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If 2010 has taught me anything so far it’s that eating greasy Thai noodles for four days straight will make you fatter. And if this year has taught me two things, it’s also that infamous and elusive G-spot is a sham.

Pause.
What?!

Yes, it’s true. A recent study of about 1,800 women has concluded that the G-spot is one big, fat lie.

Upon first reading this study I was shocked, appalled, cursing Cosmo and their 500 tips per month on maximizing something that doesn’t exist… and subconsciously reaching toward my nether regions. From Santa Clause, the Easter Bunny, and the Coach purse you purchased at a kiosk, how many lies can one woman take?

But the more I thought about it, I realized how reassuring it was to know that all that time I spend in bed looking at my watch waiting for the Big O that never comes (no pun intended) has never actually been my fault. Or the fault of the man lying there with me.

While this study is somewhat disheartening (like that moment when you realized the Tooth Fairy was actually the rotund man you call “dad”) and definitely under a lot of scrutiny, to me it’s nothing but good news. Finally there is an answer to too many women’s concerns. Finally we can stop wasting our time highlighting key passages in the latest Cosmo as we go on yet another monthly scavenger hunt for our g-spot! Finally we can tell that “friend” of ours to focus on the pleasure parts we know exist and take a one way ticket to O-Town (and I’m not talking about the boy band) sans the Mapquest directions.

This study may be bad news for some (mostly whoever is writing books like these), but not so much for the rest of us. After all, knowing Santa wasn’t real didn’t stop the presents from coming, right?

Yes, that is exactly what it looks like: a washing machine with an attached saddle for her pleasure. I don’t know who thinks of these things (men), or who would buy one (actually, she would), but it really exists.

Maybe we’ll start doing our laundry more than once a month?

For all the women out there who hate the gym but love the bed (did you know that having sex for an hour burns 250 calories?!), now you can get the best of both worlds.Introducing… The Coregasm.

Yeah, you heard right. You can have a screeching, pleasure-filled orgasm right there in the gym!

What exactly is it? Basically, when you do certain exercises that tap into the deep core/quads and inner thighs, you end up almost automatically squeezing pelvic muscles too. This tightening of the core and leg muscles triggers the nerve impulses in the pelvic area and your lower abdominal muscles (AKA your orgasm-getters), and causes you to be… happy. Verrry happy.

When Men’s Health features editor Adam Campbell mentioned it in his blog, The Fitness Insider, there was a huge response by women who have experienced the phenomenon firsthand. “Seems on my third set of 15 reps, if I crank out a few more reps and go to 20, well, yeah, I can have an orgasm!” one wrote. “And no one notices, trust me.”

I know I have never felt the workout orgasm before, but maybe I’m just not working hard enough? Maybe if I push myself just a little bit harder and hold that plank just a little bit longer, I will not only get those killer abs, but a more, er, immediate reward, as well!

I’ve never been more motivated to hit the gym.

If you have similar feelings towards sex toys, this is your lucky day, as I have decided to do all the research for you. I have sifted through the most peculiar of sex toys (seriously, check out the Micro Vibe Tiger and the Safari) to bring you my top 5 reasonably tame, couple-friendly toys. If you’ve tried any of these or have some other personal faves, puh-lease don’t hesitate to share!

Her Pleasure Vibrating Finger Massager – Of course this can be used in the fashion of a normal vibrator (use your imagination), but what I like about it is the versatility. It can really be used to stimulate any body part during foreplay or during sex – the possibilities are pretty much endless. Plus, it’s a pretty safe toy to bring into the bedroom without offending your guy or insulting his skills.

Vibrating Boy Shorts – You got it – boy shorts with a vibrator actually built into them. Now I probably wouldn’t wear these out in public, but they do sound fun as pre-pre-sex activity. Not only will it warm you up while you make out, but I would imagine it would feel pretty good to him as well. For those that can severely contain themselves, I suggest you try one that comes with a remote control for your guy. Now he can do more than just wink at you from across the room….

Velvet Touch – At first glance, this flesh-toned contraption seems pretty intimidating and/or perplexing. According to MyPleasure.com, however, Velvet Touch is one of the most highly recommended c**k rings for couples. Now, I don’t know much about c**k rings, but this one looks like it’s got a lot going on – the soft touch of CyberSkin and a vibrator and several stimulation parts to choose from. Just read the dozens of reviews on MyPleasure.com and I swear you’ll be sold before you even put in your order.

Our First Bondage Kit – Alright so this pick may be a little biased as I tend to enjoy a little blindfold action. Obviously this one can be a DIY project by just throwing a bandanna and some scarves into the bedroom, but if you feel like getting fancy I suggest you pick up the complete kit. According to the website, the kit contains, “Four plush cuffs for ankles and wrists are completely adjustable with Velcro fasteners, which also allow quick removal.” You can kiss the days of being caught in the middle of intense bondage sesh’s goodbye! P.S. If this has happened to you, please do share in the comment portion – I gotta hear about it.

LAYAspot – This one’s pretty similar to the finger massager, but it’s a little larger to cover more surface area. The kicker about this puppy, however, is the fact that it’s pretty discreet. On the outside, it’s your every day Sharper Image hand massager. On the inside, however, it’s a lean mean vibrating machine with several different settings and levels of pulsation for your personal enjoyment. Plus, this toy’s simple enough to let your creativity run wild and use it in any way imaginable.

Enjoy!!

Without giving it away, I couldn’t help laughing even as I blushed. At the same time, I learned a lot about what NOT to do when the realities of our bodies inevitably trip us up.

1. You must talk about sex. On Chesil Beach is set in the early sixties, a time when it was “simply impossible” for anyone to discuss sex. It’s the ultimate taboo subject even when people are married, and as a result, couples who get together barely know what to do with each other or even what to expect.

In the book, Florence is given a brief pamphlet about the bare bones of sex, but she still doesn’t have the first clue of what to do or what will happen on the man’s side of things. Because of this huge taboo of talking about sex, neither of them can talk healthily about it when things go wrong. Times have changed a lot since then, but I still think the taboo stands in a lot of situations. We’re not supposed to say certain words, protest if something hurts, or talk about what we want. But without having these difficult and embarrassing conversations, people will end up being disappointed, hurt, or just plain confused.

2. Don’t feel ashamed. A powerful sense of shame is another reason why Florence and Edward feel paralyzed in McKewan’s book. When things go wrong, Florence immediately assumes it’s her fault, she has done something wrong. Edward similarly feels ashamed for having “failed.” In reality, sex the first time is harder than TV and movies make it out to be. It takes a little finagling to get the jigsaw pieces together, so to speak, and if either girl or guy feels shame about this, it will taint the whole experience.

3.The girl’s gotta feel good too! In the world of On Chesil Beach, women were expected to be entirely passive. In fact, a woman who enjoyed sex too much was regarded with suspicion. Sex is supposed to be something that women just bear or tolerate, and not much side stuff was done for the woman’s pleasure. Thankfully, in this modern day and age we know that it’s just as important for women to have fun as men! If your partner is neglecting your pleasure, you’ve got to speak up and say so. Sex shouldn’t have to be something to be borne for anyone.

4. Be supportive, and be able to laugh. First times are awkward. They just…are. The worst thing would be losing your sense of humor if things get a bit silly. As long as you’re not laughing at your partner, of course! You’ve both got to be there for each other, and be able to laugh at the absurdity of the situation. If you’re too serious, and are expecting a home run on the first try, then everyone is just going to end up disappointed. So relax! There’s gotta be a first time, and as long as you are communicative, you can survive the awkwardness with your sense of humor intact.

Yes, I know – if I could just find a guy to stick with, it would all be easier. This is true. And maybe, just maybe, I will eventually meet a good guy who I can really rely on and want to commit to. Until then (which is off in the way distant future), I think I found a substitute.

The SaSi.

I haven’t actually tried this thing out yet, but I am deeply considering it. And once you know more about it, you most definitely will, too.

It seems as though, thanks to new technology, this little vibrator knows more about how to please women than most men do. (Editor’s Note: Which isn’t hard. Ayooooo!) SaSi has a learn mode wherein it tries all different sorts of movements. If you don’t like one, you can simply skip to the next and it remembers the ones that you prefer. The next time you use it, the SaSi will skip the stuff you hate and stick to the stuff you love. If only it were that easy with the boys…and they didn’t get all self-conscious/curled up in the fetal position and cried when you tried to guide them.

The SaSi also combines different movements all the time, so it never gives you the same sexual experience twice. Cha Ching!

How many of you know men who can measure up to that? I’m only sayin….

I bet SaSi won’t admit to liking me as more than a friend and then link me to a blog where a skank details having sex with SaSi last week…

Oh, whoops, that was just some as*hole I cut out of my dating life as of yesterday.

[Photo from: msnbc.com]

What I found was an intricately designed website that made this lube look like the kind that astronauts would use… if they found time to do the dirty while in orbit. Extra-curricular NASA activity aside, I decided I had to try it.

I went to my local Target, dragged my boyfriend to the pharmacy aisle and asked if he was game to test drive it. $18.09 (!!!) later, we were opening up our high tech pleasure pack.

The box reflects the same “couples only” mindset that all the other marketing for this product does, which I find pretty inconsiderate of any loyal single KY customers. Slogans for Yours + Mine include “The best thing to happen to sex since love” and “It takes two…To make magic. To make love.” KY makes no effort to sell this product to those engaging in casual play.

The lubes come in 1.5 oz test tubes (they’re a lot smaller than I thought they’d be, considering the price) that faintly glow in the dark. This unnecessary (but awesome) trait earns the product bonus points with me and boyfriend, as both of us are easily amused.

Boyfriend, a biology major, gets into the whole playing scientist scheme with the test tubes and obeys the box’s directions to use “Mine” (the pink one) on me, while I use “Yours” (blue) on him.

I catch a whiff of “Mine” and am suddenly wary of the fact that it smells distinctly of Novocaine, which would be a highly counter-productive ingredient in foreplay. “Yours” smells exactly like the bubbles I used to blow as a kid. Being that I am highly susceptible to distraction, this nostalgic smell throws off my mood.

When I regain my focus, I realize that “Mine” is cold, but not a jarring or unpleasant cold, just a tingly and novel sensation. Boyfriend says “Yours” doesn’t feel like much of anything, but to me it feels kind of warm? That could have just been heat from the friction, because as far as hand job glide goes, this stuff is useless.

We decide we’ve had enough of 2nd and 3rd base and go for the home run. I’m expecting the kind of fireworks and opera music the commercials promised. Surprisingly (and oh so pleasantly) I am not disappointed. This stuff seriously delivers on its guarantees of “an amazing reaction.”

Yet, despite the earth shattering orgasm, the stuff is still overpriced – especially compared to some other brands. Its main perk is that it is both cooling and warming, at precisely the right times, but it doesn’t smell that great, and is definitely not edible (a big complaint I got from boyfriend, as he’s used to our flavor of the day lubes). It is also slightly stickier, with more residue, than other lubes. So, for the same result, with a smaller price tag, consider using just warming or cooling lubricants; Yours + Mine only allows you to feel one sensation at a time anyways.

Another benefit of Yours and Mine is that it inspired my boyfriend and I to spend a little longer on foreplay, encouraged us to communicate the whole time about exactly what we were feeling, and definitely made the overall experience extremely…satisfying.

KY boasts that “different couples feel different sensations” when using Yours + Mine. Have you tried it? What sensations did you feel?

[Image courtesy of drugstore.com]

Well, apparently, there are people who want that slight but noticeable smell around them at all times.

Vulva Original (I’m not joking) is one of the newest sexual oddities to hit the market.

Its developers insist Vulva “is not a perfume”. Instead, they describe their product as “a beguiling vaginal scent which is purely a substance for your own smelling pleasure.”

Ew.

Developed in Germany, where a “research team” is working on complimenting the original scent with two new smells, “Exotic” and “Eighteen” (I mean, Jesus!).

Vulva Original doesn’t have much media surrounding it besides an explicit website with lots of vague references to sex.

Although, I guess if you’re selling something that supposedly smells like vajayjays, there really isn’t much to say besides “buy this if you like the smell of vagina”.

As for me, I’ll stick with my scented candles.