Most girls, when asked, will deny playing games when it comes to dating. We complain that guys are players and that we’re the innocent victims. But being more than a few years (and ice cream binges, and drunken cry sessions) into the dating world, I’m beginning to wonder….is dating itself just one big game, and are we all players?

Is there any girl out there who hasn’t waited a strategic amount of time to text back a guy they like? Who hasn’t flirted with someone else in front of him? Who hasn’t refrained from calling/texting/IMing because she didn’t want to seem desperate?

But where do we draw the line between seeming desperate and straight-up showing that you’re interested? It all gets very, very confusing, and that’s why I’m convinced dating is impossible without a little game-playing.

Think about it. When two people start hooking up or embark on a friends-with-benefits situation, neither is gonna blurt out everything on their mind. Those just aren’t the rules of the game. Actions speak louder than words, so we try to show, rather than say, what we feel. We consult their friends. We try to make them jealous. We primp for hours before running into them, only to play aloof and feign disinterest in our conversation. We’re anything but honest with each other, because we don’t want to seem vulnerable and risk getting hurt.

Just like in a real game, both parties want to have the upper-hand…and it gets complicated fast. In the beginning of a relationship, no one wants to ask the important questions about exclusivity and being “official,” so they play a little tug-of-war until one person caves. Read More »

Call me, dammit!

OK, remember that boy I was confused about earlier this year? Yeah, well he showed back up again in my life. Without a warning, he offered to help edit my honors paper (and I mean, trust me, I was NOT going to say no to someone with decent grammar willingly offering to proof read…I have to bribe my roommates with brownies). And then I have vague recollections of drunk texting him one night (not one of my proudest moments, but occasionally these things happen to the best of us single girls on rough weekends). Whatever, you get the picture. So things continued from there, we hung out a few times, grabbed a late night dinner together twice..same old drill.

EXCEPT here’s the thing. Nothing has progressed since then. We haven’t gone on a date, hooked up, or done anything outside of the friend zone. Granted, I am busy (that might be an understatement), as is he, but still, you would think he would at least be able to find the time to ask me on a legitimate date somewhere (outside of the dining halls preferably) in the last month! I know that he’s interested in me as more than a friend because he asked my best friend if she thought I only liked him as a friend…

Now here is the problem. He is a nice guy, the kind of guy that I would actually date, not just maybe drunkenly hook up with once. He is a nice guy, who knows me and STILL likes me, except he can’t get his sh*t together to make a move. I think I really like this guy. He’s the first boy since my ex to make my heart flutter, make me daydream in class, give me that feeling in my stomach when I see his number pop up on my phone. Read More »

Hey Dude,
(Remember that show? Ha.)

Recently I had what I assumed was my first legit one-night stand.  Chatted up a friend of a friend at a bar, decided to accept his invitation to go home with him. In the morning as I was getting ready to leave for work, he mentioned that “we’re going to a party tonight, give us a call.” I assumed this meant him and the mutual friend and was probably just him saying it to make me feel less awkward about last night, especially since I didn’t have his number.  But a little later he mentioned hanging out that night again, asked if I had his number and then wrote it down for me.  After work I gave him a call but he didn’t answer.  I left a message with my name saying if had been wondering what was going on that night and that I’d talk to him later, and never heard back from him.  Should I try calling again or just let it go as a one night thing?

- Clueless Read More »

Yo Dude,

I’m just going to start this off by saying that I have no game, whatsoever.  I think this is mostly due to the fact that I’m pretty shy and don’t really speak up when I want something.  If I meet a guy that is good looking or seems nice, I normally won’t go after him unless he shows some interest first.  Unfortunately, this has landed me in a rut lately and I’m finding myself in a situation that I need to take charge of.

I recently met a guy (who just so happens to be my neighbor in my apartment) and I feel like nothing is going to happen if I don’t do something first.  But the problem is I don’t know what to do!  Asking him to come over and hang out just seems silly to me yet the most logical since we live right next to each other.

Dude, can you help me with my game?  I hate putting myself out there but I want to get to know this guy!  Or any guy for that matter!

Sincerely,
Gameless Read More »

The Backstreet Boys said it best: “Quit playin’ games with my heart (with my heart…).” I didn’t quite understand the meaning when I first jammed out to that song back in 1996, but now I get it. And I want to get on top of a mountain and sing that to every guy who has ever effed with me….and the many more that surely will.

What the eff is up with the games? Why do guys do one thing (kiss you) and then confuse the hell out of you (not call)? Why do they play with your head so you can’t do anything but think of them, emotionally eat, then think about them some more?

Why can’t we all just say what we mean and stop making calculated moves? It’s all a big waste of time and I’m sick of it. If you like me, tell me. If you don’t, fine. But don’t purposely not call me because you want me to think about you and then, just when I’m on the brink of being over it, say something cute in a text message.

Guys make me crazy and I needed to know why they feel the need to do so. Apparently, it’s all our fault… Read More »

As I was typing this up and most likely while you are reading it, I was and still am chuckling. I can’t help but be amused. I know you’d like to know what’s so funny. Well, it’s nothing, really. I mean, it’s no big deal. It shouldn’t even upset you. Everybody loses the Game at some point, right? Your time had to come.

What Game? I bet you didn’t even know you were playing a game, did you? There are a ton of people right now playing the Game, and quite frankly, most of them are doing better than you. Now, I know it’s not really fair of me to tell you that you lost the Game when you don’t know the rules, so I guess I should lay them out for you. Don’t worry; there are only three of them.

1. You are always, always playing the Game. No exceptions. Everyone in the world is playing the Game in some capacity, really.

2. When even the very thought of the Game comes into your head, you lose it.

3. When you lose the game, you HAVE to announce it. Read More »

Let’s just say I don’t qualify as a shy person. I’m gregarious, loud and completely immodest. The other day my sister called me a force and whether that’s a force of nature or a force to be reckoned with, I’m not sure. What I do know is I pretty much do, say and act how I want, even when the opposite sex is involved.

Sometimes though, you just lose your mojo and the sexy confidence you once had peaces out — leaving you feeling like a totally undesirable specimen. There have been times (much to my chagrin) when I have neither the confidence nor the ability to just approach a guy in a bar. Read More »