggs in one basket when you know that long-distance relationships can be difficult. Exchange numbers, emails, Facebook accounts, whatever. The truth is that you probably won’t be able to see each other for a bit, but you can keep in casual contact.

This will simultaneously allow you to see if the relationship is worth hanging on to, and let you get closer to the guy in a friendship-way. Sure, you had crazy sex for a week or two, but let’s face it- it’s not so convenient anymore. You need to decide if you can handle being “just friends” if it means you get to keep him in your life. If you can’t, it was officially a holiday fling.

If you can, there are a number of routes the relationship could take. I fell in love in Europe several years ago, and I am visiting the hunk in a couple of short weeks. Am I excited for his company? Absolutely. Do I hope we can get it on? Definitely. Will I make the first move? Certainly not. I’d much rather keep him in my life than be a forgotten sex toy.

Make your decisions wisely.

Just like we are always wondering what guys are thinking (which usually consists of sex, sports, beer and sex), guys want to know what’s on our minds. What do we want? What do we like? What the hell do we mean when we curtly say “it’s fine” after they get all pissy when we hang out with our guy friends?

Contrary to popular belief, they care what we think. Not only because they want to please us, but because they want to woo us, lure us…and get us into their beds.So, we at CollegeCandy decided it was time to let guys know exactly what we like/hate/and dream about at night. So, vote, comment and pass this on to those boys in your life. And remember: unlike sex with most college men, this is all for you in the end.

When it comes to dating, do you find yourself drawn to the boys who play the games (and play ‘em well), making you chase them all over town? Or are you more into the straight up, honest, nice boys who call when they say they’re gonna call?

I have good news for you. He read my article. We talked it over. And we’re ready to go public.

Here he is.

It’s been a whirlwind romance. When I first saw his Craigslist post, “Mr. Right Iz Here Waiting 4 U,” I knew I was in for something huge. Mr. Right! There! Waiting 4 me! I never dreamed it could be so easy. Yet, when I looked into his eyes – or, perhaps, more accurately, the portions of his eyes which could be viewed through the slits of his oh-so-cunning neon-green sunglasses – I could no longer restrain my passion. I simply had to respond.

Our dates, of course, are wonderful. We stroll through New York, patronizing the various vendors of airbrushed shirts. We go to ATMs and withdraw cash, making fans of $20 bills with which to rouse each other to erotic frenzy.

To be sure, he has a “history.” He may be a bit of a “player.” Yet I cannot hold this against him. He’s a young dude. He gets the girls. To put it quite simply: he do what he do. All men have their youthful escapades. But he’s not a simple man. He’s complicated, brooding, deeply sensitive. Here he is, caught in a moment of reflection:

So pensive! So thoughtful! He is thinking, no doubt, of his next record to be produced. Will he challenge the people, shake them up, revitalize the form itself? Or will he fail himself and his ambition yet again, delivering merely a dreary and moderately well-produced record which succeeds on the force of his sexual charisma alone? Art is such a cruel mistress – truly, as D.H. Lawrence wrote, a “bitch goddess” who feasts on those who best love her. L’ennui! L’ennui!

As for our more intimate moments, well – this is what sex looks like.

That’s right, ladies. Beneath that fan of $20s, my man is completely nude. I don’t mean to make you jealous, but – oh, who am I kidding? I do! I do! I’m in love, wonderful, all-consuming, soul-shattering love, with Mr. Right. Though you may have your pick of the world’s lesser men, you will never match the glory of our eternal passion.

You may have heard something about a certain voice-mail that my gentleman caller left on a tawdry little website. To be honest, I’m shocked by all the commotion about it. I may as well confess: I made him leave it. I can’t have these photos of my boyfriend posted all over, where any woman could see them and fall under his spell as I have done.

So, bitches: back off of him. Mr. Right iz all mines.