It’s no secret that our diets affect the way we feel. If you spend a night binge studying and suppressing your late-night stressors with copious amounts of mozz sticks, you (and your brain) will not feel fresh and new. Instead, you will probably feel a bit sluggish, full, bloated, and fat. Not the sexiest feeling for a young college girl.

I’m certainly not ruling out this kind of behavior. Personally, I enjoy dabbling with fried food every Sunday afternoon in an effort to kick my hangover. But, this type of eating can really mess up many students’ digestive systems, causing them to complain about stomach pain, inconsistency, and constipation. In high school my friends and I were in club “we don’t poop” and now in college my friends are I are in  club “does anyone have any gasX?”.

There are various cure-alls to such issues. A healthy diet is numero uno on that list. Followed by various other tips. Although this site provides some great advice for healthy digestion, not all of it is feasible for college students. I mean, if I could keep my stress down, I obviously would. On that note, if I could date Josh Duhamel, I obviously would. But, constantly maintaining a low stress level during college is practically equivalent on the possibility scale to me and Josh getting together.

So, here are CollegeCandy’s 6 tips for college students to maintain healthy digestion:

Healthy Diet means to be sure to incorporate roughage (lots of vegetables and greens) in order to keep things moving in your digestive tract. Also, stay away from processed foods. They’re full of chemicals and unnatural products that your body simply will not agree with. Look for food with high fiber.

Exercise because the more you move, the more things keep moving!

Stay Hydrated by simply consuming water and other liquids, you’re helping your digestive system immensely. Don’t chug Diet Coke to hydrate, though. You’ll  need to focus on consuming water and juices to help your body out.

Eating on a Schedule If you set aside certain times throughout the week, in relation to your class and work schedule, you won’t feel as rushed when eating. This allows your digestive nerves to stay calm and keeps your stomach from getting upset.

Be Careful at the Cafeteria. There are many rumors that most college cafeterias lace their foods with laxatives. Although this has never been proven, it’s probably not true. Usually, an upset stomach after a visit to your caf is due to overeating. Just because your meal plan guarantees a never-ending buffet doesn’t mean you should take it to the limit every meal.

Go when you have to go. Nothing is worse for your intestines than holding it in because you’re embarrassed to go while someone is brushing her teeth. We assure you. Everyone in your dorm poops.

You don't need a beard and a ship to discover something (sorta) new.

One fateful day back in the pre-Facebook days,  Christopher Columbus “discovered” America.  Much like you discovered that wearing a scarf around campus on a 75 degree day would not stop the hickey rumors from floating around. And we’re sure that’s not the only discovery that you’ve made since attending college. Just like Columbus discovered America and thought he was onto something pretty big, we’ve all found a few things along the way that wowed us as well. We rushed home, told our roommates, and sat there in shock when we realized that they already knew that it’s smarter to change into sweats before going to a booty call.

So here are a few more awesome discoveries that every college student needs to make:

1. Finding the secret bathroom so you can poo in private: We’ve all been victim to the poop wars in college dormitories.  You enter the community bathroom at the same time as another innocent pooper and each of you sit in the stall waiting for the other to make the first move.  It’s disgusting, but don’t begin to admit it hasn’t happened to you.  I’m guilty as charged, so finding the secret bathroom to do your business is a dream come true.  Nobody goes in there and you have hours to shadoobie in private. Glorious.

2. Finding the class where the prof puts the entire lecture online: This is one of the most wondrous discoveries. Attend class from the comfort of your bed. Just make sure to show up to the exam.

3. How to make a panini in the waffle maker: Or other fabulous cafeteria discoveries. The caf is a place to let your imagination span mountainous regions.  My freshman year, I discovered how to grill a sandwich on our waffle maker. My sophomore year I discovered how to mix the different kinds of cereals (preferably Cheerios and granola). My junior year I discovered the art of burrito making and bringing a Tupperware to the caf for leftovers.  You get the idea, now get out there and be your own Sous Chef.

4. Utilizing the library the 20th Century Way: This is a nerdy revealing moment for me, but while we are so hung up on internet research for projects and papers, we forget about the goodness offered in college library books. My senior year I discovered what it was like to do research from real books. And tell you what: it’s a lot better than crossing your fingers and praying your Wikipedia research is legit.

5. Finding studying serenity in Pandora.com: Seriously, Pandora was one of my most amazing discoveries ever in college. It’s free and you can download your own radio stations based upon artists you enjoy.  I had everything from a Disney Movie radio station to Enya (I’m not kidding, that shiz is relaxing.) You bring your headphones to the library and lose yourself while studying. Or turn it on while you’re pregame in your dorm – whatever, it’s great and I’m so glad I stumbled across it.

6. The Glory that is The Greyhound: Need a cheap drink of choice in college? Chelsea Handler taught me well: grapefruit juice and vodka (otherwise known as ‘The Greyhound’) is the pagan amongst mixed drinks.  It’s relatively healthy, tasty and cheapo.  Those three words pretty much sum up my college career.  Oh and another great drinking discovery?  At your local gas station, fill up a Coke slushy and mix it with Jack – it’s really fun!

7. Discovering Google Docs: Google Docs is a group project savior in HTML disguise.  We all know group projects in college are completely bogus and meeting up totally sucks.  But if you download Google Docs, you can work on one document, in separate locations, at the same time. It’s so amazing and creepy because you can see other group members typing their information.  It’s also fun, because you can type inappropriate words (i.e. FART) to make group members momentarily uncomfortable.

8.The outlet of time nobody is working out: It’s not my number one favorite thing to go bust a move in the workout room when the entire student body is also getting ripped.  I love finding that small snippet of time (usually between 1 pm and 3 pm) where nobody else is working out and I can sweat in my lonesome glory. Not to mention the dude with the B.O. who farts every .3 miles on the treadmill isn’t around either.

9. The Ultimate Hangover Cure: Which usually revolves around something like a Vitamin Water, a multi-vitamin, and a trashy reality TV marathon. And if you can roll out of bed, a solid workout usually helps sweat out that vodka collins.

10.Making the most out of college: This is the number one discovery in my book.  You have to take a moment, sit back and make a blatant attempt at making the most out of your college experience.  Learn from the inevitable moments of misunderstanding, bask in the awkward moments, and benefit from differences.  College is a great place for growth and constructing who you are so live it up.  Four years go by fast and suddenly you’re living in your parents’ basement. Take the time to truly enjoy!

Immediately after guzzling the truly foul concoction, I supposedly had an hour in which I would be pooping my brains out. As I had developed a stomach ache and was kind of hating life, I opted to spend this hour taking a nap, during which I had a dream that I was eating a Subway Veggie Sub, only to realize halfway through that I was supposed to be Master Cleansing and got really pissed at myself. I woke up starving and made myself a lemonade, then promptly fell back asleep. I woke up at 12:15 in the afternoon without having pooped at all, nor having any need to.

Well, at least I drank all that salt water.

The rest of my day was pretty much spent drinking the lemonade and napping or lounging about because I was totally exhausted. The only time I left the house was to go to the gym where I did my normal workout, but took half an hour longer than usual to do it because of all the breathers I had to take. Later I attempted to leave the house to go to a viewing of a film my roommate had worked on, but felt so beat I decided it was a pointless endeavor and watched a while lot of Comedy Central instead.

Throughout the day, my feelings about the Master Cleanse fluctuated wildly. One moment I was thinking that it was insane and there was no way it could possibly be good for me, then I’d remember all the rave reviews I had heard about it from others, then I’d think that food is awesome and not eating is not and I was totally over it, then I’d tell myself to take it one step at a time and I was feeling fine at the moment, wasn’t I? And really, when I thought about it, that was the truth; while I was tired and had moments of extreme hunger (namely while on the treadmill), and wasn’t exactly Miss Social Suzy Sunshine, I didn’t feel all that bad. I was surviving just fine.

Burroughs and the people I talked to who actually did it all report that the first few days of the Cleanse are the worst. Burroughs attributes this to all the toxins being loosened and floating around your body, where as I’m more inclined to think that it’s because you’re used to eating food and when you’re Master Cleansing you’re, uh, not doing that. But I DO have a sore throat…perhaps triggered by evil body-harming toxins that were previously lying dormant in my lymph nodes? Or merely a result of drinking copious amounts of lemon juice and cayenne pepper? Tough call.

For now, I’ve made a deal with myself that I have to tough out at least the first four days, and then see how I’m feeling. Baby steps, yo.

I just hope I poop soon.