It’s hard, because I usually use FB to communicate with close friends who may have moved far away since our glory days as high school minors, and I often forget that I have a few hundred random people who really DON’T need to know my personal details. So, fellow collegiates, the next time you sit down and log in, take some of the following factors into consideration and reconfigure your FB behavior.

1. Poking is not a form of flirtation.

WTF? It’s a poke. It’s been around since the birth of Facebook, and it’s never made any sense. Maybe years ago, when FB was a baby, it was funny to have an online program that allowed you to “poke” people, but now, it’s played out. What comes from the poke? One of two things: The ignored poke, which will make you feel uber lame, or the “poke back.” And what comes from that?

2. “Gifts” are not actually gifts.

Whenever a free gift pops up, I think of a reason to send it to my cousin (who may or may not actually be my fraternal twin). However, spending $1 on a graphic is just lame. Especially when they sell out. HELLO! Virtual icons cannot sell out, because they don’t actually exist!!!! So, instead of spending a dollar to send your BFF a cartoon teddy bear, or your crush a virtual pair of panties as a sorry way to flirt, save your money and buy something that can be wrapped.

3. Your status does not need to reflect your deepest feelings, and does not need to be updated more than once a day.

I’m guilty of this one. But it’s true. FB statii have become the new away message. But in the third person. So you can’t even put up a (so you think) meaningful quote without saying something to the effect of “CJ says, in the words of Shakespeare, ‘The Lunatic, the lover, and the poet are of imagination all compact.” It’s effing Facebook. No need to go poetic. Besides, you have limited space, so you may not even be able to say everything you want to… which is a blessing in disguise.

4. You don’t need to attempt to FB chat with someone just because you don’t know their screen name.

There are loads of people who don’t even know how to work the FB chat, so chances are, you’ll send a “Hiiii! You there?!?” message that will never be returned. You’ll feel awkward, and who knows if the person on the receiving end will even get it. Unless you have successfully FB chatted with someone in the past, I highly suggest refraining from initiating the catch-up convo in this manner. Especially when you’re drunk.

Seriously, when you’re drunk, just leave the Facebook chat alone. Really. Please.

5. There is no reason to spend more time on Facebook than on your studies.

Well, besides the fact that profile updates are more entertaining than the history of the Civil War. But do you really want to be that person who is ALWAYS online? Go take a walk, go to the gym, hell, have some face-to-face interaction with someone!

6. Know your privacy settings. And even if you do, proceed with caution.

Over the past few years, several news stories have broken out in regards to people whose lives have been ruined due to Facebook and Myspace content. Teachers who post pics with a beer in their hand are fired, high school kids with less-than-scholarly profiles have been denied college admission. You know it. If you have party pics online, set your profile to private. You might even want to block certain people from certain photo albums. Just keep in mind that you might not even remember some of the people that you added months ago, whom you might not want to let into your personal life.

“There’s a ‘new’ Facebook?” I asked.

“Yeah,” he replied. “Is it bad that I want to go home right now just to try it out?”

“Definitely,” I responded. “Stay here and get drunk. New Facebook will be waiting when the bar closes.”

Facebook has had quite the impact on American pop culture. I mean, really? This guy wanted to leave the bar to try it!? Whenever there’s even a minimal change in the layout and operation of the social network, it causes an uproar.

Remember when mini-feed first popped up? Immediately, groups sprouted all over the internet:

“Down with Mini-Feed!”

“Boycott F/B if They Don’t Get Rid of Mini-Feed Immediately!”

“Facebook Makes Stalking Easier with Mini-Feed!”

You get the point. Of course, now we’re all used to the program, and many of us keep updated via mini-feed every day: “Hey, I saw on Mini-Feed that you got a new job, congratulations!”

So, even though I’m hesitant to add too many applications (I don’t like that we have to check a box giving the ‘application’ full access to the info in our profiles), and even though I’m fully content keeping tabs on my friends the “old way,” I decided to check out the hullabaloo that is The New Facebook.

The Initial Log In

Okay, at first glance, it just looks more… horizontal. News Feed is on the front page, but you can organize the layout by clicking the appropriate tabs: Top Stories, Status Updates, Photos, and Posted Items. Right now, I’m on the “Photos” tab. So I can see that a woman from my office was tagged in a work-related album, an old friend has been partying it up enough to be tagged in TWO new albums, and some girl I haven’t talked to in over a year added new photos to remember her first encounter at a local bar, which, personally, I think is an overrated drinking establishment. Each news feed story is accompanied by four sample photos from the respective albums.

Doesn’t regular Facebook do that too?

Only 30 seconds into “New Facebook,” and I’m already forgetting what “Old Facebook” is like.

My Profile

My profile is certainly wider. The top bar offers links to myself (but I’m already looking at my own profile?), Friends, Applications, and Inbox. Instead of viewing my whole profile in one go, however, there is also a tabs bar for me to choose from “Wall,” “Info,” and “Photos.” Hmmm… seems like a lot of clicking. Why can’t I see my wall AND my info on my own profile?

Wall is the default tab, apparently, and the layout features both wall posts and my status updates. Okay, this is different… but does it matter? I can see that yesterday, I wrote on two friends’ walls, on August 4th, I added the “Free Gifts” application, and my cousin was the last person to write on my wall. Yawn. Let’s move on to the stalking.

My Friend’s Profile

I decided to test out my friend Dave’s profile. My view of his profile is exactly the same as mine: his Wall is the default tab, with options to view his Info and Photos available. Again, his wall comments are intermingled with mini-feed. Yesterday, some girl wrote on his wall; on August 4th, he got three comments; on August 3rd, he was tagged in 11 photos. I think it’s strange that someone else’s wall would be my default. I mean, if I had just added Dave, my first introduction to his Facebook would be a bunch of comments from people that I may or may not know.

Personally, I like to see how people describe themselves and their favorite music, movies, etc. It feels a bit like eavesdropping to see these comments, even though they were posted on a public sphere. Maybe the rest of the Facebook-using world likes to write on someone’s wall immediately after having a friend request accepted, but now I feel like I’ll have to censor the inside jokes I drunkenly post on Dave’s wall, because the Wall is now in the F/B spotlight.

I think the only upside here is that you don’t have to scroll down pages of applications, bumper stickers, and SuperWall posts in order to find the place to write your own comments to your friends. (Editor’s Note: BIGGEST PET PEEVE EVER!)

Conclusion?

Before I could try New Facebook, a friend set her status to “…took only five minutes to realize she hates the new Facebook.” I don’t think it’s that bad, but I really don’t see all the rage about a “NEW” Facebook. I was expecting a cyber-adventure. What I found, really, was just a few more links to click on to surf around the social networking. I suppose if Facebook is a major method of procrastination for you, the new version is more time-consuming.

I remember having a drunken bonding moment with a really cool guy in college a few years ago, and he asked for my number. I asked for his screen name instead. I mean, IM-ing someone is so much more casual, and so much less stressful. You don’t have to feel your heart thumping through your chest as the phone rings. Is he going to answer? Is it going to go to voicemail? Is he blocking me? What do I say if he picks up?

With IM, you can see if he’s away or idle, and choose your own adventure from there. You can leave a casual “Just wanted to say I had a great time last night” IM, rather than starting a phone call with the same line and then struggling to make small talk. Likewise, you can make small talk behind the shield of the IM window, where he can’t hear your voice crack, and where you can copy and paste the whole convo to all of your girlfriends and get advice while you try to weed out his intentions.

And then came Facebook. The social network has made quite the mark on the dating scene. There’s the poke, which can be viewed as casual, flirty, or creepy. There’s the “it’s complicated” label for the relationship you’re in (finally- you can be open about having a f*ck buddy without warding off the rest of the male population!); and of course, there’s the wall post, which makes the casual IM seem like the awkward phone call of yesteryear.

I mean, the Facebook Comment is meant to be a quick exchange, with no pressure to make conversation. When you make a phone call, you have to come up with a discussion and keep the ball rolling. When you IM, there’s still the slight chance that he comes un-idle and writes back. With the F/B comment, it’s open and shut. Even if he writes back immediately, you can pretend you didn’t read it, and wait until the drunken-hookup hormones die down before you decide whether you want to pursue a fling or keep it casual.

Even better, the post-date phone call screams “interested.” So there’s not really a way to let someone down gently. You meet, you have a date, you feel a connection. Then you wait three days. If he calls, he wants you; if he doesn’t, you’re done. But Facebook gives people a chance to be “friends” first (and I use the term loosely, since Facebook friends and true camaraderie are entirely different entities). But the “friending” option is beneficial in two crucial ways. One, you don’t owe a Facebook friend anything. You don’t owe him a date, just like he doesn’t owe you an explanation if his last fifteen comments are from blonde supermodels in training. Two, since you don’t owe him a date, you can safely flirt through F/B until you know it’s time to make a move.

Say you meet someone at a party, and your buzz makes you believe you could be compatible. He calls, and you’re pressured to make some sort of plans. Then you have to fake food poisoning and skip out on the check because the beer goggles have flown off with the force of a Kansas tornado. However, if you have access to his Facebook, you can check out his interests, his friends, and, most importantly, his photos. You can also poke and message for an undetermined amount of time, and bide your time until you’re ready to meet up again.

Yeah, Facebook and Myspace have their flaws, which you’ll discover when you’re denied a job because a recruiter saw your kegstand photos during a background check. But they’ve changed the face of relationships. And personally, I think the dating scene has gotten easier. Nobody ever got an STD from a cyber-poke.

[photo from jupiterimages]

She has outlined some “dealbreakers” for us to go by when it comes to that guy you may or may not be interested in! Agree? Disagree? Let us know in the comments!