Your ability to drink in excess and ruin 95% of pictures taken at parties gets me hot and bothered. I think it’s uhh… adorable that you maintain your appearance to the point where I question your sexual orientation. I guess I respect the fact that you tweeze, bleach and pluck more than me. The fact that you care about your “fresh kicks getting smudged” more than your future or GPA is super sexy…?
Babe, what happened to you? Before you became “that guy” you were once “just one of the guys.” You were playing Madden instead of photoshopping your Facebook pictures. You couldn’t tell Armani from Target. Your cellphone lived in your pocket instead of clipped to your ribbon belt, and for the love of God, why are you orange-r than an Oompa Loompa?! I liked you without your bromosexuality. I’m not interested in the Brody Jenners or the Gotti wannabes!
Why does your tee shirt have more sparkles on it than Limited Too’s entire Spring Collection circa 1998? These glittery numbers are worsened by being “slim fit” to show off your “killer pecs.” Maybe they work for Hulk Hogan, but they don’t work for you and they definitely don’t work in public. Do society a favor and wear clothes that fit. And if your shirt has a collar? I don’t care if you’ve been popping it ever since you can remember. Old Yeller that nonsense. Put. It. Down. Read More »
"I don't know her. Seriously, I don't know this woman."
While waiting at JFK for my ride not too long ago, I was passing the time by sipping on some much needed coffee and people watching. Airports, with their mix of cultures and characters, are the best places to people watch.
All was going well until…out of nowhere…I saw it: a fanny pack.
I fought hard to keep that mini bag of in-flight pretzels down as I watched the dreadful fanny pack pass by. I just couldn’t understand it; fanny packs have been publicly bashed since the early ’90s, why do people insist on wearing them?
But fanny packs aren’t alone. There are so many fashion choices that people make that leave me wondering, WTF?! Sure, these things were cool 6 seasons ago, but time is a-passing, honey. Come join me in 2009. Read More »
I saw a guy yesterday wearing two pastel polo shirts with both collars popped. Yesterday. As in 2009. Where was this kid’s girlfriend/friends to inform him that the popped collar thing went out in 2005? Or, I don’t know, that the double pastel shirt look wasn’t OK on a guy even then? Friends don’t let friends pop their collars (anymore)!
I felt bad for the kid. Here he was, thinking he was lookin’ all cool in his pink and purple shirts while the rest of the world pointed and laughed. (And by “rest of the world,” I mean “me.” I couldn’t help it! He was wearing white loafers with them!) I wanted to reach out and give that kid a much needed makeover, but I was also late for a manicure so I just sort of let it go.
But now I want to give back. There are so many things that guys don’t know or understand. Whether they are getting bad information, or ignoring the good information that they get, guys are constantly misguided. This week I asked the CollegeCandy writers to share the most important piece of wisdom they would want guys to know. Pass this on to any and all men in your life – they need it. Share your own advice/thoughts in the comments section below!
Laura – St. Johns: Don’t fart on me. Seriously, my boyfriend did this last night and almost died.
Brithny – Duke: PMS stands for Permissible Man-Slaughter and also Preposterous Mood Swings. So during that time, please forgive us for anything crazy we may do. And lots of wine and candy would be nice too.
Charlsie – Hollins: When you are in a relationship, the number of people your girlfriend has slept with before you has no correlation with how much she loves you, adores you, and wants to be with YOU. Don’t bring up the past — she loves YOU!
Lauren – University of Michigan: When you are workin’ on a lady with your hand, deeper does not mean better. You are not a gyno…and we don’t really want you to be. Read More »
Your ability to drink in excess and ruin 95% of pictures taken at parties gets me hot and bothered. I think it’s uhh… adorable that you maintain your appearance to the point where I question your sexual orientation. I guess I respect the fact that you tweeze, bleach and pluck more than me. The fact that you care about your “fresh kicks getting smudged” more than your future or GPA is super sexy…?
Babe, what happened to you? Before you became “that guy” you were once “just one of the guys.” You were playing Madden instead of photoshopping your Facebook pictures. You couldn’t tell Armani from Target. Your cellphone lived in your pocket instead of clipped to your ribbon belt, and for the love of God, why are you orange-r than an Oompa Loompa?! I liked you without your bromosexuality. I’m not interested in the Brody Jenners or the Gotti wannabes!
Why does your tee shirt have more sparkles on it than Limited Too’s entire Spring Collection circa 1998? These glittery numbers are worsened by being “slim fit” to show off your “killer pecs.” Maybe they work for Hulk Hogan, but they don’t work for you and they definitely don’t work in public. Do society a favor and wear clothes that fit. And if your shirt has a collar? I don’t care if you’ve been popping it ever since you can remember. Old Yeller that nonsense. Put. It. Down. Read More »
VH1’s “I Love the New Millennium” premiered this week. Much like its fabulously entertaining predecessors mocking the 80’s and 90’s (sorry, the 70’s one predates me), it doesn’t fail to deliver laughs and amusing sound bites. Although I think I Love the New Millennium might be jumping the gun time-wise (they are discussing things that happened, like, last week!), I adore the short-attention-span-theater for the distraction-inclined:
Exploring all the pop cultural guilty pleasures, memorable products and people, disgraces and debuts, fads and fashions, scandals and sensations.
With clever and over-animated comedians dissecting and reflecting on everything from metrosexuals to Dance Dance Revolution to Sudoku, you can’t help but giggle at the off the wall and politically incorrect observations. In honor of the show, I decided to take a yummy walk down pop-culture memory lane from 2000-2004. Here are some of my personal favorite memories from the new millennium…and the ones I despise.
New Millennium Favs:
Napster- The inspiring illegal innovation that started it all. Thank you, Shawn Fanning, for changing the musical and digital landscape.
Uggs- I don’t care how hideous they are and how far-gone the trend is, these babies keep my tootsies toasty on the way to class or, if I’m feeling really lazy, at the bar. Read More »
If you’ve ever had the pleasure of stumbling across the stereotypical d-bag AKA Guido AKA meathead AKA frat boy, you probably also had the pleasure of wondering if perhaps showering in bleach will burn the creep-residue off your skin.
Identified by his spiked hair, popped collar, big muscles, and a tan that looks like he just spent the last two months in the Caribbean, he is a guy that people really love to hate.
In fact, people love to hate this guy so much a video tribute was made to celebrate the very essences that makes this character so unique. Check out the video, and for bonus enjoyment check out the spin-off editions, odds are you probably have seen those guys, too.
The November wind pushed itself under my scarf, biting at the skin on my neck. I pulled my jacket collar up as high as it would go, wishing I had worn a heavier sweater.
Coming from Maine, you’d think I’d be better prepared each time winter touched down, but every year it caught me off guard, snaking through my window and startling me with it’s freezing nights and frozen mornings. Some people were built to appreciate winter. I was not one of those people.
Crashing through piles of leaves, I made my way through the quad, the campus still asleep at 10 AM on a Saturday. Part of me wished I was still asleep. Still warm under my comforter instead of rushing with wet hair toward the Soccer House, a place I had no desire to even look at, let alone spend hours studying in.
Sasha had asked me to come over that night at the coffee house, pleading with me to help him with the chemistry problems he had missed going over with Daniel B. My initial reaction had been to make up an excuse; to come up with anything to keep me away from sitting alone in the Soccer House with Sasha, but standing in front of him, feeling his gaze and the extra pressure of his tall, silent friend, I ended up smiling and saying sure. Sure I’ll help. Sure I’ll do whatever you ask. I’m Grace, the pushover loser. Read More »
While perusing the internet (and looking over my shoulder to make sure no one was watching) during a slow day at work, I came across this fun little article: The Six People You Meet in Bars. The article was funny and slightly true from my limited experiences in the after-college bar scene.
And then I started thinking about the college bar scene. At first, all I could focus on was how amazing it was – the cheep beers, the adorable boys, the cheep beers – but I quickly snapped out of it.
I just miss it so much!
Anyhoo, I began to think about the 6 types of people you meet in college bars. And here you have it:
1. The Popped Collar Boys: You will find these dudes by the bar, making unfunny jokes at very high levels, flirting with the bartenders, macking on cute girls nearby, and racking up an obscene tab on their dad’s credit cards.
They are the most generous guys in the bar, which they need to be to achieve their #1 goal of finding a hot lady to take home.
They sport expensive clothes, travel in packs and either gel their hair or wear their hats cocked 23 degrees up and to the left.
Likes: Pink shirts, girls with big boobs, money, Grey Goose
Dislikes: People who call them out on their douchey-ness, being ignored by the bartender
Upside: Free booze!
Downside: Running your hands through that brittle hair Read More »
So you fancy your downloaded music? Well, guess what, you pirating son of a bitch: the Man’s gonna getcha. Believe me; I know firsthand. One moment, I was floating through the web, using Kazaa and Limewire to download my favorite Ace of Base songs, then BOOM! I’m doin’ time. Well, not really, but you’ll see.
Let’s backtrack a bit. I had just persuaded my mother to bring my desktop to the fraternity house. Let the guiltless hiding-of-the-porn-in-a-separate-folder, illegal downloading free-for-all commence! An album here, a movie there, it was cooler than penguin shit. My roommate wanted in. “Do you mind if I download this new song I love?”“Sure,” I said confidently, feeling like Jesus Himself, feeding the masses with fish and bread, well, username and login, in this case.
Then all the brothers in my ‘fraternity’ file started sharing off the same machine. Before I knew it, the popped-collar posse and I had gathered more than 200,000 downloaded pieces of media.
I saw a guy yesterday wearing two pastel polo shirts with both collars popped. Yesterday. As in 2009. Where was this kid’s girlfriend/friends to inform him that the popped collar thing went out in 2005? Or, I don’t know, that the double pastel shirt look wasn’t OK on a guy even then? Friends don’t let friends pop their collars (anymore)!
Dear “That Guy”,
VH1’s 
While perusing the internet (and looking over my shoulder to make sure no one was watching) during a slow day at work, I came across this fun little article: 
How to Screw Up the First Date
Why Jennifer Lawrence is the Coolest Actress Ever
Men in Black Take on The Avengers
Jeopardy Without Trebek?!
Stop Sleeping With Your Ex!
