It’s no secret that our diets affect the way we feel. If you spend a night binge studying and suppressing your late-night stressors with copious amounts of mozz sticks, you (and your brain) will not feel fresh and new. Instead, you will probably feel a bit sluggish, full, bloated, and fat. Not the sexiest feeling for a young college girl.

I’m certainly not ruling out this kind of behavior. Personally, I enjoy dabbling with fried food every Sunday afternoon in an effort to kick my hangover. But, this type of eating can really mess up many students’ digestive systems, causing them to complain about stomach pain, inconsistency, and constipation. In high school my friends and I were in club “we don’t poop” and now in college my friends are I are in  club “does anyone have any gasX?”.

There are various cure-alls to such issues. A healthy diet is numero uno on that list. Followed by various other tips. Although this site provides some great advice for healthy digestion, not all of it is feasible for college students. I mean, if I could keep my stress down, I obviously would. On that note, if I could date Josh Duhamel, I obviously would. But, constantly maintaining a low stress level during college is practically equivalent on the possibility scale to me and Josh getting together.

So, here are CollegeCandy’s 6 tips for college students to maintain healthy digestion:

Healthy Diet means to be sure to incorporate roughage (lots of vegetables and greens) in order to keep things moving in your digestive tract. Also, stay away from processed foods. They’re full of chemicals and unnatural products that your body simply will not agree with. Look for food with high fiber.

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You don't need a beard and a ship to discover something (sorta) new.

One fateful day back in the pre-Facebook days,  Christopher Columbus “discovered” America.  Much like you discovered that wearing a scarf around campus on a 75 degree day would not stop the hickey rumors from floating around. And we’re sure that’s not the only discovery that you’ve made since attending college. Just like Columbus discovered America and thought he was onto something pretty big, we’ve all found a few things along the way that wowed us as well. We rushed home, told our roommates, and sat there in shock when we realized that they already knew that it’s smarter to change into sweats before going to a booty call.

So here are a few more awesome discoveries that every college student needs to make:

1. Finding the secret bathroom so you can poo in private: We’ve all been victim to the poop wars in college dormitories.  You enter the community bathroom at the same time as another innocent pooper and each of you sit in the stall waiting for the other to make the first move.  It’s disgusting, but don’t begin to admit it hasn’t happened to you.  I’m guilty as charged, so finding the secret bathroom to do your business is a dream come true.  Nobody goes in there and you have hours to shadoobie in private. Glorious.

2. Finding the class where the prof puts the entire lecture online: This is one of the most wondrous discoveries. Attend class from the comfort of your bed. Just make sure to show up to the exam.

3. How to make a panini in the waffle maker: Or other fabulous cafeteria discoveries. The caf is a place to let your imagination span mountainous regions.  My freshman year, I discovered how to grill a sandwich on our waffle maker. My sophomore year I discovered how to mix the different kinds of cereals (preferably Cheerios and granola). My junior year I discovered the art of burrito making and bringing a Tupperware to the caf for leftovers.  You get the idea, now get out there and be your own Sous Chef. Read More »

So a big part of the Master Cleanse is expelling the toxins you loosen while doing it, otherwise known as pooping. So last night before bed, as per Stanley Burroughs’ instructions, I tossed back a cup of herbal laxative tea (hilariously named Chocolate Smooth Moves, no joke) and went to sleep. Then this morning I woke up and, also as per Stanley Burroughs’ instructions, fashioned myself an “oral enema” – a quart of water with 2 teaspoons of uniodized sea salt dissolved in it – and chugged it. That’s right, while my roommate sat muching her bowl of Kashi Cinnamon Biscuits, I had 4 frickin’ cups of salt water for breakfast.

Immediately after guzzling the truly foul concoction, I supposedly had an hour in which I would be pooping my brains out. As I had developed a stomach ache and was kind of hating life, I opted to spend this hour taking a nap, during which I had a dream that I was eating a Subway Veggie Sub, only to realize halfway through that I was supposed to be Master Cleansing and got really pissed at myself. I woke up starving and made myself a lemonade, then promptly fell back asleep. I woke up at 12:15 in the afternoon without having pooped at all, nor having any need to.

Well, at least I drank all that salt water. Read More »