Miss Manners says: Nope. It’s better and more respectable if you’re upfront with the guy rather than lead him on out of pity/kindness.  And, let’s be honest, you don’t want to have to screen your calls for the next 6 months out of fear that he’s not moving on….

Try one of these tactics to deliver the news instead:

Lie. Ahhh… The cornerstone of all etiquette: the white lie. Apologize and tell him that you have a boyfriend or tell him you dropped your brand new Blackberry down the toilet (true story). Yes, of course lying is bad and oft looked down on, but sometimes a white lie is more forgiving than the truth – as long as you don’t get too crazy with your story (“I have a penis”) and nobody gets harmed in the process.
Be wary of: Betting caught in your lie. Trust me, it’s pretty humiliating and you could end up with the “bitch” label. And news of a bitch spreads fast.

Politely excuse yourself… and run to the nearest restroom/exit. Say, “I’m sorry but I have to go,” with an air of finality so he gets the hint.
Be wary of: Him NOT getting the hint and waiting outside the bathroom door for you. Creepy? Yes. Possible? Definitely.

Try the truth (nicely). My preferred method, of course, as long as it’s delivered with tact. You don’t have to be mean about it. An apologetic, “You’re just not my type” will get your point across and you won’t have to worry about it/him haunting you in the future.
Be wary of: Hurting him – although, to be honest, any method of rejection will probably bruise his ego. And while you never want to be a mean heart-stomping bitch, it’s time to do what’s best for you and not worry about the weird creeper in the process.

So in conclusion, rejection is a dirty business, but in some cases it just has to be done. Don’t ever feel like you have to do anything you’re uncomfortable with because etiquette deems it so. If you don’t want to give that turd your number, don’t.

Anyway, I’m dying to hear about your rejection stories/tips. Leave a comment and tell me all about it!

I'm not trying to be your mother - oh goodness, no - I'm just here to help you out of those little etiquette dilemmas. So here goes: a quick lesson in etiquette. The sh*t you might actually need to know.]

I always leave salons with bad hair cuts. (Although I must admit the last one was my fault- it should have tipped me off right away when I realized the hair stylist did not speak a word of English.) Anyway, last week reader Josie asked us to feature an article on hair-salon etiquette: “manners pertaining communication with your hair dresser from conversation to tips, how to react if you don’t get the expected results, etc.” So here’s to you Josie..

Small talk. For most women (and some men), their hairstylist is their therapist, best friend, psychic, and lover (you know, hypothetically speaking) all rolled into one. What you tell them is completely up to you, but remember that while there is practically an unwritten rule about the stylist-stylee confidentiality, your stylist isn’t legally obligated to keep quiet. Just because you trust her to give you a killer hair-do, doesn’t mean you can trust her to not tell everyone about your cheating on your taxes, boyfriend, calculus exam, whatever. In fact, salons are havens for gossip, so just be careful.

On another note, if you don’t want to talk to the person cutting your hair, you really don’t have to. I’ve been there; once you run out of small talk (“Yes, it is hot outside, isn’t it?”) and have nothing more to add to the conversation, the silence gets pretty awkward. If you ever find yourself in this predicament, politely escape via magazine. Relax. It’s okay; just make sure to glance up now and then to make sure your hair is coming along the way you’d like.

Bad haircuts. What should you do if you end up with a bad cut? Ask them to fix it. And by “ask” I mean “tell.” Yes, it might be a pain in the butt for them to redo your hair, but remember that you’re paying them for the service. If your hair doesn’t come out exactly the way you want it to, it’s not rude to expect someone at the salon to fix it. It’s better for them if you speak up and get a haircut you love than to walk out unhappy and tell everyone where that mullet came from.

Note: This isn’t a free pass to be bitchy or to start crying and threaten her with the scissors. If you’re unhappy with the results, calmly explain to the stylist what’s wrong with the look, why it isn’t what you asked for, and offer up a suggestion on how to fix it.  This can usually be avoided by bringing a photograph/sketch of the exact style you want from different angles or explaining beforehand your definition of “just two inches.”

Tipping.

I hope that helped clarify some things. I’ve had my fair share of salon disasters (going in for red hair…coming out with purple?), so I’m pretty confident in these tips.

And once again, if you’ve got any etiquette conundrums, questions or gray areas you need help sorting out, let me know in the comments. I’ll be sure to help you out in next week’s column!

At my school, Americans who were enrolled in degree programs were labelled “Degree Students,” while Americans who were specifically there for a semester or two were labelled “Study Abroads.”  So, while I was an American sewing my wild oats just like you might be, there were some major differences.  I moved to the UK when I was 18, fresh out of high school.  I’d never had a keg party experience, I’d never lived in a dry dorm, and I’d never been to a major college sporting event.  Though I wasn’t always on my best behavior, my best friends were from all over the world, and I could see through their eyes how Americans earned bad raps as being obnoxious, immature, and annoying.  Make the most of your experience. Don’t make these mistakes.

1.  Do Know That Your Accent Says It All.

Have you ever heard an English person swear? I don’t care how “sodding” pissed off they are, it sounds so much nicer than an American politely asking, “Whaat tye-am is etttt?”  Most natives of whatever country you’re in won’t be instantly appalled by your accent, but they will know approximately where you hail from.

2. Don’t Get Wasted and Yell Things That Would Be Funny at Home.

As I just stated, your accent gives you away.  Which can work to your advantage… or not.  Screaming your school’s sports chant– P-I-T-T Let’s Go Pitt!– is not only loud and obnoxious, but do you really think the residents of Queensland, Australia give a f*** about the University of Pittsburgh?  Singing bar songs (American or otherwise) will also make everyone, including fellow Americans, want to punch you in the face.

3.  Do Be Polite.

You’re bound to get lost.  Or at least need to ask directions.  Be nice about it.  If you don’t understand the public transportation system, ask a station attendant, but be nice.  When I was in London, I would ask politely, “Do you know when the next train to [random borough] is coming?” And if I was cordial, they might ask where my final destination was, and then give me a better route that no guidebook could ever highlight.

4.  Don’t Get Angry Because Their Systems Are Different.

Screaming, “God, the T is so much more efficient” on a train or bus isn’t going to welcome any assistance.  Getting angry because the subway (or whatever they happen to call it over there) doesn’t run 24 hours a day isn’t going to get you home.  And if you ask a stranger for help, and they don’t know how to point you in the right direction, blatant rudeness is just uncalled for.  Getting frustrated because you can’t understand their language/accent also isn’t going to encourage them to be patient with you.

5.  Do Learn the Customs.

Immerse yourself in the culture any way you can.  If you have a work Visa, get a part time job.  You’ll meet the locals, or other study abroads from other countries.  I worked at a freaking Starbucks, and helped a Chinese coworker with his verb agreements.  He gave me a paper art Tiger.  I also befriended several English students, who explained the concepts of A-Levels, and years later, we are still close.  They also brought me to the bars and clubs that no other “Study Abroads” had stumbled upon.

If you can’t work or if you don’t waste your time behind a cash register in a foreign land, try to befriend the waitress at the cafe you go to every weekend, or attend as many community events as you can, just to take it all in.

6.  Don’t Insist on Sticking to Your American Ways.

How do you know that German delicacy won’t whet your palate? Just give it a try.  Don’t insist on shaking hands when the customs of your new country are to bow.  Sure, things may seem awkward at first, but eventually, they’ll grow on you.  Why not stay in the states if you’re going to cry over the difference in plumbing systems?   Being narrow-minded will only mean you’re missing out on a culture that could change your life.  Oh, and though it might be okay to shack up at a frat party, keep in mind that in some parts of the world, our American ways can be shocking.  You don’t have to censor yourself necessarily, but just be smart.

7.   Do Travel.

If you’re studying in a European country, you can get a cheap flight to so many other parts of the continent, on the cheap.  Check out Ireland, Italy, Spain, or France.  Check out a place you’ve never heard of (the Canary Islands are to Britain what Cancun is to the U.S.)  If you’re in a big country, like Australia, China, or Africa, check out another province.  Even if it’s just for the weekend.  Once you’re back in the states, these place won’t be so accessible.

8.  Don’t  Be Too Impulsive.

If you buy the first token souvenir you see, you may regret it later.  You might find find a better deal five minutes later (or you might get screwed over the first time around).  Take your time to learn about the trends of the country, and buy something more sentimental than a “J’Adore Paris” t-shirt.  You don’t have to do it all in one day– you’ve got a few months to learn the ropes.

9.  Do Enjoy Yourself.

Don’t cry every night because you miss your family.  Don’t rack up a phone bill calling your boyfriend in the States.  Take in all of the little things, whether it’s a tiny coffee shop or a local park.  The days of your study-abroad will fly by.  Make it count.

10.  Don’t Feel the Need to Take Unnecessary Pictures.

Imagine you’re in Times Square in New York.  You know that gaggle of people taking pictures of Planet Hollywood, who take up the whole sidewalk and won’t let any pedestrians pass until they’ve gotten their group shot? Ugh.  Asking the coffee shop attendant in Amsterdam to pose for a pic of you and your first space cake is cliche and annoying.  It’s okay to document all of the new sights you encounter, but there’s no need to objectify the locals for your own personal scrap-booking needs.

11. Don’t View a Lower Drinking Age as an All-Access Party Pass.

In countries with more leniant drinking laws, students your age have been raised to drink in moderation.  It’s not such a big deal to get into a bar without being carded.  So, if you’re studying abroad and you’re not 21, take your newfound legality as an opportunity to learn about how certain wines are made, or how hoppy you like your beer.  Try all of the “real” Sangria, Sake, Mojitos, Caipirhinas, and Ales that you can, but learn to appreciate a nice drink, rather than play the “how many beers can I pound in an hour” game.

To prove her point, the article’s author explained how she’s often cat called when she walks down the street, and laments about the days when men tipped their hats and said “mornin‘” instead of leering at a pair of breasts and saying “yee!”

Even though I think she’s got a point when she talks about certain forms of traditional chivalry going out the window (the last time a man tipped his hat at me was…well, never, and not once has anyone ever thrown a jacket over a mud puddle), I’m pretty sure that using cat calls to define the death of chivalry is just plain incorrect.

Look, men have been cat calling women since the day they realized their mouths made sounds and breasts were awesome. Sure, Victorian dudes opened carriage doors for us and offered their elbow when the terrain got rough, but don’t think they weren’t whistling and jeering under those handlebar mustaches and cute little bowler hats. Perhaps they weren’t shouting “aye, mami!” when a fine looking bustle walked down the street, but you can bet a Victorian chick knew when a Mr. Darcy was hating to see her leave, but loving to see her go.

Basically, cat calling sucks (especially when you’re walking back from the gym looking like a dead rat and KNOWING the only reason that creepy guy is yelling at you is because you have boobs), but just because certain men are vulgar and annoying doesn’t mean that the species as a whole has quit on us. Why, just the other day, a guy waited .5 seconds before grabbing a seat from me on the subway! He considered letting me sit for .5 seconds longer than most.

[What do you think? Is the Chiv dead? Let us know!]

Now, sometimes, you don’t know you’re dating a douche until it’s too late. Maybe he’s awesome in the beginning, opening doors for you and being all polite and totally charming your parents, but then one day he decides to not only sleep with your best friend, but do it in your bed!

Sometimes, that sort of thing is hard to see coming.

Except when your guy looks the part.

See, if you start dating a guy who looks like he should be a total douche, but hasn’t yet shown the signs of real douchyism, chances are his true colors are going to be coming out pretty soon.

Nobody with oily hair, a body shaped by beer, couches, and pot, stupid fashion sense, and a monosyllabic speech pattern is going to turn out awesome in the end. You may think you can change this douche’s ways, get him on the fast track to a job and maybe the treadmill, but believe me—douchiness is almost impossible to stamp out.

Which is why I have no sympathy for Lindsay Lohan and her newest “scandal”. Apparently, her boyfriend for two minutes, Riley Giles (who she met in rehab. Cool!) is shopping around “personal photos” he took of her while they were dating. Obviously, those pics show LaLohan in all stages of “undress”, and are going to seriously tarnish her sweet, virginal image.

Well, okay. Chances are they’ll do nothing but prove what most of us already think, but still, who wants homemade nakey pictures of them sold to cheap tabloids?

Anyway, this whole “ex-boyfriend selling personal pictures for loads of cash” might come as a surprise to Lohan, but not to me. The second my gossip-blog hungry eyes saw the souvenir Lindsay was bringing home from rehab, I was certain of two things: A) this would not last long and B) he was a total douche.

Not only did he look the part, but after reports surfaced over the Thanksgiving holiday that he was out partying and pouting instead of spending time with his super hot, super famous girlfriend, he seemed to be the ultimate embodiment of all things douchetastic. Maybe being Lindsay Lohan’s boyfriend isn’t easy (I actually imagine it would be pretty frightening), but the least the guy could do was be thankful that he was dating a girl fifty times out of his league.

Knowing Lindsay, she’s probably bounced back and right into the waiting arms of another drama-loving dude, but until she learns that “once a douche, always a douche” is just a rule of life, she should keep those naked picture sessions to a minimal.

…or at least install some good lighting.

Chivalry is not dead. It’s alive and well—or, at least alive.Since moving to New York, I have come across varying degrees of gallantry. Some is well intentioned and friendly; while some has a faded, slightly sour quality. Some acts of chivalry are carried out with genuine kindness, and some are done because the guy can’t bare the thought of letting a woman exert any kind of power.

How do you know what level of chivalry you’re getting on a daily basis? Read on.

LEVEL 1: On this, the brightest and friendliest level, the guy is being polite and helpful because he wants to be. Opening a door for you, standing up so you can take his seat on the subway, giving you room to pass on the sidewalk, all of these things are done with a smile and a pleasant glance. This guy’s mama taught him well, and it’s no trouble at all for him to show women that he holds them in high esteem.

Although it’s rare, this level does indeed exist, and I recommend immediately inquiring if such a polite lad has a partner, and if finding him to be single, snatching him up as quick as possible.

LEVEL 2: The majority of guys circulate around this level. If you both happen to reach the door at the same time, he’ll let you go through. He’s not watching out for you on the sidewalk, but if you both happen to play the “which-way-am-I-going? game”, he’ll be the first one to shift definitively to one side. If you’re weighed down with packages on the bus, he may or may not move for you, depending on his mood.

Just expecting a guy to open doors and throw his coat down on mud for you isn’t the best way to go through life, and dudes in this level agree with that, dispensing their chivalry on a constant basis mostly for girlfriends only. Then again, catch a Level 2 on a good day and you’ll be presently surprised by their gentlemanly deeds.

LEVEL 3: These guys are chivalrous because they feel like they have to be. They’re not happy about opening doors for you, but they’ll do it, provided you move your ass through nice and fast. Begrudgingly standing when you walk by on the train, sighing heavily when they move over on the stairs, these guys want you to know that being chivalrous is a total chore—but they’re nice so they DO IT.

Don’t even try to hold the door for a Level 3. They hold it for you, damnit! Dissing their masculinity by trying to be nice is totally NOT cool. GOD. YOU WOMEN NEVER APPRECIATE ANYTHING!

LEVEL 4: Is reserved for douchebags and chauvinists. They’re just as likely to elbow you in the face as they are to help carry your groceries. Usually, their kind of chivalry is reserved for drunk girls who would have followed them home anyway…and for seducing the boss’s wife.

I live in New York City. Therefore, I should be used to Random Acts of Rudeness. Small things should no longer phase me. But because I am a nice, sweet, mostly polite girl, I am still very often radically offended and crazily frustrated by rude people acting obnoxiously. Here are a few examples of my most recent run-ins with RAR.

• At a job interview, the interviewer answers his blackberry not once, not twice, but three times in the middle of my answers to his questions. No sorry, hold on a moment, just a complete switch from looking at me and listening to typing away on his stupid toy. Each time he would chuckle at whatever inside joke was taking place on the tiny screen, leaving me nothing to do but admire the bare walls and stare out the window. Needless to say, I’m taking that job the day hell freezes over.

• After a recent bout with the throw-up and diarrhea bug, my cat needed to be carted to the vet in a scary, emergency-like situation. So here I am, walking as fast as I can down the sweaty sidewalk with a giant cat carrier, pocket book, and second bag of medications and paperwork, when I finally come to a long, steep staircase. Other people with empty hands and going up and down this staircase, but does anyone stop to help the small, sweatstreaked, overloaded girl with the meowing cat? Of course not.

• The outlets are magically no longer working in my apartment. Which means I am not able to plug in my computer, lights, or fan. I’ve called my landlord three times begging for help. He hasn’t called back, forcing me to pay full rent on a hot, dark, appliance free box.

• Walking down the street the other day, my arms again overloaded with a giant bag and phone pressed against my ear (in a feeble attempt to get directions from a strange person who didn’t speak English), I spied a couple directly in front of me, spanning the entire sidewalk and holding hands. There wasn’t wasn’t much time or space to move, so I end up having to walk between the PDA loving couple, breaking their heartfelt handclasp. And then what happens? The bitch laughs at me. Like I’m an idiot for not being able to teleport past their sidewalk hogging lovefest.

• On our way home from a bar at 2:30 AM, a man interrupts my roommate’s story by saying something incredibly disgusting to us while grabbing his crotch at the same time.

What about you, lovelies? Come across some horrible instances of RAR lately? Let it out, it’s cathartic!