Popular people live longer.

Save your moolah on back to school shopping.

When Photoshop goes very, very wrong.

Doesn’t Obama have more important things to do?

More new American Idol judges??

There’s not much difference between getting a job and getting a man.

Well, this kid's screwed.

Sixth grade was a rough year for me. I was sitting at the semi-popular table at lunch and was delusional enough to think I was the cat’s pajamas. Looking back, I simply was not. Maybe because I used phrases like “the cat’s pajamas.”  And now, a Swedish study is telling me that my unpopularity will cause me to suffer from heart disease and diabetes later in life and I will most likely start doing drugs and try to kill myself.

If I had known this when I was 13, I would have combed my hair on a more regular basis.

The study, which is most definitely making me want to eat enough candy to put me in a diabetic coma/do drugs/crawl into my bed and cry, was done by Stockholm University and the Karolinska Institute and assessed children in sixth grade for their degree of “popularity, power and social status.”

Now, I have to ask: What kind of power were they expecting from a 13-year-old child? His ability to convince a girl in his class to go 7 Minutes in Heaven with him?

Popularity is such a trivial theory. And no, I’m not just saying this because I’m bitter that I’m at greater risk for alcohol dependency than others. Popularity in middle school ran parallel to who had the best desserts in his or her Power Rangers/My Little Pony lunchbox. By eighth grade, you were considered a cool girl if you had boobs and a cool guy if you were allowed to touch them. If you made it to second base, you were destined to be popular in high school. And if you went to an all-girls high school like I did, well no one was popular in that case. Read More »

Last night’s long-anticipated return of Gossip Girl featured a new year, new relationships, new secrets, and an unusually large amount of comic relief.

Jenny’s resolution, apparently, was to finish high school…but she’s dropped the “Little J” business and makes it her goal to save Nelly from Blair’s Queen Bee squad. She recruits Eric and Nelly to take over the “cool” table, and, since Blair’s having a Bass-induced breakdown, J manages to win the upper hand. Ironically, when Nelly realizes that Jenny has no hope of stealing Blair’s crown, she runs back to the popular kids. Ha, ha, ha. What satire!

Meanwhile, the writers took advantage of GG’s break to make a clean break from Serena’s art-beau, Aaron, who doesn’t even get a sappy break-up scene. (Thank God.) Instead, it seems that S. just flat out left him in Buenos Aires when she realized that Lily and Rufus weren’t shacking up and that she could bang Dan without feeling incestuous. Rufus, of course, is less than happy to find Serena and Dan blissfully happy. Remember last month’s cliffhanger? “Was it a boy or a girl?” We find out that it was a boy, and that Lily put him up for adoption and relinquished her rights to ever search for him, much to Rufus’s dismay.

Chuck, still wallowing in the aftermath of his father’s untimely death, has become a zombie that not even Blair can seem to crack. So, he brings a joint to school and breaks the news to Dan that he has an illegitimate half-brother out there somewhere. Blair remains faithful to her shell of a man-crush, and even tries to act as his guardian when he’s summoned to the office for smoking hash in the hallways (how cute), but then the mysterious new character, Uncle Jack, interrupts and takes responsibility. What does Jack have up his sleeve? Read More »

I have a confession. When Joey Potter chose Pacey Witter over Dawson Leary, I was pissed. I mean, the show was “Dawson’s Creek,” not “Pacey’s Creek.”

That said, Gossip Girl seems to be taking a similar turn this season, as the supporting characters are totally stealing the spotlight. How ironic, considering that last night’s episode was all about Blair’s insecurity and the dark shadow that Serena casts on her. Let’s just get right down to business and discuss.

This week’s GG lesson? Your whole life is fulfilled when your photo appears in US Weekly, apparently. And if you aren’t photographed by the paparazzi at the age of sixteen, apparently all of your conniving plans to take charge of your mom’s fashion show and upstage your (former) bff will blow up in your face and bring great success to everyone else. Read More »

The theme of last night’s Gossip Girl episode was post-dating awkwardness, as displayed by Serena and Dan, Lily and Rufus, and Vanessa and Nate. The ep also had at least two major shockers, some really random limited-time alliances (Chuck giving Dan a guy-code peptalk, what?), and Ed Westwick in a purple suit that looked like it was left over from Pee Wee Herman on Ice. I guess GG’s wardrobe department can’t win them all.

Three episodes into the season, and we’re just now getting into Back-to-School season. Hence, the lavish drama-inducing party is replaced by upscale bars that serve teenagers, and the Colorful-Martini-on-White-Dress shtick from the Vitamin Water party is replaced by some sort of acid formula that burns the victims’ hair right off her scalp. Ouch.

Am I getting ahead of myself? Here’s what you need to know: Serena and Dan are each having qualms about seeing each other back at school, while Blair and her drones are preparing for their yearly initiation of potential newbies (which Jenny failed at last year). This creates the perfect set-up for new character Amanda’s entrance. Just as Blair explains to Serena that whomever dates first wins, bam! Dan bumps into Amanda, which can only have a tragic outcome. Read More »

I know, I know. Everyone is using their cell phone to date these days. Texting is totally 2007. It’s quick communication without the hassle of actually dealing with a voice on the other end.

But I hate it. Especially when it’s combined with dating.

Way back in the day, it was common practice for people to speak on the phone after a first date—or not. Either a duo chatted a few days later or someone decided to just “forget” to call, making it pretty obvious what the future held. A call meant “I like you, let’s go out again” no call meant “eh. You lost me at hello.”

But now, with the increased popularity of texting, people can walk the line and make everything 100 times more confusing. Sort of like the person but not sure if you really feel like going out again? Send a random, friendly text message. Cover your ass in case you bump into them on the street.

“You’re pretty cool and we should talk soon.”

That’s the gist of a text I received a few days ago after going out on a first date last weekend. But no phone call followed the text. Not even an email. Just some random, noncommittal, rated G words typed into a phone in the middle of the day. Read More »