I feel the need to preface this column with an admission that pornography is simply not my thing. Not my flavour of vodka. Doesn’t float my metaphorical boat. Quite simply, I find porn fake, unsexy and peripherally distressing. Not that I think porn is the work of satan or anything – I just find it distinctly unappealing. Fake fingernails in places they don’t belong? Legs in cramp-inducing positions? Bleached anuses and vulvas waxed to within a an inch of adulthood? Don’t even get me started. To employ the vernacular – nah, bro. Not keen.

I’ve watched porn before. Aside from films directed by Erika Lust, I’ve never truly found anything to my tastes. I’ve even watched porn with other people before. One particularly memorable afternoon, my five flatmates and I decided to watch Deep Throat. Mid-film, our city was rocked by a fairly robust earthquake. There’s some sort of deep lesson in there, I’m sure. Karma, perhaps? But that’s beside the point; watching porn with a sense of irony is leaps and bounds from watching porn intimately with your partner. In fact, the ridiculousness of Pirates can only truly be appreciated in company, I think.

So let’s imagine a world in which I did enjoy porn. Would I enjoy it with a partner? Or would pornography be a solitary enjoyment? In honesty, I imagine it would be solitary. Watching porn with a significant other would catalyse so many concerns that it would hinder my enjoyment of sex. Am I as hot as that porn star? Am I as flexible? Can I do that thing with my tongue (hint: quite possibly not). As insecure as I am about my own abilities in bed, watching pornography would probably only add another layer of anxiety to my already muddled thoughts. This makes it sound like some arduous chore, but sex requires concentration – you’ve got to keep your head in the game. If my mind is wandering to some musing about how [some porn star] performs [some unattainable act], I’m going to be distracted and unable to do myself justice.

I’m being selfish, I realise. Surely there are many couples out there who enjoy watching porn together, and good on them. If they’ve found a way to keep things exciting and sexy, then I’m hardly one to judge. More to the point, I admire the fact that these couples respect and trust each other enough to watch porn together. I mean, it’s exposing a vulnerability, is it not? As with confessing your deepest, darkest fantasies, being turned on by pornography while with a significant other can be deeply revealing of a person’s tastes and desires. Perhaps it will benefit your sex life, if you are so lucky to find someone who enjoys pornography as much as you do.

Essentially, it comes down to your relationship with your significant other – trust and understanding are essential to any sexual relationships involving pornography. It can be a contentious issue, so I wouldn’t raise it out of the blue, and most certainly not during the first time you become sexually involved. Be sensitive to your partner’s needs, wants, and concerns – if they aren’t keen, don’t push the issue. Porn may be your cup of tea, but it doesn’t appeal to many (if not most) women. If you find something that works for you and your relationship, though, by all means enjoy yourselves!

Want to see if He Said he’s into watching porn with his current girl? COEDMagazine.com discusses the matter with us!

Researchers at University of Montreal set out to compare frequent viewers of pornography with those who have never seen porn and were UNABLE TO FIND A SINGLE MAN WHO HADN’T WATCHED PORN.

Now, if you’ll come to terms with that news, consider these five facts taken directly from the study:

1) Most men started watching porn around 10 years of age.

2) 90% of pornographic viewing consumption is online and 10% is purchased from stores.

3) Although single men watch more porn than men in relationships, their spoken-for counterparts still yield to this activity weekly.

4) Single men watch an average of 40 minutes 3 times a week, whereas taken men indulge for an average 20 minutes 1.7 times a week.

5) Men are found to prefer “conventional” sexual practices and tend to avoid anything they deemed offensive. Researchers found that “pornography hasn’t changed their perception of women.”

So go ahead and appreciate how cultured and sophisticated your boyfriend is, but we all know the truth. As annoying as pornography is, it may be something that as girlfriends, we all need to learn how to accept …and who knows, maybe it is something that we can enjoy for 40 minutes 3 times a week as well.

Men are from Mars and women are from Venus. I’m sure you’ve heard this phrase and a million others about how different men and women are. There are so many differences that we rely on our favorite dudes to help us analyze boy situations and constantly debate the difference between the sexes in terms of love, sex and relationships. But the differences don’t just stop there. According to new research, men and women also differ in how they indulge their sexual curiosity.

Ogi Ogas and Sam Gaddam have been analyzing billions of web searches and found that women are more likely to seek out character-driven stories rather than explicitly visual scenes of sexual activity. Unlike men who need nothing more than a short porn clip (or a hot girl modeling a bra in a Victoria’s Secret catalog) to get aroused, women require more of a story – and an emotional connection – to be stimulated. Proof: women account for 90 percent of sales for the romance novel industry but only two percent of porn site subscriptions.

But why?

Based on the results of this study, it seems that our sexual feelings are closely associated with the idea of the happily ever after demonstrated in all of our favorite Disney movies and chick flicks. Sex is pleasurable on its own, yes, but even our adult fantasies require something more. We need a story, context, and the idea that there is something behind the physical act to really feel aroused. Pictures and videos don’t often provide that, so women seek it out in the written word.

Do these findings translate into the real world? In my mind, yes. If women, on their own, are seeking out more than just the physical images of sex to get turned on, maybe this is just another study that proves that sex really is more fulfilling for women when it’s with someone we know and love.

Another interesting thing to note: while men primarily watch porn alone (no surprises there!), there is a large community of women discussing and dissecting online stories, especially on fan fiction websites. Yes, even something as personal as erotica is a bonding experience for women. Although the fact that women discuss the stuff they’re reading should come as no surprise judging by the tradition of weekend gossip over Sunday brunch.

When I walked into my apartment yesterday and saw the television, at first glace I was positive that my roommate was watching porn. There were scantily clad bodies everywhere, dry humping, (barely) clothed crotch-shots and some close-ups of faces that were taken by pleasure. I stood in my doorway shocked and confused – porn on the living room TV in mid-daylight when I’m expected home? — but after a moment of clarity, I realized that what was on TV wasn’t porn – it was MTV.

We’re adults, and if we want to watch other people have sex – or be filmed while having sex; that’s our decision to make.  The real problems come from naughty videos on TV that are borderline pornographic and available to children. I don’t want my niece and nephew to see Miley Cyrus gyrating up against random dudes in booty shorts after getting out of a cage, and I don’t want them seeing close-ups of Lady GaGa’s crotch. The FCC is overly concerned with swearing, or Janet Jackson’s boob – but seem to have no problem overlooking dry humping on mainstream TV. There is a very distinctive difference between nudity and pornography.

Pornography is sexual, nudity is natural.

I am not anti-pornography, but pornography and pornographic images are for adult, not for children. I’ve learned a lot from porn, and I’ve had a lot of very drunken nights where porn was thrown on the ol’ laptop and hilarity ensued. I think that access to pornography – for adults, by adults – is something that should continue to be available to those who wish to consume it. While it should be regulated – actors should be tested weekly for STIs, sets should be monitored (as with any other production) to make sure that the actors are safe and acting on their own volition, and everyone involved needs to be 18+, but the notion that porn should be banned is kind of ridiculous. As with any other sex act, if it’s safe, sane, and consensual (and legal), I say go for it.

Many anti-porn groups rally that the women in these videos are being exploited. As a woman myself, I understand the basic concept of this, I always get hung-up on the fact that not only are the women consenting (in any kind of reputable video), but also that if we’re going to go along with the claim that women are being exploited, I think we must also accept that the men in these films are being exploited as well – it takes two to tango, remember? What happened to equality? The fact that it’s exploitive is what makes it so appealing – both for the people producing and for those consuming the material.

It’s also argued that pornography skews a teenager’s view of sex. While partially true, I like to think that most people who are watching porn realize that it’s entertainment and not exactly true-to-life. It’s like a person going to the hospital and expecting to be treated by Dr. House. Sure, there is a chance that pornography might make sex seem to be more of a wild and crazy adventure than it actually is, but most people will realize by the time they actually have intercourse that real sex is not like in the movies.

Pornography can be a good thing. But it’s only a good thing when it’s being viewed by educated adults – not my children who don’t know any better. (Note: I don’t actually have any children…thank god. I was just trying to make a point) The balance is screwed up in our society. We crack down on adults who choose to consume dirty videos, but make no effort to crack down on dirty videos that are in the realm of children. I’ll watch as much porn as I want, but never again do I want to walk into my apartment to find a half-naked Miley Cyrus on my television; that’s just wrong.

How do you feel about porn?

[Sidenote: I didn’t mention child pornography or people being forced into doing movies because those are not fair representations of the porn industry; those are violent crimes.]

[It's pretty obvious that the average CollegeCandy reader has some very strong opinions. Opinions that she likes to share with everyone on the site. We love a strong woman (unless she happens to be charging at us with her fists raised), so we thought we'd give her a real forum to discuss her thoughts, feelings, and perspectives. Every Friday I'll be featuring a hot topic (like the internships! ) and leaving it up to you, the readers, to duke it out. So, read it and get your debate on in the comments section below!]

Having gone to a liberal arts college in NYC, it really wasn’t any big surprise to me that a) there were exactly four straight males in my entire school b) there were a lot of “angry feminist” types hanging around in any class even vaguely related to gender or romance. As such, I got to sit through a lot of empowering vs degrading arguments about everything from Voltaire to Batman, and you wanna know what topic comes up the most often? Porn. Yep, the battle has raged, well basically since cavemen first figured out how to draw boobs on their walls and this week, for no apparent reason, the issue came up in congress. Seems like it’s about time we put our vote in on this one, ladies!

I can get why some people think porn is degrading toward women – the vast majority of it is about girls looking hot and getting screwed six ways to Sunday (does anyone know what that expression actually means??). Many of the women in porn fit certain idealized body types and they tend to be depicted generically as the “hot chick” without any real brain or personality to speak of. The purpose of the girl in the porn is to have sex, lots of sex – because apparently, women are supposed to be up for it all the time – and make it look hot. Do we really need something around that sends the message that women (at least the totally hot chicks you want to have sex with) are objects for sexual gratification first with all of that brain and personality stuff just thrown in on the side?

But on the other hand, porn can be really empowering for women. Much of it depicts women who want sex and choose to have sex when they want it – and what’s not empowering about being in charge of one’s own sexuality? On top of that the porn industry is one of the few on the planet where women make significantly more in salary than their male counterparts and the actresses essentially get to say what goes and what doesn’t, so none of them really end up doing things they don’t want to do. Kudos, porn industry! And as a final note, pretty much every straight guy I’ve ever known has watched porn (the gay ones too, actually, but that’s beside the point) and most of them have still managed to be decent human beings who don’t automatically assume they can hump any woman who walks by, so we may not be giving the guys enough credit on how much they think this stuff reflects reality.

Do you think that porn is really setting us back as a gender? Is this whole thing a ridiculous, puritanical hold-over? Is this even something we should still be arguing about in this day and age? (I mean, can’t we all just watch some porn?)

Duke it out!

Feminist blogger (Feministing) and author of Full Frontal Feminism and He’s A Stud, She’s A Slut and 49 Other Double Standards Every Women Should Know, Jessica Valenti’s latest book The Purity Myth tackles the issue of “how America’s obsession with virginity is hurting young women.”

And it truly is.

Let’s get real. Regardless if you believe in saving sex for marriage or not, it is very alarming in a disparaging way to see girls only being granted value or worth for staying sexually pure instead of for their character. Why should sexuality (in the sense of remaining abstinent) be highly coveted over a teen girl’s qualities or accomplishments that make her unique? In a society that continues to worship abstinence (with virginity programs across the nation and federally funded purity balls), Valenti points out that while virginity is acceptable, having sex is also okay because at the end of the day, a young woman’s choice should not decide her existence as being morally up to standard or not.

From the get-go in The Purity Myth, Valenti confronts the definition of “virginity” and how for such an abstract idea, the concept controls and impacts girl culture today immeasurably: “The Purity Myth is for women who are suffering every day because of the lie that virginity exists, and that is has some bearing on who we are and how good we are.”

By exploring different aspects that impact and damage the concepts of sexuality and purity for young women, Valenti shows that issues such as pornography, abstinence-only education, and the obsession with keeping young girls ‘innocent’ are relative to girl culture and the development of young women having healthy sexual perspectives. For example, when the messages of pop culture tell girls they need to be sexy and desirable, Valenti points out that those images often exhibited do not correlate with the lessons girls are getting from programs that promote abstinence-only education. In The Purity Myth, Valenti shows that the Madonna/whore dichotomy is never-ending, all at the expense of young women.

While I believe that abstinence is a personal decision both men and women need to make, I do believe that America’s expectations of how women should be pure is ultimately hurting girl-culture. I see guys in college hooking-up without ever thinking for a second about the consequences that come from their choices, but I see girls struggling with the role of being a good girl vs. the fraternity ‘slut’, constantly. Girls in high school battle with the idea of losing their virginity to their high school sweetheart, while the majority of guys just look out to make sure they aren’t the last of their friends to cash in their v-card. Why is sexuality an ongoing struggle for young women, but not their male peers?

Although America’s obsession with sexuality continues to grow and hurt young girls, it doesn’t seem to touch masculinity in the way that it does femininity. Remember the anecdote about how the girls in my health class had to sign promise cards to remain pure till marriage? The boys in my 7^th grade class did not have to sign them. How is it acceptable or even fair to ask girls to remain pure while not asking the same of boys?

With The Purity Myth fighting to give young women value and worth beyond their sexual experience and the importance that society puts upon whether or not their hymen is intact, Valenti really hits the bottom line by showing that value does exist within young women and it’s time to start progressively moving forward to celebrate young girls and the characteristics that make them important, instead of focusing on sexuality which only seems to hold women back.

The Purity Myth is a must-read because it will not only change the way young women understand the sexualization put upon them, but it will also it will help all of us proactively empower ourselves in terms of our own sexuality.

Remember the good ‘ole days when you could buy a porno and not feel so guilty because at least it had some plot line?  Well, that time is over.  Now you’re just a pervert.  The world’s strongest industry isn’t exempt from the economic downturn, after all.  The adult film industry is forgoing longer, plot-centric movies for simple, concept-based collections of scenes (think: MILFs, glasses, brunettes, etc.).

Apparently, I’m not the only one upset about this (and BOY, am I upset!…not really).  Some porn stars are mourning the loss of dialogue and any resemblance to a real acting job.  Now they’re delegated to scene after scene of hardcore sex.  But, who’s surprised?  It’s porn! People aren’t watching it for the suspense – they’re watching it for the sex. Even more, the internet is taking over all traditional visual media – Hulu, anyone?  If anything is over 10 minutes long, then most people move on to something shorter and more entertaining (read: more penetration, less time). Therefore, if porn movies are shot in segments, they can be easily broken down and disseminated throughout the internet more quickly.

But…but…what about the glory days? 

What will my friends and I do for a laugh when we’re wasted and relegated to the apartment because of rain/snow/inability to walk?  Without adult films continuing in the tradition of such classics like Edward Penishands (seriously – Google it) and Wet Dreams May Come, what are we left with?  Sex.  Just sex.  I guess that’s okay…but I sure am gonna miss the crazy plot twists, cheap props, and horrendous dialogue (“I’m here to fix your washer, maam.”) associated with the best plot-based porn movies.

In the meantime, I guess I’ll watch The Hills for the same effect (and, of course, Edward Penishands…again and again).

I believe that it’s a well known fact that almost all guys above 12 look at porn. It usually starts with the magazines stashed under their beds for secrecy, then progresses to scrambled porn channels and online porn sites. And, though you don’t want to believe it, it doesn’t matter whether they are single or in a relationship. Try “borrowing” your boyfriend’s computer and you’ll know what I’m talking about.

According to the guardian.co.uk website,”In the US, with the pornography industry bringing in up to $15 billion annually, people spend more on porn every year than they do on movie tickets and all the performing arts combined. Each year, in Los Angeles alone, more than 10,000 hardcore pornographic films are made, against an annual Hollywood average of just 400 movies.”

That’s a lot of porn! Clearly someone (or a lot of someones) is watching it. I am not a dude, so I can’t say for sure why guys feel a constant need to watch porn, but I can speculate.

Maybe they watch to discover new sexual positions. Or maybe it makes them more secure because they think that they are better at sex than the guys in the video. Maybe it’s a frequent topic of discussion in the locker room, or they watch it because it really isn’t as hard to follow as a television show like One Tree Hill or Lost. The story lines seem pretty simple in porn movies: something is broken, someone calls a handy man, boom! Sex.

Or, most likely, maybe they just like sex and want to watch people doing it.

The truth is, for most guys (I’m not talking about those creepers who live in their parents’ basements and look at naughty websites all day in their underwear), porn is not personal. They aren’t watching because they long to be with the girl(s) in the video or watch it because they find us unattractive. But we can’t help but feel that way.

If I actually caught my boyfriend red-handed watching porn I would feel insecure, because I would think that my boyfriend wasn’t satisfied with me. I would think that he wanted me to be doing all those yoga-like sexual positions like those girls in the movies. I would think that every time my boyfriend was having sex with me, he would be imagining that pornstar with the Beyonce booty and Angelina Jolie lips.

I can’t help it; that is just how I feel. Yes, even knowing that all guys are watching.

How do you feel about it? Do you mind if your guy watches? Would you ever watch with him?

Paula Deen’s Home Cooking: You see, I’m a nutrition major. This (in theory) means that I should be a pretty healthy eater. The thing I love about Paula Deen’s cooking is that she makes the unhealthiest food possible. I have yet to see one of her southern dishes prepared without butter, mayonnaise, shortening, or some combination of the three. Watching her make disgustingly delicious food makes me feel like I’m indulging without actually consuming and subsequently gaining ten pounds of lard.

Sandra Lee’s Semi-Homemade: Sandra Lee basically embodies who I want to be when I’m in my 30s. Why? Because she’s hot, knows how to enjoy a good cocktail (or five), and can whip up an amazing meal without actually doing any of the dirty work herself. Plus, she makes the cutest little “tablescapes” out of practically nothing. Basically, watching her show gives you hope that you can be old and still have a life (and good looks to boot).

Barefoot Contessa: First of all, the host of this show is named Ina Garten. (I’m a sucker for a good name pun). Secondly, you get to watch her make amazingly complex food that you would never dare to prepare yourself without a culinary degree. The real kicker about this show, however, is its attempt to include acting along with food preparation. There is nothing better than watching Ina make an obviously fake phone call to a “friend” that she probably met minutes before filming the show. Purely hilarious – you really gotta see it to believe it.

Good Eats: Now, I’m usually not a fan of the nighttime shows, but this one really does have its moments. Alton Brown takes a quirky science-y approach to all types of food ranging from cole slaw to beef jerky. Most of his comedic attempts are a tad over the top, but Mr. Brown does have his moments. For some real entertainment, I strongly suggest you check out the episode on gumbo. Seriously, it’s a winner.

Some other shows to check out while you’re flipping through the channels: Everyday Italian with Giada De Laurentiis, Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives, Throwdown with Bobby Flay (hottay), and Unwrapped. Oh, and don’t miss the newest show, Will Work for Food, coming out January 19th. Word on the street is that the star, Adam Gertler, is quite the looker (for a Food Network host, of course).

Flynt, the fat guy who founded Hustler, and Francis, the genius creep behind Girls Gone Wild are outraged at the fact that the economy has bent the porn industry over and given it to them hard. Too graphic? Sorry.

Let me, rephrase. Apparently, XXX DVD sales have dropped a whopping 22%! That’s enough to make anyone’s panties jaw drop…

Flynt says that with the economy at a low, sex is the farthest thing from people’s minds (I wonder where he’s gettin his info from, cuz we’re pretty sure it’s not the farthest thing from our mind) and “It’s time for Congress to rejuvenate the sexual appetite of America.”

Yes, Congress. Share some of that sexual appetite we know you are all hiding, you sexy lawmakers, you.

The two men are asking for a $5 billion bailout and Mr. Francis himself is marching up to Washington to propose the bailout himself. Um, really? Seriously?

This gives whole new meaning to a stimulus package.