So there’s a lot of things that come to my mind when I think about graduation. There’s the week of senior festivities that takes place before, and the long, relaxing summer that takes place after. There’s caps and gowns and diplomas and awards and speeches. Lots of speeches.

From the president of your college to your valedictorian there will be a lot of people giving your advice on graduation day, but none more important than the allusive commencement speaker. For some schools, this is just another really long, really boring speech. But for a special few  the commencement speech, and the commencement speaker, is actually pretty great. I know if I went to one of these schools I’d actually be listening to my commencement speaker, not falling asleep in my chair.

Uh, not that I plan on doing that anyway…

Sometimes, I have to admit, I feel defective. People I hardly know forward me e-mails about supporting U.S. troops and flying American flags proudly, and I quietly delete them. It’s not that I hate my country. It’s just that I’ve never really felt any affection for it . . . until now.

I’m not about to get up on a soapbox and give some grand speech about how Barack Obama is The Chosen One or how a liberal president makes everything better. But even when I set aside my political views and think about where our country is now, I still feel kind of inspired. For the first time in my life, I feel as if things could be steady and reasonable. I feel we have a leader who is working toward security and happiness and who is competent in the best way possible. In short, I feel we have a leader who cares.

I’m fine with people who don’t feel that way, and I’m well aware that Obama’s presidency could be a disaster—it is still the early days, of course. But to borrow a politician’s turn of phrase, it seems as if there’s hope out there. Now, when I think about American troops, I feel that they’re actually fighting for something. They’re fighting to defend a country in which I finally take pride. It’s a completely alien feeling for me, and I’m still getting used to it. I’ve never felt any connection with America, but that’s changing . . . gradually.

So for now, I feel proud. When I think about the Fourth of July this Saturday, it actually has meaning for me. Sure, I’ll go to the usual barbecues and watch the fireworks (which are on July 3rd in my town—WTF?), but there will be something buzzing beneath the surface for me as well. This holiday, which has never had any meaning for me before, finally will. And that’s pretty cool.

"Bring that camera over here, mistress. Rarrr."

We’ve long known that celebrities do stupid stuff.  Lindsey Lohan, Britney Spears, Paris Hilton (does she count as a celebrity?) and countless others entertain us with their amusing and slightly horrifying behavior.  However, they’re not the only ones who like to get drunk and go a little crazy.  No, no my friends – the political arena is where all the craziest stuff happens.

This worries me slightly.  Why are our elected officials giving Pamela Anderson a run for her money?  Perhaps if you are in public office, you should learn to keep your partying on the D-L (and maybe your dick in your pants).  Of course, just because you’re an elected official doesn’t mean that you have to live the life of a monk, but maybe not signing up for that prostitution club would be a good idea.

Here’s a list of some of the stupidest politicians in recent years. Let’s hope the public humiliation provided by the 24-hour news cycle of the obsessed American press will deter them from making any more stupid choices. (Editor’s Note: You are not invincible, leaders of America!) And if not, maybe it’s time we, the American people, start choosing our leaders more wisely (i.e. more women).

John Edwards -  Fresh from admitting he had an affair, the former presidential candidate has now leaked a sex tape.  Unlike the Leighton Meester sex tape, I have no interest in watching this guy bump uglies with anyone.  I can only imagine the pale floppiness…and then my brain commits suicide.

Mark Sanford – Not only did Mark Sanford have an extramarital affair, he had an Argentinian extramarital affair.  The man flew all the way down to Argentina to have (presumably hot and steamy) sex with his Argentinian mistress.  I mean, that’s pretty baller, but I think Mark may have forgotten that he is not 007, but the Governor of South Carolina.  They are not the same thing.

John Ensign – Senator Ensign lambasted President Clinton when he was on trial for his affair with Monica Lewinsky.  Fast forward a few years and we find John Ensign in an extramarital affair with the wife of a close friend (both of whom were working on his campaign).  You stay classy, John Ensign.

Sam Adams, aside from having a sweet name (connections to beer and politics – can’t beat that), Mayor Adams also lied about having sex with an 18-year-old male intern.  I feel like if you’re going to use your office as a place to pick up potential lovers, you might wanna keep out of politics.  It doesn’t really ever seem to work out.

Kwame Kilpatrick had a big reputation to live up to as Mayor of Detroit.  What Kwame ended up doing was having an affair with his Chief of Staff (and possibly another woman), lying about it, and subsequently being proven a liar by evidence of racy text messages between the two.  Nice.  At least Detroit’s still got it.

Vito Fossella, a politician from New York, was caught driving under the influence.  He then confessed to having a long-term mistress with whom he had a three-year-old love child.  At least he wasn’t talking on his cell phone while driving, right?  He got somethin’ right.

Robert Allen was caught soliciting an undercover officer in a public restroom.  Apparently, the Florida State Rep. offered to perform oral sex and pay $20.  Seems like a deal, no?  Apparently, this is Robert Allen’s way of responding to black guys.  He’s now claiming that he only acted that way out of “racial panic.”  Um…what?

Robert Packwood missed his true calling in life.  Since 29 women came forward to accuse of him of everything from sexual harassment to abuse and assaults, I’m thinking he should have been a pimp.  Apparently Senator Packwood thinks so, too, because although he initially denied any wrongdoing, he was proven wrong by his own, boastful diary.  Bravo, sir.  Bravo.

As millions flock to Washington for the inauguration, many of us prefer (or were forced) to stay at home and not be part of the mad rush of people that will surely cause all of the highways around D.C. and the surrounding states to be jam-packed with people and cars (I’ve had enough with the crowding during the Olympics to last a lifetime). But just because you’re not on the scene doesn’t mean you can’t be with the scene!

There are plenty of other people around who didn’t make the trek to D.C., so have a party! It may be last minute, but there is still plenty of time to gather your friends and a little patriotism together for a killer Proud to be An American bash.

Here are some fun ways for you to celebrate being in American – red, white, and blue style.

Decorate: Now is the perfect time to whip out your old Fourth of July gear and host the best inauguration-watching party ever! Turn your living room into an American flag: blow up balloons, hang  flags on the wall, spread a red tablecloth and set out little blue napkins.

Costumes: Aren’t costume parties the best? Encourage your guests to dress up as their favorite political figure and award to the best-dressed and best-impersonation (cigar, anyone?) with an American favorite: a 30 pack of cheap beer.

FOOD! You can take the easy route with some red, white and blue foods, like watermelon, blueberries and cottage cheese, or you can whip up something patriotic:

• Name foods after fun themes such as “Campaign Trail Mix,” “Sloppy Joe Bidens,” “Barack of Ribs,” “Chicken Right Wings,” or, my personal favorite, “Lipstick Pigs In A Blanket.”
• Make some RW&B Popsicles. Just get any type of juice in all three colors (I like using kool-aid) and some dixie cups and popsicle sticks. Pour the red juice into each cup to about 1/3 full, then freeze until it’s almost frozen but still a little slushy. Insert a popsicle stick into the middle, then pour the white juice in until it’s 2/3 full. Freeze it again, then add the blue juice. Freeze one more time, peel the cups off, and – voila! – patriotism on a stick.
• Want to be more like Obama? Make chili, one of his favorite foods!

Play Some Games: Baseball isn’t called America’s pastime for nothing. Go outside (bundled in scarves and thick jackets, I hope) and toss a few around. I’m sure you could figure out a way to turn that into a drinking game. If baseball isn’t your thing, go shoot some hoops. Instead of playing Horse, though, make it a game of Donkey. Or Obama. Or See Ya Later, Bush! Or, if it’s too cold out, just play a game of  Obama Speech Bingo. Our bet’s on the word “change” getting the most chips.

American Karaoke: Sure, karaoke is usually reserved for Meatloaf and The Outfield, but this is a God Bless America party! Break out the old American faves like Yankee Doodle and God Bless America. Beyonce may have had to perform in front of billions of people, including the president, but you just have to sing in front of your friends, so belt it out shamelessly.

Watch a Movie: Throw in an old American action flick, like The Patriot, Saving Private Ryan, or Black Hawk Down. (Because nothing says I Love America quite like Josh Hartnett. Mmmm.) Or, if you want laughter instead of tears, watch some hilarious youtube videos of past presidents. Shoes not included.

Be proud and celebrate being an American on this great day in U.S. history. You betcha I sure am.