College Candy

In this tough job market, there may be no one with more job security than porn stars.  Let’s face it, the porn industry is on the rise now that thousands upon thousands of men are out of work and sitting bored at home.  However, for those porn stars who are down on their luck (or sick of getting stuffed all day), it may be time to look elsewhere for work.

As long as “elsewhere” isn’t on a bus.

In the UK, a porn star has been threatened with the proverbial pink slip if she doesn’t quit her night job. The reigning ‘Miss Nude Belgium 2009′ recently passed all her exams to become a bus driver and had just started working when she was called to human resources to explain some racy photographs. Turns out, you can’t show your nips and drive people around town.

Now, I see the issue with driving around town while showing your nips, but what is wrong with a dedicated young woman trying to hold down two jobs to support her family?  Sure, bus driver and porn star don’t usually go hand-in-hand (or DO they?…more research needed), but I’m thinking the bus company can only benefit from having a hot erotic star driving for them.  I sure would appreciate seeing a ridiculously sexy person driving my bus instead of the broken down shells of human beings that I usually get (no offense, but they look like they gave up on life about three years before I was born).

And besides, with all these bus drivers crashing into things while texting (and probably looking at porn…), aren’t there bigger issues than a few erotic photos?

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So, eager to see the new challenge in store, I sat on my couch last night with a bag of popcorn, tuning in to episode 2 of I Love Money. With Midget Mac out of the picture, the female bashing has subdued a bit, but that doesn’t mean drama wasn’t in full force on last night’s episode.

First off, the challenge consisted of going up on a bed-like crane structure, above water and battling it out one-on-one with pogo-peg sticks, used to pummel each other in the head and body. Rodeo and Destiny were team captains, making it a huge bitch fest when it came to picking five people for each team to battle each other.

Rodeo’s gold team lost to Destiny’s Green Team, but not after Mr. Boston beat the crap out of Nibblz, claiming that he was so excited to have this “sexual experience” of wrestling a girl in a bed, 50 feet in the air.

My favorite part of the episode however, was when the teams had to pick out the three weakest people and Destiny – being the team captain of the winning team – got to decide who to eliminate, but not before taking out the three weakest players: Nibblz, Toasty and Pumkin, out to a Mexican fiesta lunch.

Toasty and Pumkin – television’s two classiest ladies (the porn star and award winning spitter) formed an alliance before the luncheon to convince Destiny that, because they’re weaker competitors than Nibblz, to keep them in the game and kick Nibblz to the curb. Plus, as Toasty said regarding Nibblz getting her kicked off Flavor of Love for her porn activities, “payback’s a bitch.” Read More »

Sometimes I work out these elaborate sex scenes in my head. It’s like I’m a porn star-but even cooler cause I have more creative moves and not so much lip liner. I’m usually on my way to meet some potentially sexy dude when these fantasies take place. They’re like confidence assemblies in my mind. I’m usually wearing lacey panties and have embodied Shane from The L Word, except I’m straight. So me and sexy dude meet up, and invariably, we flirt over drinks. Alcohol does its job at making me even more sold on the idea of crazy sex moves while making me more incapable of them simultaneously.

Ohhhh, alcohol.

Lets skip to the part where sexy dude and I are about to do it. Read More »

So, the other day, while at work and totally bored, I came across a surprisingly good article, especially since it’s from Marie Claire, which is generally totally vapid.

The author of the article had a strange family (read: possible incest? he’s not sure) and he’d lost touch with his sister, who only called his mother once in a while to report that she had some fabulous job.

And then…he saw his sister’s picture in a porn magazine.

It all spiraled down from there. Guilt. Embarrassment. Horror. I mean, you name it. What struck me the most, however, was the sister’s relationship to her family in relation to what she did. She basically just disappeared from sight.

At first, I thought that was pretty awful of her. I mean, she should at least give her family the chance to understand, right? Shouldn’t she give them the opportunity to show her that they love her no matter what she does?

But then I got to thinking what it must be like to be a pornstar. Imagine people recognizing you on the street and knowing what you look like underneath that crisp interview suit? Imagine them eyeing you while you’re on a date at some nice candlelit restaurant? Read More »

Alcohol can do a whole lot of things to us. For most girls, there is one sure thing it seems to do every time we’ve had way too much to drink:

It convinces us that we are sexy. That we are…SO sexy.

And a wasted girl who is convinced that she is…SO sexy…is pretty much a recipe for soon-to-come regret. With the slightest instigation, whiskey shots can transform themselves into public make out sessions. And public make out sessions can even sooner become private bedroom parties where you are, invariably, SURE that you’re Jenna Jameson.

And while your ass in the air is likely a sight to be seen and your “dirty talk” is welcomed, (albeit much more hilarious than sensual); you are not Jenna Jameson. Read More »