In this tough job market, there may be no one with more job security than porn stars.  Let’s face it, the porn industry is on the rise now that thousands upon thousands of men are out of work and sitting bored at home.  However, for those porn stars who are down on their luck (or sick of getting stuffed all day), it may be time to look elsewhere for work.

As long as “elsewhere” isn’t on a bus.

In the UK, a porn star has been threatened with the proverbial pink slip if she doesn’t quit her night job. The reigning ‘Miss Nude Belgium 2009′ recently passed all her exams to become a bus driver and had just started working when she was called to human resources to explain some racy photographs. Turns out, you can’t show your nips and drive people around town.

Now, I see the issue with driving around town while showing your nips, but what is wrong with a dedicated young woman trying to hold down two jobs to support her family?  Sure, bus driver and porn star don’t usually go hand-in-hand (or DO they?…more research needed), but I’m thinking the bus company can only benefit from having a hot erotic star driving for them.  I sure would appreciate seeing a ridiculously sexy person driving my bus instead of the broken down shells of human beings that I usually get (no offense, but they look like they gave up on life about three years before I was born).

And besides, with all these bus drivers crashing into things while texting (and probably looking at porn…), aren’t there bigger issues than a few erotic photos?

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So, eager to see the new challenge in store, I sat on my couch last night with a bag of popcorn, tuning in to episode 2 of I Love Money. With Midget Mac out of the picture, the female bashing has subdued a bit, but that doesn’t mean drama wasn’t in full force on last night’s episode.

First off, the challenge consisted of going up on a bed-like crane structure, above water and battling it out one-on-one with pogo-peg sticks, used to pummel each other in the head and body. Rodeo and Destiny were team captains, making it a huge bitch fest when it came to picking five people for each team to battle each other.

Rodeo’s gold team lost to Destiny’s Green Team, but not after Mr. Boston beat the crap out of Nibblz, claiming that he was so excited to have this “sexual experience” of wrestling a girl in a bed, 50 feet in the air.

My favorite part of the episode however, was when the teams had to pick out the three weakest people and Destiny – being the team captain of the winning team – got to decide who to eliminate, but not before taking out the three weakest players: Nibblz, Toasty and Pumkin, out to a Mexican fiesta lunch.

Toasty and Pumkin – television’s two classiest ladies (the porn star and award winning spitter) formed an alliance before the luncheon to convince Destiny that, because they’re weaker competitors than Nibblz, to keep them in the game and kick Nibblz to the curb. Plus, as Toasty said regarding Nibblz getting her kicked off Flavor of Love for her porn activities, “payback’s a bitch.”

The four girls talked, (drank, obvi), ate and danced, while plotting their scheme to stay in the house. Toasty faked an ankle injury and Pumpkin cried to Destiny about an eating disorder. Nibblz didn’t feed into the game and, just as the others predicted, was sent packin’. Regardless of the way it happened, considering Nibblz was the one to lose the game for them after all her trash talking about kicking Mr. Boston’s ass, she was the right person to send home.

Looking forward to watch next week which starts off with The Entertainer telling dumb-bo Megan to take a hike, bikini and all. Not to mention, the little love triangle between Destiny, – America’s favorite groupie – Heat and The Entertainer.

(picture courtesy of vh1.com)

Sometimes I work out these elaborate sex scenes in my head. It’s like I’m a porn star-but even cooler cause I have more creative moves and not so much lip liner. I’m usually on my way to meet some potentially sexy dude when these fantasies take place. They’re like confidence assemblies in my mind. I’m usually wearing lacey panties and have embodied Shane from The L Word, except I’m straight. So me and sexy dude meet up, and invariably, we flirt over drinks. Alcohol does its job at making me even more sold on the idea of crazy sex moves while making me more incapable of them simultaneously.

Ohhhh, alcohol.

Lets skip to the part where sexy dude and I are about to do it.

I’m blurry. It’s late. I’m tired. But I’m a f*cking sport, God-damnit, and I step up to the hot sex positions plate. I love having sex, but I don’t have it all the time because I happen to also love being single. This means I can only have sex on those days I meet a guy who doesn’t make me want to punch him. Since sex can sometimes be an infrequent thing for me, I’m sure as hell not gonna blow it by doin’ the same old, even if I am drunk and an all around mess. Nope, no way.

I’m always a fan of branching out sexually. Luckily, being wiling to try new things can pay off more than you know. Example? Here you go:

I met a dude – skanky and yet sweet enough to earn my liking – last weekend. He started biting my neck while dancing at a club. (Drool. For the record, biting is green light for kinky sex.) We came back to my place and had so much sex. So much. For days. In every way possible. It was the most marvelous thing ever.

Did you know that it is possible to have both of your feet massaged and kissed while doing the nasty? Well, it is. And it feels awesome. My point is that there is some merit to crazy sex positions. You can only feel so much doing it missionary and, let me tell you, ladies, that feeling doesn’t cut it. Not only do crazy sex positions keep sex interesting, but they also can blow. your. mind.

Cosmopolitan managed to somehow hit on my three favorite positions in one of their guides online. The fore-mentioned foot kissing one? Yeah, here ya go; it’s called the slow climb. Except the dude in this illustration isn’t kissing her feet…because he’s a bastard and not a hot skank.

Since all ladies like being referred to as dogs, go ahead and embrace the concept of the down dog. OK, the name kinda sucks, but if you keep your legs totally closed on this one, it rocks.

The lusty lap dance, finally, is not as generic as it sounds. In fact, I kind of love it as long as I like kissing the guy I’m sleeping with, which….sigh….just isn’t always the case.

So don’t let your lack of sobriety (or fear of sexjury) lead you down a dead end path of mundane sex. Screw that. Wear your hot panties and have hot sex. It’s worth it.

[Photo courtesy of About.com]

So, the other day, while at work and totally bored, I came across a surprisingly good article, especially since it’s from Marie Claire, which is generally totally vapid.

The author of the article had a strange family (read: possible incest? he’s not sure) and he’d lost touch with his sister, who only called his mother once in a while to report that she had some fabulous job.

And then…he saw his sister’s picture in a porn magazine.

It all spiraled down from there. Guilt. Embarrassment. Horror. I mean, you name it. What struck me the most, however, was the sister’s relationship to her family in relation to what she did. She basically just disappeared from sight.

At first, I thought that was pretty awful of her. I mean, she should at least give her family the chance to understand, right? Shouldn’t she give them the opportunity to show her that they love her no matter what she does?

But then I got to thinking what it must be like to be a pornstar. Imagine people recognizing you on the street and knowing what you look like underneath that crisp interview suit? Imagine them eyeing you while you’re on a date at some nice candlelit restaurant?

And of course some people get off on that. I totally get it. I can be somewhat of an exhibitionist myself…But how would a pornstar relate to her family? Specifically her father?

I know it sounds weird and old fashioned and gross, but your father forms your idea of men, right? He’s the male figure you hold all men against. So if you’re having sex for money (or fame), how do you look your dad in the eye and say, “It has nothing to do with you?”

To be honest, if I was doing porn, I think I’d lie about it. Like the girl in the article, I’d probably make up jobs to account for my income. And if I were discovered by a family member, I am almost positive I would disappear too. I can’t imagine a way that I would tell my parents I was doing porn that wouldn’t completely hurt their feelings, after all these years of working to give me a better life than they had. Which is what parents generally try to do.

I don’t have any moral objection to being a porn star. In fact, for some women, it’s probably as good as it’s gonna get [provided the sex is safe sex]. But how, how, how do you deal with your family?

Alcohol can do a whole lot of things to us. For most girls, there is one sure thing it seems to do every time we’ve had way too much to drink:

It convinces us that we are sexy. That we are…SO sexy.

And a wasted girl who is convinced that she is…SO sexy…is pretty much a recipe for soon-to-come regret. With the slightest instigation, whiskey shots can transform themselves into public make out sessions. And public make out sessions can even sooner become private bedroom parties where you are, invariably, SURE that you’re Jenna Jameson.

And while your ass in the air is likely a sight to be seen and your “dirty talk” is welcomed, (albeit much more hilarious than sensual); you are not Jenna Jameson.

Jenna Jameson is not a trashed party girl, slurring her words and stumbling on her own feet. Jenna Jameson is paid (very handsomely) for her work. She comes equipped with all sorts of accessories like: fake boobs, fake hair, fake nails, frosty eye shadow, and hooker shoes. YOU, on the other hand, have spilled red wine all over your white shirt, chipped your nail polish, messed up your hair, smudged your makeup, and lost one of your shoes at the bar.

And when you wake up the next morning, you know exactly what you did. Well, lets face it…you probably hardly have a CLUE what you did, but you know that if anyone was videotaping, you’re in for a world of embarrassment. A world so humiliating that you would count your lucky stars to be Vannesa Hudgens.

So how do you cope with these drunken wild sex nights?

Of course trying to make sure you don’t drink so much is the most efficient and immediate solution to this sort of ridiculousness; however, this article is not about how to deal with responsible behavior (I mean, I’m not trying to bore you to death).

My advice is to roll with it.

If the subject(s) of your affection make a remark about your Coyote Ugly dance; laugh with them and say, “Yep, I was wasted.” End of story.

Crazy sexual recklessness can be damaging in some senses, but the least you can do for yourself and your self esteem is to embrace whatever it is you did and deal with the consequences, should they come, later. And remember, while you’re probably not any Jenna Jameson; I bet you had more fun last night than she usually does.